The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling–01.17.87

The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 01.17.87

Your hosts are Tony & David

Dusty Rhodes is already out and challenging Vladimir Petrov, here on the Petrov Show, where it’s all Petrov, all the Petrov!

Rick Rude & Manny Fernandez v. Rocky King & Bill Tabb

Rocky gets an impressive babyface reaction from the crowd, but the champs quickly proceed to beating the shit out of him and double-teaming him in the corner. King manages to get a pity tag from Tabb, but Manny immediately takes him down and drops knees on his elbow before switching off to Rude. Neckbreaker and Bull adds a back elbow, and they go with a double backbreaker and Rude Awakening for the big finish at 3:30. I guess you could say he put it on his Tabb.

Paul Jones is sick of the Rock N Roll Express getting title shots, and frankly they’d had enough shots, so now it’s time to move onto the Road Warriors. Unfortunately they don’t provide subtitles for Manny’s coked-up promo where he gives the team about four nicknames in the span of 20 seconds.

Barry Windham is hot on the tail of Ric Flair. Say, he looks suspiciously like that Blackjack Mulligan Jr. kid who’s all over Mid-Atlantic in 1982. Maybe he was ashamed at his inability to break Sgt. Slaughter’s cobra clutch that he dyed his hair and changed his name rather than face up to his failure? Anyway, we get clips of Barry wrestling Flair on World Wide in an impromptu match, with the Horsemen and all the babyfaces at ringside. There’s a pretty significant chunk of the match shown here, and it’s fucking GREAT. They just go full throttle start to finish and Barry manages to bust Flair open hardway with an elbowdrop to the head, before hitting a missile dropkick and lariat and all the Horsemen run in for the DQ, triggering a giant brawl that made want to buy tickets to my local armory and see Windham v. Flair again. There you go, match of the show, by far.

Ric Flair concedes that, yeah, Barry gave him a pretty good workout there, but even though he was the “winner” on that night, Flair’s still the champion, which makes him the REAL winner. Then he gives us a rundown of what it takes to be a champion, going up and down the road night after night, wrestling the best every day of your life and making $3 million a year. Plus all the women. You think Barry Windham can handle that? By the way, he’s holding auditions for Space Mountain in Jacksonville, FL this weekend after he beats Nikita. Hot take: Flair is a pretty good promo.

The Kansas Jayhawks v. Allan West & Dale Martin

The Jayhawks do some generic double-teams on West, as I guess they’re still heels at this point. I always thought of them as babyfaces in Crockett, which would make sense because they’re a couple of hairy ugmos. Jaggers finishes West with a lariat at 3:00. Nothing going on here.

And now, the debut of LEX LUGER. In a suit! He wants to be a Four Horsemen and he loves money. Tony’s like “Can you believe the balls on this guy?” A new era has begun for the show and you could immediately tell that he was money.

Barry Windham v. Thunderfoot #2

Oh damn, what if he had been prepping for Thunderfoot #1? Then he’d be screwed. Luckily, headlocks still dominate #2 just as well as if it had been #1. Atomic drop and lariat finish at 2:07.

Barry Windham stops by the desk, and he’s flabbergasted that his friend from Florida, this new kid Lex Luger, would want to associate himself with the Horsemen, and he’s off to talk sense into him.

The Four Horsemen join us, and they’re sick of punks like Barry Windham breaking the rules and sticking his nose into their business.

Baron Von Raschke & Dick Murdoch v. Gary Royal & Randy Barber

This is a strangely random tag team combination. Baron works the arm of Royal and Murdoch tortures the poor guy with a crossface while picking at that thread. Over to Barber, who immediately gets taken down via hammerlock, and then Baron is working the arm as well. Ironically, there’s a whole group of black kids in the front row who are HUGE fans of Murdoch. I guess they didn’t follow his personal life. Murdoch finishes Barber with the brainbuster and his cheering sections goes nuts. Who knew Captain Redneck was so popular with the urban demographic?

The Road Warriors are going to be defending the six-man titles later, until Rude & Fernandez, who never defend their titles because they’re clearly scared. As usual, poor Paul Ellering has to wrap up their promo and try to tie it together and make sense of Hawk threatening to slaughter a live cow and eat it whole.

The Midnight Express & Big Bubba v. Larry Stevens, David Isley & Ronnie Angel

Uh, shouldn’t that be “Tommy Angel”? Cornette certainly seems to think so. Usual legalized jobber murder here as Bubba pulls out some impressive power stuff and throws Isley around, leading to the Express hitting the Rock Launcher and Bobby pinning him with one finger at 4:14.

Jim Cornette runs down the various conspiracies against him, like Dusty Rhodes and his pencil working with Jim Crockett to make sure they don’t get any more US tag title shots. Just because Dusty’s breath smells like cheetahs doesn’t mean he’s Tarzan!

Ivan Koloff and his mannequin Petrov are out to accuse Nikita of becoming a soft, complacent American.

Vladimir Petrov v. Zane Smith

Backbreaker and he goes up and finishes with a gentle Russian Hammer at 0:46.

Petrov heads over for another promo and he’s already blown up after 45 seconds of wrestling. Apparently his new thing is going to be having all his opponents taken out on stretchers. That typically means you’re not a very good wrestler.

JJ Dillon is flattered by Luger’s interest in joining the group, but they’re not currently accepting applications for the Horsemen at the moment. But he’ll watch this squash, just to see.

Lex Luger v. George South

Luger takes off his robe and the women go APESHIT. JJ slowly concedes that maybe this Luger kid has something while watching the match, as Lex yells a lot and hits a powerslam for two, then debuts the HUMAN TORTURE RACK at 1:30.

Lex Luger is here for titles and money first and foremost (I love shoot comments yada yada…) but Barry Windham interrupts him because he’s so disappointed in him.

Tim Horner v. Thunderfoot #1

It’s the other half of our double Thunderfoot main event! Horner works the arm forever and then switches to a headlock to really change it up. Thunderfoot escapes with a backdrop suplex as they’ve got no storyline with Horner and so the announcers just talk about all the stuff still to come in the show. Horner with a crossbody for two and finishes with a rollup at 5:12.

Jimmy Valiant is here to rant and rave and present Tony with the key to New York City, then punctuates it by trying to make out with him.

Jimmy Garvin v. Bill Mulkey

Garvin pounds away on the Mulkey and chokes him down on the ropes while Precious lays the badmouth on him, then tosses him out and hauls him back in for two. The crowd yells for a brainbuster, so he obliges at 3:00.

Brad Armstrong v. Vernon Deaton

Isn’t Deaton one of the Thunderfoots? Brad wrestles him to the mat and we get a completely messed up spot where Brad calls for a dropkick and Deaton is still on his knees, and it looks completely ridiculous. Brad eventually does hit that dropkick, and then finishes with a legsweep at 3:00.

Nikita Koloff is wearing a t-shirt from the Road Warriors, which reads “Weasel Slappers”, and he no like what Petrov is saying about America and Dusty Rhodes!

Ric Flair is also flattered by the advances of Lex Luger, and again reminds us that Space Mountain auditions are still open.

Tully Blanchard v. Randy Mulkey

The other half of our Mulkey main event! Tully tosses him so the Horsemen can beat him up outside as the announcers point out that all the Horsemen are out there. And yet, they’re NOT. One is missing. Flair keeps stopping by the announce desk to try and get over his joke where he goes “This guy can’t be a Horseman, but he could be a Superpower!” Tony ignores him, so he tries it again. Tully finishes with the slingshot suplex in 2:33.

The Four Horsemen wrap things up, with Ole still missing from the group. It’s not mentioned here, but it would be soon.