The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–05.29.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.29.95 Taped from Binghamton, NY Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler More awesomeness from the production crew here, as Jarrett is cutting a promo during the cold open while Vince and Jerry make snide remarks. Only problem is that you can see the announcers standing there silently behind him! Also, Diesel has apparently sustained damage to his elbow in between last week’s appearance and this one and had major surgery on his elbow. You’d think reconstructive elbow surgery would be enough to get the title off him, but NOPE. Sycho Sid v. Mike Khoury Of course, Native American Tatanka (you always have to say it as one phrase like that) is at ringside, but Sid dispatches this geek in less than a minute with the powerbomb anyway. Meanwhile, Diesel is chilling in Birmingham with Dr. James Andrews. But that’s his framing elbow! That robs him of like 42% of his moveset! I do in fact remember that as a result we got Bret v. Sid as a last-minute replacement main event in Edmonton when they did a house show there at this point, and it only drew about 2000 people to the hockey arena. It was pretty sad. Adam Bomb v. Bob Cook Bob Cook without Jim Ross on commentary is just wasting everyone’s time. Bomb throws Cook around while Vince continues to mess with Lawler (“Here comes Bret Hart! Wait, just kidding.”) and Bomb finishes with the flying clothesline at 2:00 as he continues to flounder. Pretty impressive distance on the nerf footballs that he chucks into the crowd, however. King of the Ring Report with Todd. It’s pretty hilarious reading the Observer at the time, because Meltzer (like everyone else) assumed it was a done deal that Shawn was winning and noted that if he wasn’t, the show could possibly go horribly wrong. Anyway, the main event for this atrocity is Diesel & Bigelow v. Sid & Tatanka and they were probably mystified as to why no one bought it. Hakushi v. John Snakowski Why don’t we have a Super Rare John Snakowski card in the Supercard game yet? He could have a +10 charisma bonus for his Power Ranger outfit, although his toughness level would only be 10 because he looks like someone’s nerdy dad. So anyway, Hakushi pulls out what appears to be Bret Hart’s severed head from a burlap sack, and this is actually a thing that happened on TV. Frankly I’m shocked Brock Lesnar hasn’t progressed to that point yet. Vince is remarkably unconcerned about the possibility of one his top superstars getting decapitated. He’s like “Oh, that’s just a fake, that wacky Hakushi.” Hakushi finishes the guy with a senton at 2:30. HE HAS A SEVERED HEAD IN HIS BAG! SOMEONE CALL THE F------ POLICE! The WWF Hall of Fame is now a thing, inducting Antonino Rocca, Ernie Ladd and Ivan Putski. Ivan Putski? And people think standards are low now. Vince McMahon brings out Alundra Blayze for an interview, and she says absolutely nothing except that she wants Bertha Faye. In retrospect she might as well have just not won the title back in the first place. Men on a Mission v. Gary Scott & Aaron Ferguson No entrances for some reason. MOM beats on Scott and Mabel gets a BAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP on him. The man can certainly sneer, better give him a World title match. Over to Ferguson, and suddenly 15 crooked cops run in and help him out for some reason. Back to Scott, who suffers the Avalanche from Mabel and belly to belly to finish at 3:40. So sadly the black population does not get their revenge on Ferguson this week. Yeah I know, I’m already burning in hell, but I just couldn’t leave that softball hanging there. King of the Ring Qualifier: Jeff Jarrett v. Undertaker Jarrett runs away to start and tries the sneak attack, but Taker chokes him out in the corner and goes old school. Roadie trips him up, and Jarrett clotheslines him to the floor and sends him into the stairs to take over. Back in, Jarrett stomps away and adds a nice dropkick for two, then goes to work on the leg as we take a break. Back with Paul Bearer chasing the Roadie around, and Taker makes the comeback with the clothesline and chokeslam. A second one sets up the tombstone and that’s pretty much legal death for anyone at 10:50. I don’t think Jarrett was even on the PPV, was he? Pretty fun little match. **1/2 Next week: British Bulldog v. Owen Hart in another qualifier!