Officer Farva and Parallax enter the arena tonight as they plan to face Cultstatus and Jef Vinson tonight in a tag team match
And is Abeyance1 still racist?
Tonight’ main event is a tag match with Officer Farva & Parallax1978 vs. Cultstatus & Jef Vinson. Also, Jobber123 will work out his frustrations against Andy PG. Also, GM Bayless has a message for Nebb28 and a lot more!
Tommy Hall vs. Brian Piccolo
Brian writes the “Legends House” recaps for the BoD, which means no one has yet to read his work. He is also the least important writer named Brian on the blog. Tommy, wearing a sweet Pervis Ellison throwback, was also seen backstage before the show flaunting the benefits of his e-book money with a fancy new off-brand smart phone. Tommy attacks Piccolo before the bell. He slams his head off of the turnbuckle then tosses him to the floor. Tommy slams him into the guardrail then begins to make it rain. Oh Christ. Tommy rolls Piccolo into the ring and makes it rain some more then drops a few elbows. Tommy sets up for the Vader bomb but Piccolo rolls out of the way. He is up first and fires away at Mr. Hall. Piccolo dropkicks Hall, who is now seated in the corner. Piccolo hits a running knee smash he tries it again but Hall rolls out of the way. Hall hits a leg drop and finishes off Piccolo with the Vader Bomb for the win. Hall now reaches into his wallet and pulls out what appears to be blue paper in the shape of American currency and stuffs it in the mouth of Piccolo. Hall now takes out one of those “dollars” from his wallet and shows it to the camera. It says “e-Book Money” with a picture of Tommy in the middle. Oh come on, that is not legitimate currency.
Earlier today, cameras caught up with ABeYance1 and thebraziliankid as they had a conversation. Luckily, cameras caught that conversation on tape. Here it is:
BrazilianKid: Why did you get confused at the Special Event
Abeyance: Because you and your family all look alike
BrazilianKid: That’s not true
Abeyance: You should wear name tags
Abeyance: I dont know. I am sorry
BrazilianKid: It’s okay.
Abeyance: Thank You
BrazilianKid: Your Welcome
Brazilian Kid: Since my family is still here, would you want to meet them.
Abeyance: Yes, that sounds nice.
BrazilianKid: We are going skiing. Have you been before?
Abeyance: No, I hate the slopes
Beard Money & Dancin’ Devin Harris vs. PrimeTime Ten & Todd Lorenz
PrimeTime Ten turned on his partner, Beard Money, at the Win-a-Date Battle Royal at Extreme Rules. And the Hoss of BoD lost via countout when a fan decided to eat a Snickers bar. The Hoss is irate as the DDH and Beard Money are dancing down the aisle. Hoss and PrimeTime attack their opponents from behind as Hoss stomps Beard Money’s favorite red bandana into the mat. Is there no God! Dancin’ Devin Harris is not getting funky as he just got whipped into the guardrail. PrimeTime is mocking the do si do as the crowd is booing, because the Hoss just slapped a fan for eating carrot sticks. NO VEGETABLES. Hoss tags but misses the corner splash and both men are down. DDH is getting FUNKAY on the apron as he tries to get his partner to tag him into the match. Hoss charges but Beard Money does a cartwheel to avoid him and makes the tag. OH MY, HA HA HA!!!!!! Harris hits Hoss with a barrage of elbow smashes. PrimeTime Ten runs in and he eats an elbow as the DDH is GETTING DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES SIR!!!!!!!!!!! Beard Money comes in and he gets his ex-partner in a bearhug. PrimeTime Ten is on the verge of tapping but Hoss runs in to break that up. DDH comes in and he knocks PrimeTime Ten to the floor but Hoss comes in from behind and hits DDH. He sets up for the chokeslam but Beard Money breaks that up and he goes to town on Hoss. DONT GO MESSIN’ WITH A COUNTRY BOY. Beard Money is going nuts but PrimeTime Ten grabbed his lucky horseshoe and hits him from behind and Hoss hits the chokeslam for the win.
We are now on location at Chang O’Reilly’s, the Asian/Irish fusion restaurant as Your Favourite Loser is awaiting his date, jessybabe. Our Loser has reportedly arrived 45 minutes early and has already made nine trips to the bathroom. To say he is nervous is an understatement. He is at the bar by himself so at least he feels right at home. We will check back shortly.
Jobber123 is here. He says that he is driving is nineteen year old Infiniti and only drinking Warm Fruitopia until he gets the title. HE IS SLUMMING IT, FOLKS.
Jobber123 vs. Andy PG
This match was the result of a nasty exchange of words from last week’s RAW thread. Jobber called Andy the “McDonald’s of RAW reviews” as it is ready quick and of shitty quality. Jobber laughs at his opponent, who slaps him in the face. Jobber gets angry then whiffs on a clothesline. Andy takes him down with an enziguiri. He sizes him up then sends him through the ropes with a flying forearm. Jobber collects himself but Andy flies out and hits a springboard crossbody. Jobber is in trouble right now as Andy has all of the momentum. Andy rolls Jobber in the ring and heads up top but Jobber pulls the ref in front of him as a Shield. Andy chases after him as Jobber ducks outside and runs around the ring and ends up outsmarting Andy and catches him as he re-enters the ring. Jobber stomps Andy and chokes him out with his foot. Jobber chops him in the corner and has now taken a break to post about how much he hates poor people. Jobber hits a wheelbarrow suplex then mocks Andy by mimicking CM Punk’s “Go to Sleep” taunt but Cultstatus comes running into the ring and attacks Jobber for the DQ. Jobber is pissed and throws a chair into the ring that ends up whacking Andy in the head. This feud is not over folks.
