Saturday Night’s Main Event on Tuesday!
We are LIVE(!) from Fayetteville, North Carolina!
Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips are your guys at the booth.
Miz starts us off with MizTV, dressed like he reached into a photograph from 1979 and stole a guy’s outfit, wearing a blue suit so loud, Andrea Bocelli would see it and think he’s a douchebag. He says that MizTV is a “first for the WWE Network”. Maybe the boys can use that to plug the Network. Miz says that he’s got an announcement to read in the form of a letter.
He says that he’s leaving home and before anyone asks where he’d compete or what movies he’d star in, he was just a kid from a small town. People have seen him grow up. Sometimes, he felt like somebody’s “sun”, pointing out that he spelled it that way because he’s the center of everyone’s universe.
Now that he’s been successful, he’d like to thank his hometown of Cleveland, Ohio and the WWE Universe. He hates Cleveland for being “small market”. There are better places to grow up like Hollywood. In that city, nothing is given and everything is earned. He’s ready to accept the challenge because he’s a star.
Sheamus interrupts, carrying a mic. He says he speaks for everyone on the planet when he says Miz should get the hell out of the ring, drive his car to the West Coast and continue on into the ocean. Miz says that Sheamus is bitter and jealous, just like everyone he’s met in Hollywood.
Sheamus wants to know what he’s supposed to be jealous of. Miz takes his shades off and grins and shows off his face, “The Moneymaker”. Sheamus says he has it all wrong. Sheamus says Miz’s “Moneymaker” makes people ask “for their money BACK”. Sheamus says Miz’s next movie project should be “SUNDAY, BLOODY SUNDAY” because, on Sunday, he’s gonna kick Miz’s “Moneymaker” off his shoulders.
But why wait? Sheamus tries a Brogue but Miz escapes with his life and gets back down to the entrance ramp.
AT BATTLEGROUND: The Battle Royal for the WWE Intercontinental Championshp
ALSO: The Fatal Four-Way between Kane, Cena, Reigns and Orton for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
TONIGHT: Big E & Kofi Kingston take on RybAxel
We get an ad for “Road to Paloma”. If Meekin doesn’t review it, I will.
Holy CRAP, it’s Emma!
ME: “Let the iPod shoplifting jokes…begin.”
DANIELLE: “Hey! It’s Emma! Hide your iPods!”
ME: “Ahhhh, my, we have fun, don’t we?”
Naomi is joining the commentary booth because WWE must have an Overtime Pay incentive in place when Superstars do that.
BATTLEGROUND PRE-SHOW: Naomi vs. Cameron
MATCH #1: Emma vs. Cameron
Cameron’s gimmick is, essentially, the girl who is 20 minutes late for a dinner date because she couldn’t choose the right eye shadow to match her dress. She corners Emma. Emma pushes back and trips Emma who acts like a goofball. She charges at Cameron but gets kicked in the guy. Cameron whips her and gets a knee to the gut. She locks in an Abdominal Stretch to Emma but Emma elbows out and comes back with a cross body and clothesline. Emma gets whipped into the corner and hits Emmalution or DilEmma or Emmanem or whatever the hell it’s called against the ropes. Emma falls out of the ring when Cameron breaks out. Cameron follows her out of the ring and stares down Naomi. Cameron rolls Emma into the ring and gets cradled for the pin at 2:39.
WINNER: Emma via cradle pin
GRADE: D+. Typical crap match with no intensity.
Post-match, Cameron beats the crap out of Emma in anger but Naomi makes the save and Cameron retreats.
NEXT: Big E & Kofi vs. RybAxel
AD: Fatal 4-Way at Battleground
AFTER MAIN EVENT: The CM Punk Documentary. Something tells me that they put this together as incentive to come back. Turns out Punk was let go around 5 PM PST.
MATCH #2: RybAxel (Ryback & Curtis Axel) vs. Big E & Kofi Kingston
Axel and Kofi start out. Kofi does his usual headlock counter spot but Axel will not let go of his head. He finally gets free and hits a kick to Axel’s gut. Tag to E. Axel stays to fight. Axel goes for side headlock and E picks him up and tosses him across the ring, then shoulderblocks him. Tag to Ryback and it’s power vs. power. Ryback kicks at E and works him over with punches and kicks in the corner. He picks E up and puts him in a headlock. E escapes and hits a shoulderblock after a whip, then hits some backbreakers for two. E tags Kofi who jumps off the top rope and stomps Ryback’s arm in the armbar. E tags back in but Ryback gets the advantage. E responds with a belly to belly. Axel tries to rush E but Kofi comes in and dropkicks him out of the ring with Ryback. Kofi hits a HUGE Suicide Dive to both guys outside and we go to break.
