Date: March 8, 2000
Location: Lawrence Joel Coliseum, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
Can we please get to Uncensored already? I can’t take much more of Jarrett vs. Sid. It’s not that the match will be bad (even though it will be) but much more than it’s such an uninteresting feud. Jarrett is the US Champion when it could be used on almost anyone else who could use the belt, but instead he’s fighting for the World Title because someone saw a good run from him in the WWF and doesn’t get the idea of “this guy is a career midcarder”. Let’s get to it.
We open with a video on Jeff Jarrett running through WCW. Why must they torment me so?
The ramp is off to the side instead of straight down the aisle this time.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Psychosis
Prince is defending. Juvy does his Rock stuff and joins commentary, but here’s Rey Mysterio of all people to do the same. Psychosis gets in a few shots from behind to start (isn’t Prince the heel here?) and dropkicks the champ into the corner. Iaukea bails to the floor but Psychosis lands a big dive, followed by some cheap shots from Juvy. You would think Rey would intervene here but I doubt he cares about Iaukea either.
Back in and Prince’s shots to the face have little effect so Psychosis dropkicks him again. The champ pulls the referee into Psychosis, leaving no one to count Prince’s shoulders down on a rollup. Due to his love of law and order, Juvy comes in and counts the pin but amazingly enough that doesn’t count and Prince loses by DQ. Too short to rate but Psychosis was trying to make the most of his time.
The announcers run down the card.
Bam Bam Bigelow apologizes to David Flair/Crowbar/Daffney (the guys are in neck braces) for what Wall did to them recently. There’s a story of Wall being an out of control monster, but you know they’ll screw it up in the end.
Lex Luger tells Ric Flair that Arn Anderson needs to be gone because he’s worthless. Flair says he’ll bring Anderson to Luger tonight.
The Demon vs. Idol
Demon’s casket takes forever to open. Even the production crew doesn’t want to see him. Demon kicks away to start and gets his foot caught in the corner on a boot. Just….dang man. Cue Miss Hancock but Lane won’t let her get on the announcers’ table. Idol comes back with a suplex and powerslam for two, followed by a DDT when Demon ducks his head. Hancock gets on the apron and kisses Idol, allowing Demon to hit a quick cobra clutch slam for the pin. How much longer is he going to be around?
Lane and Idol beat Demon down until Norman Smiley comes out for a failed save attempt.
Curt Hennig can’t wrestle tonight but he’s coming for Luger on Nitro because Luger is a lame bodybuilder.
Jarrett and the Harris Twins plan for later.
Here’s Bam Bam Bigelow who says he’s a laid back guy (huh?) but lately there have been some things going on that he can’t tolerate. He asks David Flair and Crowbar to come out here, even though they can barely walk. Both guys come out and have a seat in the ring so Bigelow can recap their recent attacks by Wall. Ok so he calls the chokeslam a bodyslam but close enough. Kind of.
This is all Bigelow’s fault because he broke the Wall into wrestling. Bigelow thought Wall was a friend, to the point that he made Wall the godfather of his youngest daughter. He apologizes but here’s Wall to interrupt. They say some things we can’t hear and Wall decks him before kicking down the guys with bad necks. It’s table time and Bigelow is thrown (called a chokeslam) through the wood, leaving Wall to beat up David and Crowbar a bit more. Crowbar gets chokeslammed and David gets shoved off the apron and onto Bigelow. Wall walks away with the carnage behind him.
I liked this way more than I should have as it’s a basic story but they’re using the veterans to build up some young guys. David and Crowbar get sympathy while Wall looks like an out of control monster. It puts the focus on the young guys and Bigelow looks like Dr. Frankenstein for introducing this horror to the world. Nice job.
Hogan has a bunch of straps for Flair. Does this require a joke? I didn’t think so either.
The Maestro vs. The Cat
This is the result of Maestro calling Cat out. As you might expect, Cat is a bit faster than Maestro and fires off kicks in the corner, only to miss an elbow drop. That’s enough wrestling as Cat goes for Maestro’s boom box, kicks him low and bashes him in the head with the box for the pin. How inept are WCW referees? I mean…..dang man.
Maestro is thrown to the floor and seems to blame Symphony.
Vampiro is annoyed. Again? Doesn’t he do anything but whine?
After a break, Vampiro is ready for Jarrett and the US Title tonight.
Lash Leroux says he’ll be seeing great things soon. Dustin Rhodes lays Lash out and punches him to ringside so let’s have a match.
Lash Leroux vs. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin punches, Lash punches, low blow, Dustin bulldogs him for the pin in barely a minute.
Post match here’s Terry Funk and he’s got the freaking chicken. I never thought I’d have to say this, but they trade shots with the chicken and fight into the crowd. Somehow, these two would still be at least somewhat active almost fifteen years after this.
Here are Luger and Flair with something to say. After telling a fat boy to sit down (that never gets old), Ric says he needs to apologize to Luger and asks Arn Anderson to come down here, apologize for making Flair look bad and serve Team Package. Arn does come out and Luger actually gives him the Horsemen sign. I keep forgetting he was part of the team at one point so it’s not heresy.
Anderson says he’s been subservient to Ric for so long that he’s forgotten how to stand up for himself. Flair tells him to go shake Lex’s hand but Arn brings up David’s 21st birthday on Monday. Over the years, he and Ric haven’t been good fathers or husbands due to their schedules but there’s still a chance for Ric to be good to David. Ric’s career is going to be ending soon (again, Flair is still occasionally active at least twelve years after this show. That’s kind of amazing and sad at the same time) and it’s time for him to be a good father to David.
