This has nothing to do with the WWE

The show starts off with GM Bayless in the ring. He tells the crowd that we will get a number one contender tonight to the BoD World Heavyweight Championship as Parallax vs. Jobber123 vs. The Fuj in a three-way match will determine that tonight……but wait!!!! Jef Vinson comes out holding his Money on the Table Briefcase and he has something to say:

“You know something, I have been patiently waiting to cash in my title shot. I have been brutalized, jumped, and attacked by multiple men at the same time. And now, you can name whoever you want as your number one contender but at BoD SummerSlam, I am cashing in my contract.”

The GM seems a bit surprised but plays it cool. He then says that at SummerSlam Jef Vinson will face the Champion. He also tells Vinson that tonight, he gets to face one-half of the BoD Tag Team Champions, John Petuka. He also says that since we are not getting a #1 contender’s match, we will have to settle for a………………………WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So tonight, it will Cultstatus against Parallax1978…………………..against Jobber123…………………………….and against the………………………..FUJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my, a Fatal Four Way match for the Title. Where can you see that, folks!!!! I’ll tell you where….The BoD.

Best of Five Series
David Bonzai Saldana Montgomery vs Night81

This is the first match in a Best of 5. Winner gets a shot at the BoD C-List Title. The two lockup and go into some smooth chain wrestling, showing ability above that of your average C-Lister. Night tries escaping an arm wringer with a hook kick, but DBSM blocked it and hits an early Clinching Slam! 1….2….NO! Scary early pinfall there. DBSM takes control with technical ability above that of your average C-Lister. Hoepfully Mikey Mike will step up to the challenge that ensues from this. Eventually, Night uses a back kick to the knee to escape a Buffalo Wing Sleeperhold, and then turns it into a running bulldog! 1….2….NO! Night then goes for some bigger moves to break the equilibrium. Piledriver! 1….2….NO! Twisting Face Crusher! 1….2….NO! Flashbang Clothesline! 1….2….NO! Night goes to an Armenian Armbar, but DBSM reverses into a rollup! 1….2….NO! DBSM then tries a kicking combo, but Night catches a kick and pushes DBSM into the corner post! Night then places DBSM up top and looks for the Night Rider(Reverse Frankensteiner), but DBSM somehow lands on his feet, ducks a clothesline, and cinches in a Whirlwind Backslide! 1….2…..3! DBSM takes a 1-0 lead in the series!

The Midcard Mafia are now in the ring. They have microphones in their hand and appear to have something to say.

Piers: Last night, at BoD BattleGround, the GM did not include me in the show. The same GM who is afraid of, the same GM who choked at BoD Wargames, the same GM who failed to take the Money on the Table briefcase despite a stacked deck is afraid to book us on the show. Well tonight, we are not leaving this ring until we are booked on the show and Bayless, we know you keep us away because you are afraid

Ferrari: As someone who is in the Top #12, Bayless, you have shown me no respect. You keep me off of the card. And why is that? So your pathetic janitors, rock holders, and delusional fans can clog the airwaves. You cannot keep us down forever and you will not keep us down ever again as we will not leave until we are booked. 

All of a sudden, GM Bayless appears. He does not look happy:

“Piers, Ferrari, you two shitbirds want a match. YOU GOT ONE!!!!!!!!!! (Crowd chants “You’re a Pussy” at Bayless) Oh, shut up. I have had a tag team in front of my office with one of the guys hussing for 83 consecutive minutes until I gave him a match. So tonight, you two will take on the team known as CurtZerker. And Belmont, you will get your match too as tonight you will face…………….HOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Magoonie now grabs the mic:

“The name is Magoonie you silly son of a bitch and after I defeat the Hoss, I am coming after you.”

Bayless nods his head while smirking. He seems to have some sort of plan up his sleeve.

