The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling–03.30.84

The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling – 03.30.84

Taped from Shreveport, LA

Your host is Jim Ross, with wee little baby Jim Cornette on color in place of Bill Watts.

Last week, Jim Cornette orders a birthday cake to celebrate winning the tag titles, but the Rock N Roll Express run out and shove his face into it, one of the first times that gag happened on TV before it became a cliché. And of course when Cornette goes headfirst into a cake, he goes INTO the cake. Cornette goes ballistic and threatens to sue everyone in the building, but Bill Watts comes out and says that his mother can sue HIM if any legal threats are to be served. So Cornette goes off on an epic rant against Watts where he threatens to buy the territory and bust Bill down to janitor while his “geeky looking son” sells Midnight Express shirts. And you don’t threaten Bill’s family, so he hauls off and smacks Cornette, who goes FLYING on the bump.

Later, Watts is doing interviews with Butch Reed, but the Midnights run out and jump him while Reed calmly walks away with a shrug. Condrey beats on Watts with what appears to be a sock full of quarters, and Watts is busted open. So Watts gives an impassioned promo about how he retired because he WANTED to, not because he had to. And he’s standing up for AMERICA and God and country and family, where sissies like Cornette don’t belong. So he’s challenging the Midnight Express to one match to settle things before he goes back in retirement for good.

Bill Watts joins us now in the studio, and he’s after humiliation because fines are pointless with someone rich. So Watts takes Jim Ross on a road trip to North Carolina, where JYD is serving his 90 day loser-leaves-town stipulation. Dog would love to help him out, but he gave his word that he’d leave for 90 days. However, Dog does know someone who might be able to help out: The mysterious Stagger Lee. So we get part two, with a blindfolded Jim Ross meeting the mysterious masked man. Stagger Lee is a very angry masked black man who looks suspiciously like Junkyard Dog and beats people with a powerslam. That was cheesetastic and awesome, especially since they play it so straight. Watts lays it out: Midnight Express v. Bill Watts & Stagger Lee, with Jim Cornette getting shoved into a dress and diaper when his team loses.

Mr. Wrestling #2 v. Mike Jackson

Magnum TA steps in and asks Jackson to let him into the match. I’m sad that we completely skipped over the awesome TA-Wrestling 2 turn. Wrestling 2, who is now a grumpy North American champion, declines to fight because he has to fight who they sign for him.

Meanwhile, Jim Duggan is squashing some “Japanese” as Watts puts it, but Crusher Darsow and Nikolai Volkoff attack and lay him out with a coal miner’s glove until Magnum TA saves.

Jim Duggan v. Nikolai Volkoff

No match, as the Russians quickly storm the ring and attack, including some masked Russian dude. The Rock N Roll Express and Terry Taylor saves and Terry Taylor sends Butch Reed into the post during the melee. The masked man is later identified as The Russian Invader, which sounds like a sex toy.

Butch Reed v. Terry Taylor

Reed comes out wearing a sling from the shot to the post, but he was concealing a COAL MINER’S GLOVE and he beats the hell out of Taylor, who is foaming at the mouth as a result.

Masao Ito v. Larry Santana

So this will be the only match that actually happens on this show. Ito quickly puts him away with a piledriver and big chop.

And we finish with another look at Bill Watts beating up on Terry Funk and Killer Karl Kox back in the day.

The Pulse

Nothing for wrestling this week, but now I really want to see how all those feuds pay off.