Date: March 22, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt
It’s time to find out what happened last week in Feast or Fired. Tonight is the opening of the briefcases and that means three people are getting title shots while a fourth is getting fired. The firing isn’t the biggest surprise in the world but there’s still some interest elsewhere. Let’s get to it.
The case holders (Eli Drake, Moose, Petey Williams and Ethan Carter III) arrive as Josh recaps last week’s match.
Recap of Feast of Fired, in case the spoken version didn’t do it for you.
Here’s Alberto El Patron to say he can fight even if he’s in a suit. He’s ready to fight a real champion in Austin Aries, but Aries doesn’t know who really is the greatest man that ever lived. Cue Aries to talk about how they’re no so different. They’re willing to punch people in the face and they love professional wrestling.
Aries is the truth though and the title match is on for Redemption. Alberto says they both have something to prove so the title match is on. Did we really need to establish that twice? Aries says he’s short but the chip he’ll stand on makes him bigger. El Patron goes to leave as Austin’s music plays, but Aries says to play Alberto’s, because his won’t be playing to end Redemption.
The hosts are in the studio to preview the show with Josh thankfully not holding the Grand Championship.
Trevor Lee vs. Fallah Bahh
Lee makes the mistake of shoving Bahh and falls to the power of the belly. Bahh steps over his back but a Caleb Konley distraction lets Lee knock him to the floor. Back in and we hit a very quick neck crank for two (yes off a neck crank) before Lee thinks it’s a good idea to try a sunset flip. That earns him the sitdown splash so Konley tries to come in. Bahh rolls over both of them in a row but takes too long going up, allowing Lee to roll him up from the middle rope for the pin at 5:28.
Rating: D. Bahh is rapidly falling into the trap of wrestlers his size: he does the same stuff over and over again and the impact goes away. We get it: he’s big, he shouts a lot and he rolls over people. That’s only going to get you so far and Bahh is already there. I’ve never gotten the appeal and while he’s not terrible, if you’ve seen one of his matches, you’ve seen all of them.
OVE is stalking Alisha Edwards (Eddie’s wife) in her hotel. Eddie sees it and runs off as OVE gets to her door.
Petey Williams is ready to open his briefcase and become X-Division Champion again once and for all.
X-Division Title: Rohit Raju vs. Matt Sydal
Sydal is defending and has Josh Matthews in his corner, meaning Sonjay is alone on commentary. Matt takes him into the corner but lets him out with a peace sign. An armbar allows them to turn up the pace a bit until Sydal charges into an elbow. That’s about it for Raju at the moment as Matt takes him down into a Muta Lock.
As usual it’s not enough for a submission so Raju comes back with a neckbreaker as we take a break. Back with Sydal getting two off a standing moonsault but Raju hits a running knee to the head. A German suplex cuts Raju off and the shooting star connects to retain Sydal’s title at 11:24.
Rating: C. Raju is another example of Impact not knowing how to introduce new characters. He just showed up a few weeks ago and the company acts like we know who he is. I’m assuming he had some videos put up on YouTube or their website, but TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT HIM! If he’s good enough to get a title shot and be in Feast or Fired, he’s worthy of an explanation.
Moose is ready to become World Champion and is glad he gambled on Feast or Fired.
Eli Drake is ready to get his World Title back. They can strike him down but he’ll be back even stronger. He’s the Obi-Wan Kenobi of Impact Wrestling.
Knockouts Title: Allie vs. Sienna
Allie is defending and Sienna jumps her before the bell. A crossbody is pulled out of the air and Sienna gets two off a slam. Forearms work a bit better for Allie and a Codebreaker (actually called that) gets two. Sienna gets the same off a discus lariat but Allie slips out of the AK47 and superkicks her down to retain at 3:55.
Rating: D+. What happened to Sienna? She used to be the most dangerous woman in the division and now she’s losing clean in about four minutes. On the other hand, Allie is on a roll and even though it’s a year late, it’s nice to see her getting to showcase her skills. There’s a ton of value in Allie and it’s about time Impact is giving her a chance.
Post match Braxton Sutter comes out to try and reconcile with Allie, only to call her Laurel by mistake. Allie’s sideways glare is great. Sutter proposes and Allie doesn’t seem impressed, but the debuting Su Yung comes in from behind and beats her down. A twisting Samoan Driver leaves Allie laying, much to Sutter’s delight.
Ethan Carter III says he’s going to get the World Title shot but a bunch of people walk by, saying he’ll be fired.
Classic Clip: Abyss vs. Mick Foley in Monster’s Ball from Bound For Glory 2009.
Eddie arrives at the hotel (of course with cameras waiting on him), runs into the room and finds….his wife safe in bed. Then HE LEAVES, only to bump into Sami Callihan (dressed as a maid) so the brawl can break out. Sami gets the better of it and Alisha comes out to check on Eddie, earning herself the thumbs down from Callihan. I’m still trying to get over Eddie LEAVING HIS WIFE IN A HOTEL ROOM WHEN A GROUP OF CRAZY PEOPLE ARE STALKING HER.
The announcers preview the rest of the show.
We recap Jimmy Jacobs/Kongo Kong vs. Joseph Park, who has become Abyss again. Tonight it’s Monster’s Ball.
Abyss vs. Kongo Kong
Anything goes and Abyss has James Mitchell in his corner. Abyss wins an early slugout but Kong runs him over and pounds away. A trashcan to the head puts Kong on the floor though and we take a break. Back with Kong getting slammed off the top and Abyss grabbing the bag of tacks.
That’s not enough though as Mitch brings in Janice (the 2×4 with nails sticking out). Kong chokeslams him onto the tacks to save his own life and it’s table time. He takes WAY too much time going up top though and gets powerbombed through the table for two instead. Now it’s the barbed wire board but Abyss gets slammed onto that as well, setting up the top rope splash for the pin at 12:20.
Rating: D. If this is their big idea to make Kong into the next big thing, they need to go back to the drawing board. By that I mean they need to get rid of Kong and find anyone else because he’s not going to work no matter what they try. Next up likely means a World Title chase because that’s what would annoy me the most.
It’s time to open the briefcases so Williams, Moose, Drake and Carter are in the ring.
First up is Eli who gets….a Tag Team Title shot. Drake: “What am I supposed to do with this?”
Next up is Williams who gets….an X-Division Title shot. He seems happy.
Before we open the final two cases, Moose says he’s winning. Carter says see you never Moose because he’s about to be fired. It’s Moose getting the World Title shot and Carter has reality set in very quickly. He’s frozen in place and can’t open the case, eventually saying that’s not his case. It’s Ishimori’s case but JB opens it instead.
Carter thinks it’s a joke and calls this whole thing a dumb idea. Is King of the Mountain next? He’s held this company on his perfectly symmetrical back for years now. Carter goes into a crazed rant about all of his accomplishments, including being Dixie Carter’s nephew. He finally calms down….and then beats JB up with the briefcase. Brian Cage comes in for the save and it’s a Drill Claw to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. The two main focal points of this show were the Feast or Fired reveals and Monster’s Ball. That would come down to a major result that was spoiled nearly two months ago and a match with one of the most low rent acts I’ve ever seen in this or any other company. What exactly were they expecting to work about this show? Yung’s debut was good and the opening segment worked well, but other than that, this was a pretty lame show.
Trevor Lee b. Fallah Bahh – Rollup
Matt Sydal b. Rohit Raju – Shooting star press
Allie b. Sienna – Superkick
Kongo Kong b. Abyss – Top rope splash
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