Arn is out here because David can’t be and asks why Luger is always out for himself. Like, why is this Team Package and not Team Flair? Ric says he’s done being a father and is ready for the team to ride again, if Anderson is willing to be Double A again. Anderson comes back by saying he’s got a fight or two left in them, but the real Double A would walk over Luger to get to the good fight. That’s such an awesome line and I have a feeling Luger has no idea what Anderson meant. Lex calls this all gibberish and tells Flair that he already has two strikes. If Flair lets him lose to Hennig on Monday, Ric is out.
As usual, when they let Luger stay in the background and not say much, Anderson and Flair can talk as well as any pair that I can think of. There’s a natural chemistry there that works so well and you can’t teach it. However, I’m hoping this leads somewhere with David, because otherwise it’s being wasted on Flair and Luger, who don’t need a story and Arn who is retired. Great segment, but I’m not sure I like where it’s leading.
Vampiro beats Finlay up in the back. This is a weird story as Vampiro is feuding with Jeff Jarrett in the main event scene and has this mini-side feud with Finlay.
Luger and Liz leave.
Meng vs. Fit Finlay
They slug it out and here’s Tank Abbott about thirty seconds in for the DQ.
Security breaks it up in a few seconds, making this totally worthless.
The Mamalukes are ready for their four corner elimination match tonight. Wait that’s just thrown on a Thunder? Well of course it is.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers vs. Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Booker T.
Mamalukes are defending, anyone can tag anyone, one elimination per team. I guess the Twins made bail. The champs and the Twins brawl to start and we get the bell before the other teams get here. Harlem Heat slowly comes out to join in with Booker coming out alone a few seconds later. Everyone hits everyone and Vito clotheslines Booker to break up a Spinarooni. What an uncultured swine.
Kidman and Torrie make their own entrance and all eight guys are in the ring at once so there’s almost no way to call this. We finally settle down to Stevie kneeing Booker in the chest until Booker kicks both of them in the ribs and pins Big T. off a side Russian legsweep of all things. Booker T. was the cure to the Armstrong Curse all along? Booker tags in Kidman to face Johnny and we take a break.
Back with with Kidman and Booker eliminated after Booker accidentally kicked Kidman in a reversal of Monday’s mistake. So it’s the Tag Team Title match at the pay per view on Thunder because WCW is stupid enough to not think this stuff through. Vito drops a top rope elbow for two on Don but Ron cleans house for the save. The H Bomb gets two more on Johnny with Disco coming in with a title belt for the cheap shot, allowing Johnny to get the retaining pin.
Rating: D+. So let’s recap: a Russian legsweep, a misfire that aired during a commercial and a pin off a belt shot from a manager, with the final two teams being the title match at the pay per view. How in the world did anyone think this was a good idea? Why not do a three way tag without the champs in there and then do a post match brawl? You get the challengers looking strong and don’t have the champions pin them. That felt so strange to type out because it’s such a stupid idea in the first place. The match was too full of action to be coherent but at least it wasn’t dull.
Disco takes an H Bomb post match but Vito clears the ring.
Stevie Ray says that was a two count and wants to fight Kidman and Booker on Nitro.
Diamond Dallas Page was on the Late Late Show. When is he going to be on the Bad Wrestling Show?
Long Sid vs. Jarrett video.
The Dog slobbers as Brian Knobbs talks about being hardcore. Yes, his entire character is that he’s basically a humanoid dog.
US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Vampiro
Jarrett is defending but first he asks if the girls want to flash Vampiro to distract him. He even asks the fans but then says no chance because the girls are going to the back where they belong. Vampiro starts fast and clotheslines Jarrett outside for some rams into the announcers’ table. Cue the Harris Twins to get in some cheap shots, allowing Jarrett to take over with a clothesline. So not only is Jarrett boring but he has boring help.
Jeff kicks him back outside so the Twins can get in some more shots, only to have the Mamalukes out to even things up. Vampiro and the Mamalukes sounds like a pretty sweet detective agency comedy. Back in and Vampiro plants Jarrett with a Rock Bottom but the referee is yelling at the tag teams.
Jarrett’s chair is taken away so he has to settle for two off a DDT. Nick Patrick gets bumped because WCW doesn’t know how to do anything else. Vampiro catapults Jeff into the corner and nails him with the belt as another referee comes out, only to have Patrick pull him to the floor at two. As they argue, Jarrett Strokes Vampiro onto the title to retain.
Rating: D. They’re doing a decent job of making Vampiro look like something interesting but it doesn’t help that he’s constantly jobbing every time he’s in there. Would it hurt to let him beat a Harris Brother? Or to beat someone not in the NWO so that he can actually get a win? Jarrett and the twins continue to suck the life out of anything they’re associated with and it’s already old.
Vampiro takes an H Bomb and gets spray painted to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. It says a lot that the second best segment of the show was Bam Bam Bigelow talking to the Wall. The wrestling was really lacking to barely there and somehow that might be the best option here. WCW’s wrestling really isn’t worth watching most of the time due to the people in there and how little time they have but their talking is usually good. Anderson and Flair continue to be masters, but they need to do something with someone young, because the former Horsemen don’t need a rub.
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