Coliseum Video Rant 2018: Villains of the Squared Circle

Coliseum Video Rant 2018: Villains of the Squared Circle (1986)

(Originally written 02.19.18)

The overdubbed intro music grinds on my soul like nails on a chalkboard.

Hosted by Mean Gene, and the concept here should be easy to grasp. Gene was worried about sitting through “more than an hour of non-stop evil” and was worried about staying objective, so Bobby Heenan and his Family join him.

Jake Roberts v. Scotty McGhee

Gene calls Jake the newest member of the villain side of the roster, which is weird because he’d been around for a little while when this tape originally came out. Jake puts McGhee down with shoulderblocks, but Scotty comes back with a dropkick and gutwrench suplex for two. Jake bails and they brawl on the floor for a bit, and back in McGhee catches him with a kneedrop for two. McGhee yanks him down by the hair, which gives us our “external occipital protuberance” from Gorilla for the match, but Jake puts him down with the short clothesline, and finishes with the DDT off a blocked rollup at 4:00. Kind of neat to see him hitting the move from a totally different setup. #DDTOuttaNowhere. 1 for 1.

Tor Kamata v. Pat Patterson

This is from the Shea Stadium show in 1980, as Gorilla notes that Tor “literally did a Pearl Harbor job” on Pat before the bell. Oh, Gorilla. Pat quickly makes the comeback with a flying knee and slugs away in the corner, but Tor comes up with “42 pounds of salt” and chucks it at the ref by mistake for the DQ at 2:18. Total crap, much out of from the mouth of Gorilla. 1 for 2.

WWF title: Pedro Morales v. George Steele

From MSG in the 70s, naturally. Steele immediately uses a foreign object to gain control and works on the throat with it while the crowd goes INSANE for Pedro. Pedro makes the comeback and slugs away while Steele hides the object. We’re clipped to later in the match with Steele using the object again to take over, and he runs Pedro into the turnbuckle bolt on the apron, which is certainly a unique spot. So then Pedro fires right back with the same on Steele as the crowd is just losing their minds and Steele is busted open. Steele begs off, so Pedro bites the cut and beats on Steele until the ref stops the match at 6:00. Nothing as a match, but you have to hear the heat for it to believe it. 2 for 3.

Andre the Giant v. Ernie Ladd

We’re joined with Andre stomping on Ladd and hitting him with a headbutt in the corner. I love Andre doing the big cartoon headbutt, and of course Ladd goes flying back into the corner to sell. Finally Ladd uses the suspiciously taped thumb to take over, but Andre grabs Land’s hand and rams his own thumb into his throat! Now that’s a uniquely pro wrestling counter. Andre comeback with a backdrop, but he misses the big splash and Ladd runs away and calls it a night at 4:00 shown. Well, can’t blame him too much. 2 for 4.

Captain Lou Albano v. Gorilla Monsoon

Back to the 70s for this, which Albano was still a semi-active wrestler. Albano uses a variety of cheapshots to start, but Gorilla fights back with chops and sends Albano flying out of the ring over the top, which is apparently enough for the ref to declare him the winner at 3:00 as Albano walks out. 2 for 5.

Stan Stasiak & Blackjack Lanza v. Andre the Giant & Chief Jay Strongbow

JIP with Strongbow controlling Stasiak via armbar, but Stasiak does some cheating and that’s all we get as we move on. 2 for 6.

SD Jones v. Magnificent Muraco

Jones works a headlock on Muraco, who fights out and misses a pump splash. The video quality is dramatically improved here, so it must be from the syndicated TV show instead of the usual arena show footage. Jones keeps working on the headlock and slugs away on Muraco, but walks into a powerslam and gets pinned like a geek. Well, he was one. 2 for 7.

From TNT, Muraco and Mr. Fuji declare that they’ve reached the pinnacle of their career and have no more titles to win.

Mr. Fuji v. Ricky Steamboat

Quick clip of the match from Superstars, with Steamboat getting a win via rollup, only to have Muraco attack him with what appears to be a wooden dining room chair and lay him out.

And now, a special feature on Rowdy Roddy Piper, including him slapping Lord Alfred around on TNT, beating up Frankie Williams on Piper’s Pit, turning on Lou Albano on TNT, mouthing off to Mr. T, and then a series of clips of Piper in action and being a jackass in general. One match had Lou Thesz as special referee for a Piper-Snuka match! I’ll give this whole thing a point. 3 for 8.

Intercontinental title: Tito Santana v. Randy Savage

Just a clip of the finish we’ve all seen a million times, as Savage hits him with the foreign object and wins the title, drawing a giant babyface reaction in the process.

Iron Sheik v. Cpl. Kirschner

Sheik with the attack before the bell, but Corporal slams him and drops an elbow, then wraps Sheik around the post to take over. Suplex gets two, but he misses a dropkick and Sheik gets the abdominal stretch. Kirschner fights out and makes a comeback, but Sheik tosses him and Volkoff nails the Corporal with Blassie’s cane, and that’s a countout at 5:00. These guys wrestled a million times in 1986 and they all sucked. 3 for 9. You would have thought that it would have led to a tag team feud with Kirschner and a bigger name at some point, but nope.

Bobby Heenan loses the Manager of the Year trophy to Lou Albano, so he throws a tantrum and sadly the trophy gets destroyed, as do Albano and Hillbilly Jim via the Heenan Family.

Andre the Giant v. Big John Studd

Clips from their match in Toronto, as Studd drops elbows on Andre and grabs scissors from Heenan to give Andre a further haircut, but Andre bites his arm to escape and makes the comeback, beating on both guys and slamming Studd. He goes to cut Studd’s hair, but Bundy comes in for the DQ and they “break Andre’s sternum” in a famous storyline that led to Andre leaving for a movie. 4 for 10.

Hulk Hogan gets beat up by Bundy and Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event to set up Wrestlemania 2.

Andre the Giant & SD Jones v. Big John Studd & Ken Patera

Another famous angle from TV to close the tape, as the Heenan Family gets rid of Jones and then double-teams Andre repeatedly for the DQ, then beats him down and cuts his hair. Well he needed a haircut anyway. They’re RAPING HIS DIGNITY, notes Vince. Well, Vince would know about that.

Some feature on the heels. They lost most of the matches! I’d take a pass on this one.