The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–01.16.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 01.16.95 Taped from Planet Houston. Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Shawn Michaels in front of an ugly green screen. The Heavenly Bodies v. 1-2-3 Kid & Bob Holly The Bodies toss Kid and double-team Holly, as Pritchard drops elbows for two. Holly fights back in the corner and gets a flying bodypress for two as the Million Dollar team joins us to observe. Finally Bob gets the hot tag to the Kid, who hits Del Ray with a Perfectplex for the pin at 4:45. Pretty basic stuff. ** Meanwhile, Bret Hart is hanging out with the Shat backstage, and he’s free of ring rust. Mantaur v. Jason Arndt Mantaur does his best Vader impression, overpowering the jobber and pinning him after a splash at 1:45. The loser gimmick parade continues unabated. I don’t know what poor Jim Cornette did to warrant having to manage this guy. His theme song is a MOOSE. What more do you need to know? Royal Rumble Report with Todd. Man, could this card sound any more uninspired? And then it sets up Wrestlemania XI, an even more boring card. Jeff Jarrett v. Bret Hart Bret gets aggressive to start, hitting Jarrett with an atomic drop and clothesline, and choking him out on the ropes. Shatner lays in the badmouth on JJ and Bret goes to a top wristlock, then a backslide for two. Jarrett slams out of the wristlock, but Bret hangs on through that and catches him with a sleeper. Jarrett suplexes out and follows with a dropkick to take over as we take a break. Back with Bret getting a sunset flip, but Jarrett blocks it, and Bret reverses that for two. It’s a patented “see-saw matchup, back and forth” from Vince. Bret misses a blind charge and Jarrett goes up with a double axehandle, but Bret makes the comeback with the Russian legsweep for two. Suplex gets two. Backbreaker and elbow gets two. Sharpshooter is blocked by Jarrett, so Bret ties him in the ropes, but misses a charge. Jarrett with the figure-four, but Bret makes the ropes thanks to cheating Shatner. First the Kobayashi Maru, now this. Jarrett with a rollup, but Bret reverses for the pin with a handful of tights at 12:03. And then the Roadie gets to bump around like a rodeo clown for Shatner, because CELEBRITIES. ***1/4 Bret’s heel edge was kind of interesting. The King’s Court with the Million Dollar Corporation. After the Rumble, he’s gonna have the tag titles and IRS will have beaten Undertaker. Of course, neither of things happened. Also, the winners of the tag titles will defend against the Gunns next week live on RAW. Mabel v. Lee Tobin Mabel pounds away, but the jobbers shows some fire and fires back in the corner. Mabel finishes him with a clothesline and legdrop at 2:30. Post-match, he does an interview with Vince, which leads to a confrontation with King Kong Bundy. Meanwhile, on the beach, Adam Bomb is wearing a pink striped bathing suit and a fanny pack, and apparently the real prize for the Royal Rumble is Pam Anderson. And yet the show still bombed, go figure. Next week: The Smoking Gunns challenge the winners of the tag title match. The Pulse The Observer described this taping as “one of the worst in a long time” but this was a pleasant enough show with a couple of decent matches, and we’re live again next week anyway.