The SmarK Rant for Ultimate Fighting Championship #1: The Beginning!

UFC #1 – The Beginning (November 1993)

– Since nobody read these on during the time I was writing for them, before they abruptly stopped paying me, I figure I might as well start posting here to coincide with the UFC shows in the Observer Flashbacks. 

– No Rules! No Judges’ Scores! No Time Limits! How times change.

– So we’re live from Denver and it’s hosted by Bill Wallace and Jim Brown. The “analysis” and introductions are all strictly amateur-hour stuff compared to what they would turn into under Zuffa later on. Wallace can barely pronounce the names of the fighters, in fact.

Open Weight tournament quarter-finals:

Gerard Gordeau (Savate) v. Teila Tuli (Sumo)

So here you go, the first UFC fight ever. Right away this is an example of the freakshow mentality, as Gordeau is a wiry martial artist and Tuli is a 400 pound monster. Although there are no rules, Wallace explains that there’s no groin strikes, biting or eye gouges. That sounds like RULES to me. Gordeau knocks the s--- out of Tuli right away with some strikes, and then when he goes down just KILLS him with a straight kick RIGHT IN THE F------ FACE. There you go, the fallacy of size equaling fighting skill shot down right away. Tuli is done and they stop the match.

Kevin Rosier (Kickboxing) v. Zane Frazier (Kenpo Karate)

Kickboxers at least had a good shot of adapting to the new hybrid fighting style. This looks like Meatloaf against Carl Weathers. This one seems to be the first one to live up to the expectation, as they trade some sloppy stand-up but don’t seem to know how to go to the ground. Frazier definitely gets the better shots in, but both guys seem gassed pretty quickly. Rozier traps Frazier in the corner and unloads with shots to the back of the head until Zane’s corner throws in the towel at 4:48. That’s really scary and dangerous because he got about 10 unopposed strikes in there before it was stopped.

Royce Gracie (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) v. Art Jimmerson (Boxing)

So this whole tournament was basically a 90 minute infomercial for Gracie Jiu-Jitsu and here’s our first look at Royce. Jimmerson is wearing one boxing glove, WTF? Jimmerson obviously has no idea what he’s getting into here. Art does some lame headfakes, and Royce takes him down like he’s nothing and wraps him up in full mount position. Jimmerson panics and taps out at 1:30. PUSSY. Gracie didn’t even throw a PUNCH.

Ken Shamrock (Shootfighting) v. Patrick Smith (Tae Kwon Do)

Ken takes it to the ground, which gives the color man a chance to explain the concept of the guard to Bill Wallace and the fans at home. Shamrock quickly escapes and finishes him with the anklelock at 1:48. Well at least you know Shamrock is gonna give a better post-match promo than the other guys. Fast fight, but there was some interesting stuff going on while it lasted.

Open Weight tournament semi-finals:

Gerard Gordeau v. Kevin Rosier

Gordeau is fighting with a broken hand, but he still fucks up Rozier and mercilessly beats him into cowering submission at 1:00. Always impressive to get beaten while covering up and begging for mercy. Ladies really go for that, I hear. Rozier has a MUCH better post-match promo, sounding relaxed and funny.

Ken Shamrock v. Royce Gracie

The first meeting. Shamrock takes it to the ground, but Gracie calmly wraps him up with a wacky choke at 1:00. PWNED. Thus begins Shamrock’s UFC career of epic choking. Not sure how this made the Top 100 list on Spike if you’re talking quality.

Open Weight tournament final: Gerard Gordeau v. Royce Gracie

Well this is gonna be quite the anti-climactic finish to the tournament. Even the announcers are pretty sure that Gracie is gonna finish this thing quickly. They clinch on the fence, but inevitably Royce takes him down and wraps him up, and Gordeau gives up his neck and it’s all over at 1:38. Gordeau had nothing to be ashamed of here, he had a great tournament and was just completely out of his league against Gracie.