Andy PG vs. Dock Muraco

The BoD Writer’s Division is expanding, folks. Dock is wearing a replica Ribera Steakhouse Jacket that uh, well, some people care about I think. Dock starts by trying to apply an armbar but that is countered an Andy reaches the ropes. The are now trading chops as Dock comes back with a lariat. He sends Andy in the corner but misses a flying knee strike and Andy takes control. Andy hits a dropkick and a hurricarana. He sets up for a brainbuster but Tommy Hall runs in, wearing batting gloves and a Stacey Augmon Atlanta Hawks throwback, hits Andy with a sock filled with nickles!!!! Tommy beats on Andy then stops and gives Dock Muraco an e-book dollar and tells him to read some Misawa match reviews. Tommy then grabs the mic

“Because of you not signing my petition, I lost my chance at the BoD Writer’s Championship. I have everything: e-book money, an off-brand Smartphone, a Panera Bread rewards card, and 376 throwback jerseys but the only thing I needed to complete my puzzle is the Writer’s Championship. And I promise you this, Andy, I will not stop making your life hell until I get the belt”

Folks, next week, our own Wade Michael Meltzer will head down to New Zealand and track down YJ2310 as he is training in the secretive Garea Dungeon.

GM Bayless is backstage. His Assistant GM, Director of Operations and Paper Goods, Justice Gray, informs him that the Vegas arena has been booked for August 18th. Bayless says that it will happen instead on August 4th as the BoD goes to Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CurtZerker vs. Nick “The Brick” Piers & Steve Ferrari

TheBerzerker starts off by hussing loudly at his opponents. Ferrari looks puzzled as TheBerzerker husses louder and louder as he approaches. Ferrari responds with a chop then TheBerzerker just husses even louder. “HUSS” HUSS” HUSS” HUSS”. Ferrari bounces off of the ropes and takes him down with the clothesline as the hussing as subsided. Tag to Piers and he hits a spin kick to the mouth of TheBerzerker. Piers works the arm but TheBerzerker fights back. He hits a big boot and tags Williams. He whips Piers against the ropes but Piers comes back with a spinning wheel kick. Ferrari tags back into the match and goes to work on Curtis but TheBerzerker hits him from behind then husses in the face of Piers, who is standing on the apron. Ferrari is double-teamed behind the referee’s back and in a lot of trouble. He fights back but Williams stops him. Ferrari gets sent into the corner but dodges a charging Williams as both men are down. Piers rallies his fellow Mafioso as TheBerzerker husses for his partner to tag him into the match. Williams grabs Ferrari’s leg but is met with an enziguiri and he makes the tag to Piers. He is a budget motel room house of fire, folks. He takes TheBerzerker down with a dropkick then knocks Williams to the floor. Ferrari is up and Piers tags him in and they hit TheBerzerker with a double suplex. Piers then flies outside and takes out Williams with a suicide dive as the fans go nuts. Ferrari then kicks TheBerzerker then finishes him off with the Cruise Control (lung blower) for the win!!!!!!!!!!! Could this match elevate these to MCM members in the tag team ranks?

Wade Michael Meltzer is here to deliver some breaking news, folks. He comes out and says that a former writer will be making his return to BoD RAW next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who could that be?

GM Bayless comes out and says that in two weeks at BoD RAW from Vegas, he will introduce…………………THE GIMMICK WHEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is when a bunch of C-List and unidentified performers win a chance to spin the gimmick wheel, hopefully landing on a gimmick that works. The choices will be revealed next week.

Folks, last night, Archie Stackhouse and CoolTrainerBret had an insane Boiler Room Brawl and have been banned from comepting tonight due to the Florida State Athletic Commission. However, they still had words to say about each other

Archie Stackhouse:

“(Archie sits in the boiler room. He bleeds from the forehead but doesn’t seem to notice. We see him sitting at a workbench, and hear a faint clanging sound underneath him.)

