ECW Hardcore TV: January 16, 1997

In an effort to better appreciate the era in which
ECW existed, I actually spent a little time reflecting on the shows themselves,
in their original form. While it’s often hard to remember through my mind’s eye
just how much poorly produced TV there was in the 90’s, I decided to jog my
memory by Youtubing the type of quality commercials that made up the era
I can remember this one playing, on what felt like
a continuous loop, during every late night airing of ECW TV, and WCW Thunder
(which I’d tape during a late Saturday night replay on one of the local
channels). And upon seeing the awful, laughable quality, I’m just reminded that
this is very much the world in which we once lived – and to appreciate ECW it
to appreciate the lazily produced phone sex commercials that sandwiched around
it. Thank you, Youtube, for never letting me down. Bring on the ECW!

Morton and Gibson have been MIA in WCW for the last
couple of months, so it’s good to see Ricky collect a bounced paycheque between
appearances. Straight to the weapons – with Morton beating New Jack over the
head with a frying pan, while Mustafa works over Rich on the outside. New Jack
and Morton head into the bleachers, leaving Mustafa alone to choke out Tommy
with a chain. Rich escapes with a wild kick to the junk, but it doesn’t last
before Mustafa boots him in the face. New Jack gets back in, and takes a thumb
to the eye from old Wildfire, but Rich then accidentally decks his partner.
Jack dives back in with a flying chair off the top, right to the face of Rich,
and scores the pin at 3:08. Tommy absolutely sucked, and it didn’t
get him an NWA title reign this time. *
“SCREAMING” JOEY STYLES is your host; and has all the dirt on what happened next.
Frustrated from their lack of cohesiveness, Rich and Morton started punching
each other, creating a vile bloody mess of indistinguishable blonde mullets.
Earlier today, a camera crew was sent down to the
Team Taz Dojo, and after some initial resistance, Paul Heyman’s father
eventually let them into the basement,
 they were let in for an
interview. Taz says he’s been sitting out for the last month, because he’s
waiting on Sabu. Until then, he’s not interested. Styles asks about the rumored
shoulder injury he’s nursing, and Taz admits to it. Joey has his mind blown by
this startling revelation, until Taz tells him to shut up, he’s been hurt since
the day he stepped into ECW. It’s an old judo injury from when he was 19, and
it acts up once in awhile. Regarding RVD, he tells him to get a haircut and
train a little. To prove his shoulder is fine, he says next week he’ll show
what he’s capable of.
Raven’s still without his belt, and he’s decidedly
pissy. He demands its return; and is greeted by the chain smoking, cane
wielding, and likely drunk Sandman. Raven demands they settle this man to man,
and decks Sandman in the face. No referee, so nothing official, but that
doesn’t stop the inevitable back and forth slugout between the two. The fans,
absolutely behind these guys, chant “BWO” in unison. On the floor, Raven grabs
a table but Sandman spears him through it, and then suplexes the table onto
Raven’s corpse. Raven recovers quickly, sets up the table across the guardrail
and ring apron, and delivers a clothesline over the top that sends Sandman gingerly
through the already broken table. Back in the middle of the ring, Raven gets
his hands on the belt, holding it up proudly as he delivers the Evenflow. With
Sandman incapacitated, THE BWO hit the ring distracting Raven.
Sandman gets a beer in the interim (where the hell did that come from? Do they
just materialize in his hands?), and spits it into Raven’s eyes blinding him.
Raven swings wildly, beating up the entire bWo while missing Sandman
completely. Stevie gives him a shove, and Raven trips over Sandman. Raven pops
up, pissed, and Richards throws a StevieKick – but Raven ducks and he clocks
Sandman! Richards grabs Raven, tells him they’re not finished, and the fans
erupt in a “STEVIE!” chant! They threaten to square off, completely missing
that Sandman’s back up and hits the Evenflow! Stevie shows his allegiance to
Sandman, and nails Raven with the StevieKick just to prove it. He offers his
shirt to Sandman, while is happily accepted … so that he can choke Raven out.
Sandman punches Raven a number of times, tying him up in the ropes, allowing
Sandman to grab the Singapore cane and smack Raven in the face repeatedly!
Frickin’ OW! The fans don’t even groan as he does it, completely in tune with
the violence, chanting “ONE MORE TIME!” Sandman downs a beer, crushes the can
on his forehead as he’s wont to do, and leaves with Raven’s title again.
JOEL GERTNER welcomes the best chest in wrestling to his interview segment …
Joel Gertner. And that’s all. Oh.
RAVEN, in a FOUL mood, steps onto the set and grabs Styles by the throat. He
orders him Joey to get his title back NOW. TOD GORDON happens
by, and tells Raven to grow up and get his title back “ECW style” by taking it.
That’s also the most effective method in getting paid around here, too.
We pick this up well into the match, with both guys
selling after what theoretically would have been a long war. Of course,
Spicolli might well be sucking wind just from the walk to the ring. Candido
tries for a rana, but Louie picks him up and throws him on his shoulders.
Candido knowing the DVD is forthcoming, grabs the ropes, so Spicolli just
throws him over the top and to the floor instead. Chris sells the neck like
it’s broken, and slowly makes his way back in … before admitting it’s a ruse
and packaging Spicolli for 2. Louie heads up, goes for a super sunset flip, but
Candido falls forward and gets the pin.
Candido shows his respect to Louie by throwing his
armbands at him, which just starts shit all over again. SHANE DOUGLAS and BRIAN
 rush in, triple teaming Spicolli, accentuated with a
tombstone. PITBULL #2 rushes in, and is immediately
chokeslammed by Lee … but he pops up, coked out of his mind, and kills any
member of the Triple Threat he sees. The heels retreat, as the ECW logo comes
Late night programming rocks – and we’re not done.
Stay tuned, because hot girls are waiting to talk to YOU.