CZW Gen Z: New Blood 08/01/2005

Combat Zone Wrestling gets a lot of s--- from people for being a death match based company, but there was a time in 2005 when their shows were great. Don’t believe me? Well let’s re-visit this magical time and see if it lasts under the scrutiny of actual re-watching and not retro goggles. CZW builds it’s story-lines to come to an end at the annual December megashow Cage of Death, so January is the perfect starting point. In relevant news from Cage Of Death VI the previous month:

  • Sonjay Dutt the TNA Superstar defeated M-Dogg 20 (Matt Cross) in a Falls Count Anywhere No Disqualification Loser Leaves CZW Match to retain his Junior Heavyweight Title. This was a hell of a brawl that went the entire building including the hideous Arena toilets. As of May 2017, Cross still hasn’t returned.
  • B-Boy pinned Dan Maff to win the Xtreme Strong Style Tournament. The STRONG STYLLLLLEEE boost of 2003-2005 did nothing for me because it was usually wrestlers trying to emulate Misawa and Kawada but only remembering the no-selling of German Suplexes bit and none of the intensity. B-Boy was then challenged by cocky Iron Man champion Chris Hero to a title match, which B-Boy won. Hero then got pissed and quit CZW.
  • The Messiah retained his CZW World Title in a Ladder & Scaffold Three Way Dance against Adam Flash and Kaos that became infamous for the lack of diving/falling off tall things this match type usually guarantees. The story was the tables outside the ring were positioned too close to the guard-rail and because none of the wrestlers fancied dying that night they didn’t get broken. Fans weren’t amused and no-one likes to talk about this match.
  • S.B.S. (Excalibur & Super Dragon) pinned El Generico & Kevin Steen in one of the CZW matches of the year. Despite their crazy matches, it would take me years to get into PWG because I got one of their 2003 shows and assumed they were all that bad.
  • Team Cash (consisting of Chris Cash, JC Bailey, Nate Webb & Sexxxy Eddy) defeated BLK OUT (Jack Evans, Eddie Kingston, Ruckus & Sabian) to win the CZW Tag Team Titles in a Cage Of Death War Games Match in one of the craziest all-spots f----psychology sprints you’ll ever see with Jack Evans and Chris Cash doing their best to out-do one another with falling off the cage.
  • Then Justice Pain & Wifebeater beat Nate Hatred & Nick Gage in a Fans Bring The Weapons Cage Of Death match that couldn’t even begin to compete with the previous match. Pain & Wifebeater had been the original H8 Club in 2000 but Hatred & Gage had used the name since they started teaming up a year later. So this was like Midnight Express vs. Original Midnight Express but with glass and toy wiffle bats. Match concluded with Pain & Gage turning on their partners and forming a new version of The H8 Club while revealing they were brothers (for real-real, not for play-play) which was news to a lot of people. So even though it was a meh main event, it at least set the stage for new things.

So with all that in mind, let’s see how the first show of the year treats us. There’s a student dark match on the DVD but it’s not going to help my CZW WAS GOOD, HONEST argument if I review it so go watch Botchamania for ten minutes with the sound off while booing your screen for the same effect.

We’re at the Arena with the usual level of January show attendance (small for CZW, large for a bus shelter or IWA-MS) and Maven Bentley is here to remind us that the show isn’t kid-friendly and there’s a curfew in Philadelphia so get your kids home soon. Crowd boos so I think he’s a bad guy, despite his friendly advice. F------ Philly. Maven announces new blood are coming to CZW and Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli show up through the crowd. Hero fires Jack Marciano from his stable A Few Good Men for being responsible for his loss last month (Marciano quit wrestling after suffering a few injuries mixed in with having a bad experience with Chikara. Kingston swears Jack was better than him at everything and would have been a major star. I don’t know about that but his run in Chikara 2004 was one of the only reasons to watch that year.) Hero says he doesn’t need him when he has Claudio, who he christens his One Man Gang. Claudio is about to inform him there’s a wrestler already called that but HERE COMES ZANDIG who probably jumped the gun because he ruined the punch-life. He then shoots on someone filming the event with a camcorder on the balcony on how he shouldn’t be there because he doesn’t work for the commission and has Frank Talent throw him out. Absolutely no clue what that was about but here’s a paragraph break.

