Monday Nitro – December 12, 2000

Monday Night #270
Date: December 12, 2000
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson

It’s the go home show for the final Starrcade and the show is airing on a Tuesday, likely due to something else getting the regular timeslot on TNT. These recent shows have ranged from mostly missing to somehow shooting yourself in the foot, dropping the gun and having it shoot you in the other foot but hopefully things pick up a bit before the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

This show was taped on Monday so any references to being live are pure falsehoods.

To show you how worthless Thunder is, here’s the same recap video that opened last Wednesday’s show. In other words: ignore anything on Thunder because the only show that matters is Nitro.

Lex Luger is granted a match by Mike Sanders.

Here’s Ric Flair to say we’re live (we’re not) and that we’re in Shreveport (Again not really, though the towns are about five minutes apart. Why not just have everyone say the same town?). Ric says Steiner and Sid aren’t going to come into any contact with each other in this arena. They’ll be out here talking but they’re going to hold the fighting until Starrcade. If they fight, it’s going to be a suspension and the title being stripped. As for Steiner, yeah he put Sting, Booker T. and Arn Anderson in the hospital but they could be here tonight to get some payback (I’m sure).

Sgt. AWALL is going to get a World Title match tonight and that’s finally enough to bring Sanders out to interrupt. Mike has a match of his own for tonight as the Perfect Event will face Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire and the Insiders in a non-title match. There goes Flair’s suit jacket and he makes Sid vs. Sanders. If Mike doesn’t wrestle, he loses his power and the Thrillers are barred from ringside.

Earlier today, Scott Steiner beat down Corporal Cajun until AWALL made the save to set up tonight’s title match. That’s better than I was expecting.

Sid is ready for tonight and for Sunday.

Jindrak and O’Haire have a monitor.

Disco Inferno insults Sarge so he yells a lot. So a guy famous for losing almost all the time is now one of the most intimidating guys in the company? That kind of stuff gets old in a hurry, but I’m not sure how many people remember Sarge in the first place.

Lance Storm/Major Gunns vs. The Cat/Ms. Jones

Before the match, Storm has an idea to make this more interesting: if Cat loses, he has to sing the Canadian national anthem on Thunder. Storm stops for the song and here comes Santa Claus (right down the steps instead of right down his own lane). That goes nowhere so here’s Cat to call Storm a Power Ranger. Cat makes the obvious stipulation of Storm having to sing if he loses too.

The women get things going with Gunns actually throwing a decent dropkick to knock her into the corner. Jones gets two off a spinning kick to the face and it’s off to the men. Cat dances out of a sunset flip and gets one of the loudest pops WCW has had in months. You could actually see the fans freaking out over the dancing. The Feliner gets two with Gunns (not Jones, Tony), putting the foot on the ropes. We get the catfight on the floor as Elix Skipper’s interference fails. Cat catches Duggan’s 2×4 and knocks Storm out for the pin.

Rating: D+. Who knew Cat was this over in Louisiana? Jones and Gunns were just there for their looks (not the worst idea in the world) and their wrestling was of course horrible. The Duggan thing is long overdue and I have no idea why they put him with the Canadians in the first place.

Jimmy Hart is starting a radio network and is ready to wrestle some Memphis DJ’s when Nitro hits the Mid-South Coliseum.

Hugh Morrus (yeah we’re going with that as the people are calling him Hugh most of the time) catches Lash Leroux (the gimmick names are mostly dead anyway) on the phone with Chavo. That’s fine with Hugh as he gives AWALL a pep talk.

Sanders adds Kronik to the three way dance, much to Reno’s annoyance.

Crowbar and Daffney are on commentary as Norman Smiley issues an open challenge for a hardcore match in the hopes that he gets a title shot as a result.