We are back at Chang O’Reilly’s as Your Favourite Loser is at the bar, politely declining a booster seat offered by the bartender. A man who looks and dresses like he was declined by MTV when the Jersey Shore was casting, is bothering two girls at the bar. Your Favourite Loser struggles to reach for his drink and ends up standing on the chair. As he does this, he ends up spilling the drink on the guy. He goes over to Loser, who slips on the chair and ends up whacking the guy in the nuts. He goes down as the bouncers carry him out. The two girls greet Loser and swoon all over him as jessybabe walks in and sees this. She immediately spits out her drink and says “fuck this” and leaves as Loser is surrounded by a bevy of women. A BEVY OF WOMEN ARE SURROUNDING YOUR FAVOURITE LOSER.
GM Bayless brings out Nebb28. He tells him that he paid a lot of money to fly his pet rock to Extreme Rules and by being the first person eliminated in the battle royal, he proved himself to be a disgrace. Bayless then gives him a vest and says he will work that money off by being a parking attendant. He says that since he has never done this before, he will be the assistant to BoD NXT callup, Archie Stackhouse, who is currently washing the smoothie he made for Parallax out of his hair. Bayless then tells Nebb28 that he forgot to tell him but at BoD Payback, he will be facing him for the rights of the Pet Rock. BOMBSHELL DROPPED. All of a sudden,
Magoonie Teddy Belmont, Steve Ferrari, and Nick Piers come to the ring. Belmont lets Bayless know that they are the Midcard Mafia and that they will no longer be taking shit from him. Bayless smiles as White Coat Security enters the ring, forming a Shield around him. Bayless says that it is admirable that the common folk stand up for themselves but you are just that, common folk. He says that he has some bad news and shows them a video of the parking garage as their Toyota Yaris is all smashed up. Bayless laughs and says that he knows they did not get renter’s insurance because they are poor midcard talent who sleep six in a room at the Red Roof Inn. Bayless tells them that they can take the money out of their advances or they can work it off with Nebb28 in the parking garage. Bayless then tells Nebb28 that the champ wants his car to be 64 degrees when he enters with a bottle of Evian at room temperature and to get on that. The GM is torturing the midcard again. When will it stop?
Backstage, Tag Team Champions Adam Curry & Kyle Warne are chilling backstage. White Thunder and Paul Meekin enter and tell the champs to look out as they are coming for their belts. Thunder spits beer at Warne and that angers the champs and now Curtis Williams & theberzerker1 attack the champs from behind as it is a 4 on 2 beatdown. And look at this, kbjone & John Petuka run in and make the save for the champs, clearing the locker room of the heels. They help up the champs and say that they have their back. THE TAG TEAM DIVISION IS HEATING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next week, the details of the new secondary singles title will be revealed.
Mar Solo is lacing up his boots backstage. The Unstable enters as Jesse Baker says that he is going to show the whole world how he is a fraud as Gideon Stargrave his running around with a flyswatter. Mar Solo asks Jesse what the hell he is talking about as Jesse conceals his face with his cape then trips over the bench when he attempts to leave. Is the Unstable inside of Mar Solo’s head?
Our camera’s are back at Chang O’Reilly’s as several girls are giggling an running out of the establishment as Your Favourite Loser is chasing after them with his pants around his ankles. Has the perennial anti-Ladies man become the Ladies Man?
Officer Farva & Parallax1978 vs. Cultstatus & Jef Vinson
The crowd is jacked for this matchup. Lets see how the champion and the BoD Money on the Table Briefcase holder co-exist in the ring. Farva starts off the match with Jef Vinson, the man he made sure would not cash in his title shot at Extreme Rules. Farva, who for some reason thinks the current Miami Heat roster can compare to the classic teams of the NBA Past, uses his awful judgment and ends up trapped in the wrong corner. He gets destroyed as the crowd goes crazy. Parallax runs in and the match breaks down, with everyone slugging it out. Parallax knees Cultstatus off of the apron and ends up on the floor. He follows him out and grabs a chair, whacking the champ on the knee repeatedly as the ref signals for the DQ. Parallax grabs some hot coffee from a fan but Vinson swats it away. He kicks Parallax down then targets Farva, hitting him with the table. He places Farva on top and heads up to the turnbuckle as Cultstatus is beating on Parallax. OH MY GOD, its Jobber in his 1995 Infiniti putting down the aisle, stopping as the muffler fell off. He escapes through the window, because the doors do not open, and runs down to attack Cultstatus but first goes after Vinson. Its now a 3 on 2 brawl as the champ and Vinson are on the wrong end of the beating. This continues as they put Cultstatus on the table. They now pick up Vinson and pick him up as they use the triple powerbomb to put him and the champ through the table. Folks, we have to go as we are outta time. Jobber, Parallax, and the Pretend Doctor raise their hands in victory. What the hell is going on in the BoD?
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