The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–07.03.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 07.03.95 Taped from Danville, PA Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler 1-2-3 Kid v. Mike Bell That is pretty damn miraculous for a broken neck two months previous. That’s some John Cena level healing there. Kid with a clothesline for two, but Bell comes back with a powerslam for two and hits the chinlock. Vince treats us to a bizarre chorus of “Yummy Yummy Yummy” to torment Lawler while Kid hits a dive off the apron, and back in for a dropkick and a sideroll to finish at 3:00. In Your House 2 Report With Todd. Diesel v. Sid! JJ v. Shawn! Yoko-Owen v. Allied Powers! That last one was kind of weird given Bulldog’s legal troubles and the open feelings that the Powers were a complete flop at that point. Jeff Jarrett just can’t wait to be alone with his baby tonight. Clearly in retrospect this was Roadie singing, but at the time everyone (including me) was like “Huh, this is actually pretty good,” which made the reveal even better. Of course then Roadie got injured and Jarrett quit and they had no followup, but they almost pulled it off. Bob Holly v. The Brooklyn Brawler Brawler works Holly over in the corner, but Bob takes him down with a headscissors and works the arm. Brawler puts him down with a knee, but Holly comes back with a dropkick for two. Flying bodypress finishes at 3:00. Meanwhile, on Superstars, an Adam Bomb v. HOG match goes horribly awry when Godwinn slops Bomb and potentially overloads his reactor core safety features. He could have killed us all! Henry Godwinn v. Barry Horowitz Barry works the arm to start, but Godwinn pounds him down and follows with a clothesline. Flying kneedrop, but Horowitz dodges a blind charge and makes the comeback before missing a dropkick. Slop drop finishes at 3:00. Barry Didinsky shills t-shirts that no human being would ever wear in public. Sid v. Bam Bam Bigelow Dibiase bribes Henry Godwinn to stay at ringside, and he immediately gets into a brawl with Biglelow before getting kicked out. So the focus of Vince’s commentary is now that Sid is a chicken, a strategy that is supposed to make us pay money to watch him in the main event. Sid overpowers Bigelow, but misses a blind charge and takes a DDT. Sid’s selling is just terrible here, which is why he shouldn’t be selling. Bigelow goes after Dibiase and Sid gets a cheapshot to take over. Big boot and we take a break, returning in a chinlock. Bammer fights up and Sid chokeslams him, but Bigelow escapes the powerbomb and makes the comeback. However, he goes up and Godwinn returns to push him off, giving Sid the pin at 7:40. So HOG is the newest member of the Corporation and Bigelow’s push is done for good. 1/2* Meanwhile, at the Special Olympics, the WWF gets increasingly desperate for mainstream acceptance. As usual, it lessens the karma impact on their part if they do charity work and then crow for weeks talking about how great they are for doing so. Waylon Mercy v. Jeff Hardy Mercy shakes hands on the way to the ring, pretending to be a babyface, then kicks the s--- out of Hardy. This was actually Jeff’s RAW debut as himself, although he did jobber shots as “Keith Davis” before this. Mercy drops him on the top rope a few times and chokes him out and the crowd’s getting into the act. Legdrop sets up a brainbuster, and then Mercy finishes with a sleeper while giving a demented expression to the camera at 3:00. Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler annoys people at the dentist’s office, which gives us the first appearance of Glen Jacobs as Isaac Yankem DDS. Initial rumors had been Shane Douglas playing the part since he was coming in around the same time. Next week: The Allied Powers v. Tatanka & King Kong Bundy Henry Godwinn!