The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Collections–Bobby “The Brain” Heenan (Part 2)

The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Collections – Bobby “The Brain” Heenan (Part 2)

Carrying on now from 1988 onwards, although the first half of this collection was kind of disappointing and just felt like a bunch of stuff they threw together.

“The Ultimate Humiliation”

Weasel Suit Match: Ultimate Warrior v. Bobby Heenan

From Wrestlefest in July 1988, of course. This is case in point about the lazy production of this, since we already had one “Bobby gets stuffed into a weasel suit” match. Also, why the hell isn’t this show on the Network? It’s a huge stadium show that looks great and features a double main event. Heenan wisely runs away like a coward, but Warrior hides under the ring and catches him. He beats on poor Bobby in the ring, but Heenan goes to the tights and uses a gimmick to take over. It appears to be a tongue depressor, which would definitely hurt if you jammed it into someone’s throat. And then Warrior just makes the comeback for no particular reason and throws Bobby around before finishing him at 5:00 with the only sleeper that Warrior ever did in his entire career. Warrior wouldn’t even play along and sell for Bobby for more than 15 seconds. No wonder Heenan hated him. 0 for 1.

“Happy Trails”

From Primetime in January 1989, Bobby and Gorilla visit a movie set from a western, where Bobby proceeds to immediately irritate the director and hijack the film. The people playing the “cowboys” appear to be a couple of wrestlers working a match, but I didn’t recognize anyone. Anyway, Bobby gets hired for the movie after conning the director, and ends up dressed as a cowboy about as convincingly as Marty McFly in Back to the Future III. This leads to a gag where he’s tricked into getting hooked up to a harness and shot within 5 seconds, and then later hit with a chair and put through a window. I kinda wish they’d just pick one segment from these shows instead of putting ALL of the Gorilla-Brain cut-ins together. 0 for 2.

“Mergers and Acquisitions”

From Primetime in 1989, Bobby Heenan and Terry Taylor agree to go their own way after their initial breakup, but then Bobby gives him a cheapshot and Brooklyn Brawler debuts as his new guy, laying out Taylor and Gorilla with a chair and destroying a chunk of the set in the process. This would have been a decent angle if the two people weren’t such huge jobbers. And then we get the Taylor/Heenan match from Wrestlemania V as well. The Brawler angle was good enough for a point. 1 for 3.

“The Bobby Heenan Show”

This is the legendarily terrible pilot episode for the Bobby Heenan show, which thankfully never aired in Canada, and did such terrible ratings that it nearly got Primetime cancelled as a result. It’s just bad idea after bad idea, starting with Bobby’s “Oinkettes” and proceeding through the introduction of Jamison as the first guest. And the interview with Jamison just keeps GOING and GOING for 10 minutes, becoming more and more brutally unfunny. And Vince gave the guy a job! And then we wrap up with a mother-daughter “comedy” duo. This was so horribly unwatchable and such a complete waste of 23 minutes that I’m going to set a new precedent and DEDUCT a point. 0 for 4.

“Introducing the Narcissist”

So we jump over 4 years, skipping great stuff like the Bossman’s mother and the entire Flair run, and move to Royal Rumble 93, where Heenan unveils Lex Luger as his newest protégé. Bobby is still calling him “Narcissus”, but the graphic is now “The Narcissist Lex Luger”. Although the narcissist gimmick was definitely close to home for Lex at the time, this was a complete flop and it was really the steel plate gimmick that saved it. Frankly, we would have been better off if they had just kept him off TV completely and had Luger’s debut be the USS Intrepid angle in June. 0 for 5.

“Behind the Microphone”

And then this gets LAZIER, as they just show the Harts v. Knights match from Survivor Series ’93 because it’s got Heenan on commentary. Seriously? Like if you’re going to do that, DO THE F------ RUMBLE MATCH! 0 for 6.

“Out in the Cold”

Back to the beginning of 93, as Bobby Heenan tries to get into Monday Night RAW while dressed as a woman. And then we jump to December 93, with the memorable angle where Gorilla finally gets his ultimate revenge on Heenan, dragging him away from the announce table and firing him from the WWF for good before throwing him out of the arena and off to WCW. I don’t think Bobby would have wanted his exit to go any other way. 1 for 7.

“A Wrestlemania Homecoming”

And then we skip the entirety of WCW and go to the Gimmick Battle Royal at Wrestlemania X-7, with Mean Gene and Bobby on commentary. The match was an interesting preview of the “so far up its own ass…” direction with YouTube videos paying tribute to itself that the company would move towards a few years later, but there’s not much here as far as highlights involving Heenan. Entrances were 12:00 and the match ran 3:00. 1 for 8.

“Where the Brain Belongs”

Moving ahead to 2004, the Brain gets inducted into the Hall of Fame with a great video package and memorable speech. “You remember the introduction that Sgt. Slaughter gave me? Well, at 12:00 midnight it’ll be replayed in your rooms in English.” Unfortunately, this was one of the last times Bobby was able to be himself on WWE TV before the disease took his voice. And man, his final shoutout to Gorilla was heartbreaking. 2 for 9.

Overall, a very disappointing and lazy collection, unfortunately. There was tons of little bits from Primetime they could have featured, and the Rumble 92 stuff, the angle with Flair’s belt at Summerslam even…so much missed. I mean, I guess you can justify the Bobby Heenan Show from a curiosity standpoint, but it’s so terrible that I don’t think even Bobby would have been offended if had been left off and the master tapes erased. The Hall of Fame speech is well worth watching, but they really dropped the ball on the rest.