Kayfabe Commentaries Presents: YouShoot with Swoggle

This was released on June 28th, 2016

The interview was conducted by Sean Oliver

It runs at one hour and forty minutes long

 

Sean starts off the show by saying how it takes someone with cajones to do a YouShoot while sarcastically naming Matt Sydal due to his god-awful live YouShoot.

 

The first question asked is how was he employed by the WWE for so long. Swoggle notes how as long as you are under the radar and they forget you are there, you are safe.

 

He is then asked about finding out that he would be a midget. Hornswoggle said he does not care about being called a midget and he was told by his parents he would be smaller than most people.

 

On the video of him falling down the stairs at Curt Hawkins’ wedding, he said it was planned and that Hawkins and Tyson Kidd knew about it beforehand. Swoggle said that he was not drunk then but was later on that night.

 

They now play a game called “How do you Measure Up” when compared with other little people in the entertainment industry as he had to guess if he was taller or shorter than them.  It was brief but a waste of time.

 

HEAT

He is asked about getting stiffed in the ring. Swoggle said that Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite accidentally super kicked him in the throat.

 

When asked why Byron Saxton is on commentary, Swoggle thinks that he is good as he provides goofiness without being over-the-top and gives JBL, the heel, someone to pick on.

 

On how he feels about CM Punk, Swoggle said they used to be best friends and rode together for years until one day, Hornswoggle called Punk and asked him for the phone number of a mutual friend and Punk felt that he was using him and that was the end of their friendship.

 

Swoggle is asked about being the last Cruiserweight Champion. He thought it was awesome and laughs at the notion he killed it by winning, noting how it was barely even focused upon on television.

 

He is asked about Brodus Clay’s comment when he said Swoggle was a bully. Swoggle laughs and said he is a bully as he recalls constantly telling Great Khali that he sucked and he should quit. He then talks about how NXT callups would say to him they heard he was a bully as Swoggle said he did this because he knew at one point, he would be bullied himself.

 

On the Rock’s first night back in Miami, Swoggle said that Rock thought he was a Make-a-Wish kid while he was standing in the Gorilla position while wearing a suit. After that, he went to Kofi Kingston and told him what happened then guys started to give the Rock shit, like the Big Show.

 

 

SEX AND DRUGS

On the hottest in the locker room, Swoggle said that its Renee Young. He is then asked to play “F, Marry, Kill” with AJ Lee, Kaitlyn, and Eva Marie. He immediately said Kill Eva Marie. He then said Marry AJ as she has money then have sex with Kaitlyn.

 

Regarding the “ring rat” scene today, Swoggle said there are barely any at all today, just a few here and there.

 

They now play “Whats in the Bag.” Here are the results:

Jack Daniels: himself

Cocaine: New Jack

Marijuana: Iron Sheik

Needle: Himself for steroids, stating ask anyone why he failed the Wellness Policy and that is what they say.

Shit: Himself, stating he shits is pants a lot

Pink Cock: Sunny

Black Cock: Viscera

 

 

THE DIRT

He is asked what happens when you are not being used. Swoggle said you go to TV and house shows and just eat catering and get fat. After a while, he talked to Talent Relations and asked to stay home if he was not going to be used.

 

On if WWE talent are required to tweet about certain things, Swoggle said they are suggested to tweet about stuff but it was never mandatory or anything.

 

He is then asked about getting a Wellness Policy violation. Swoggle said you have a three hour window to take the test. You have to exposed from your nipples to your knees and get watched. He was unable to produce a sample and was the only person in company history to get suspended for that reason.

 

We now get the “Ho Bag.” He put Shelley Martinez, Melina, and Sunny in the bag but never elaborated as it was a boring segment.

 

When asked if the talent watches “Botchamania,” Swoggle said he did and passed around the link in the locker room. He does not see it as a bad thing and how you should not take yourself too seriously.

 

Swoggle is asked about pulling ribs on the wrestlers. He talks about how the WWE was in France during the French Open. He was juggling tennis balls and trying to hit Curt Hawkins in the chest and Zack Ryder in the dick with them. He was looking for more tennis balls and asked Fit for some balls. However, Fit went to the production office and wanted them to tell Swoggle they were special French Open balls were $400 a piece. During the match, Swoggle threw the balls but Fit ran over and kicked them Swoggle attempted to pick them up. Backstage, Swoggle was mad as Fit asked him why he kept trying to pick them up then told Swoggle not to worry as he would give him the money as Swoggle said he felt like an idiot.

 

POTPOURRI

He is asked about what shoot interviews were popular in the WWE locker room as well as his favorites. Swoggle loved the Cornette rants and the Honky Tonk Man’s YouShoots as the host said he heard the Tony Atlas YouShoot was popular among those in the WWE.

 

When asked what is hidden under a ring, Swoggle said that for house shows, nothing was really under there but for TV, he was given a headset.

