We’re in Corpus Christi, Texas and Kofi Kingston has been added to the intro but I don’t see him lasting long. CM Punk starts the show to a roaring reaction to a SOLD OUT CROWD here to watch Smackdown afterwards. Punk recaps last week’s Mariachi Celebration, insisting that although he’s Straight-Edge he does like a good party and we get Dramatic Replays of El Kabong.
Sadly we go back to the arena and Punk is doing the ”haha oh man haha how funny was that guys haha look at me laughing naturally” thing that WWE sometimes makes their good guys do to let the crowd know the last sequence was funny. See recently: Rich Swann. Actually er maybe not. Anyway, Punk wants his title rematch TONIGHT and tells Chavo CM stands for CRAZY MARIACHI oh lord. Chavo informs Punk he’s not getting the rematch tonight but asks him not to cry. We’ll be getting the rematch at No Way Out 2008 but he wants his revenge tonight so Armando makes tonight’s main event the first ever GULF OF MEXICO MATCH. Armando explains you need to hurl your opponent into the Gulf Of Mexico to win as fisherman are shown getting a few late night fishes in outside the arena. Punk had the full selection of shite WWE scripted-lines to eat here but who cares, we’re getting THE GULF.
Layla & Victoria vs. Kelly Kelly & Michelle McCool
It’s the first time in years I’ve heard the YOU’RE NOT ENOUGH FOR ME song and it’s weird how you go from hating a theme you have to hear every week to enjoying it. Tazz: ”It’s the blondes vs. the brunnettes, that kinda thing” summing up the depth of the Diva’s division. Styles compliments Kelly, saying she gets better every week and seconds later we get her second worst ever attempt at a flipping corner elbow so he’s technically right.
McCool tags in and smoothly executes the Curt Hennig neck snap. I don’t remember anything about McCool apart from her music but she manages a risky double-jump frankensteiner out of the corner on Victoria. She nails a Diesel Clothesline and tags in Kelly who gets her first yelling headscissors on Victoria. McCool takes out Layla on the outside but Kelly ruins the sound strategy by taking the Widow’s Peak for the win. Replay shows Lena tripped her which the TV cameras missed so she’s excused for once.
Winners: Layla & Victoria (Kelly was her usual untrained self and McCool looked like AJW ’93 by comparison. Was she good? I know I watched a load of her matches but I don’t remember a thing about them.)
Shelton Benjamin got himself counted out last week against Kane so there’ll be a rematch…on Smackdown because there’s too much to get through tonight.
Wrestlemania XXIV is 54 days away and who’s idea was it to have Snow (Hey Oh) by Red Hot Chili Peppers as the hype song? I’m not advocating bringing back Limp Bizkit but at least get a song that won’t cause you to fall asleep standing up.
John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer
Last week Colin Delaney got massacred in a handicap match against the Tag Champs but Dreamer made the save and he wants Morrison’s sculpted arse. Delaney watches Dreamer use his weight to dominate and decides to avoid putting on any mass for ten years. Morrison sends Dreamer outside so he can mouth off at Delaney and Morrison knocks Dreamer down when he tries to defend him. Eddy Gordo leg-drop gets two and The Miz mouths off at the fans which gets a whole-load of boos and TOMMY chants. It’s crazy seeing Miz grow bit-by-bit every week when he was so unremarkable last year. Morrison misses a corkscrew moonsault badly and he takes the Jannetty Sell off a clothesline. Miz interrupts Dreamer’s E-gasp-C-pant-W Tree Of Woe so Delaney tries to grab Miz. It’s not very effective so Dreamer is forced to rescue him and when he turns around, he gets planted with the Moonlight Drive for the win.
Winner: John Morrison (All storyline here as Colin has moved on from being useless in singles matches to being useless at ringside.)
For a change of pace, we go to a previously filmed sit-down interview with Stevie Richards who has been absent for a number of months. I believe this was the start of a mini-comeback for Stevie and it was around some newzzz sites at the time that Vince McMahon was big on him. We get details on his original throat injury from ECW The Buffalo Invasion when Terry dropped a guard-rail on him to give him John Laurinaitis’s voice.
Stevie’s had a lot of operations on his throat but he’s adamant he’s returning to the ring and to success, that’s where I’LL SHOW YOU, YOU’LL SEE comes from. This was a very welcome change of pace and it’s a damn shame they didn’t do these last year during the feud with Kevin Thorn as Richards could have actually had something.
Kofi Kingston vs. James Curtis
That’s pro ECW on Sci-Fi jobber Curtis. The commentators describe Kofi as ”unique” a dozen times so we understand he’s a cruiserweight. The opening armbar series goes on for so long the crowd starts booing and there was a solid minute of nothing during a jobber squash so I agree them. Kofi busts out the Boom Drop and kip-up in the corner (which gets no reaction, no wonder he abandoned it) before finishing with a buzzsaw-esque kick.
Winner: Kofi Kingston (Squash.)
CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero (Gulf Of Mexico Match)
Tazz was made for matches like this: ”Has anyone checked for sharks?” Street clothes for both men, so in Punk’s case he’s dressed in his best clothes. They brawl outside the ring to start, with Chavo sending Punk into the ring steps and into some crowd seats. They brawl right into the crowd, it doesn’t make for great action but having crowd reaction is nice as you can hear every single fat fan shout YEAHHH GET HIM YEAHHHHHHHHH. Punk sails off the ring-barrier with an axe handle and the reaction is the loudest thing ever heard on ECW on Sci-Fi. They leave the arena and we go full-on GTA as Chavo gets annoyed at a honking car.
Chavo proceeds to beat Punk while on the car but he kicks him off which causes him to take out the cameraman as we got to break. That’s a hell of a way to excuse a commercial break, some fucker’s been watching Hitchcock’s Rope. When we’re back, Punk backdrops Chavo onto a big red truck. Not sure what that symbolises. Chavo teases a dive off a wall but quickly changes his mind because it’s ten foot onto concrete. The fishermen do a runner so Chavo hurls their tackle box at Punk. Chavo can’t quite get Punk into the Gulf as he holds onto the edge for dear life as the crowd are going nuts watching this on the titantron. Chavo goes for a suplex (what a pro, trying to end this with a wrestling move) but Punk counters and sends Chavo into the briny depths with a GTS and holy shit at Chavo’s fucking bump.
Winner: CM Gulf (Alright look: Brawls like this only work if everyone treats the match stipulation with the ridiculousness it deserves and this one definitely accepted it and went to town (port) with it, including car bumps and tacklebox offence. The ECW on Sci-Fi equivalent of those brawls JBL had with Cena and a real guilty pleasure.)
Overall: Now that someone realised no-one takes Chavo seriously as this underrated warrior they’ve been pushing him as on commentary and instead decided to make him look ridiculous at every turn the main event feud is fun to watch. Outside of that, the Delaney/Dreamer thing is slowly moving towards something so I’ll forgive it for taking away wonderful weekly Miz & Morrison matches, and Stevie is getting a push so we’re moving in the right direction.
I’ve been Maffew and my last video of note was Botchamania 358 and if that’s not your thing here’s Real Bout Fatal Fury’s Gulf Of Mexico Match.