ECW On Sci-Fi #96 04/01/2008

We’re still in Miami, Flordia for the ECW on Sci-Fi after Wrestlemania and our NEWWWWW ECW Champion Kane is here to fill in the exposition in case you missed his match because you were away buying merch or blinking. CM Punk shows up with his briefcase to also fill in the gaps but promises he’s not going to cash in on Kane, but if he wanted to he could do it anytime. Chavo interrupts, calling Kane’s win a fluke. Punk calls Chavo a record breaker by having the shortest match in Wrestlemania history. (He may be right there.) Benjamin comes out and says ”do you feel lucky Punk?” generating this well-deserved reaction:

anyway blahblah tag match tonight that isn’t changed into a nine-man match by Shane McMahon.

Stevie Richards vs Mike Knox

We get footage of post-show beatdowns from both men over the last few weeks. Not sure where they were originally shown, probably WWE dot com. So this is competitive, in theory. Richards knocks Knox outside with an enziguri but lands on an elbow after trying to dive off the apron. Knox tries to pin Richards but Stevie chops the big lug hard. Knox shrugs it off to lock in a bear hug. ”Reminds me of Ivan Koloff, The Russian Bear!” Knox misses a second-rope leg drop so Richards kicks the life out of him and those are some LOUD kicks. Knox grabs a boot and turns it into a big-arse backbreaker to set up the Hard Knox and the pin.

Winner: Mike Knox (Hey, it actually was competitive. Decent fight-y match here between the scrappy kicker and the hairy frigger.)

Tazz interviews Colin Delaney about Wrestlemania. ”I’m happy I didn’t get beat up, because I didn’t have a match.” Armando shows up to give Colin his first ever WWE contract! Colin is ecstatic until Armando lets him know APRIL FOOL’S HAHAAHAHAHAHA. It’s cool though, he’ll give Colin a contract if he can beat this guy.

The Big Show vs. Colin Delaney

Long staredown until Show puts him out of his misery.

LEAVE THE MEMORIES ALONE video package for Colin Delaney Ric Flair. It’s great but didn’t have the same impact on me as Wings Of Change of My Sacrifice.

Chavo Guerrero & Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane & CM Punk

Kane uses his bigness to dominate Shelton early but he uses his quickness and tags with Chavo to wear down the Big Red Champ. Like a lot of Kane matches though, he ignores it so he can send the two baddies outside as we go to break. When we return, Kane and Punk are slapping the gold dye out of Shelton’s hair. Chavo tags in to takes over on Punk with a jawbreaker. Punk nearly gets the GTS but Shelton runs in to kick him in the face. Shelton chinlocks Punk but isn’t happy with the quiet CM PUNK chants so he continues to pound away. Chavo stretches Punk as the CHAVO SUCKS chants kick in. He was really good at getting those. Chavo locks in one of those as Tazz talks about being in that manoeuvre before. I was waiting for him to tell us the name of it as I don’t know, answers on a postcard please.

Standing surfboard by Chavo who enjoys showing off his fancy submissions you don’t see anywhere else. Punk tries to do a runner to Kane but U.S. Marshal Shelton chases him before he can cross the state line (I think that’s how that works) and drags him back so Chavo can stretch him some more. Punk finally escapes and makes the HOT FUCKING TAG to Kane as the crowd implodes (complete with Shelton doing a OH NOOOO when Kane enters) to take apart Shelton and leg drops his mush. Kane tries to chokeslam Shelton but Chavo interferes so Kane…big boots Chavo while still holding onto Shelton. I love that bit. Kane tries to fly off the top rope but that damn Chavo shoves him off. However Punk uses this opportunity to run back into the ring to nail the GTS on Shelton for the pin.

Winners: Kane & CM Punk (Started off pedestrian but the second part of Punk getting worked over by stretchy Chavo and sneaky Shelton for the Big Red Tag was fun. Simple fun main event tag match.)

Overall: Not much happening on this show as it was filled with Wrestlemania recap but the Knox match was one of the best he’s had so that’s er something. I got nothing, sorry.

Here’s some hot Godzilla & Jet Jaguar double-teams to make up for the completely uninteresting episode.

I’m on the latest OSWReview episode covering Royal Rumble 2018 and also Cultaholic Video Podcast every week, proving I sometimes have things to say.