Zandig wants a piece of Hero for reasons that aren’t clear (maybe we’d know a bit better if Zandig hadn’t cut Hero’s promo in half) but Maven says Zandig isn’t cleared to wrestle. Ah, that was legit. In 2004, Zandig took a sunset flip powerbomb to the outside and landed on his head and it f----- him up to the point where he barely wrestled for a year and a half. Still, he’s all F--- YOU MOTHERFUCKER so here’s Jon Dahmer to wrestle for him.

Jon Dahmer vs. Chris Hero

Hero is still in jeans and hoodie (Claudio still has his travel bag at ringside) and gets ambushed by the neon-green pleather-wearing Dahmer. Dahmer was a tag wrestler who transitioned into being an opening match student killer as well as one of the trainers for the CZW Academy. Can’t find a list of the wrestler he helped train, I’ll save it for the next review. John House & Eric Gargiulo are commentating with the bass all the way up, sounding like black box recordings of pilots about to crash . Claudio distracts Dahmer so Hero can give him a Saito Suplex and a back senton to buy himself some time to remove his hoodie. Hero keeps him down with stomps as Claudio throws him his elbow pads. Hero revs up the elbow and plants Dahmer with a spinning…eye-poke. Hero wraps him in a leg-lock so he can grab a swig of the giant American water bottle.

He spins it into a STF as House wonders what Zandig would be able to do against that level of technical skill. Claudio chokes Dahmer with a cravat while Hero talks to the ref and gets a two after a powerslam. Hero blasts Dahmer in the corner with the Hero Sidekick (Yakuza Kick) and mockingly misses the Zandig Double Spin Clothesline and cravats a confused Dahmer. Dahmer tries going shot-for-shot and loses and they do a sloppy pin-reversal sequence. Dahmer was picked by Zandig for his ”technical expertise” because if anyone knows technical wrestling it’s ZANDIG. Dahmer feigns a foot injury after a leap-frog and Hero somehow falls for it so he takes a DDT. Crowd boos Dahmer for that. Hero ignores it and recovers before Dahmer but he takes an Exploder Suplex and a big back body drop. Dahmer gives Hero the Garvin Stomp and has the nerve to get a near-fall off it. Dahmer gives a bad looking Cradle Suplex to Hero but in fairness Hero is much larger than him. Hero messes up a Waterwheel Slam but shrugs it off and goes to the top. They f--- up whatever they were going for so Hero gives him a cravat, slams him and comes off the top with a back senton for two. Dahmer isn’t doing the CZW Academy any favours in this match. After a STF, Hero goes up top again but gets crotched. Hero uses the crotch-pain to distract the ref as Claudio goes to strike Dahmer with the travel bag but here’s DJ Hyde of all people to make it a fair fight as the crowd boos. Zandig gets on the house mic to tell Hero he’s all alone now and Dahmer manages to give Hero the Move Of 1,000 Maniacs to pin Hero to resounding boos.

Winner: Jon Dahmer (This was fun when it was Tracey Smothers-loving Chris Hero being a silly bugger but fell apart when they tried doing anything technical which made the whole idea of Dahmer being Zandig’s resident Dean Malenko laughable. Hero & Claudio were so lovable that levelling the playing field and giving them their own medicine with the distraction finish only caused the crowd to boo the supposed good guys. Dahmer wasn’t bad but he definitely wasn’t Chris Hero.)

Gargiulo: ”This is what Gen Z is all about!” Well I hope not, Dahmer’s been with CZW since the very first show. Zandig comes out to challenge Hero for ”hopefully next month” (twelve years later and we’re still waiting) before announcing The Messiah and JC Bailey aren’t here. Oh wonderful. Zandig re-iterates that there’s a legit curfew in Philly so when the show’s done GET THE FRIG OUT.

