Impact Wrestling – July 13, 2017

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 13, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

The big story this week is whether or not Alberto El Patron has joined LAX. Last week Konnan claimed he had but Alberto was out and couldn’t confirm the announcement. Other than that we’re slowly starting the build towards Bound For Glory, though it’s still a long way off. Let’s get to it.

Grado and Joseph Park arrive in the tiny Park Park and Park car (Park: “Three more payments and its mine!”). Joseph has a plan to keep Grado in this country: he needs to get married. And to one of the Knockouts!

Recap of last week’s ending with LAX attacking Lashley and claiming that Alberto is the newest member.

Opening sequence.

Here’s LAX with Konnan (And his “we’re serious like a late period.” GET A NEW LINE ALREADY!) saying that Alberto is the newest member. Cue Alberto to ask what’s going on because he’s not joining LAX. Konnan talks about what happens to Mexican wrestlers in this country, including what happened to Alberto in Stamford. Alberto rants about how he remembers every day but he’s not joining LAX to fight back. It’s a flat out no on joining the team so Konnan sends the troops after him. Lashley comes out for the save.

The Mayor of Orlando declared last Wednesday Impact Wrestling Day in Orlando. They also honored the victims of the Pulse nightclub shootings. Those are nice touches.

ACH is ready to win the Super X Cup.

Andrew Everett is ready to win the Super X Cup.

Super X Cup First Round: ACH vs. Andrew Everett

Everett nips up to start as the announcers talk about how big it is to have Alberto and Lashley teaming up tonight. They trade kicks and standing switches until Everett kicks ACH in the head for two. A springboard dropkick puts ACH on the floor and a top rope Asai moonsault makes things even worse. ACH gets tired of getting kicked and comes back with kicks and a dive of his own, followed by a German suplex. A running clothesline drops Everett but he pops up with an enziguri. Not that it matters as ACH comes right back with a brainbuster to advance at 6:22.

Rating: C+. I like the idea of the X-Division getting a focus and the tournament isn’t the worst idea in the world but they need to have the big blow away match in there somewhere. That’s not likely to happen in six minutes, though this is just the first round. It was entertaining enough though and that’s all you can ask for out of this division.

Here’s Gail Kim with a big announcement. In something that isn’t the biggest surprise in the world, she announces her retirement at the end of the year. She plans on going out on top though and that means she’ll be back in the ring later in the year. I’m fine with Gail wrestling again but I could go without hearing about how she’s the greatest thing in the history of the world.

As Gail is leaving, Chris Adonis comes out to yell at the Swoll Mates (who are here to promote a TV show and not wrestling) and challenge them to a pose down. The Mates are far bigger than he is so Eli Drake comes out to prevent anything from going wrong.

Demus vs. Octagoncito

Yes it’s a freaking minis match because there’s NOTHING ELSE that could be used in this spot. In this case, minis means people about Rey Mysterio’s size as they’re both taller than the top rope. Octagoncito sends him outside for a spring corkscrew dive. Anther dive drops Demus back inside but he comes right back with a slam for two of his own. Something like the West Coast Pop gives Octagoncito two and a very spinning headscissors puts Demus away at 3:57.

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. This kind of stuff has never gotten over in America and this isn’t going to be any different. The dives looked cool but as soon as you hear “minis”, the expectations go down. I get the idea of presenting a bunch of stuff from around the world but this isn’t the kind of thing that’s going to draw an audience.

Grado hits on various Knockouts to exactly the avail you would expect. Park says we have one more chance and brings out champagne and chocolates to make things easier.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Naomichi Marufuji

Moose is defending and Ethan Carter III is on commentary. Moose misses the Game Changer but ducks a kick to the head for a standoff. They trade big swings until Moose drops him with a hard clothesline. Marufuji gets caught in the corner as the announcers can’t get Storm to say a word.

Moose wins round one and blasts Marufuji with a clothesline at the opening bell. Back up and Marufuji finally gets in some offense, including some chops in the corner. A dropkick knocks Marufuji off the top though and round two ends with Marufuji down on the floor. Marufuji wins round two and round three begins after a break. Moose misses a clothesline and gets kneed in the face a few times. Carter, who hasn’t said a word yet, gets off commentary but comes in with the bell to knock out Marufuji with the bell for the DQ (I thought these were No DQ.) at 14:08.

Rating: C-. Marufuji wasn’t all that impressive but this round system is really getting old. I mean, it was in the first place but now it’s getting even worse. Carter going after the title makes sense but hopefully it just turns into the TV Title or whatever they want it to be at this point. Just drop the rounds though, please.

LAX wants revenge tonight.

William Weeks vs. Trevor Lee

Lee still has the X-Division Title and insists on wearing it while he wrestles out of fear of theft. With Weeks being beaten down, Sonjay Dutt is being held back by security. A double stomp ends Weeks at 1:24.

Dutt chases Lee off but can’t get the title back.

Ava Storie vs. Laurel Van Ness

Storie hammers away but gets suplexed down for two. Choking looks to set up the curb stomp but Ava slips away and grabs a neckbreaker. The curb stomp puts Ava away at 3:22.

Rating: D. Ava seems to have some potential but I’m not entirely sure on Laurel. They’ve pretty much stopped with her story and now she’s just a woman in a dress who wrestles about the same as she would no matter what attire she was wearing. The result was fine but it was nothing worth seeing.

Post match Grado heads to the ring and asks Laurel out. He praises everything about her and she doesn’t say no but Kongo Kong heads out to chase Grado off.

Alberto El Patron/Bobby Lashley vs. LAX

Non-title. Lashley suplexes and backbreakers Ortiz for two to start before handing it off to Alberto for right hands in the corner. Santana cheats from the apron though and a double suplex is good for two on Alberto. Back with Alberto hitting a reverse superplex on Santana, allowing the hot tag off to Lashley.

Diamante breaks up the spear though and Santana gets in a cheap shot to keep control. LAX works Lashley over with the double teaming until he flips out of a double belly to back and crossbodies both of them down at the same time. Alberto comes in with a Backstabber to Ortiz and the top rope double stomp finishes Santana at 13:27.

Rating: C. Fine for a main event tag match but not much more than that. I’m almost never a fan of the champs losing to a thrown together team (or almost anyone for that matter) in a non-title match and this wasn’t much better. Alberto and Lashley don’t seem to be a long term team and LAX doesn’t need to be losing like this.

Post match Alberto says he and Lashley were an awesome team but LAX jumps him from behind. Lashley smiles and walks away to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a terrible show by any means but nothing I’m going to remember in about five minutes. They seem to have more of a theme and idea going here though and that’s more than you could say about a lot of what this company did for months on end. Tighten things up a bit and this show could go somewhere.


ACH b. Andrew Everett – Brainbuster

Octagoncito b. Demus – Spinning headscissors

Naomichi Marufuji b. Moose via DQ when Ethan Carter III interfered

Trevor Lee b. William Weeks – Double stomp

Laurel Van Ness b. Ava Storie – Curb stomp

Alberto El Patron/Lashley b. LAX – Top rope double stomp to Santana

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