The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–05.01.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.01.95 Taped from Omaha, New Brunswick. Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler A LENGTHY recap of the Diesel-Bam Bam deal from last week starts us out, covering the first 5 minutes of a 45 minute show. The Allied Powers v. George Anderson & Tom Hagan Hagan’s tights are…something else. Think Al Snow as Leif Cassidy in 1997, but uglier. Bulldog throws both jobbers around and Lex hits Anderson with clotheslines. Bulldog dodges a charging jobber and powerslams him for the pin at 2:40. For once Vince’s hype about the highest rated RAW ever in the previous week was actually accurate, by the way. Meanwhile, on the Action Zone, JJ cheats to retain the title over Bob Holly, but another ref restarts the match and Holly apparently wins the title, albeit with Jarrett’s foot on the ropes. So Jack Tunney holds up the title until next week. Poor Jarrett couldn’t even get a win over Sparky Plugg as champion. Bob Holly v. Butler Stevens These are some spectacular NXT-riffic jobber names this week. Also he appears to be wearing a garbage bag as gear. Holly with a hiptoss and powerslam for two and holy s--- this job guy is just the worst. He barely knows how to bump properly and does overblown selling of everything. Holly finishes with the flying bodypress at 2:40. In Your House Report with Todd. 1-2-3 Kid has a broken neck (legit, which originally was thought to be career ending) so Ramon faces Jarrett & Roadie in a handicap match. Mantaur v. Sonny Rogers How about that Mantaur, you guys? He’s apparently still employed at this point. He throws Rogers around and hits a belly to belly and stomps away before finishing with a powerslam at 2:22. Meanwhile, Man Mountain Rock annoys the guy from NYPD Blue. Sid v. Razor Ramon Sid clobbers Razor during the pyro and powerbombs him, which brings Diesel out to make the save. As if they were gonna deliver this match anyway. Oddly, they never did, because you’d think that would be a good semi-main on a PPV and it just never happened. Adam Bomb v. Dave Sigfreid Where are they FINDING these jobbers? Sigfreid could not be any more 90s wrestler if he tried – unnaturally pumped up physique, male pattern baldness, mullet. All that’s missing is a fanny pack and Zubaz. The guy actually gets a flying bodypress, which Bomb rolls through for two, and Bomb works a headlock. Clotheslines and a flying clothesline finish at 3:37. Bomb is scheduled for a KOTR qualifier against Mabel at the PPV, which everyone assumed would be an easy win for him. So yeah, THAT went horribly wrong. Meanwhile, Hunter Hearst Helmsley lets us know how uncivilized we all are. Men on a Mission v. Kevin Kruger & Bill Duke Kruger is so lame that even Vince is making fun of his comeback attempts. Mo works Duke over, but misses an elbow and Kruger is in with a bodypress for two. The jobbers actually work Mo’s arm, but Mo takes Duke down with a vicious headlock and yells about corn huskers. What a heel. Mabel comes in to finish the guy with a suplex at 4:30. Next week: Owen Hart v. Bart Gunn! Does that really even warrant an exclamation point? Those of you complaining about tonight’s RAW count yourself lucky you didn’t have to sit through this instead.