Niles Young vs. Derek Frazier

Niles Young is accompanied by the adorable Corey Kastle, who is his Claudio. Derek Frazier has one review on and it says ”He’s okay in the ring, some decent moves, but his charisma makes Steve Blackman & Lance Storm look like Chris Jericho and The Rock” which I have to agree with. He was fine when he had Rockin’ Rebel to represent him but he’s long gone by this point. Fast-paced move-missing sequence starts us off and it’s nice to look at but also very choreographed, not helped by Derek’s DYNAMIC STARE to the crowd like an indie Jeb Bush asking for applause. Young takes a breather and uses water to blind Derek for a near-fall. Young turns Frazier’s leap-frog into an Atomic Drop which is nice but then follows it with a backbreaker that he overshoots, misses his own knee and drops Frazier on his neck which isn’t nice. Frazier recovers and locks in his version of the Tarantula.

Frazier follows with a double stomp off the top onto the draped Young. Kastle drags Frazier out the ring so Young can recover and follow with a tope. Another well-choreographed sequence of mis-fires and kicks follows which only gets polite applause because it looks like two guys doing choreography. Kastle again distracts Frazier so Young can land a f------ Air Raid Crash on chairs on the concrete. Young drags him in for a two-count. Frazier recovers pretty quickly to try a Tornado DDT but Young dumps him on his knees (didn’t miss that time) and gets a two-count after a Yakuza Kick. I forgot CZW wrestlers loved the Yakzua Kick, take a shot every time. Frazier and Young punch it out with Frazier eventually landing Pure Impact (head-spike reverse DDT) for the win.

Winner: Derek Frazier (There were big, risky moves in this match but it was wrestled far too quickly with no attempt at getting the crowd to care so most of it garnered little to no reaction. Some of the no-selling was ridiculous and an Air Raid Crash on concrete shouldn’t be sold like a snapmare. Felt like a match these guys would wrestle in their first years of the business, not several years into it like both these guys were.)

DJ Hyde, Jigsaw, Mike Quackenbush & Nate Webb vs. Claudio Castagnoli, Crossbones, Hallowicked & Ravage

Chikara would routinely have company showcase matches through this period but this one has a bit more CZW in it than usual. 3/4 of the match are Chikara rookies still learning but Jigsaw & Claudio were good even this early into their careers. Nate Webb was a IWA-MS flippy death match favourite whose entrance is the entirety of Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. Quackenbush was legit at this point but who cares about him, Webb enters wearing B-Boy’s mouth-gear until B-Boy himself shows up to reclaim it. Webb gets everyone to dance, including ”the fifteen month veteran DJ Hyde.” Webb is massively over as he plays air guitar with the ref’s leg (Bryce Remsburg, with hair!). Hyde and Claudio start with Claudio immediately tagging out to f--- with him. Ravage is in now and his gimmick is laughing like a crazy person. It goes over like a fart in church. Hyde overpowers him and gives him a running knee so he tags out to Hallowicked. Quack in to demonstrate his ability to counter any hold like Inspector Gadget. Am I f--- going to type out every detail of the sequences but they look cool, honest. Quack being a walking encyclopedia of submission holds and counters means all new-ish wrestlers like Hallowicked need to do is exist while Quack plays with them. Quack tags out to Webb who gives a springboard dropkick version of Hart Attack to Hallowicked who tags in to Crossbones. Webb lands a running flip onto a stood-up Crossbones in the corner and follows with a corkscrew bodysplash. Jigsaw and Claudio in now, with Claudio wearing Chris Hero gear. He looks like a normal human being in terms of physique but is able to go counter-for-counter with Jigsaw (who looks like a skinny human being) until he takes a few Frankensteiners. Claudio responds with the press slam into the European uppercut, cool he was doing it even back then. Jigsaw gets worked over by Crossbones and his silly kicks. He’s a large guy and so doesn’t look smooth trying to be Low Ki. Hallowicked sets Jigsaw on his shoulders for a Doomsday Device but instead we get THE TOP ROPE CRAVAT.

