Monday Night Raw
Date: June 2, 2003
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross
We’re less than two weeks away from Bad Blood and things are looking more and more dismal every single week. Things just aren’t interesting around here and there’s no reason to suggest that’s going to change. The big story continues to be Kevin Nash vs. HHH for the World Title and that’s what we’re stuck with no matter what. Let’s get to it.
Rock, here for the Highlight Reel, arrives and talks about being here for the people, turning himself face again. Since the fans never wanted to boo him in the first place, it’s not the most difficult turn in the world.
Trish Stratus/Ivory/Jacqueline vs. Jazz/Victoria/Molly Holly
Molly still has a job? It’s a good thing she does as the dark hair is quite the look for her. It’s a brawl to start with Victoria forearming Trish and choking her up against the rope. The Matrish causes Victoria to clothesline Molly by mistake and Ivory dives onto Molly and Victoria in a big crash.
The double chickenwing faceplant drops Trish again though and we hit a camel clutch/Boston crab combo for a heck of a visual. King: “That was arousing.” Trish grabs a neckbreaker on Jazz and brings Jackie in to no reaction at all. Ivory comes back in with a high crossbody for two on Jazz as everything breaks down. An X-Factor gives Ivory the pin on Jazz.
Rating: D+. They were trying here but they couldn’t get over the complete lack of interest from the crowd. Jackie and Ivory haven’t been interesting in the better part of ever and throwing them into the title hunt isn’t going to do anything. They need someone new in a hurry as Trish, Victoria and Jazz have been done to death at this point.
JR has a cookbook. It’s title: JR’s Cookbook. You can vote on WWE.com if you think it’s going to be a best seller or a flop.
Stacy Keibler finally dumps Test but they’re contractually obligated to stay together. Does anyone really buy Test saying “contractually obligated” in day to day talking?
Hurricane comes out for a match but Randy Orton jumps him from behind. Cue HHH and Ric Flair as Orton throws Hurricane through the entrance. Flair is honored that he was Shawn’s boyhood hero but Flair has seen hundreds of Shawn’s come and go. Flair takes off the jacket and rants about how Shawn hasn’t spent $30 million, made love to 3,000 women and wrestled 350 matches a year. To be the man you have to beat the man and HHH beat the man. Uh, didn’t HHH beat Shawn to win that title?
Anyway Flair lays down and prostrates himself in front of HHH before saying HHH makes women scream very loudly. After HHH beats Nash down, Flair is going to take care of Shawn (So HHH won’t be main eventing?) and they’re getting in a limousine full of women. Cue Shawn to say he owes a lot to Flair but he’s not the little boy sitting in front of the TV watching Flair every week.
Shawn has wrestled 300 nights a year (Flair said 350) and doesn’t need to brag about women. His wrestling does the talking and he took the torch from Flair. When Ric realized he couldn’t make it here, Shawn took the title and showed the world that he was the standard in wrestling.
There’s so much wrong with that timeline that I’m not even going to bother explaining it so we’ll move on to Shawn being awesome in the ring. Flair freaks out again as Shawn promises to take him to school at Bad Blood. HHH wants to fight right now but here’s Nash to even the odds a bit. Hurricane sneaks in and hits Orton with a chair so the good guys can stand tall. Flair and Shawn’s stuff was outstanding here and the other stuff was nowhere near bad enough to drag it down.
Scott Steiner vs. Steven Richards
Steiner has Stacy with him but Richards doesn’t have Victoria. Test comes out as well and the distraction lets Richards get in a cheap shot from behind. Scott slugs away in the corner and there’s a belly to belly. The Flatliner ends Richards in short order.
Post match Eric Bischoff comes out and makes Test vs. Steiner for Stacy’s managerial services at Bad Blood. So Bischoff’s rulings can override contracts? Why do I have a feeling that’s not going to be used again when Bischoff would benefit from it?
We get some breaking news that Freddie Blassie has passed away.
The bosses are in their office and Austin makes Evolution vs. Michaels/Nash/Hurricane for tonight’s main event. As for Bad Blood, they agree to a Redneck Triathlon.
Goldberg is in the back for an interview but we see Jericho throwing paint on the car. That’s on Goldberg for leaving it out in the open like that. Goldberg runs out, gets in the car (which was already running) and gives chase.
It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Christian guest hosting. Therefore, tonight is the Peep Show and the first guest is the Rock. We get the full entrance and Rock loads up FINALLY but Christian cuts him off and does it himself. Christian says he’s the new people’s champion and on fire. Rock: “YOU ARE ON CRACK!” Rock doesn’t want to hear that and says Christian’s daddy is a ho. Christian: “He’s a pediatrician!”
Christian talks about how awesome he is but Rock wants to talk directly to the people. He actually goes into the crowd, asks some fans who the real People’s Champ is and loads up the catchphrase but Jericho returns to cut him off. Jericho says he isn’t getting speared on Sunday so he asks Rock what it feels like.
Rock calls out some fans for saying he sucks, saying that he gets more pie in a day than they get in a lifetime. Well true probably. The spear hurts, which is all Jericho wanted to know from the pie boy. Christian jumps him from behind but it’s Booker making the save. House is cleaned in a hurry and we get a People’s Elbow from Booker. We’re not done yet though as Rock even busts out a Rockarooni. This was WAY longer than it needed to be, especially with only the Rock vs. Christian stuff being funny.
