The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground–S01E08 “A Unique Opportunity”

The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground S01E08

“A Unique Opportunity”

Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro

Last time: Johnny Mundo got his $100,000 back from Dario Cueto, and then punched him out and returned his key. I’m guessing that’s not gonna go well for him.

Dario Cueto joins us, with 10 guys already in the ring for a TEN-WAY MATCH. And there’ll be another set of people later tonight, with the winners getting rewarded with a “unique opportunity”.

Big Ryck v. Pentagon Jr. v. Mascarita Sagrada v. Super Fly v. Drago v. Prince Puma v. King Cuerno v. Mariachi Loco v. Son of Havoc v. Fenix

Everyone goes after Ryck to start and Sagrada manages to get him out to the floor, and then takes Pentagon down with a spinning headscissors. Super Fly hits Pentagon with a moonsault from the top rope to the floor. Puma does his usual amazing gymnastics to control Havoc in the ring, and he hits two more guys with a dive and high-fives Danny Trejo on the way by. Back in the ring, Ryck beats the hell out of everyone at once until Puma manages to get rid of him again. Puma and Fenix trade some crazy stuff and fight for a superplex, but Cuerno comes in and puts them both down with a powerbomb, and Havoc gets a shooting star press on Puma for two. Super Fly with a moonsault on Havoc for two, but Drago rolls him up for two. Cuerno breaks that up and hits Drago with his finish, but that only gets two. The Mariachi superkicks Cuerno for two, but Pentagon hits him with a package piledriver for two. Sagrada gets a sunset flip on Pentagon for two, but Puma hits him with a GTS for two. Ryck cleans house again, but everyone teams up on him and he’s out of the ring again. Dives start coming from everywhere and everyone, including a Space Flying Tiger Drop from Son of Havoc! Sagrada with a flying rana from the top on Havoc, on the floor. Back in the ring, Puma hits the 630 on Ryck, but Fenix breaks it up with a tornado DDT for two, and finishes him with an Emerald Frosion at 10:55. Crazy fun match. ***1/2

Mientras, Cage is not a man, he’s a machine. Well, s---, that’s how Darth Vader and/or Skynet got started.

Mientras, Konnan is disgusted with Puma’s lack of winning out there.

Johnny Mundo v. Pimpenela Escarlata v. Sexy Star v. Cisco v. Famous B v. Mil Muertes v. Cortez Castro v. Ricky Mandel v. Bael v. Chavo Guerrero

So this time it’s a Boyle Heights Battle Royal. Famous B gets clotheslined out by Pimpi at 0:58, and Mandel gets tossed out by the Crew at 1:30. Funny spot as Pimpinela does a ropewalk, but falls flat on his face and gets tossed out by Muertes at 2:00. Chavo goes after Sexy Star as usual, and throws her out at 2:50. The Crew throws out Mundo, but he does the wacky spots where he hangs on at all costs and fights back, pulling out one member of the team before Chavo tosses out the other two. So we’re left with Chavo, Mundo and Muertes. Johnny gets fancy on Chavo and gets catapulted over the top, but he hangs on again. Then he comes in with a sunset flip on Muertes that turns into a powerbomb on Chavo in a great spot. Mundo with a springboard dropkick on Muertes as Striker is talking about lactic acid now. Mundo crotches Chavo and puts him out with a springboard kick at 7:07, leaving us with Muertes v. Mundo. Muertes with a spear and they fight to the apron, with Mundo grabbing his leg to stay on the ring. Back in, Mundo makes the comeback with his spinning kicks and puts Mil on the apron. They fight out there again and Muertes stomps him down and basically steps on his face trying to push him to the floor, but Mundo slides underneath and puts him down with another kick. Mundo misses his moonsault and Muertes clotheslines him out at 11:05 to win. This was fun! But I still don’t rate battle royals.

Dario Cueto reveals to us the Lucha Underground Championship, and it’ll be waged in AZTEC WARFARE. But not tonight. Tonight, it’s Fenix v. Muertes, with the winner getting spot #20 in Aztec Warfare, and the loser getting spot #1.

Fenix v. Mil Muertes

Fenix flips around the ring to escape a wristlock, so Muertes just punches him down. Fenix goes up with a missile dropkick and Mil bails, so Fenix hits him with a crazy spinning dive. Back in, Muertes with a spear as Vampiro confirms the FACT that Catrina is a hottie. Muertes with a running powerslam for two, but Fenix comes back with a handspring elbow before Muertes powerbombs him for two. Fenix handsprings into a diamond cutter this time, for two. He goes up and Muertes casually punches him down and finishes with the Flatliner at 5:47. Nothing much to this one. **

Dario Cueto, back at his mysterious cage, won’t let the mystery man touch the belt, because he “knows how you like to destroy pretty things.”

Next time: AZTEC WARFARE! If you need a jumping-on point, this is it! In fact, you might as well start here, because this was a pretty good episode, too. But next time, s--- gets REAL.