 

On if he had any travel difficulties, Swoggle said the only thing was asking someone to put his bag in overhead storage, which he felt embarrassed by doing. He talked about how when he drove, he’d pull the seat all the way forward.

 

Someone asks him about his appearance on the Stone Cold Steve Austin Podcast and about his comment where he talked about spending a lot of money on memorabilia. Swoggle said that he spent a ton on classic Jakks figures.

 

 

WWE

On taking the bump from Mr. Kennedy on top of the ladder at WrestleMania23, Swoggle said it was awesome as Kennedy was the one who trained him. Swoggle said Kennedy got hurt, likely because he over-rotated to protect him.

 

When asked about the “Little People’s Court” segment, Swoggle said it was delayed a week because Verne Troyer did not want to work with any other midgets.

 

Swoggle said it was true that he spent the entire day after the 2011 Royal Rumble in bed due to the fact he was blown up.

 

Someone asks him about the angle in which he was named Vince’s illegitimate son and how Sandman stayed in the ring and appeared to miss his cue to leave. Swoggle said that was great as Sandman did not leave because he met all of the qualifications that were listed and they apparently had to devise some sort of plan on the fly to get him to leave. Swoggle said everyone backstage was loving this.

 

His least favorite guest host was Jonah Hill, who Swoggle said was a “douche.” Mike Tyson was his favorite as he watched RAW weekly and talked to all the talent.

 

On being revealed as the anonymous GM of RAW, Swoggle said he found out the Friday before that RAW. He said for a while he pitched the idea of a heel manager but they called that Friday and told him he was going to be “Big Nick from New Jersey” who would have a catchphrase of “swimming in the dough” but Swoggle said it was dropped as the character was terrible, noting a few guys were laughing in the background and they made him learn a Jersey accent.

 

 

THE BOYS

On the funniest interaction with Vince McMahon, Swoggle said Vince once offered Jonathan Coachman a Tic-Tac, hinting that he had bad breath.

 

He is asked his thoughts about Wade Barrett and said he is a great guys who loves the business but always got his momentum halted and felt he could have been a star.

 

Now its time for “What a Dick.” He is asked about the Miz as Swoggle said he is annoying as hell but not a dick. He said that John Laurinaitis is an “upfront dick” and that Kevin Dunn is because he does not have to be to the talent and felt he made him wait underneath for hours. He uses the “upfront dick” tag for JBL, Brock Lesnar. He said Brodus Clay is a dick as Sean Oliver gets in some stuff with that. He calls Sheamus a dick as Sean said guys off camera always tell him Sheamus is a dick. Ryback is nice to him but can be a dick. He calls Taz a dick and that Colt Cabana can be a dick at times as well. He also said Mark Carrano is a dick but it also goes with his job (Talent Relations) as he gets heat from the boss and the talent. Swoggle said he rode with Carrano before he got that promotion as Carrano did not acknowledge non-top talents. He said that Carlito and Alberto Del Rio are dicks too but would probably tell you that themselves.

 

 

THE FINISH

On if he’d go to TNA or Lucha Underground, Swoggle said he would love to go to Lucha Underground. He then said the Wee LC match was the highlight of his career.

 

Final Thoughts: I thought that Swoggle and host Sean Oliver had great chemistry together and I am looking forward to Swoggle’s 2007 WWE Timeline. However, this YouShoot was just not very good at all. A good portion of that can be blamed on the questions, which are fan submissions. Way too many questions making fun of him for being in the Leprechaun movie and other people making lame midget jokes.

Another problem with YouShoots with recent WWE talent as the guests are that the party scene is practically non-existent today and talent are afraid to burn bridges, something that makes a YouShoot really dull. You need guests who do not give a fuck to make this style of interview entertaining.

If I am Sean Oliver, I might want to seriously reconsider using recent WWE talent for this series, or maybe putting this on ice for a bit. Although this wasnt as bad as the Brodus Clay, Matt Sydal, or Shane Helms YouShoots, it was not that exciting either. And I do not know how many other older talents are left that would really go all out and speak off the cuff anymore.

Overall, I cannot recommend this interview. I did coming away liking Hornswoggle and would consider watching his 2007 WWE Timeline or even his RF Video shoot, which just got released a couple of days ago.

 

You can purchase the DVD for $20 or On Demand, which you own forever, for $15.99 here

 

Here is my schedule for the next several days:

Friday: WWF Meadowlands Arena 9/11/88

Saturday: Mid-South 1981 Year in Review Show

Sunday: WWF Superstars of Wrestling 9/17/88

Monday: WWF Wrestling Challenge 9/18/88

Tuesday: WWF Superstars of Wrestling 9/24/88

Wednesday: PWG Prince 5/20/16

Thursday: Shoot Interview TBD

 

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