“Tonight, masked one, tonight I showed you a glimpse….of Riverdale.
But clearly, our story remains unfinished, masked one. I would give you credit, devil, if I ever considered for a moment that you deserved anything more than my scorn. My utter contempt.
My hatred.
Uncle Caliber, Uncle Caliber! You didn’t warn me about the masked one, did you, Uncle Caliber? You told me that I would be tested on the road to redeeming your name, you told me I was your chosen apostle, YOU TOLD ME!”
(Archie slams his left fist on the table. Looks up and breathes.)
“Forgive me for doubting, Uncle Caliber. Even a momentary loss of faith on the road to RIverdale is unacceptable. I pay penance to you, Uncle Caliber.”
(Archie SLAMS his own head into the workbench! The cut on his forehead starts to flow with blood, easily a .6 Muta.)
“So, where were we, masked one? Ah, yes. Your road to RIverdale, masked one. You’ve begun your journey along the speckled cobblestones that will bring your to the light, but it’s clear to me that you need a….helping hand.
Archie Stackhouse is a gentleman above all, masked one. Educated in the finest of manners by Uncle Caliber, During my sessions at the Winfield Dungeon, he strove to make me the most complete of all men, and he warned me that others might not be as….receptive to his messages as I was.
I lapped up my lessons like a kitten sups his milk, masked one, and now I know what I must do. You’ve seen the darkness of Archie Stackhouse’s world, masked one, and now I must do my duty to Uncle Caliber and GM Bayless and bring you to the light.”
(The CLANGING intensifies beneath Archie’s feet. He looks down and smiles.)
“Let me introduce you to a dear friend of mine from Riverdale, masked one.”
(Archie pulls out a crowbar stained with blood. The curved end is wrapped in barbed wire.)
“This is Jughead, masked one! He’s ever so eager to make your acquaintance, to become your friend, your….blood brother. And Jughead is hungry, masked one.
Keep your kitchen utensils, masked one. Once I break all of your fingers, it’s doubtful you’ll be able to use anything other than a straw for nourishment. Once I snap your neck like a twig, you’ll be little more than lollipop for the children of Riverdale to point and stare at – the world’s largest dessert treat!
Our game of capture the flag is over, masked one. I will remove your mask so you can finally SEE the glory that is Riverdale. I do this for you. I do this for Uncle Caliber. I do this for GM Bayless.
I do this because it is my purpose. It is my mission.
Next week, at BOD Raw, the first stage of Riverdale begins. All the way to BOD Summerslam, we’ll walk together down the road and tour the sights of Riverdale together, all the way through the final stage of your own personal flames.
You think this war is over, masked one? We’ve only just begun. Jughead and myself will see to it.
Welcome to Hell. Welcome….to Riverdale.”
Jef Vinson vs John Petuka
Petuka and Vinson make their entrance after what was hopefully a commercial break. Vinson still somehow has a tag strap, while Petuka still somehow has his dignity despite having a finisher called the “Petuka Bazooka”. The two start with a frank exchange of ideas in the debate over who is better between Pacquiao and Mayweather. The debate quickly turns heated! An exchange of fisticuffsmanship ensues! Jab! Straight! Left Hook! Uppercut! Body Blow! Flicker Jab! Overhand Right! Cross Counter! Smash! Corkscrew Blow! Gazelle Punch! Bullet Jab! Tornado Hook! DEMPSEY ROLL! Petuka is rocked and rolls to the outside, but Vinson allows no time for recovery, following him out with a pescado! Vinson then raises the tag belt up high, playing to the crowd and his valet, before throwing Petuka back in to take control. Vinson whips PEtuka off the ropes and hits a spectacular leg lariat! 1….2….NO! That won’t do it on an upper midcarder. Vinson goes to a surfboard stretch, but Petuka whirls out of it! PETUKA BAZOO-Vinson avoids it! Somehow! Vinson goes to work! Kidney Shot! Kidneyshotkidneyshotkidneyshot and pause…..STOMACH PUNC-No! Petuka grabs the punch and counters into a huge jyudo throw! 1….2….NO! That won’t work on a Top 5er. Suddenly, D-D-H wanders out! ITS GETTING FUN-KAY IN HERE! GIT DOWN WIT DA D-D-H! Devin Harris tries giving inspirational advice to Vinson as PEtuka chinlocks him, but Vinson ignores it! D-D-H shrugs and does a jig! HAHAHA, LOOKIT D-D-H DOIN A JIG! Vinson manages to gain leverage, reverse out of the chinlock, and then lands a big STO! 1….2….NO! D-D-H struts back up the ramp, while Vinson, after dat main event brawling, tries to cinch in the One Night Stand(Bow and Arrow Hold), but Petuka fight his way out of it and tries a jackknife pin! 1….2….NO! Petuka Bazook-Vinson avoids it! Tornado Hoo-Dodged by a headslip! Petuka tries an Above Average Package! 1….2…REVERSED! 1….2…..3! Vinson wins! But who would the judges score it for? Prolly the ref.
Post-match, Vinson celebrates, only to get ambushed by kbjone! RED MIST! Vinson is blind! kbjone shoves Vinson’s valet down and takes the belt, screaming that he had to pay 10 dollars for skin cream! Petuka hits a Petuka Bazooka on Vinson! Suddenly, here comes the team of Kyle Warne and Adam Curry! WArne pursues kbjone, who leaves with both belts despite not being both of the tag team champions! Petuka tries to ight off Curry, but Curry’s fueled by illicit substances, while still being able to pass a piss test! Curry outbrawls Petuka and hits the Dirt Nap(Scoop Brainbuster)! THAT ONE ROCKED! Curry celebrates as Warne disappears into the mysterious void known as the crowd in pursuit of kbjone, never to return!

