Edit: Well I finished typing this up, clicked PUBLISH and WordPress asked me to log in and wiped the fucker. I assumed it auto-saved but that’s probably my fault for playing too many video games. No wonder Meltzer used a typewriter for so long. So this will be a brisk recap because this show isn’t exactly The Wire.
It’s the show after December To Dismember so here’s the Wikipedia entry covering the backstage reaction:
Less than 24 hours after the pay-per-view, WWE announced on their official website that Vince McMahon had sent Heyman home, citing “slumping television ratings and a disgruntled talent roster as causes for Mr. Heyman’s dismissal”. Heyman and McMahon clashed on the plane to the North Charleston Coliseum and after a producers’ meeting, Heyman was escorted from the Coliseum and sent home. He was also immediately pulled from ECW’s creative team after the altercation. McMahon was attempting to put the blame on Heyman for the poorly received pay-per-view, and after a meeting with Vince and Stephanie McMahon, Heyman legitimately left World Wrestling Entertainment but remained under contract. Heyman was against the decision of Lashley being booked to win the ECW Championship, and instead wanted to have CM Punk win it, a decision McMahon disliked. This situation was cited by Punk in his controversial shoot promo in 2011, in which he referred to the idea as one in which “Heyman saw something in [Punk] that nobody else wanted to admit.” In an early 2008 interview with The Sun, Heyman gave more details on how he would have booked the Extreme Elimination Chamber main-event, which included having Punk enter first and quickly eliminating Big Show via submission. According to the interview, McMahon nixed the idea, but Big Show liked the direction Heyman was heading, and was eager for the opportunity to “make” a rising star like Punk. He also stated that he kept going to McMahon on the night of the pay-per-view to say that “The people are going to throw this back in our face”. Upset at how the event turned out, Tommy Dreamer and Stevie Richards both asked after the event to be released from their contracts. Both requests were refused by McMahon and WWE’s Vice President of Talent Relations John Laurinaitis.
As others pointed out last week, here’s the DVD Cover of the PPV advertising two whole matches and Sabu:
So we’re really in the mood to watch ECW on Sci-Fi.
We get Heyman’s last appearance on the show via pre-taped interview. He’s crying because his friend Big Show lost so he makes the rematch tonight, and makes sure it’s one-and-one with no weapons or Chambers so Show has the advantage. He ends it with ”I’m done” walks off camera and that’s it.
Rob Van Dam & CM Punk vs. Test & Hardcore Holly
All four men are nursing giant bandages from the Elimination Chamber, except for Test who holds his stomach because he’s winded. Rob Van Dam flies around the ring trying to impress whoever’s watching, complete with nice Arn Anderson-esque ”ha, tricked ya!” moonsault.
Test works over Punk as the crowd chants ”You take steroids” at Test again. How did they know? There must be a leak in the locker-room and I don’t mean the holes in Test’s arse. Punk locks Holly in the Vice and Heyman’s Masked Security Guys run in for the DQ.
Winners via DQ: Rob Van Dam & CM Punk (I appreciated RVD putting the effort in, he probably realised ”shit, someone’s got to feud with Lashley! HEY MANAGEMENT, I’M OVER AS FUCK AND CAN DO FLIPS.” Sadly no-one was listening.)
Post-match Sabu with one arm attacks the Masked Security and the good guys all beat them up. Wait, with Heyman gone who are these Security Guys working for?
Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari
Dreamer is wrapped up like the Invisible Man, gets attacked for a bit by some of the least interesting offence you’ll ever see until he DDTs Daivari for the win.
Winner: Tommy Dreamer (Post-match Khali comes out and slams Dreamer again. Hey look I typed the post-match stuff in the bit where there’s supposed to be a summary to disguise the fact there’s nowt to talk about.)
Kelly Kelly vs. Ariel
Ariel ground and pounds Kelly until she yells at the ref and gets rolled up.
Here’s how far Ariel has come in ten years:
Winner: Kelly Kelly (Commentators spent the intro and the match reminding us Kelly isn’t a wrestler).
Post-match Mike Knox apologies to Kelly with roses for leaving her to lose at December To Dismember. She accepts, but he apologies for not dumping her sooner. SWERVE. Knox says he’s an idiot for treating her like a queen and she’d come out and dance and flirt with everyone. He’s right on all points. He dumps her with the Sister Abigail, causing Tazz to flip his shit and chase him out the ring.
The Big Show vs. Lashley (ECW Title)
Big Show’s last appearance until No Way Out 2008. Highlight was the commentators realising both men are big and strong so it’s a verbal juggle of ”oh big move but not strong enough to take him down but he’s still big BUT HE’S STRONG”. Show dominates in a slow, cocky way that made him a good character and champion, shame it would take until the Sheamus feud in 2012 for him to get a killer run. Lashley’s still green (BUT STRONG) so we get this until Lashley slams him for real to retain the title.
Winner: Lashley (Big Show needed the time off. He’d been multi-tasking as ECW Champion and as a roadblock for Cena and D-X on Raw and dropped over a hundred pounds when he returned in 2008 to get punched in the face by Mayweather. Here’s a picture comparison:
Overall: Apologies again for the shittier-than-usual recap but I’m blaming WordPress. The important bits of the show are Heyman & Show’s last appearances which guts the show of it’s main drive. We’re left with RVD & Punk vs. Heyman’s ex-guys Test & Holly again, some middling mid-card shambles and Lashley vs. Fuck-All.
Tune in next week when I’ll type this on Notepad before hand, honest.