Kayfabe Commentaries Presents: YouShoot with the Honky Tonk Man

This was released in 2008

Your host is Sean Oliver

It runs at two hours and eight minutes long.

This was the debut of the “YouShoot” series.

 

HALL OF FAME

The first questions are about why he is not in the WWE Hall of Fame. Honky says they have not asked him but is not sure if he would go in if asked. Honky said the Hall of Fame is a bunch of “bullshit” then said Paul Orndorff summed up the Hall of the Fame the best as he told Honky how he got a first-class plane ticket, nice hotel room, good dinner and payday and a $35 plaque he left in the hotel room. Honky said the Hall of Fame is not something the fans should be passioante about because guys like Jerry Lawler (called WWF wrestlers “druggies” and “homosexuals” on Memphis TV), Dusty Rhodes (Honky said he was a “fat, lazy piece of shit), and Mr. Perfect (who killed himself by OD’ing on cocaine) are all in but they worry about Chris Benoit, who took the extreme shit to a new level that not even someone like New Jack can top. Honky also talks about being too busy to get inducted as he is getting dates and the WWE makes you sign a 90-day non-compete clause after the Hall of Fame where you cannot do anything in wrestling and they try to make you clear your bookings through them.

 

Next questions is about the office guys. Honky compares Howard Finkel to Radar from “MASH” and he is a nice guy who also happens to have one of the largest pornography collections. Honky jokingly refers to Tony Garea as “Mr. Personality” while saying he is a “dipshit” and a “cocksucker.” He then says what ever happens to Chief Jay Strongbow he deserves as Sean wants to know why everyone hates him. Honky said that Randy Savage said it best when he asked Honky how many careers did Strongbow ruin as a road agent by turning them away or stab them in the back. Honky then tells a story of Strongbow firing him as he was working the main event in Lousiville against Savage. Honky called Vince up and asked if he wanted him to show up because Strongbow fired him as Vince told him to go the arena where he made Strongbow apologize to him. Honky also said that Blackjack Lanza would ask you about someone then he would go around and tell that person what you said.

 

 

MISCELLANEOUS

On fans that dress up as wrestlers and carry around belts at conventions and shows, Honky said that people dress up like Gene Simmons at KISS Concerts and that people have to be fans of something. He then said that NASCAR has the most fucked up looking fans.

 

When asked about some of his paydays, Honky said he made $12,000 at WrestleMania III while Jake Roberts, his opponent, made about $30,000. He then tells a story of how at WrestleMania VI, Bad News Brown when up to his opponent, Roddy Piper, and threatened him to say how much he was making for the match. Piper said he was getting $50,000 while Bad News was only making $10,000 and that caused Bad News to go after Vince.

 

Honky is then asked about the suspenders he was wearing when he made his WWF debut and talks about how Vince used a costume place in Connecticut and made the boys buy their stuff from them and that it was of shitty quality. Honky said they took it out of your pay then adds how Jake Roberts snakeskin boots cost him about $7,000. Honky said after that he started getting his own stuff. After this, Honky talks about how if the WWF puts him in the baby blue trunks, it means you are on the way out.

 

 

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE

He is asked about what it felt like to lose the IC Title to the Ultimate Warrior. Honky said he was in a bit of shock when first told and that it was kept a secret for a long time. He said it ended up making Warrior look good as they were grooming him for Hogan’s spot and that the match length was his idea as a long match would have exposed him as someone unable to carry the Warrior. Honky said he is a song-and-dance guy and someone like a Harley Race or Terry Funk could have carried Warrior to that type of match.

 

When asked where Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, and Randy Savage compared to himself as an Intercontinental Title. Honky said Savage never main-evented MSG as the IC Champ. He puts over Bret Hart as a great technician but one dimensional. Honky then talks about Bret saying he didnt like working with him because he did not hit hard enough as Honky asks Bret who would he rather work with: himself or Goldberg, who kicked him in the head which ended his career as he now has a stroke as Honky makes fun of Bret for how he talks. Honky then tells Shawn if he was not Vince’s “Boy Toy” he would be gone. Honky said that Shawn left the company with a bad back and because he lost his smile but stayed on payroll for $14,000 a week. Honky said Shawn must not have been bending over in the right position.

 

Honky now ranks IC Champions 2-5. He ranks Rick Rude up there for being a true professional and someone who was able to get good, long matches with the Ultimate Warrior. He even says that Shawn and Bret were great champs but the way they do things today, no one will break his 15-month long title reign.

 

He said that Curt Hennig had an ego about him and really wanted to be the World Champion, joking that he was the “grandfathered-in” AWA Champion. Honky did not feel like he was at that level.

 

When asked about Kevin Nash’s remarks that Honky was not a good IC Champion, Honky reminds Nash that he sold out Madison Square Garden eight times and that Nash could not even sell out the building as the World Champion. Honky tells Nash to go fuck himself and calls him lazy, saying Nash has never even met him before.

 

On the current state of the IC Title, Honky said that no one even knows who has the belt anymore, or any belt for that matter, as they watered the product down and it all means shit because the guys “ping pong” around and the face the referee has an earpiece to tell the wrestlers what to do means your business is in a sad state.