And now GM Bayless, comes out to the ring.

“You know, in just two weeks, BoD RAW is Live in Vegas!!!!!! And when I think of Vegas I think of whores, drinking, and gambling. But when I gamble in Vegas, I gamble on boxing and in two weeks, on BoD RAW in Vegas, we will have John Petuka vs. Jef Vinson in a Five-Round Boxing match!!!!!!!

Wow, what an announcement.

Magoonie Teddy Belmont comes out to the ring but is attacked backstage by Hoss and the Administration. They drag him down inside as it is a 9 on 1 massacre. Garth takes Molly the Mop and uses it to clean up Magoonie’s face. Gosh Hopkins takes Nebb28’s Pet Rock and uses it to cut up Belmont’s forehead. Hoss leaves and chases the ice cream vendor as Magoonie is getting destroyed in a clear set up by the GM. We have word backstage that Piers & Ferrari have been locked in Holmberg’s Janitor closet as we see a stack of “Club Magazines” and a 1/5 of lower-shelf rum. GM Bayless comes out and gets in Magoonie’s face and screams that he will never, ever waste his time facing him in a match. He has Gary & his fan hold up Magoonie then take him down with a super kick.  The GM seems to be going through a lot of stuff to make sure that he does not have to face Magoonie 1 on 1.

BoD World Heayweight Championship Match
Parallax1978 vs. Jobber123 vs. The Fuj vs. Cultstatus (Champion)

After last night’s miscommunication, how will Fuj and Cult interact? It starts off as a brawl between the two teams from last night. A few quick pinfalls are easily broken up the Cult dumps Parallax to the floor. He DDT’s Jobber but Fuj breaks up the pin then stares at Cult. They face off but get jumped from behind before they lockup. Jobber then knees Parallax in the stomach then hits a gutwrench suplex but that only gets two. YOU CANT PUT AWAY A TOP 5’ER WITH THAT!!!!!! Jobber sends Parallax into the corner but eats boot on a charge. Parallax goes for the curb stomp but Jobber ducks and they have a reversal sequence that leads to Parallax hitting a super kick. He covers but Cult pulls him off then tosses him at Fuj, who turns that into a powerslam. Cult breaks up that pin and then finally faces off with Fuj as they trade shots. The fans go nuts as neither man can gain the advantage. Jobber comes in and boots down the Fuj, who then gets hit with a flying knee courtesy of Parallax. Cult gets double-teamed as Fuj is slowly getting up. Jobber pulls out some brass knucks and goes to hit Cult but Fuj saves his partner!! He boots Jobber down but Parallax chop blocks him down. Cult gets up and tosses Parallax to the floor, who drags out the Fuj. Jobber knocks down Cult then goes back to the knux as the ref is preoccupied but Cult dodges the swing and catches Jobber with an elbow smash to the side of the head then takes the knux and connects with Jobber’s head before putting him away with the Jackknife to retain the title. After the match, a battered and blinded Vinson comes out holding his briefcase. He points to the BoD SummerSlam, or tries, as he is blinded and points to Hoss slapping around the guy at the Organic Vegetable Stand instead. Cult looks at Vinson then laughs and points to the belt around his waist as we are out of time.