We start with Armando threatening Lashley and tells him if he lays a finger on him, he’s arrested. Lashley shoves his wheelchair into a wall and tells the police ”well, looks like you guys have to arrest me.”
This sounded like a bad-ass segment, but Lashley got no reaction for his Arnie line because he sounded confused saying it. Lashley would have twice as much money during his WWE run if he’d played a mute.
We’re in Pittsburgh, PA and our main event ”is about keeping the spirit of ECW alive” as it’s er…RVD vs. Vince, Shane & Umaga.
CM Punk vs. Marcus Cor Von
We’re getting Punk vs. Eiljah Burke at Judgement Day in a few weeks which is a good sign for the ECW brand (but a bad one for the PPV). As they lock up, a scroll across the bottom lets us know Edge just became World Heavyweight Champion. Huh. Punk takes out Cor Von with some dropkicks as Styles recaps the New Breed/Punk storyline and it sounds good when you’re ignoring it happened over a few weeks rather than months. Cor Von rams Punk into the ring post and works him over with a bear hug. Overheard belly-to-belly suplex gets two. Punk manages to stop the flow of rib-violence but he lands a bulldog and that hurts Punk so he can’t capitalise. YES PUNK YES. Punk does a bad-looking cradle because he can’t fully stretch himself. Punk gets a springboard clothesline but again makes sure to sell the landing. He tries for a Tornado DDT but Cor Von throws him outside in a harsh reversal. Cor Von distracts the ref so Burke kicks Punk in the mid-section. However Punk very slowly manages to make the count, but gets POUNCED immediately and pinned.
Winner: Marcus Cor Von (Cor Von was best when he was squashing bitches or looking like a world champion so this match was fine because Punk was happy to sell and make him look credible. New Breed look good for a change!)
Styles & Tazz explain Edge beat Mr. Kennedy for his MITB on Raw, so Edge took the briefcase to Smackdown and cashed in on Undertaker. Ah when MITB was the great back-up in case anyone got injured. Kennedy had the worst luck in the world.
Another look at The Condemned as the cast explain Austin’s deep character of a guy who beats people up and acts just like Austin.
The Sandman vs. Snitsky
Sandman tries to attack Snitsky with his hilarious looking offence but it doesn’t work and he gets clotheslined and Bennett Kicked.
Winner: Snitsky (It’s fine they’re pushing a monster and having squash matches but they’re not good.)
The theme for Judgement Day is I Don’t Wanna Stop by Ozzy Osbourne. I have a lot of Ozzy albums and that was the breaking point for me, his voice so adjusted by studio engineering you’d think he was doing a duet with Stephen Hawkings.
Extreme Expose dance to Toxic by Britney Spears.
Lashley vs. Vince gets recapped, with Vince fixing the WWE Magazine cover that was currently in stores.
Elijah Burke talks with Matt Striker and they patch things up from last week. Burke’s going to show Striker how it’s done.
Elijah Burke vs. Brian Major
That’d be Zack Ryder (edit: no it’s Curt Hawkins you blind bastard). The Majors got a surprise win last week against Striker & Burke. Burke pounds away on Major and blocks his punches boxing style (whatever it’s called when you cover up your face). Major tries the crossbody that won the match last week but Burke ducks and finishes with the Elijah Experience (Jarrett’s Stroke).
Winner: Elijah Burke (Match was all about un-doing the loss from last week as someone backstage realised ”oh shit, if we’re doing Punk vs. Burke, they should look credible.”)
Kevin Thorn and Ariel do Tarot Cards. They don’t come out well so Thorn gets angry and says something about fresh blood. Hopefully that’s the name of the straight-to-DVD film he has to leave WWE to start filming.
Rob Van Dam vs. Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon and Umaga McMahon
RVD won a crazy four-way to get this shot which isn’t announced as being for the ECW World Title. Huh, I thought it was. Umaga’s theme reminds me of Raven Cyram’s best work:
Shane starts off with RVD, the wrestler he wishes he was. Crowd chants for tables but it’s not an Extreme Rules match so Pittsburgh is dumb. RVD schools Shane, kicking him in the face and monkey flipping him across the ring. RVD spots Umaga coming in so he cuts him off and shoves him out. RVD tries to get to Vince but Shane baseball slides him in the face. This match is like a challenge in one of the video games, as RVD only wants to attack Vince but the others are there to prevent it. Shane locks an armbar on RVD but that doesn’t last long as RVD goes back to kicking him. ”He blocked that last one with his face!” Umaga pulls the ropes to send RVD outside and launches him into the ring steps. Umaga takes over on RVD as the crowd mildly chants for Lashley. Vince tags in to get a two-count on RVD, then immediately tags Umaga back in. Crowd doesn’t laugh at that like I did. Umaga gets kicked mid-charge but RVD can’t knock him down with his kicks and punches. Shane runs in to get thrown out by RVD so Umaga can thumb him, but RVD blocks that and goes for the Five Star. Shane crotches him however and Superplexes RVD off the top rope. Umaga tags in and delivers the Top Rope Headbutt and Samoan Spike. Vince tags in and after fucking up the pin, wins.
Winners: Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon and Umaga McMahon (A lot better than the Lashley match at Backlash as it was a lot shorter and filled with moves that weren’t bear hugs.)
Post-match Sabu and Tommy Dreamer run down to save RVD from further abuse and Vince gurns.
Overall: Decent matches (apart from Snitsky) and the show has some direction now there’s two announced matches for the next PPV. Nothing essential but I enjoyed Cor Von vs. Punk.
Thanks for reading, if you want more stuff to read this Sunday I typed up about my visit to Oberhausen Germany for the wXw 16 Gold Carat tournament which you can read here.