PG Era Rant: Raw is Guerra, 5.5.14

When last we left our heroes, they went
further than we thought possible. A monster was sent back through
the fires of Hell, but came up ready to continue. Another found
himself surrounded by steel, opposition, and the sight of a messenger
he can’t afford to see. But there was some Bad News mixed in, as we
have a new champion. Now, it’s time to see who’s on their way to
getting Payback.
The PG Era Rant or Raw, 5-5-14.
En Vivo from Albany, Nuevo York.
Episode #1093.
Your hosts are Miguel Cole, Juan
Bradshaw Layfield, and El Rey Lawler. Cinco de Maio, folks.

Your nuggets of wisdom from the
Pre-Show…
SPECIAL GUEST PANELIST (WHO THEREFORE
WON’T WRESTLE TONIGHT): Natalya.
SUPERSTARS MATCHES: The Usos vs. 3MB;
Paige in action.
RAW EVENTS: 20 Man Battle Royal for the
United States Championship; Barrett/Langston mandated rematch; Bray
Wyatt’s crusade continues; Rob Van Dam faces Antonio Cesaro; Adam
Rose debuts.
Opening match: 20 man Battle Royal
for the United States Championship.

Your participants are champion Dean Ambrose, Cody Rhodes, Goldust,
Mark Henry, Titus O’Neil, R-Truth, Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston, Dolph
Ziggler, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Sheamus,
Big Show, Zack Ryder, Fandango, Santino Marella, Sin Cara, and Damien
Sandow. Battle Royal start. I’ll try to keep up. Big Show slaps
around Xavier Woods. Woods out at 1:08. The Rhodeses are teaming
up. Santino and Fandango keep up their thing. Ryder’s out at 1:27.
Cody and Sandow renew pleasantries. Truth out at 1:55. Sheamus has
Goldust, O’Neil has Santino. Ziggler goes over and back a few times.
Ziggler jumps on Big Show’s back like an idiot. Ziggler’s shirt is
off. Kofi blocks a Swagger elimination attempt. Santino crawls on
the apron and stays in. Slater and Fandango try to knock each other
off. O’Neil is tossed at 3:32 as Ziggler and Slater are stuck going
over but get back in. Ziggler wobbles on the apron. Sin Cara tossed
onto everyone at 4:02 and he’s out via Big Show, who’s eliminated
just about everyone so far. Show steps on Slater as Ziggler escapes
back in. Sheamus has Swagger in trouble. Santino hangs on. Ziggler
takes the Slaughter Bump to the apron, and Fandango tries to finish
it. Ambrose and Goldust works on Axel, but no dice. Show spanks
Slater. Yes, really. (JBL: “Good game, kid.”) Sandow charges
Sheamus and runs into the Ten of Clubs on his way out at 5:49 (with
Slater’s help). Ambrose clips Sheamus as we go to commercial with 14
remaining.
US Championship Battle Royal,
continued.
We’re back with the
crowd cheering Ziggler as Big Show and Mark Henry get
multiple-teamed. Heath Slater was tossed during the break. Show and
Henry throw everyone aside and slug it out. Spot never fails to
excite the crowd. Show chokeslams Henry (!!) before a Brogue Kick
from Sheamus, and the whole world takes Show out at 10:15. Then it’s
Henry, and he’s out at 10:28. We’re down to 11 as Kofi teases going
out but lands on the apron. Fandango tries to kick him off, but
Ambrose takes both men out at 11:03 and 11:06. Goldust works on Axel
win the ten punch countalong, but he’s taken out at 11:32, with Cody
following at 11:38, both by Rybaxel. Santino with the Cobra on Dolph
and he’s gone at 11:59 as the crowd is not happy. Everyone turns to
Santino as Rybaxel work him over. Santino on the apron, and he
Cobras Ryback, but Axel knocks him down at 12:28. Down to five.
