The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–04.15.96

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 04.15.95 Taped from San Bernadino, CA Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler Marc Mero v. Leif Cassidy Sable is now Mero’s manager, while Leif gets Marty Jannetty. Both relationships ended up pretty badly. Sign at ringside: “Leif Cassidy, WWF champion in 7 years.” Well, Hardcore champion, sure. Mero controls with armdrags and dropkicks Cassidy to the floor, and back in Cassidy goes with the eyepoke and gets slugged off the ring apron as a result. Cassidy goes to Marty for advice, and that advice? “If the cops catch you with something in your gym bag…start a fight with them!” That’s terrible advice, fake Marty Jannetty! Back in the ring, Cassidy takes over with a clothesline and declares how much he loves being a Rocker, and we take a break. Back with Cassidy hitting a dive on Mero and stopping to dance. Back in, Leif tries a full nelson and Mero flips it into a spinning headscissors, into a dive to the floor. Back in, Mero with a sunset flip from the top to finish at 8:46. They were definitely getting more comfortable throwing Snow out there as someone to have a good match with the top guys. Unfortunately that never translated into anything for him. **1/2 Diesel, via phone call from Germany, lets us know that he’s the smartest man in wrestling. No doubt. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN v. Bart Gunn Vince notes that this is “two raw boned, rugged individuals going at it.” I wouldn’t describe Bart as either of those things. Gunn works the headlock on Austin, who responds by tossing Bart and follows with an axehandle off the apron. Vince relays the info that Ahmed Johnson has managed to break his thumb in a worked arm wrestling contest. That should have been a sign right there that maybe he’s too easily injured. Back in, the HEARTLESS Steve Austin works on the neck and goes to a chinlock while the crowd visibly gets up and leaves for the concession stands. Bart fights up and Austin dumps him as we take a break. Back with Austin going to another chinlock, but Bart comes back with a bulldog and SHOOTS THE HALF for two. Cross body gets two. Dibiase trips him up and Austin attacks, but gets rolled up for two. Small package gets two. Bart tries a sleeper, but Austin reverses to a jawbreaker and then viciously throws him into the ringpost before finishing with the Million Dollar Dream at 10:45. Good ending, but the match was way too long. **1/4 The Man They Call Vader is going to engage in sports entertainment with Razor Ramon at the PPV and he feels like his chances are good. Sunny knows that we want her and expresses it in music video form. I’m sure many a teenage boy had that video taped for posterity, if you know what I mean. Intercontinental title: Goldust v. Savio Vega So a couple of days before this, Goldust blew out his knee in Germany and obviously couldn’t make the PPV, so of course they continued heavily promoting his title defense against Ultimate Warrior anyway. Goldust fondles Savio off a lockup and gyrates in the corner, leading to Vega chasing him down the aisle. Vince feels that Savio is tired of these shenanigans. Back in, Savio with a sideslam for two and we take a break. Back with Goldust hitting an atomic drop out of the corner, as the edit didn’t actually delete anything and literally picked up where the previous cut ended. Goldust takes him down and goes to a rear chinlock, then stops to cut a promo on the crowd, declaring that if they don’t quiet down he’ll go out and kiss every one of them. He did that bit on house shows at the time as well. Not surprising since this whole show has seemingly been composed of leftover dark matches anyway. Savio comes back and tries a superplex, but Goldust bites him to block and then lands on Vega’s foot on the way down. Vega makes the comeback and we take another break. Back with Vega getting a rollup for two, but the ref is bumped. Marlena gives Goldust the belt, but Savio superkicks it out of his hands and hits him with it for the pin at 15:18 to apparently win the title. However, another ref saw Savio using the belt and feels that a DQ should have been called. So Gorilla comes out and vacates the title, pending a rematch NEXT WEEK. Weak. Much like this match. *1/2 I don’t even get the reasoning with this, as Savio was feuding with Austin and Goldust was supposed to be having this big program with Warrior, and you suddenly do a two week angle where Goldust loses and regains the IC title before the PPV? On a pair of taped shows? What sense did this make? Bret Hart comments on the Iron Man match and his future plans, which at the time was put on the show to refute rumors that Bret was going to WCW along with Hall and Nash. Perish the thought. The Pulse Not a fan of this one.