Post break, Christian and Jericho try to leave but Austin says they’re not going anywhere yet.
Kane vs. Rene Dupree
Kane slugs away in the corner as Lawler recaps recent events between France and the USA with JR running down the French military. Sylvan Grenier distracts Kane and Dupree gets in a kick to the face. That just earns him a side slam but Van Dam kicks Grenier down. Van Dam gets knocked down so Kane goes after Grenier instead, allowing Rene to hit a low blow for the rollup pin. This was pretty bad as Kane looked way off.
Post match here’s a ticked off Austin to tell Van Dam to head to the back. Austin wants to know what’s up with Kane as of late. He’s been watching the last few weeks and Kane is missing everything. Where’s the fire? Does Kane even want this anymore? That’s all it takes to beat him these days?
Austin was waiting on the big chokeslam but now he has to come out here and tick Kane off. He spins Kane around and smacks him in the face before even putting Kane’s hand around his throat. Kane backs away from the chokeslam though, sending Austin into a rant about the old Kane who beat him for the WWF World Title. Austin loads up another chokeslam on himself but Kane lets him go again.
A slap to the face seems to fire Kane up as he grabs Austin by the throat (Austin: “DO IT! DO IT!”) but Kane lets him go for a third time. That’s finally enough for Austin who lays Kane out with a Stunner. This is how one of the CHAMPIONS is treated on the show. I have no idea what they were going for here but unless Kane was in backstage trouble (which would be way out of character for him), this was a really bad idea and a big waste of time.
We get a Matrix style video as Gail Kim is coming. Works for me.
A smiling HHH leaves the referee’s locker room. Post break, HHH tells Evolution that he has a plan that could get him out of the Cell match.
Booker T./Goldust vs. Christian/Chris Jericho
Booker clotheslines Christian to start and gets two off a slam. We take a way too early break and come back with Jericho cranking on Booker’s arms. Christian comes in but let’s talk about Goldust wanting to get breast implants back in the day. Booker flapjacks his way to freedom and it’s off to Goldust to clean house with some right hands and an atomic drop.
Everything breaks down and Christian gets caught in the corner, only to have Jericho save him from Shattered Dreams. A blind tag brings in Booker for a side kick but Christian rolls him up for two despite grabbing the rope. Canadian miscommunication sets up the ax kick though, giving Booker the pin on Christian.
Rating: D+. This was little more than a way to set up Booker vs. Christian at the pay per view and there’s nothing wrong with that. It might not have been a great match or anything but after Austin berating Kane and the way too long Rock segment, I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.
Post match Jericho hits Booker with the Intercontinental Title but Goldberg runs out, only to spear the referee by mistake.
The referees come to see Austin and Bischoff, saying they won’t referee the Cell match because it’s too dangerous. Austin has an idea because he knows someone crazy enough to referee the match. Fans: “FOLEY! FOLEY! FOLEY!”
Evolution vs. Shawn Michaels/The Hurricane/Kevin Nash
Orton and Shawn (in a hat and shirt for some reason) start things off with Shawn headlocking him down and taking off the extra gear. Hurricane comes in and does Shawn’s pose as the arena is rather full of pyro smoke. A clothesline gives Hurricane two but he gets caught by Orton’s still sweet dropkick. HHH, in purple this week, comes in and beats on Hurricane as the announcers praise Nash.
It’s off to Shawn to start on HHH’s arm but Flair sneaks in a chop block to take over. Orton stays on the leg as things slow down. Unfortunately the crowd doesn’t die down, as they’re already eerily silent. The villains take turns on the leg, including Flair’s shinbreaker into the Figure Four. Nash makes the save though and Shawn gets in an enziguri for the real break. It’s off to Orton vs. Nash (which actually doesn’t sound like the worst match in the world) but Kevin gets his hands on HHH a few seconds later. Flair is busted open (From what????) and Nash takes down the strap, only to have Flair save HHH from a Jackknife.
Hurricane hits Orton with a high crossbody and the Shining Wizard gets a weird two (it looked like Hebner’s count brushed against Orton’s shoulder). HHH comes back in with a Pedigree to Hurricane to give Orton…I’m not sure what to call it actually. Hebner counts two, stops like he’s checking if Hurricane’s shoulder is on the mat (it clearly was) and calls for the pin without counting three. Hurricane clearly lifts his head to see what’s going on during Hebner getting up as the fans are really confused/annoyed.
Rating: D. I’m still trying to figure out that ending. Hurricane was obviously just there to take the fall and could have been almost any given midcarder. Losing to the World Champion in a six man tag is hardly career death though and it’s not that big of a deal. What is a big deal though is Nash main eventing the upcoming pay per view, which is somehow losing the non-interest it already had.
To calm the fans down, Nash Jackknifes HHH to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. And that’s ONLY passing because Rock/Christian and Shawn/Flair had some outstanding promos. Other than that, this show was nothing short of a mess as HHH vs. Nash continues to burst into flames as it bounces on the rocks beneath the cliff it flew off of last month. Between that and Austin Stunning Kane for whatever reason, I’m trying to figure out why I kept watching this show back in the day. Another terrible show here as their priorities get more and more out of whack every week.
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