The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground–S01E12

The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground S01E12

“They Call Him Cage”

Last week did well (jumping up to about 1000 pageviews rather than the usual 600 or so that these were doing) so I’m gonna try to make this our Sunday morning thing from now on.

Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro

Cage once again emphasizes to Dario Cueta that he is, in fact, a machine. And tonight, he’s winning the title. Dario isn’t so sure.

Mil Muertes v. Fenix

The crowd is super-hot for this, so we must be back at the beginning of a taping again. Fenix takes him down with a couple of rollups, but Mil just shrugs him off and no-sells all his strikes. Finally he gets completely annoyed and just punches Fenix down, complete with Marty Jannetty flipping sell, and then Mil spikes him with a DDT for two. Fenix tries a handspring elbow, but Mil just catches him and puts him down with a german suplex for two. Striker notes that the “heaving gut” of Muertes is all the anger and rage instead him fighting to get out. Or, and this is just a guess here, he’s just got a big gut. Fenix goes up and Mil slams him off the top for two, and then they head up for a Muertes superplex, but Fenix does the Dynamite Kid cradle on the mat and pins him at 3:44. That’s why Gorilla Monsoon always complained about guys getting lazy on covers! **1/4

Mietras, dudes try to break various objects on Cage’s head and back, and he SMASHES them. Because, and I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, Cage is not in fact a man, he’s a machine of some sort. Is he a Terminator? Because I’m not OK with this show unleashing Skynet on the world. It’s bad enough we’re getting fake missile alerts in Hawaii as it is.

Mr. Cisco, Cortez Castro & Bael v. Super Fly, Aerostar & Argenis

Super Fly clears the ring immediately and hits the Crew with a moonsault off the post to the floor, but Castro and Cisco trade off on Fly for a bit before he escapes and brings Argenis in. Backdrop suplex on Bael gets two while Striker quotes Bible verses for some reason. Aerostar with a flying headscissors on Cisco for two, and then Aerostar climbs onto Argenis’s shoulders on the top rope and hits a flying bodypress on Cisco from there, for two! Wow! Cisco fights off the masked men and dumps Super Fly to the floor with a big backdrop, and the Crew triple-teams Aerostar in the corner to take over. Cisco with a curb stomp and Cortez drops a knee for two. Bael with a snap suplex on Aerostar for two and Cortez stomps away while yelling at the crowd, and Bael comes in with a chinlock. Aerostar springboards out of the corner with an elbow to escape and it’s hot tag Argenis. He takes the Crew members down with headscissors and a sunset bomb on Cisco for two. Dropkick misses and Cisco catapults him into Cortez’s kick, and Bael flies in with a double stomp off the top for two. Argenis brings Aerostar back in with a springboard splash ala Rey Mysterio for two, and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA! Bael trips up Super Fly to interrupt a dive, but Argenis hits the dive instead. Cisco goes up and Aerostar brings him to the floor with a rana onto the pile of bodies. Insane! And then Aerostar follows with his own dive onto everyone. Back in, Aerostar walks into the Shatter Machine from Cisco and Cortez and gets pinned at 10:50. Super hot tag match! **** This was well worth going out of your way to see, a great match of styles, with the Crew doing all the power stuff while the luchadors flew around and it meshed extremely well.

Vampiro attempts to interview Prince Puma, but Konnan steps in and does the talking. He’s not worried about Cage, and Vampiro isn’t afraid of Konnan, either. It would make sense that they don’t want Puma talking, since he’s supposed to be Mexican and actually hearing him speak would somewhat ruin that illusion.

Lucha Underground title: Prince Puma v. Cage

Puma immediately hits him with a dive, but Cage runs him into the corner and no-sells Puma’s flying offense. Cage hurls him into the corner, and out with a backdrop, for two. Cage with a neckbreaker and he chokes Puma out on the ropes, but Puma rolls him up for two. Puma tries a rana, but Cage reverses him into an Alabama Slam for two. Powerslam, but Puma reverses into a DDT and springboards in with a clothesline for two. They fight to the top and Cage tries a delayed superplex, but Puma reverses to a kick out of that and comes off the top with a bodypress. Cage catches him and turns it into a Jackhammer for two. Puma fights back with a high knee in the corner and tries a 619, but Cage catches him and hits a powerslam into a moonsault for two. Cage powers him into a powerbomb, but Puma bounces up with a dropkick and both guys are down. Cage alley-oops Puma into the corner and follows with an F5 for two. Puma escapes a pumphandle slam and hits him with an enzuigiri and northern lights suplex, then rolls through into a vertical suplex for two. Puma goes up to finish, but Cage crotches him via a shove to the ref, and that’s a DQ at 10:09. Weak finish, but it’s too early to beat Cage. Cage was quite surprisingly hanging with Puma out there. *** Konnan tries to save Puma from further punishment, but Cage just destroys him, lays him out with the title belt, and then physically tears up the belt to end the show.

BUT WAIT! Dario Cueto is watching the carnage, but our mysterious Asian woman breaks into his office, looking for payment on a debt. Dario always pays his debts, but she’s only got one name for him: MATANZA. DUN DUN DUN! Dario has no idea who she’s talking about…or does he?

The Pulse

This was a fun show! Now we’re getting to the good stuff.