We’re in Wichita, Kansas. Well ECW on Sci-fi is, I’ll be in sunny Oberhausen watching wXw when this is uploaded, probably nursing a hangover. Oh sorry, hangöver.
The Hardys vs. MVP & Mr. Kennedy
These guys are here to hype the Survivor Series ten-man match and you can tell there’s a PPV this Sunday when people from different brands are showing up on ECW just because. Jeff is Intercontinental Champion, MVP is United States & WWE Tag Team Champion, Matt Hardy is his partner but they’re not getting along and Mr. Kennedy has
Hardcore Holly’s pills nothing.
Kennedy and Matt start off and the future TNA World Champions soak up the crowd-love until Jeff enters with a sloppy slingshot kick. Jeff’s all painted up but the smell of greasepaint doesn’t help him against MVP who clotheslines him hard. Jeff comes back quickly and uses Matt to dive onto both men outside with an elbow. Elbow/senton combo gets two on Kennedy who doesn’t appreciate Matt Hardy’s attempt at a clothesline/bulldog combo and clotheslines Matt for two. Big Green Jeff tags in to get beat up by MVP. Matt gives him the death-stare as we go to break. How long were MVP and Matt Hardy feuding for? Felt like years. MVP continues to strip the paint off Jeff until Kennedy tries but manages to bungle it like it’s a main event push and HERE COMES MATT.
At least he’s consistent.
Matt and his flashy trousers drop an elbow and Jeff nails Poetry In Motion. Jeff misses the Swanton as the crowd goes nuts. MVP goes back to working over Jeff but again tags in Kennedy who gets big boos from the crowd because they think he’s going to accidentally injure Jeff. MVP misses the Yakuza Kick (or whatever gang MVP was affiliated with) and Jeff gets the fall-forward sit-out front suplex. Probably a better name for it but neither Styles nor Tazz know it but anyway Kennedy knocks Jeff off the apron and OH SHIT that looked bad.
Jesus Kennedy, I was joking about the ”injuring Jeff” thing. MVP scrapes Jeff off the outside to pin him.
Winners: MVP and Mr. Kennedy (None of this had anything to do with ECW but it was a decent, very over match that took up nearly half the episode.)
Post-match MVP and Matt enjoy a staredown but Kennedy runs in with a chair to fuck up Matt but MVP tells him no and protects Matt. He tells Matt he’s sorry for Jeff getting fucked up but it’s nothing personal and he saved Matt again. At least the MVP/Matt storyline was interesting but I can’t be bothered to watch Smackdown as well as ECW to fill in all the gaps.
We get clips from Smackdown of CM Punk vs. Jamie Noble, ending with Miz and Morrison running in letting Noble land his finisher on Punk. So tonight we get Punk vs. Noble, oh wonderful. These multi-brand feuds may work to build interest for the other brands (well maybe not if Noble is the focus) but they’re a bugger to recap ten years later only watching one show. It’s like those huge multi-issue comic storylines that you start reading three issues in.
Matt Striker apologies for Big Daddy V not being here but he will be at Survivor Series to dominate everybody. Smackdown’s Kane shows up and Striker tries to talk him out of killing him by saying that’d only annoy Big Daddy V more. Kane chokeslams him which I’m sure was reported as STRIKER PUNISHED ON AIR FOR ANNOYING EVERYBODY BACKSTAGE on frontsuplex dot net back in the day.
Michelle McCool and Kelly Kelly vs. Melina & Layla
I’m glad Kelly and McCool are different heights or they’d be literally the same person. Alfred Hitchcock would love this team. There’s a Ten Divas Tag Team match at Survivor Series which I’m guessing didn’t even go five minutes. Wait lemme check OH it went 04:42, hurrah for this terrible era of women’s wrestling. Awful suplex by the blondes followed by screaming and God knows what new wrestling fans think of this when they’re browsing the Network. Sable and Debra weren’t wrestlers but it was the Attitude Era and they were over as fuck, these lot are wrestling like it’s their first time in a ring and they’re not over. McCool finishes with a kick.
Winners: The Johnny Ace type (Did a great job of hyping the sandwich break on the PPV this Sunday.)
CM Punk vs. Jamie Noble
Miz & Morrison are commentating and we get the only mention of the Triple Threat match at Survivor Series between Punk vs. Miz vs. Morrison. Not even an in-ring thing with a GM, just Joey stating it as fact for the first time. Morrison is sans shirt and we keep on cutting to him so there’s at least one highlight to this match.
Er yeah anyway Noble and Punk are basic-wrestling in the ring as Morrison busts out the ”did you get a free can of soup with that hat” line from Caddyshack that caused Tony Schiavone to bust out laughing when Nash used it on Nitro. Punk connects with a backbreaker as this match is an even bigger non-event than predicted thanks to the constant cuts to the commentary desk. Double underhook powerbomb wakes the crowd up but Noble recovers quickly to wear down Punk’s arm. The former ROH Champions bore the crowd to silence, even with Noble’s pretty armbars. Divorce Court (bye Nidia) gets two as we get a technically sound armbar session. Commentary is ”you suck” ”no you suck” until they pause for Joey to get some plugs in for the PPV THIS SUNDAY. Punk gets a series of Kawada Kicks but fluffs the last one so he clotheslines Noble instead. Running Knee/Bulldog as Miz claims Morrison watches Tellytubbies. That was still a thing in 2007? Springboard clothesline gets Punk landed in another armbar and that makes the crowd sit up. Punk escapes and surprisingly lands a Frankensteiner off the top, which is countered to a Sunset Flip by Noble to little reaction because it didn’t make any sense. GTS is countered but then un-countered for Punk to connect and win.
Winner: CM Punk (Punk was trying to make Noble seem like a threat but no-one was buying it with a title match this Sunday and Miz & Morrison nearby. Commentated by idiots, full of armbars and kicks, signifying nothing.)
Miz and Morrison double-team Punk after the bell and we get the ”do I trust him?”
sexual tension manly stare to end the show.
Overall: The triple threat of Sports Pharmacy/Cyber Sunday/Survivor Series has done a beating on this show already but now it’s just a hype show for the important things like Layla and Jamie Noble. Skip all this unless you want to see Matt Hardy falling over in which case that’s my thing.
Take it easy, I’ve learned ICH MOCHTE EINEN KAFFEE so I’ll be alright.