 

 

RATS AND SEX

When asked about the best territory for “rats,” Honky said he heard they were great in Charlotte. He said they were excellent in Tampa and how no one “built a fence” and shared the rats. Honky tells us what build a fence means as it occurs when a wrestler likes a girl and claim her and make sure no one gets to her, as that guy is called a “fence builder.” Honky said the girls are rats and want to fuck the wrestlers and will find a way out. Honky said Memphis, Nashville, Louisville, and Indianapolis were also great. Honky then calls out every wrestler for having rats and that they are full of shit if say otherwise. He talks about how many girls the Rock & Roll Express and Tommy Rich had before saying that Robert Fuller’s cock was so huge he could wrap it around your wrist and put you in a wristlock. Honky said he told his wife, because he had multiple rats in some cities, not to be surprised if someone knocks on the door saying they are his kid. Honky also said the boys never turned down any girl then laughs after suggesting Dusty & Dustin had a falling out over Marlena. Honky said the rats were plentiful and anyone could get laid by the leftovers.

 

Honky talks about how today, girl wrestlers get into the business because they actually want to wrestle as opposed to back in the day when they got into the business to fuck the boys. Honky said he’d do all of them today though and to never turn down a “good hit” and to just come and go.

 

He laughs when asked about wrestlers staying faithful on the road. Honky said there is no “pussy” today in the Independents. He tells a story of how he was on a Budget Rental Car bus with his wife and son when Ted DiBiase and his “fly-in” girlfriend got on and whispered to Honky not to have his wife say anything. Honky then challenges a wrestler back then to come on and say that he is a family man.

 

 

DRUGS

When asked about the WWE Wellness Policy stopping drug use today, Honky talks about seeing HHH, Batista, and even Vince on TV and that there is no way they are not taking HGH. Honky says that the testing for HGH is very expensive and all of the legislature in place will end up hurting the local Independent promotion because some kid getting paid enough for gas money will have to get tested and they cannot afford it and that no one on the independents takes steroids today. Honky said it will kill the Independent promotions while Vince can afford it and will just take the money it costs for the tests out of the wrestlers’ checks. He then says wrestling is not meant to be regulated.

 

On the biggest pothead in wrestling, Honky said that Hulk Hogan had it flown in and a guy that carried it around for him, suggesting it could have been Brian Blair, Brutus Beefcake, or Brian Knobbs. Honky talks about one guy, who he does not mention by name as he likes him, had a huge bag of dope on him in the hotel the day before WrestleMania III and just made it on the elevator before the drug sniffing dogs turned the corner. Honky then talks about himself and how he was doing $200 a week in marijuana back when it only cost $20 a bag. He talks about smoking joints every 20 minutes while in Calgary with David Schultz. He also talks about Mike Boyette who worked for Nick Gulas and how much pot he smoked while laughing at how dumb Gulas was because he thought marijuana was in pill form.

 

Honky said not smoking pot and fucking whores is killing the business today. He said the guys would rather play video games than try to fuck Trish Stratus.

 

 

PAIN AND FEAR

We then get some moronic video submission by some wannabe wrestler asking him about being a stooge for Hulkamania. Honky has no idea what this guy is talking about then calls Hogan a “no-good motherfucker” who never carries his wallet and always bums “pills and dope.” Honky also said Hogan never shared his pot

 

He is asked about Jimmy Hart. Honky said he cannot say anything bad about him and that he never drank or did drugs. However, he did reportedly chase whores. Honky said that Hart would get him up in the morning when he was partying the night before.

 

On Jerry Lawler, Honky talks about Lawler bashing the WWF for years on TV then he goes to the company and humbles himself by licking Bret Hart’s boots and wrestle with midgets but in Memphis, he is the king. Honky talks when he did commentary on RAW that they likely screwed him over on purpose as his headset would not be screwed up or microphone not even turned on and sometimes his monitor wouldn’t work then asked who would have unplugged them, Jim Ross or Lawler? He also said that Vince Russo had a hard on for him and would pull him off of commentary. Lawler then tells a story about doing commentary at WrestleMania 13 for a match involving the Rock and the Sultan. Honky said he got so pissed off that he purposely went nuts on commentary and never let Vince or Lawler get a chance to say anything. The next day, there was a production meeting but they never told Honky it was taking place as he says missing that meeting got you a lot of heat because it was when they told you the format of the show, which would change throughout the day anyway. Someone came to his room later that day and asked where he was while Honky said no one told him about the meeting. When he came down, Vince McMahon complimented Honky on his energy and wanted him to do commentary like that again. Honky looked over at Jim Ross and saw a disgusted look on his face and that was when everything started happening to his equipment.

 

Honky tells another Lawler story. Brian Christopher, Lawler’s son, came running into the building and was five minutes late. Christopher then talked with Arnold Skaaland when Lawler came over and made Skaaland fine Christopher because he was late as Honky talks about how much of an asshole you have to be to do that and let Skaaland do his job as its not Lawler’s business. Honky then talks about fines and how you can use it as a tax write off because its money you do not make and it can be a blessing sometimes.