Meng vs. Norman Smiley

Meng has Paisley with him because that’s still a thing. Norman, complete with shoulder pads, gets stomped down in the corner as Crowbar is doing his Gordon Solie thing again. They head up the aisle with Norman actually getting in a few shots for some effect. Somehow DJ Ran still has a job (Why isn’t he fighting Jimmy Hart?) and a booth in the arena so the guys fight around there too. Santa tries to get involved so Meng drops him too, followed by some chops to make Norman scream. Norman steals Santa’s bag so here’s Santa in the ring to throw powder at both guys for a double DQ in a hardcore match.

Rating: F. That’s my standard rating for hardcore matches anymore because there’s no good reason to have guys like this (meaning Crowbar and Smiley) in this waste of time. I mean, they’re better than Brian Knobbs and company but there’s so much other stuff these people could be doing.

The blinded Meng puts the Death Grip on Paisley. Santa takes off the beard…..and it’s Terry Funk. Terry starts throwing chair shots but can’t put Meng down. Kwee Wee comes out too as Meng finally drops. Terry says he’s the real Santa Claus (Crowbar: “He’s my idol.”) and wants the Hardcore Title at Starrcade. Crowbar gets in the ring and the match seems to be on, earning himself a chair shot to the head.

Sarge is given Lex Luger on Thunder and Goldberg tonight.

The Harris Brother eat sandwiches because that’s a thing that actually exists in wrestling. We cut to the Filthy Animals, who put laxatives in said sandwiches.

Steiner promises to knock down anyone Flair sets up for him.

AWALL is ready and Morrus is fine with a war against Shane Douglas. Lash is facing Shane tonight but he’s using some of Chavo’s lines to Hugh’s annoyance.

Mike Sanders vs. Sid Vicious

Sanders is in street clothes and says he’s not medically cleared to wrestle. Not that it matters as Sid, also in street clothes, chokeslams and powerbombs him for the pin in about a minute.

Sid says the sucka ain’t got no class. Tony: “What is he talking about?”

Post break, Sid attacks a parking lot attendant and demands the keys to all the cars.

Kronik beats Reno down until Vito tries to make a save. The rest of the Thrillers come in to beat him down but Kronik isn’t cool because they thought Reno was a Thriller. Apparently there’s a tag match at Starrcade.

Insiders vs. Perfect Event vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

Non-title and the announcers talk about the Harris Twins’ sandwiches during the entrances. Nash, O’Haire and Palumbo and it’s Kevin getting superkicked a few seconds in. Stevie: “What does he call that kick?” Tony: “The Jungle Kick.” Stevie: “……ok.” Nash clotheslines them down and tags Page in for the house cleaning. Jindrak and Stasiak come in and beat Page down as well but Nash quickly comes back in for the real destruction. Palumbo gets jackknifed but Jindrak takes Nash down to set up a Seanton Bomb. Now it’s Page coming in with a Diamond Cutter on Jindrak, only to have Stasiak hit Page with a belt for the pin.

Rating: D. So to recap: Nash and Page were against four young guys, all of whom are either current or former Tag Team Champions and it took a belt shot to finally put them away. As we’ve firmly established, these stories are designed to make the older generation look good at the expense of the next generation. I don’t know how this benefits anyone but Page and Nash but I can’t wait for them to get the titles back on Sunday and set things right with the world.

The Thrillers worked over Nash’s knee during the break.

Sid is moving cars around in the parking lot.

Sgt. Dewayne Bruce vs. Goldberg

Goldberg doesn’t know who he’s facing because Jindrak and O’Haire took his monitor earlier in the night. Bruce says they have to do this even though Goldberg doesn’t want to do it. Cue Luger to say to say it’s Goldberg’s career if he doesn’t fight here. Goldberg tries to leave anyway but Sarge hits him in the back. Goldberg still won’t fight back until it’s a spear to put him down. There’s no Jackhammer though so Sarge grabs his leg and demands it. Goldberg grants the request and it’s 30-0.

Sarge is carried out on Goldberg’s shoulder.

Jamie Noble asks Kwee Wee, Paisley and Meng for advice on how to deal with Evan Karagias. Evan runs in to say they all have to come see what Sid is doing in the parking lot.