Both men agree: Rybaxel should work together until they stab each
other in the back. Finlay Roll to Ryback as he takes both tag
partners out at once. Ryback catches Sheamus’ Brogue Kick and
powerbombs him in a great spot. Ambrose attacks Ryback in the corner
as Axel kicks Sheamus and Goldberg chants start. Ambrose goes to
Axel now, but Ryback breaks it up. Rybaxel are dominant, hitting
shots on the other three (Sheamus, Ambrose, and Swagger). Ambrose
blocks an elimination attempt as CM Punk chants begin. He lands on
the apron, tossing Axel at 14:32. Ambrose v Ryback on the apron slug
it out, but Ryback has one “Stupid” too many and he’s gone at
14:55. It’s Ambrose, Swagger, and Sheamus left. Swagger looks to
toss Ambrose, but Ambrose reverses and he’s out at 15:14. It’s
Sheamus v Ambrose for the title now. Brogue Kick by Sheamus as the
Shield is nervous. And that’s that, as Ambrose is out at 15:41 and
Sheamus wins the gold. Swagger should’ve won, but whatever. *3/4
It’s Sheamus’s second title reign. Commentary puts over Ambrose’s
performance. Ambrose is furious as Rollins tries to cheer him up…
…and
here comes HHH. He says that last night, there was an unforgettable
war that the Shield were lucky to win. Since Ambrose has lost the US
Title, though, the luck is changing. Considering the fact that
there’s a six-man tag tonight (Shield/Wyatts IV!), HHH says, “Your
luck has run out.” It’ll be a great match, says JBL. Cole agrees,
but it doesn’t change (in his mind) the vendetta HHH has for the
Shield.
Later
tonight, Wyatt’s crusade continues! Langston cashes in his rematch
clause!
Looks
like this is how they begin the Sheamus heel turn that’s been
rumored. If he becomes part of Evolution to replace Batista, it’s
the best idea they have. They have a Past in HHH and a Present in
Orton… they need a Future, even though Sheamus is more Present than
Future. That said, if they keep being meta about this, putting
“Hunter’s workout buddy” in the spot couldn’t hurt.
Adam Rose is on the Exotic Express.
It’s Party Time! ALL THE TIME! Don’t be a lemon! BE A ROSEBUD!
They’ll be here tonight.
One more look at the title change.
Renee Young is backstage to interview
Sheamus to a mixed reaction. He talks about how he’s been spinning
his wheels since January. But every stopped clock is right twice a
day, and it’s all about watching and waiting. Tonight, the time was
right for him to get gold. Renee asks for a comment towards Dean
Ambrose, and Sheamus says no hard feelings. Crowd doesn’t
universally buy it.
Daniel Bryan and Kane fought all over
the arena last night. Forklifts were involved. Daniel Bryan had a
Ram Jam off a fully extended forklift. Tables were on fire. And the
Explosive Knee ended it… but Kane got up. THIS IS NOT OVER.
Backstage, Daniel Bryan is with Brie.
Stephanie enters the dressing room after knocking (too heavily) to
offer congratulations. But she warns that Kane is angry, and when
he’s angry, he gets way too violent. So Stephanie suggests they not
leave the locker room until their match. Daniel thanks her for the
advice… and as Brie notices, Kane’s mask is in their locker room.
Hmmm.
Rob
Van Dam is out for his match. I hope you’re not doing a Cinco de
Maio drinking game, because you’d be on 2 and counting and it’s only
8:30. That will be after the break. The match, I mean.
Hey,
what do you know? The WWE App won a Webby!
Paul
Heyman is going to talk. Breaking News: Brock conquered the Streak.
“I don’t like your attitude, and you’re not gonna like mine!”
Here we go.
Rob Van Dam v. Antonio Cesaro.
Cesaro’s now the King of Extreme. RVD has a black eye. Ah, that’s
why Cesaro’s music starts with storm sirens: the giant swing is a
tornado. Waistlocks to start back and forth, with RVD winning with
an armdrag into a stalemate. Cesaro with a headlock now, and a
tackle for one. He goes back to the headlock. Criss-cross leads to
a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Cesaro for two. RVD blocks a
turnbuckle shot and gets one of his own, followed by a top rope kick
and Rolling Thunder. Cesaro bails and gets some coaching from
Heyman. He catches RVD coming in with a Hotshot and punches away on
the bad eye. Neck crank by Cesaro in the ropes. RVD stops a
roundhouse and dumps Cesaro off a charge, following with a somersault
senton. He plays to the crowd before landing an apron quebrada.
Heyman is upset. Back in, RVD with a slingshot legdrop for two.
Cesaro sends RVD into the buckle to buy time. He hangs RVD over the
apron and uppercuts him as a Paul-Rus chant starts. Cesaro gets two.
Heyman: “Stay on him. If he can’t breathe, he can’t fight.”
Cesaro with an uppercut as more CM Punk chants come out. RVD flips
over a backdrop, but Cesaro stops the stepover enzuigiri and sends
RVD over the top with a clothesline as we go to break.