Jigsaw counters another press slam into an X-Factor so he’s able to get the hot tag to Quack who demolishes Claudio with his crazy slaps in the corner. Then Hyde gets tagged in and is about to finish Claudio when everybody comes in and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. Everyone on the bad guy team gets sent outside so the goodies all dive in stereo, apart from Quack who holds onto the rope as he sees Claudio walking away and follows him with a double springboard plancha at the other side of the ring. Beautiful. That leaves Ravage alone with Hyde which somehow ends with Ravage getting the advantage and landing a Shining Wizard for two. Everything breaks down with everyone taking a Frankensteiner until finally Webb lands his Spyder Drop backwards flip finish onto Hallowicked for the win.

Winners: DJ Hyde, Jigsaw, Mike Quackenbush & Nate Webb (The Chikara multi-man matches were always fun spot-fests as everyone got a chance to get their s--- in and not out-stay their welcome. This was mid-level for them as it over-ran a bit and the finishing sequence had no steam but the first 3/4 of it was fun. Again for emphasis: DJ Hyde was cheered.)

BLK OUT (Kingston, Ruckus & Sabian) vs. Ghost Shadow, Heretic & Spyral

Got to question why you’d follow a multi-man match with another one. Maven shows up again to announce BLK OUT as hailing from Chocolate City because Maven was a bad guy with BLK OUT but a good guy with others, I think. I was hoping for the commentators to remind me what was up. BLK OUT are full-on dicks and manager Robbie Mireno takes some time to insult the fans. They were a major stable in CZW and helped everyone who was part of it either refresh or grow their career. Sabian starts with Heretic and Sabian wastes no time mocking him for looking like Jimmy Jacobs (who Sabian had legit heat with for a while). Heretic tries to escape an armlock but Sabian forward rolls and holds on. Sabian leaves the ring after taking a load of arm-drags and tags in Eddie. Ghost Shadow wears him down with some kicks but crowd doesn’t react. Ruckus and Spyral in now and both men deliver headscissors that end up with the other landing on their feet to show they’re equal. That’s the kind of spot that would have a PWG crowd cheering like crazy but you can hear the fans yawning here. So the opening of the match was to show the new guys can hang with BLK OUT but Ruckus has enough of that party of the story and skips chapters to give Spyral a flipping neckbreaker. BLK OUT triple team as the ref is distracted and Spyral takes a mighty axe kick to the ”mid-section” but manages to kick out. One thing the likes of Ospreay, Ricochet and others have killed off is the era of the pleather-wearing flipper guy. Maybe that’s for the best as Spyral gets sick of getting beat up and kind-of lands a Sunrise Bomb on Sabian to tag Heretic in. After some miscommunication he lands a springboard codebreaker before messing up some moves on Kingston that he’s kind enough to sell. Ruckus takes over and gives him a beautiful Gory Guerrero Special into a facebuster. BLK OUT work over Heretic with some nice-looking moves but there’s no heat because the new guys have no personality and aren’t as good in-ring as the bad guys. Eventually Heretic plants Kingston with a nasty-looking DDT and Ghost Shadow is hell for pleather on BLK OUT until Ruckus gives him Purple Haze. Ruckus misses the Razzle Dazzle so sadly Spyral tags in and his messy offence ruins things. He kills Sabian with a move I’m going to call The Whatthefuckwasthatinator and the match breaks down with the new guys showing off their finest head-spike moves. All of the newbies dive outside onto BLK OUT with Heretic’s spinning tumbleweed looking the nicest. Back in the ring, Eddie uses Heretic as a batting ram on his partners before landing a Wheelbarrow suplex. Ruckus nails the Flipping Van Terminator and Sabian finishes with the 450 Splash onto a chair.

