ECW on Sci-Fi #85 01/15/2008

We’re in Birmingham, Alabama and World Champion Edge is here with a Very Special Edition of The Cutting Edge, hopefully not involving molestation or The Death of Mr. Hooper.
Edge talks about his upcoming match against Rey Mysterio at the Royal Rumble, promising it won’t be a competitive match (well he was sadly right about that) showing a dramatic video recap of Chavo losing to Rey on Smackdown followed by Edge and The Edgeheads beating up Rey.

Edge introduces his guest, the ECW Champion CM Punk who emerges smiling and pointing at fans like Diesel ’95. Edge has been watching Punk’s career and he reminds him of a punk version of himself. But he asks who has he beaten as Champ, he only beat Chavo via Count Out and DQ. Punk says he respects his opponents, unlike Edge and would gladly give him a third match so he can beat him again. Edge says that’s bold, Punk replies that’s not bold, he can beat Edge too. Crowd makes noise for the first time. Chavo enters as Joey says ”things are getting interesting” which is generally how people react when they see Chavo. Chavo reiterates everything that’s already been said to ensure everyone is following we’re getting Punk vs. Guerrero III tonight. Chavo pie-faces him and the two Familia members attack Punk and hurl his shoulder into the ring-post.

After the break, Edge is seen leaving the arena (with his title over his shoulder, obviously). Also of mention is the one guy sat front row holding a sign he definitely made himself.

John Morrison & The Miz vs. The Highlanders

Tazz accuses Joey of walking around the airport doing the John Morrison entrance. Joey can’t even respond. I’ve not seen much of The Highlanders but I wasn’t blown away by anything they did with their one-joke gimmick. They’ve very low down the ladder in 2008 as they’re working Raw, Smackdown and ECW but no-one cares. Morrison powerwalks over Rory in an beautiful dick moment. Rory recovers but gets dumped off the middle rope by The Miz. Morrison gives him a European Uppercut. Tazz: ”They should be used to that, they’re from Europe…right?” Miz tags in and crossfaces Rory as commentators explain the surprise of the locker room at Miz & Morrison not splitting up by now. Who saw the success of the Miz & Morrison team in fairness? Robbie gets the luke-warm tag and dropkicks everyone. Powerslam on Miz gets two and it breaks down with Rory brawling with Morrison on the outside and Robbie taking the Reality Check for the pin.

Winners: John Morrison & The Miz (Practically a squash by Morrison & Miz’s standards.)

The Highlanders would have two more televised matches before Rory went to visit some mates in TNA.

Rory’s admitted he was probably trying to get himself fired by doing this as he was unhappy in WWE and the team were jobbers at this point so it at least gave him some mileage for shoot interviews.

Another Kofi Kingston Proud Jamaican promo where he again beats up some dudes ruining the good name of his country like he’s Judge Dredd-lock. That’s three weeks in a row, Jamaica looks full of horrible pasty guys kicking down sandcastles. Kofi (mon) debuts (oil-drums) next (Lilt) week (Doctor No by Ian Fleming).

Colin Delaney and his last few weeks of punishment are shown but he’s feeling confident tonight against…

Kane vs. Colin Delaney

”This may be like watching a sasquatch squash a smurf” says Joey. What happened to him? Some hits, slams, chokeslams, Kane wins.

Winner: Kane (Highlight was Tazz asking Joey ”so who do you think is going to win?”)

CM Punk is having his shoulder looked at by medics, Armando checks if he’s still ready for Chavo and Punk says ”gimme some z-packs and I’ll be fine.”

RAW RECAP: Randy Orton gets himself DQ’d instantly against Jeff Hardy then tries to RKO him on concrete. Instead, Jeff pushes him off the stage and follows with a Huge Fucking Swanton.

Jeff’s super-push was long overdue and to his credit, he got himself into the best shape of his life for the run of his career.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Nunzio

Oh good, more Benjamin squashes. He’s good at throwing off moves but the silence is deafening as he doesn’t emote. No wonder indie dudes love him. Nunzio tries a sit-out dropkick off the second rope but Shelton turns it into a running powerbomb. Shelton makes a mess of the Paydirt to end it.

Winner: Shelton Benjamin (Post-match he gives him the finisher properly but crowd is still bored-through.)

CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero III: Dream Warriors

Before the match starts, Edge shows up on commentary, tricking us all by making it look like he left. THEULTIMATEOPPORTUNIST. So last week these guys had a skippable match due to no hype but this has the benefit of Punk having an injured shoulder even though the crowd has been silent most of the night. Chavo starts off working the shoulder until Punk sends him outside for the advert break. Chavo has control with another shoulderlock (no name given on commentary) but Punk escapes with an enziguri. Chavo dropkicks him in the shoulder to end that and resume arm-work. Tazz points out how good the Guerreros are at working over body parts and Edge enthusiastically agrees while hating on Joey. Chavo falls into a backslide for two and Punk comes back with his knees but Chavo counters the bulldog into an Irish whip into the corner. Punk gets his legs up on the charge, tries going up top but Chavo blasts him off the top arm-first on the ropes. While Chavo distracts the ref, Edge blasts Punk with his World Title and immediately returns to commentary. ”Wow what a match we’re having” he dead-pans in the highlight of the show.

CM Punk is out and loses via count-out.

Winner: Chavo Guerrero (Half the match was armbars and the other half was Edge being entertaining on commentary. Hard to rate as by itself this was dull and the crowd were barely into it but we’re building to SOMETHING so it’s hard to shit on the overall objective of Get Chavo Over, because this show is in need of Punk to feud with somebody now that Henry and V are not appearing as regularly as before.)

Overall: Just another episode this week. The recommendation to watch lives and dies by the quality of the Miz & Morrison match and you can live without seeing a Highlander near-squash.

I’ve been Maffew, new Botchamania will be up soon but go like my FaceBook page while you wait if you enjoy GIFs and Simpsons references.