Shane Douglas vs. Lash Leroux

Before the match, Shane rants about how he’s stuck here without Torrie because of what Morrus did. Lash takes him down in a hurry and pounds away at Shane’s head before a snap suplex gets two. A suicide dive sends Shane into the barricade and it’s time to fight by the table. This has been all Lash so far and the announcers don’t sound very surprised. Back in and Shane grabs a powerslam but it’s a double clothesline to put them both down. Cue Chavo to offer Lash a chair but the distraction lets Shane load up the chain. Lash hits Shane with the chair though and that’s a quick DQ.

Shane lays him out with the chain so here’s Morrus for the save and some yelling at Chavo.

One of the Harris Twins has a stomach ache.

Sid is still playing with the cars.

Mike Awesome is ready for his ambulance match with Bam Bam Bigelow at Starrcade. Thankfully he says he’s ready for the Career Killer to come back so maybe That 70s Guy is dead.

Jarrett and company are ready for Sunday but one of the Twins isn’t looking so good. Tony finds this HILARIOUS.

Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Filthy Animals

Elimination rules and it’s Konnan/Kidman/Mysterio. We’re not quite ready to go yet though as both Twins run to the back for some, ahem, relief. Konnan gets in an X Factor on Jarrett to start but the other Animals try to come in, allowing Jeff to get in a Stroke on Konnan for the elimination. Jeff’s music is quickly cut off because this match MUST CONTINUE! You know, because those are the rules.

Kidman snaps Jeff’s throat across the top rope for two but Jarrett suplexes Rey with one arm. A powerbomb plants Rey again but not before he tags Kidman in for a missile dropkick. The baseball slide low blow and the Bronco Buster have Jeff in trouble but the referee gets bumped. Jeff guitars Kidman but Rey springboards in with a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D-. This is a confusing one as it was fun while it lasted but I’d like to repeat the fact that the Harris Twins were out early because of an overdose of laxatives. Also you would think this match would be the big payoff on Sunday but why do that when you can have another hardcore match? The wrestling was actually good here but the story just crippled it, as is so often the case around here.

Video on Starrcade’s main events.

Sid almost has the ring of cars ready.

WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Sgt. AWALL

Steiner is defending. Before the match, Steiner says Flair needs to thank Anderson for changing his mind about stripping the title. Steiner, in his deadly purple trunks, pounds AWALL down to start and we’re already seeming to be in squash territory. The comeback is quickly cut off with a belly to belly for two before Steiner throws him over the top. AWALL throws him over the barricade to put Steiner in trouble, setting up a powerslam for two back inside. A chokeslam looks to finish but AWALL would rather mess with the stupid table. That earns him a suplex through the table (good riddance) and the Recliner retains the title.

Rating: D. I can’t stand it when people do stupid things like AWALL messing with the table. It really does make these people look like the biggest morons in the world while also enforcing that relaxed rules nonsense. Even the WWF at the peak of its madness had some rules but this is basically ECW on a bigger stage which really doesn’t work.

Steiner chokes AWALL with the pipe until Sid gets up on screen and says since they can’t fight in the arena, come fight him in the parking lot. Scott heads outside to find a ring of cars ready for the fight because Sid may not be able to talk, but he can certainly park cars. After busting out a windshield for fun, Steiner hits Sid in the ribs with the pipe but has to fight out of a powerbomb. Steiner rams Sid’s head into the top of a car to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Bad wrestling, bad storytelling leading into bad matches and bad everything else (save for a decent angle with Goldberg not wanting to fight his mentor). This was a show that didn’t make me want to watch Starrcade but made me not want to watch WCW again. I know the running joke is that WCW was an old folks’ home but that’s exactly what we’re getting here. The biggest show of the year has three major matches and the only one with someone young is designed to make Nash and Page look good. It really is all about the old guard as we head into Starrcade near an all time low for the company.

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