Winners: BLK OUT (If the point of this match was to get the noobs over then it failed because they looked nervous and CZW crowds can smell fear. BLK OUT were a well-oiled machine with Ruckus looking especially slick tonight but this match was like Spyral’s offence, very missable.)

The H8 Club (Justice Pain & Nick Gage) vs. Beef Wellington & El Generico

Gage is still using ‘The Future Of Hardcore’ moniker he’d been using since 1999 which doesn’t make a lot of sense because at some point you need to be The Present of Hardcore. Sadly the Canadians don’t have a wacky tag name. El starts off with Gage but Pain clips him from behind immediately. Pain tags in and El gets the better of him with his mastery of arm-drags. Beef tags in but Pain kicks him down as he comes off an Axe Handle. Pain and Gage try a Dream Sequence variant with a STF/dropkick but it’s not quite as smooth as The Backseat Boyz. Beef knocks down Gage but can’t tag out as Pain runs across the ring to knock El down. Beef gets beat down some more but manages an eye-poke only for Pain to again interfere. They’ve got the formula down at least. Gage with a German Suplex for two and Pain locks in a Dragon Sleeper so the crowd can kind of react. A lot of them are expecting tables and stuff which is a shame as Gage & Pain are being good dicks. Beef finally makes the tag to El and he flies off the top with a crossbody. Beef powerbombs El onto the back of Justice Pain in a cool Yes-They-Are-Canadian double-team. El fakes a dive which pisses off Pain so he gets double-teamed onto the guard-rail. Beef saves the day with a dive and sets up Gage for THE ASS PUNCH but Pain runs up the ropes to Belly-To-Belly-Superplex him. Gage blocks THE BRAINBUSTAAAH and gives El a Chokebreaker. Beef gets Face Washed but El nails Gage with a Yakuza Kick (take a shot) while he’s in the corner. Beef recovers and nails THE ASS PUNCH which Pain sells for two seconds before delivering the Pain Thriller. El only just makes the save and nails Gage THE BRAINBUSTAAAAH for the loudest pop of the night. 450 Splash on Gage gets two as Pain saves and turns him inside out with a big-dick clothesline. After kicking out of a schoolboy, Pain & Gage finish with the Spike Piledriver.

Winners: The H8 Club (A good start for the third version of The H8 Club beating up two IWS fan favourites and showing off their newer non-brawling style. Wasn’t a blowaway match or anything but it did the job. I’ll forgive a match for not being ***** if there’s a longer plan in play.)

Post-match The H8ers take turns putting their opponents through a table. Pain gets on the mic and says something about not being washed up. This was when Pain would go on the CZWFans message board and read every post so these random insecurities would emerge on promos and make for some terrifically awkward moments. It’s for the best he retired before Twitter.

Team Cash (Chris Cash & Sexxxy Eddy) vs. S.B.S. (Excalibur & Super Dragon) CZW Tag Team Title Match

So Team Cash won the tag titles in the War Games match and because there was five of them (Zandig: ”THERE WAS FIVE OF ‘EM”) any two of them can defend the titles. Cash is supposed to be spelled Ca$h but f--- that. Dragon and Excalibur are PWG stalwarts so they do get a wacky tag name but I can’t tell what it stands for. Lemme know if you know, please. Eddy tries to get his pre-match lap dance on a random female fan but they get Pearl Harboured by SBS. Eddy removes his tights and Excalibur sells it like Luger flexing at Flair and jumps out the ring. Dragon and Eddy go at it with Sexxxy surprisingly getting the advantage over the notorious no-seller with a top-rope dropkick and Split-Legged Moonsault. Cash and Eddy double-team Dragon so Excalibur comes in to save the Hitter Of Fans. Cash is so skinny even Excalibur is able to throw him around like bog roll. Dragon tags in and works over Cash’s groin before locking in the leg-lock-arm-stretch that I can’t find the name of. Dragon mocks the fans claps and destroys Cash with a Curb Stomp. Dragon then knocks Eddy off the corner and…ah it’s easier to GIF it.

