Andy was supposed to write my recap. I’m assuming he’s busy, so I will do it.
We are LIVE(!) from Houston, TX!
Michael Cole, Byron Saxton…and JBL?! That’s a lot of commentary for one hour…
Time for MizTV as out come Miz and Miz-dow. Miz welcomes us to MizTV and says that there was a tragedy on RAW — he was robbed by the Usos and Twin Magic. Miz asks the crowd if they saw it. Crowd says, “no” because fuck The Miz. He says that he’s lucky the ref still has a job. He knows people who can fire him — but he won’t get him fired. The Usos didn’t really beat him or Miz-dow. He doesn’t air his grievances without the other side, so he brings out The Usos. No Mark Henry, I guess. Hope they didn’t kill that storyline. Crowd cheers for the Usos and Miz says, “My hand goes up, your mouths go shut.”
Miz asks the Usos why they did what they did. Crowd chants for the Usos and The Miz tells them that they’re being rude. Jey says they didn’t do anything, they just beat the Miz’s — all while Jimmy imitates Jey ala Miz-dow. Miz: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…NO. Why did you steal a victory that belonged to me?” Jimmy: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…NO. NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!” Jimmy says they didn’t steal anything from Miz. He says that Miz is an A-lister. Miz speaks and Miz-dow and the Usos ALL imitate Miz. He yells at them to stop mimicking him. Sandow stops and Miz says, “NOT YOU! THEM!” He says he wants a sequel fight right now. He says that there will be a different ending. He calls for a ref and referee Charles Robinson comes running down.
MATCH #1: The Miz & Damien Miz-dow vs. The Usos (Jimmy & Jey)
Miz and Jimmy start. First bit is your usual running attack tit-for-tat. Jimmy tags in Jey and it’s a quick double-team with elbows. Miz comes back with a dropkick off an Irish Whip. Miz tags in Miz-dow — then immediately tags himself back in. Jey hip-tosses him and tags in Jimmy who hits a double axehandle off the buckle and a chop. Miz comes back with a knee to the gut. Miz hits some stomps while Cole wants to discuss Marvel’s Third Wave of films like he’s podcasting. Miz hits a suplex and multiple stomps, then tells Miz-dow to stay back. Headlock by Miz. Jimmy gets to his feet and breaks, hitting a side suplex. Hot tag to Jey and it’s a series of clotheslines. Jey clotheslines him out of the ring. Miz-dow joins in the fall and Jey hits a Flying Uso on Miz-dow as Miz bails. Jey turns to take care of Miz and gets kicked in the face…and we go to break? Wow. This match really doesn’t need to be that long.
After break, Miz is stomping Jey. Jey comes back with chops but then gets whipped into the corner and Miz-lined. Miz goes top rope and hits a double axe-handle. Two count. Another headlock by Miz. Jey nearly has a roll-up off a knee-to-the-gut counter. Miz hits the back/neckbreaker combo and locks his legs, tagging in Miz-dow. Headlock by Miz-dow. Jey breaks and hits an Enzuguri. Hot tag to Jimmy and Miz and Jimmy hits a kick to the gut, uppercut and Samoan Drop. He goes for the Rikishi Splash but Miz moves. Jimmy hits a Corkscrew Moonsault for two. Jimmy tries a Superkick and there’s a series of counters. Roll-up by Miz. Two count. Miz-dow gets involved and Miz ends up clotheslining Jimmy to the mat. Jey tries Twin Magic again but the ref sees it this time. Jey says he didn’t do anything, then points at the Miz’s — and then pull Twin Magic for the win at 11:45.
WINNERS: The Usos
RATING: **1/2. Essentially, a shaggy dog match just to pull the same trick it pulled on RAW. It was funnier the first time.
Komen hates cancer. So please buy WWE’s shit.
TONIGHT: Sheamus fights Bo Dallas.
NEXT: We get a look at Steph’s offer to John Cena from RAW.
When we come back, we get a look at Cena vs. The Authority from RAW, as promised.
ON SMACKDOWN: It’s a Halloween Special. And all the Divas will be in costumes in a Battle Royal. The ratings should be through the roof.
MATCH #2: Paige vs. Natalya (w/ Tyson Kidd)
Come on. Either they’re divorcing or they’re not. Tyson joins the booth as Paige puts Head Scissors on Nattie. Nattie comes back with a headlock while JBL calls Kidd “Steadman”. Natties shoulderblocks Paige on a run and rolls her up for two. She tries to wrap Paige up but Paige gets to the ropes, then forearms Nattie in the head. Nattie comes back, slapping Paige and dumping her from the ring. Nattie comes to get her but Paige kicks her. Natties get in the ring on a 7-count from the ref. Paige headbutts her, then kicks her. Paige knees her in the stomach, then covers for two. She taunts Nattie and hits an abdominal stretch, shaking her, while mocking the fans doing the “NATTIE” chant. Nattie reverses it but Paige counters with a snapmare, then licks Nattie’s face. The two start punching at one another but Paige wraps her up in an Octopus hold. Nattie gets to her feet but Paige falls on her for two. Paige tosses her into the ropes and its a clothesline by Nattie. She hits a German Suplex. Tyson: “Who taught her that? I wonder!” JBL: “Brock Lesnar?” Nattie tries the Sharpshooter but Paige dodges it and hits a Ram-Paige, getting a near fall. Paige tries a Sharpshooter but Nattie reverses it. Paige kicks her off and then wins with a weak roll-up at 7:04.
RATING: **. Not too bad, really. The ending was weak and just felt like two people wrapping something up that was going on too long.
Suddenly, eyeballs and a Southern accent, saying “I will piece myself together with pieces of you.” I’m guessing Luke Harper but the boys have no idea what the hell that was.
MATCH #3: Bo Dallas vs. WWE United States Champion Sheamus (non-title)
Dallas evades Sheamus a couple times to start and acts cocky. He puts Sheamus in an arm bar. Sheamus reverses and arm drags Sheamus to the mat. Side headlock into an Irish Whip and Dallas goes down via shoulderblock. Counters by both guys leads to a dropkick by Bo. Dallas takes a victory lap outside. He gets back in the ring and goes for a handshake and Dallas Ric Flairs him. He lunges at Sheamus after that but Sheamus takes him down. Dallas keeps evading Sheamus’s holds and goes for another handshake. So Sheamus slaps him. Dallas rushes and Sheamus dumps him from the ring. He gets back in again but Sheamus clotheslines him outside the ring and hits Ten Beats. The fight moves outside. Sheamus tries to drag Dallas back into the ring but Dallas trips him while he’s on the mat and then gets a two count. Dallas hits some knees and a headlock. He tosses Sheamus to the mat and slaps him over and over. Sheamus comes back. Dallas tries a Bo-dog. Sheamus gets out of it. Dallas slaps him again — and Sheamus hits the Brogue to end it at 4:55.
WINNER: Sheamus via Brogue Kick
RATING: *1/2. The Usos and Miz’s should have been the Main Event but what do I know?
Sheamus celebrates as we go off the air.
OVERALL: **. Your usual Main Event fare.
Scott’s got NXT and also some retro shows along with Bayless.
Tommy takes you into the weekend with the Smackdown recap and AndyPG
returns next week to his regular slot. I’m out.
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