 

Someone asks Honky about the angle on “Saturday Night’s Main Event” and if he was worried that Randy Savage might kick his ass because he had to shove Elizabeth. Honky said Savage couldn’t “beat his meat” and that is bark was much bigger than his bite. He then talks about the angle and that they rehearsed it for a week and that Dick Ebersol had them focus on Elizabeth’s tits on the replay when her strapped fell down. Honky talks about the money you got and you’d make about $5,000 from Vince and another $5,000 from NBC for the shows and heard that Hogan made about $300,000 for each SNME appearance.

 

Honky talks about Vince McMahon and how he never wears the same suit, tie, or shirt more than once and takes a limo once a week to the St. Regis Hotel in New York City and gets a $1,000 haircut.

 

 

MODERN WRESTLING

When asked if he was ever asked to work in ECW, Honky said no but that they should have signed a bunch of ex-WWF guys to help boost things for a short while but that he never would have expected to stay there for long and has never even spoken to Paul Heyman in his life. However, he talks about guys not getting paid by Heyman as he was getting paid by the WWF as Honky said he would have seen Heyman and demanded he sign his check over to him if that was the case. He then talked about how when Vince tried to restart the ECW brand they drew poor house show numbers and those guys made about $500 a week as Honky said he is making about $500 a show in “picture money” then talks about why would he go back to the WWE to make $500 to put over Randy Orton when he can make $1,500 a weekend doing Independent dates.

 

On the Rockabilly angle, Honky said it was the worst thing he has ever done. He said Billy Gunn was already in the company and dead at that time as he was doing jobs for everyone. Honky then said Jim Ross kept telling Honky how Gunn was a pure athlete as Honky says who cares as it is wrestling and the best heels he ever saw had a beer-belly and buggy-whip arms while making fun of Ross, saying we are not recruiting for Oklahoma while he says wrestling fans do not care about sports as they live in trailer parks, live week-to-week, and the best time to book the show is when they get their welfare check. Back to the angle, Honky said it could have worked if it was a guy making his debut instead of someone on the bottom of the card. Honky then said they originally had Savio Vega set for the gimmick. Honky said he went back because the more he was on TV, the more he got booked on the Independents.

 

 

JAKE AND THE GUITAR

He is asked about Jake Roberts blaming Honky for causing his addiction problems after getting hit with a guitar. Honky laughs then Sean reads a submission from a guy who repairs guitars and watched the angle and said there was no way that guitar could have caused that much damage to Jake. Honky said the guitar was fiberglass and extremely gimmicked to the point where he did not even want someone picking it up because of how fragile it was. Honky said he would hide it because the wrestlers would fuck with it in the locker room. Honky said you could have pressed on the back with your thumb and broke it then Jake said he got hit so hard he had to go to rehab. Honky said the shit he blew up his nose sent him to rehab. He then talks about Mick Foley publishing what Jake said in his book yet never asked for his opinion as Honky talked about calling up Mick and calling him out for not checking his sources. Honky then said Jake wrestled for two more years after that angle until he underwent neck surgery and wants to know how he was the reason for the surgery? Honky said Jake is a “lying motherfucker” just like Flair and Dusty as he does impressions of both. Honky said that Jake was snorting cocaine long before he got it with the guitar and to tell the truth and that he failed two drug tests, which was why he went to rehab.

 

 

THE SHEETS

When asked if he reads the “dirt sheets,” Honky said he reads a few pages that has what he believes to be legitimate reporting but he does not watch wrestling today. When asked, he said the “sheets” were not allowed in the locker room then talks about Dave Meltzer’s star ratings and how can you not be biased when handing out ratings, stating its where he lost credibility with all the guys. Honky then tells Meltzer no one believes a thing he writes because of his match ratings and has never been able to get over that. When asked if he thinks Wade Keller is better, Honky said that he talked with Keller once reported that the WWF gave Lawler a six-figure deal and when Honky called him up, Keller admitted that he inflated the number because Vince never gave out six-figure deals at the time but calls Keller a man for admitting he lied.

 

 

RETIREMENT

When asked if he could do a WWE retirement run, Honky said he is too out of shape at the moment as he lifts up his shirt to reveal his gut and would need about six months to get into shape. He talks about how the WWE calls up a guy to come in and when they do, they are not in good shape and the fans call them out for that. Honky said you never go out on camera out of shape like that and make sure you train properly before going back.

 

They close with Honky saying how great this concept is and calls it “cutting edge” as Sean promises more in the future.

 

 

Final Thoughts: As usual, Honky never fails to entertain. Love him or hate him, he grabs your attention. Honky can be exaggerated and insightful and was here. He can be offensive at times and makes all sorts of side comments but you want to listen to what he has to say, whether you agree with him or not.

Being this was the first YouShoot, I’d call this a smashing success. Compared to the questions today, these were much, much, much, much, better. Honky does not dodge anything either, which is what makes him a great interview subject.

Overall, I highly recommend this interview. He even did a Voulme 2, which has him sober instead of drinking from his gatorade bottle, but it is also a great interview as well.

 

You can buy the DVD for $20 or purchase this On Demand, which you own forever, for $15.99 by clicking here