Excalibur locks in a camel clutch on Cash, which he rolls over and assists SD in double stomping Cash off the top and onto a backbreaker. That’d be a finish in a lot of places but Cash is able to recover and finally tag in Eddy. He’s a whorehouse on fire and delivers Total Sextacy onto Excalibur but SD uses the pin attempt to Double Stomp the back of his neck. German Suplex/Tiger Suplex onto Eddy could end it but Cash runs in. Excalibur drops him and Eddy takes a page out of SD’s book and lands a Frog Splash as he’s horizontal. He’s not the legal man though so SD starts the Violence Party stream of offence before getting crotched on the top rope. Eddy tries to connect with a dropkick but misses so SD lands on him. They quickly move on from that dog of a spot and Excalibur and SD nail him with a Tornado DDT/DVD combo but that only gets two. That would have been a great finish. Excalibur nails the Double Underhook Driver but BLK OUT show up to distract S.B.S. and Cash finishes with the The Cash Flow (Inverted DVD).

Winners and still CZW Tag Champions: Team Cash (Cash wasn’t a smooth wrestler but he could take a kicking so he was perfect cannon fodder for Super Dragon. Excalibur is quite negative about his own ring work but he was fine as SD’s partner in crime. Wasn’t as fluid as PWG tag matches but I can’t say negative things about the match after that fake-tag bit.)

BLK OUT start beating up Team Cash until Webb makes the save. Eh, why did they help them win? Excalibur challenges any two BLK OUT members to a match next month. Eddy tries a lapdance again but Maven cuts that off because of the evil commission. So Webb dances instead (fully clothed).

Alex Shelley vs. Sonjay Dutt (CZW Junior Heavyweight Title)

If Dutt retains he’ll have the longest Jr. Heavyweight title reign in CZW history. But what’s more important to know is I love both guys. Lengthy feeling out process that I’m not doing justice as they go wrist-lock to wrist-lock in a variety of different ways. Shelley sends Dutt outside and follows with a plancha but makes the mistake of playing to the crowd so Dutt springboard dropkicks the back of his head and sends him outside so HE dives out with a plancha. Dutt continues the showing off with an Eddy-over-the-ropes senton and Rolling Thunder. ”Right now in the huts of India they’re putting up pictures of Dutt!” Arabian Moonsault gets two and Dutt doesn’t allow Shelley to recover and nails a Frankensteiner. When he’s not hitting moves he’s laying into him so he stays down. Shelley gets a time to breath when he counters a Frankensteiner into a powerbomb and locks in a Rolling Prawn Hold. When he’s got his breath back he goes double knees into Dutt in the corner and chokes him with a Straight Jacket arm-lock. ”Like one of those California highs!” Dutt rolls out of it but Shelley puts him in Super Dragon’s Still-Don’t-Know-The-Name submission. Dutt halts Shelley’s dive with a dropkick and gets a two off of a Standing Sliced Bread #2. Commentators state that Dutt put so much into his match last month with M-Dogg that he’s not as aggressive as he usually is. He’s not being anywhere near his usual level of dickness. Border City Stretch could finish it but Dutt gets the ropes. Shelley again tries to go the top but Dutt halts him and gets the Indian Summer (Muscle Buster) for only two. We’ve reached the finisher section of the match but both men are still full of energy. Shelley yet again goes up top and gets interrupted but this time he sees Dutt coming and manages a top rope Manhattan Drop which allows a DDT for…one count. Shelley’s pissed AND GOES UP AGAIN and lands on knees. Well you’ve only yourself to blame mate. Dutt gets Shelley in an Indian Deathlock but they both go punch-for-punch while still locked in. Dutt gets a quick DDT as the crowd makes less than zero noise and Shelley decides to interrupt Dutt going up top this time and nails a top rope jawbreaker (of all things) and gets the Darknessplex for two. That’s the move he beat him with elsewhere and Shelley can’t believe he kicked out. He goes for it again but Dutt converts to a Tiger Suplex and a springboard DDT for two. ”This is like Round 12 of Ward-Gatti!” Dutt misses The Hindu Press, Shelley blocks a roll-up and lands all his weight across Dutt’s shoulders to win the match and end the year-plus reign of Dutt.

