Posting this earlier than usual because everyone’s going to be talking about McGregor vs. Mayweather tomorrow so might as well get this in now.
We’re in Dayton, Ohio and Vince McMahoin is here to announce John Cena is out of the PPV this Sunday with a pec tear injury. He asks who is responsible for it but before someone can shout KENNEDY like a smart-arse, we get a dramatic recap of Orton beating up Cena. Vince announces Cena will be gone for 6-12 months (crowd cheers) and announces the title is now vacant (crowd boos). McMahon announces a new champ at No Mercy but doesn’t give anymore info, likely because they were writing the show on the day.
Commentators discuss the news but don’t mention the theory that Cena wasn’t really injured and this was a Wellness Policy disguised as an injury, given the timing of everyone else getting busted and him returning much quicker than expected. I’m distracted by a mis-spelled sign.
CM Punk comes out to discuss getting beat up by Big Daddy V last week. He doesn’t like V but he respects him (was Dusty writing this?). Matt Striker appears on the ECWtron to demand a title shot and presents Punk with an opponent for tonig-OHHHH NO
CM Punk vs. Mike Knox
These guys feuded over Kelly Kelly last year but we’re only remembering Knox’s relationship now he’s back for the sake of ease. If only Knox had been forgotten. OK in fairness, he’s more intense in the ring since his return but he’s still an intense green guy. Knox gets a two from a ”dropkick by a large man” and he works a deadly wristlock. He’s able to wrangle Punk into a pin-fall position while still locking the hold. It was technically nice but the crowd is dead. Punk’s wrist is hurt so he kicks him out the ring and follows with a Youth of Tope. When we return from break, Knox is pounding away slowly because he’s knackered. Crowd is confused seeing Knox vs. Punk again, so they think they’re in 2006 and start chanting for RVD. Tazz does his best to put over Knox’s ability as the crowd chants for BORING. Chinlock lasts for a few minutes, Punk realises crowd isn’t buying Knox as a contender so he lets Knox give him a brutal clothesline.
Immediately afterwards, Knox goes to the chinlock again and crowd dies so that was a waste. Styles tries to put over Knox’s ”dismantling” as he locks in yet another chinlock. Punk finally comes back after a calf kick but Knox pushes away the bulldog. He misses the Scissors Kick so Punk lands the GTS to end it.
Winner: CM Punk (Having Knox go ten minutes with the champ to re-establish him may have made sense on paper but sucked in reality because Knox had a smaller move-set than a Pokemon. Knox would become tolerable but that’s not for a while.)
Balls Mahoney reminds us all Miz cheap-shotted him last week and again asks Kelly Kelly for a date. Kelly enters the ring and replies ”yes”. Crowd pops. Miz emerges to mock Balls (”It’ll be a special date, he’ll brush his one tooth!”) and tries to drag Kelly back but Balls gets him back for last week and bashes Miz. Miz reminds Kelly he owns her contract (does he?) and makes Kelly choose between Balls and her contract. Kelly thinks with her wallet and leaves with Miz. Crowd was into all of this so whatever.
We get a run-down of the No Mercy card. Looked weird on paper, ended up even weirder in execution.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Elijah Burke (Elimination Chase Finals)
Dreamer has received a few video packages about how old he is and how much he meant to ECW, something that would continue through his career until…well, today. Thorn and Richards were eliminated from the Chase with Burke stealing the pin in both matches. Dreamer and his military bandanna takes the advantage, nailing the E wheeze C gaspingforair W dontquestionmyheart Tree of Woe dropkick early. Burke ends up outside and Dreamer dives off the apron because he’s feeling it. We come back from break and Burke is chinlocking the match to death. Crowd isn’t into this, they should be cheering old vet Dreamer and booing Burke because they don’t want Burke vs. Punk VIII: First Contact, but Dreamer gets a neckbreaker and you can hear boos. Dreamer plants Burke with a flapjack but Burke tries a Sunset Flip off the top for two. The worst thing about Burke matches is the flip-flopping between who is in control. They end up being awkward move-exchanges with little flow. And as I type that, Dreamer nails a DDT after Burke misses a flying elbow to abruptly win the match.
Winner and No. 1 Contender: Tommy Dreamer (Weird match with no flow or crowd heat. Elimination Chase ends with a whimper rather than a bang.)
Armando congratulates Tommy Dreamer on his win…but it’s not over. Dreamer has one more match.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Big Daddy V
Dreamer tries to stop V from getting in the ring with a Baseball Slide but V takes it on the titties and clothesline Dreamer on the outside. Dreamer gets the s--- squirted out of him, attempts a comeback that’s as successful as Billy Graham’s in ’86 and takes a Samoan Drop to lose again.
Winner and No. 1 Contender: Big Daddy V (This only fuels the storyline of ”Dreamer is the ECW version of Lex Luger in terms of choking.)
Well we might as well watch the mega-match itself from No Mercy.
CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V (ECW Title)
We’re in Chicago but Punk isn’t ”there” yet in terms of crowd support. V converts his old ”hump the guy” mat move into a more-cooler ”pound and ground the guy with your girth” attack.
Punk gets a few kicks but they have no effect. V misses a charge and Punk lands a top-rope dropkick but Striker runs in to attack Punk.
Winner via DQ: CM Punk (I can only assume time issues on the show f----- this match. V splatters Punk post-match, crowd isn’t amused.)
Overall: Well the Elimination Chase was still a good idea despite the finish but now we have V vs. Punk (hopefully for real-real next time and not for play-play) with Dreamer slow-cooking underneath. It was for the best Dreamer got screwed, he wasn’t getting sympathy cheers everywhere, this show especially.
There’s no new Botchamania yet as my SSD s--- itself like Sid at a house show, so everything is being fixed and it’ll be up soon when my new one arrives in the post. Everything is backed up, which is good advice to everyone reading this. They have a life expectancy of five years, mine lasted two and a half, so give your SSD’s a hug now and again.