The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–04.12.93

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – April 12 1993

– Live from New York. I think. Who knows anymore? When you can’t trust the word of Vince McMahon, who can you trust?

– Your hosts are Vince, Randy, and DAMMIT, Rob Bartlett.

IRS v. Scott Steiner

Bartlett actually makes a valid point for once: What DOES Irwin need with suspenders when he’s already wearing a belt? Scott works for a hammerlock to start, but he goes for the leg and gets hit with an enzuigiri. Scott comes back with a powerslam and IRS bails for advice from Dibiase. Back in, they trade holds on the mat and Scott controls with the hammerlock again before getting a clothesline for two. Scott goes back to the arm and wraps him up with what is almost a sugar hold, but Irwin slugs out and stomps him down to take over. Scott powers him over with a suplex for two and IRS needs more advice, which is apparently “stick your thumb in his eye” because that’s exactly what happens. Dibiase clotheslines Scott on the floor as a DONNYBROOK threatens to erupt, but things calm down as we take a break. Back with IRS getting a piledriver for two. We hit the chinlock and Irwin stomps him down again before going back to it. Backbreaker and IRS goes up (?!), and of course he lands on Scott’s foot. Right in the moosh, according to Vince. Scott makes the comeback and slugs away in the corner, then necksnaps him with the tie and adds a backdrop. Butterfly powerbomb gets two, but everyone runs in for the DQ at 9:54. This was fine, although IRS v. Rick Steiner would have been more fun from the “wink to the longtime fans” perspective. **1/2 The Beverlies come in and attempt a beatdown on Scott, and they end up beating Dibiase down by mistake. Was that supposed to be a face turn for the Beverlies on the way out or something? Tensions are high and apparently we’ve got a match upcoming next week. And what happened to the Money Inc v. Bushwackers match we were promised last time?

Tatanka v. (Skull) Von Krus

It’s the like the next best thing to Wahoo McDaniel v. Baron Von Raschke. Cable operators are standing by to receive your order for Wrestlemania’s replay! Man, they’re hyping that thing harder than the original airing! Tatanka with a series of armdrags, as Doink wanders down to ringside with a trick umbrella. Ah, the eternal battle between Indian and clown. Tatanka chops away on Von Krus in the corner and whips him into the corner, then drops the elbow. Von Krus comes back with an elbow and they slug it out, and Tatanka has had enough and chops him down before finishing with the Papoose To Go at 3:57.

Wrestlemania Report! Apparently it’s already being referred to as the “Greatest Wrestlemania of All-Time”. I want NAMES of the people who say such a thing. The selling points are: Double clowns, Undertaker rising from the dead, and people in togas. They totally make me want to watch it all over again. Like seriously, it’s not even “Check out the great Tatanka-Shawn match!”, it’s “Watch the two people dressed up as a clown” as though it was the greatest illusion ever performed.

Luna Vachon joins us to hurl insults at Sherri, who heads down to ringside for a clothes-ripping catfight. That’s pretty risqué for this era, actually. We take a break as Sgt. Slaughter hauls off the crazed Luna and return with Randy Savage trying to cover up Sherri’s bra, but Luna attacks again and gets hauled off again.

Papa Shango v. Scott Taylor

Shango swats down a dropkick and tosses him out of the corner, then hits a backdrop suplex. He follows with a slam and a headbutt as Bartlett returns to ringside after getting torn up in the catfight. Shango finishes with the shoulderbreaker at 2:15.

Friar Ferguson v. Chris Duffy

Originally Ferguson was “The Mad Monk” in a dark match, then they tweaked the gimmick into a lovable monk here. Friar slams Duffy and drops a leg, then stops to dance and splashes him for two. He’s a dancing monk! How wacky! Ferguson goes to a nerve hold and blocks a sunset flip with a butt splash that finishes at 4:06. This got over like the proverbial fart in church, so he was repackaged yet again into Bastion Booger soon after.

Next week: Money Inc. v. The Beverly Brothers!