We’re in Wilkes-Barre, PA with a Dance Off and Chavo’s 2nd Chance against CM Punk (not the same match) after losing last week.
John Morrison & The Miz vs. Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore (WWE Tag Titles, Fifteen Minutes Of Fame Match)
Wang and Moore lost their first title opportunity but have won every match after that against the champs to obtain this title match, under 15 Minute Iron (Bronze?) Man rules. Miz pounds Moore to start, possibly motivated by the realisation that Miz would have been in Three Count if he’d started ten years earlier. Morrison tags in to continue kicking Moore, possibly motivated by his ab envy of Evan Karagias. Moore gets the hot tag to Wang two and a half minutes in and plants Morrison with the 450 Monkey Flip out of the corner for two.
Wang misses a moonsault so Morrison tries a Dirty Pin but Moore removes his hand off the rope. Miz responds by distracting the ref so he misses Wang’s pin-fall attempt, causing Morrison to roll-up Wang and get the first pin-fall with 11:15 remaining. That was a lot of action to type in a small space of time.
We come back from break with 7:40 remaining and Wang in a chinlock. He escapes but gets crotched attempting a moonsault, with Morrison leaving him stuck in the Tree of Woe position so Miz can choke him. Morrison gets too cocky though and Wang lands the moonsault to equalise with 6:12 left.
Miz grounds Wang and tries a Single Crab but it’s not effective so M & M Ver. 2 take in turns working over the leg of Wang with quick tags. Miz smashes the leg across the ring post but he kicks out at two. Morrison stretches him but tags out to Miz who is unable to stop him from tagging out to Moore who connects with a top-rope crossbody. Two minutes left and Moore lands a Pescado over the ropes onto The Miz. Morrison knocks him down so Wang flies with a big crossbody off the top rope to the outside. Back in, Moore nails Chyna’s old falling sleeperhold neckbreaker thing for two on Miz. A minute left, Moore lands a Tumbleweed off the top for two and the crowd’s AWWWW is great. Weird Samoan Drop-flying kick on Miz goes nowhere as Miz crawls to the corner, Morrison gets in the way of Moore but Wang lands a moonsault on Miz…only for the buzzer to ring to end the match 1-1.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions: John Morrison & The Miz (Very exciting, well-oiled tag match that blended everything good about old-school NWA tag matches with funky dives. Crowd were loud during the final stretch every time it looked like Miz was going to get pinned which made up for the slightly messy finale. Still, overall this is an early contender for the Things To Watch On ECW 2008 When They Go On The Network article next year. Shame they aired a commercial mid-way through it though.)
Colin Delaney is here, getting progressively more covered in bandages as he turns into Ken Kennedy. Or if you’re reading the WON Flashbacks, Ludvig Borga. He tells Tazz the pain is everywhere so Tazz lets him know he doesn’t have to wrestle an ECW Superstar tonight. Colin’s full of relief until Tazz introduces his Smackdown opponent.
Colin Delaney vs. Mark Henry
Colin tries a punch, gets blocked. Henry makes him fly with a Press Slam and then gives him a Banzai Drop in the corner. I don’t recall Henry doing many of them. World’s Strongest Slam, another loss for J.D. from the Stern Show.
Winner: Mark Henry (”Like a grizzly bear mauling a chipmunk” says Joey, discovering YouTube.)
Laya vs. Kelly Kelly (Diva Dance-Off)
Lena Yada (Diva Finalist) is hosting this and she can speak competently so she’s already top-tier Diva Search. They both dance, crowd cheers loudest for Kelly. Lena decides to enter herself and after hearing the crowd cheer for Kelly, declares herself the winner. Well it was better than watching them wrestle.
Shelton talks gold again, grinning and hamming it up more. I think they told him ”be more like Elijah Burke so we can finally get rid of him.”
CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero
Surprisingly there’s no segment or interview explaining how or why Chavo’s getting a second shot after losing last week via Count-Out. Joey tells us the match was made on WWE dot com, which was the pre-Twitter version of OH FUCK, WE HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANYTHING YET. Crowd chants for ”CM PUNK” to begin so at least they’re still awake. They tussle on the mat to start until Chavo takes a monkey flip. Chavo takes him back to the mat for a while and gives him a few uppercuts in the corner. He blocks a kick but falls for an enziguri to fly out the ring just in time for the break (how about that?).
When we return to this currently heatless match, Chavo has Punk in an Abominable Stretch. He escapes and knocks Chavo down but tries a splash and lands on knees. Chavo locks in a surfboard as dozens of fans can be seen walking to go buy merchandise before Smackdown starts. Punk tries to stop the dull by staying on the mat kicking Chavo’s legs like Inoki but Chavo locks a bodyscissors as the crowd attempt to tap out on behalf of Punk. It’s applied for a while with Chavo at least trying to turn Punk over into pin-fall attempts. Punk escapes (realising no chants were coming) and sends Chavo outside. Punk follows with a mid-rope tope and springboard clothesline to try to pop the crowd. Tilt-a-whirl (which I’ve been calling a Twilt-a-Whirl for years, only just been told it’s Tilt. Why didn’t anyone tell me?) backbreaker gets two for Punk. Punk tries the Running Knee but Chavo sees it coming and gets a cheeky roll-up for two. Punk kicks out and nails the knee as he’s contractually obligated to nail it every match. Bulldog gets two but Chavo shrugs it off to start The Three Amigos, which gets Cena vs. Orton at Rumble 2011 levels of silence. Punk intercepts the third one and tries for a GTS like last week but Chavo converts it to a Canadian Backbreaker Drop for a close two. Large”CM PUNK” chant finally kicks in as Chavo exposes the turnbuckle. Ref catches him so Chavo grabs the title belt but Scott Armstrong is too good at his job and catches him doing that so he’s DQ’d. Punk gives him a GTS for good measure because fuck it.
Winner via DQ: CM Punk (This was nothing like the decent match last week. Having to headline with negative build on the same show as the hot tag title match hurt them as the crowd liked the idea of CM Punk but not the idea of him wrestling a technical match with a loser. I couldn’t make out what some of the crowd were chanting after the break but I swear it might have been WE WANT SMACKDOWN. And then Chavo looked like a boob in the end so the only person who benefited from this match was Scot Armstrong.)
Overall: Watch the tag title match, skip everything else. Here’s Henry’s Banzai Drop to get the GIF quota up and to ensure you don’t waste your valuable time looking for it on the Network.
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