AD: Saturday Night’s Main Event on WWE Network. I have such memories of that show and may actually have some of the episodes on VHS some place.
After break, E shoulde spears Ryback in the corner, then whips him into the other. Ryback tags Axel. Axel won’t get in the ring so E grabs him and belly to belly suplexes him in, then hits the Warrior Splash. He goes for the Big Ending but Axel runs outside. E chases. Ryback ambushes him but E ducks and rams him into the barrier, then continues toward Axel like in The Terminator. Axel dives at E and, FINALLY, E is rolled in with no advantage. Ryback’s headlock takes way too long to escape, so we get a quick promo for the IC Title Battle Royal PLUS a shot of the title sitting on the table outside the ring. Tag to Axel and they double team E.
Axel lands some elbows and gets two.Another headlock but E escapes. He goes for Kofi but Axel clips his knee and hits a kneelift. Tag to Ryback who comes in and hits a splash after some stomps. Crowd chants WE WANT KOFI, which is new. Ryback goes for a powerbomb but Big E counters into a body drop. Hot tags on both sides and Kofi is all over Axel with lariats and a drop kick. Big punch on Axel and the Moondrop. Kofi calls for Trouble in Paradise but Ryback distracts him. Axel tries a Side Suplex but Kofi escapes and climbs the ropes, hitting a cross body on Axel. Ryback makes the save and goes for Shell Shock but E comes in and clotheslines him. He drops Axel on his face, Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise and the faces get the win at 11:07.
WINNERS: Big E & Kofi
GRADE: B+. This was quick and entertaining…and that’s coming from a fan who hates tag team matches.
IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW: THE FATAL 4-WAY IS A THING AT BATTLEGROUND
Tom Phillips gives us the kick-ass Sting promo for 2K15.
When we come back, Tom Phillips talks up Yoenis Cespedes of the Oakland A’s holding a WWE Championship Belt after winning the MLB Homerun Derby.
RAW REBOUND: The build-up to the Fatal 4-Way — which is SO happening.
Backstage, Renee Young has Miz. She wants to know how he feels about tonight’s match. Miz talks like Warren Beatty after his morning back-rub and he says he’s a star, so he’s confident. Tonight, he’s putting his money on himself. He blows a kiss to Renee after putting on shades. Renee looks disgusted. I guess she prefers Heyman whispering in her ear.
FOR SOME REASON: Flo-Rida is on RAW this coming MONDAY.
AD: Same CM Punk doc — after Main Event.
ON SMACKDOWN: Jericho takes on Luke Harper
MATCH #3: The Miz vs. WWE United States Champion Sheamus (non-title)
The first two minutes is Miz running from Sheamus like a coward, protecting his face, until Sheamus belts him in the stomach. He pulls Miz out of a corner and short-arm clotheslines him. He tries to set up Ten Beats but Miz retreats again. There’s five more minutes of this bullshit. Miz uppercuts Sheamus and stomps at him, then hits a corner clothesline. He jumps off the top rope but Miz takes a punch to the gut. Miz falls outside the ropes and gets about four Beats, then whiffs on a punch. Sheamus chases Miz outside the ring. Miz gets back in the ring and dropkicks Sheamus while he’s outside. Miz picks up Sheamus and tosses him into the crowd barrier. The ref starts the count and Tom miscounts, saying “He’s at the count of nine” while Sheamus is still out at seven. Sheamus starts hitting shots to Miz’s gut. Miz tries a DDT but falls to the mat. Sheamus stands over him and tries to punch Miz who moves out of the way. Sheamus hits the Lariat/Kneelift combo, then a powerslam. He sets up for the Brogue but Miz moves and ducks like a coward. So Sheamus just grabs him and rolls him up for the win at around 7:23.
WINNER: Sheamus via cradle
GRADE: C-. ENOUGH OF THE “DON’T HIT MY FACE” SPOTS. The match on RAW was so much better than this. Are we REALLY going to job Miz every single time just because WWE wants to make fun of Batista?
OVERALL: Solid C. Much better than last week. I can’t believe the E/Kofi/RybAxel match trumped the ACTUAL Main Event, but that’s the way it goes.
Er, that’s it.
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