The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–05.24.93

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – May 24 1993

– Taped from New York.

– Your hosts are Vince, Macho and Brain.

King of the Ring Qualifier: Doink the Clown v. Mr. Perfect

This is the third match between them, as the first two went to non-decisions on Superstars. Lord Alfred finds another Doink in the street (“There’s a clown under the ring, and Lord Alfred Hayes outside” to quote Vince), so you know there’s shenanigans afoot. Doink attacks to start and chokes Perfect out with his own towel. Perfect slugs back and they exchange fists before Perfect takes him down and goes after the knee. Perfect wraps the knee around the post as we take a break. Back with Perfect pounding him in the corner, but Doink tosses him and follows with an axehandle off the apron to take over. He sends Perfect into the post, but back in Perfect takes him down with a headscissors and holds onto that. Doink reverses him for two as Bobby gets his classic “Doink is like Jello, there’s always room for more” line in. Doink then breaks out a Fujiwara armbar to take Perfect down, but Perfect breaks free and goes back to the bad leg again. He hooks him in an Indian deathlock, but Doink goes to the eyes to escape. He goes back to Perfect’s arm, yanking on it and running it into the post, then into a top wristlock. We take another break and return with Perfect clotheslining Doink to the floor, but here’s another Doink under the ring. The original one hides under the ring, while GatorDoink takes his place and hammers Perfect into the corner. Sadly, he puts his head down, and NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX at 11:38. Good work, solid wrestling, clean finish (well as clean as a match with multiple evil clowns is gonna be). ***1/2

Money Inc. v. Tony Devito & Mike Bell

Dibiase does the “I’ve got $100 for someone to shine my shoes” deal and Bobby immediately pipes up with “Hold my headset!” Great delivery there. The kid shines the shoes, but IRS deducts $70 for taxes. That’s about right. Vince is all “That kid was just humiliated!” but really the kid made $30 for a minute’s worth of work. Go get a haircut and enjoy the real world. I’d also point out the irony in Vince getting upset for someone getting screwed out of money promised to them, but really that’s too easy. Devito gets worked over in the corner and tossed by Dibiase, and IRS drops an elbow as Vince dubs Sean Waltman “The 1-2-3 Kid” for the first time. Dibiase chokes Devito out on the ropes and follows with a suplex for two. IRS with a nice double underhook suplex and Dibiase follows with the powerslam, and IRS finishes with the Writeoff clotheslines at 3:52. “Devito just got squashed” notes Vince. Thanks for clarifying that.

Crush v. Bobby Who

No relation to Jim Neidhart. Who tries a full-nelson, which is easily broken by Crush, and he puts the jobber down with a high knee and follows with a delayed suplex. They head to the floor and Crush puts him down with a clothesline. Back in for the bearhug, which turns into a belly to belly, and the head vice finishes at 3:16.

Razor Ramon joins us for a special interview, as he’s offering the 1-2-3 Kid $2500 to wrestle him again next week. Bret Hart comes out and laughs at him for getting beaten by a jobber.

Adam Bomb v. Phil Apollo

Now here’s a debut for the ages. Bomb slugs away in the corner and hiptosses Apollo into a dropkick, then elbows him down and tosses him. Back in, a flying clothesline and powerbomb finish at 2:23. This was the weird case where the manager (Johnny Polo) was 100 times the worker and talker that the wrestler was.

Next week: Marty defends the I-C title against Bam Bam Bigelow!