Winner and NEW CZW Junior Heavyweight Champion: Alex Shelley (I remember thinking this was balls to the walls amazing the first time I watched it which shows where my head was at before I discovered other indies. It’s a good match that would have been a great one if Dutt had been his usual more-aggressive self or the crowd had made more noise than a Church Mouse farting. Match of the night anyway.)

Dutt: ”Shelley…shake my f------ hand.” Shelley puts over Dutt as one of his friends in TNA and reminds him that he’s better than him at Def Jam Vendetta.

B-Boy vs. Kaos (CZW Iron Man Title)

This is the main event? It’s definitely a January show. Kaos was a solid guy in XPW a few years prior to this and would have been OK if CZW hadn’t hyped him up as the second coming and put him in main events. Remember when Val Venis showed up in TNA and beat Christopher Daniels? Imagine that but it was the main event of the PPV. Crowd respects B-Boy and his Eazy-E theme.

Adam Flash shows up and wants to be in the match, pointing out Kaos is 0-3 in matches so why’s he getting another shot? Maven has him escorted out the building for using logic. Fast-paced move for move sequence ends with B-Boy winning and landing a twisting Pescado out the outside. B-Boy abuses Kaos with chops louder than the crowd. ”Kaos is the type of guy who goes to a 711 at 4am to get himself on camera.” This isn’t under Iron Man rules and THANK F--- FOR THAT, I hated the thirty minute match rules every month especially on shows that were already three and a half hours. B-Boy plants Kaos with a top rope bulldog and milks the crowd. Bad strategy for him as Kaos gives him a German Suplex and Diesel Clothesline for two. We’re told the the title is less Iron Man and more technical wrestling. Kaos demonstrates his technical ability by setting up three tables. I hope he breaks none of them like last month. Kaos tries a moonsault but he takes forever so B-Boy German Suplexes him instead. This causes John House to laugh for some reason. Both men recover at the same time but B-Boy wins it and lands a running DVD Bomb for two. Kaos lands the Buh Buh Cutter from No Mercy 64 for two and the crowd are at -10 quiet. Like Milhouse they’re waiting for them to get to the fireworks factory. B-Boy gets a palm strike and Kaos gets a Tazmission as they’re really obviously killing time. Sit-out Gourdbuster off the top gets two. Kaos gets another Tazzmission and no-one’s into it as there’s three f------ tables outside. Kaos stands up with B-Boy on his shoulders and connects with an ugly-arse reverse frankensteiner. Adam Flash shows up again with a ladder and sets it up in the ring. Him and Kaos both inexplicably decide to climb it so B-Boy pushes them off because what else was going to happen.

B-Boy connects with a Shining Wizard immediately afterwards to retain and to let the kids get home before the curfew.

Winner and still CZW Iron Man Champion: B-Boy (First five minutes were OK then the tables got introduced and it went to hell. I said at the start CZW gets a lot of s--- from people but sometimes it’s deserved. THE F--- ARE YOU CLIMBING A LADDER FOR YOU DUMB SHITS. Shelley/Dutt should have ended the show.)

Overall: I’ve remembered why I don’t review many indie shows and that’s because it takes bloody ages to type up these sodding moves and not make it sound like ”and then he did a thing and he did a thing” etc. This was hardly the best show to start off on but in fairness, CZW January shows are always slow and are designed to build to the rest of the months. In theory anyway. On this show I’d recommend Shelley/Dutt, Hero & Claudio doing anything, and Real Muthaphuckkin G’s.

I’m going to continue with these and hopefully I’ll be more efficient in typing them (I started this on Monday and got 3,000 words in and went ”sod it.” And some of these shows are three-disc Ben Hur epics.)

You can buy or stream this show from Smart Mark Video who didn’t give me this show to review, I’m plugging them because they’re nice people.