RVD/Cesaro, part two.
We return with the traditional commercial chinlock as an RVD chant
breaks out. RVD elbows out repeatedly, and after some reversals, RVD
gets a sunset flip for two. Cesaro gets a Mushroom Stomp for two.
JBL wishes Chad Patton (the ref) a happy birthday as RVD gets a small
package for two. RVD with a leg cradle for two. Big kick by Cesaro,
but a blind charge eats boot only for RVD to leap into an uppercut
for two. And two. RVD chants break out again as Cesaro stalks RVD
despite Heyman’s advice. Running uppercut in the corner gets two.
Triplicate Karelin Suplexes by Cesaro gets two. Cesaro with a
chinlock to pull RVD up, then he slugs away. RVD leaps over a
charging Cesaro, but Cesaro blocks the monkey flip only to run into
an elbow. He goes up top, but Cesaro drops RVD into the Tree of Woe
and attacks. The ref separates them, which gives RVD the werewithal
to land a kick. But he can’t get undone, and Cesaro pounds the hell
out of RVD until he’s DQ’d for ignoring a five-count at 11:42.
Cesaro won’t stop and kicks RVD’s head, then punches away on RVD
before Heyman stops him from getting suspended. Match was better
than their tournament match before the weird ending. ***1/4
RVD is dazed and confused, trying to avoid help but needing medical
attention as Cesaro leaves to a chorus of boos.
Hey,
if you refer a friend to the Network, there’s $25 worth of WWE merch
in it for you! Cole: “If I can get 5 of my friends to sign up…”
JBL: “You don’t have 5 friends!” Maximum of 10, by the way.
Wyatt
cut means he’s here. After the break.
I’m
guessing it’s time for RVD to take more time off, even though it
seems rather soon. Either that, or RVD/Cesaro is not over. Not sure
I like either one. Meanwhile, was this a sneaky good first hour or
what?
Tonight’s
Main Event is Shield vs….
…wait,
here’s Bray Wyatt in his chair in the ring. He says that Abigail
told him he was born to lead. “One day, Bray, you will change the
world.” He believed Sister Abigail, as always. But the world has
wicked ways about it. They would always turn Their nose up at him.
He was called a piece of trash and a nobody. Those People made today
so sweet for Bray, and it is glorious because he became Somebody.
Because last night, he personified John Cena’s biggest fear in a
singing child. He finds this hilarious as we look at just what the
heck Bray’s talking about. Back to live, as Bray gets applauded and
laughs at Cena being afraid of a child. “You can’t fool the
children, John, for they are the foundation of what tomorrow shall
bring.” Children want to hear and to learn. Their innocent eyes
see through Cena. Cena tells everyone that Bray is a monster… and
that Bray is. But how cruel Bray can be! Cena, though, would have
you believe that Bray’s message is a lie and that Bray wants to burn
down the world. He’s right, though; “I do wish to watch this world
burn.” Bray wants to watch the world burn much as a farmer burns
spoiled crops. It needs burning down to be reborn. And Bray will
have it reborn in his image. John Cena thinks that Bray is selfish
and does everything for himself, but that’s where Cena is wrong. He
does it for the kids. He does it for the poor, homeless, starving
man who They think can’t live in this world; for the teenage girl who
wakes up crying because They don’t think she’s beautiful enough. He
does it for all of the fans. (Bray gets applause and boos.) And
from now on, John Cena stands alone. “And alone he shall fall.”
But the children will stand with Bray and never be alone again. They
won’t remember him as a monster, but for what he is: a god. Bray
starts singing, and a good chunk of the crowd sings along as the
camera focuses on Harper’s eyes. Bray laughs and hits the Raven pose
as we go out.
Later
tonight: Langston cashes in his rematch clause! Plus, Shield/Wyatts
IV!
I’m
reminded of a joke. The punchline is “God doesn’t think he’s Bray
Wyatt.”
Extreme
Rules was the top show of the week on WWE Network. Somehow, Legends’
House is still popular.
Ryback
v. Cody Rhodes.

You know, they have a big enough roster that they don’t have to
double people up, right? It’s been noted that Cody actually was the
one to take Goldust out during his altercation with Ryback. Ryback
shoves Cody into the corner, but Cody reverses only to get knocked
aside. Cody with a sliding uppercut and he low-bridges Ryback out.
Back in, Ryback tries to corner Cody, but Cody fires off. Leap in
the corner is caught into a Hotshot, and Ryback chokes Cody away.
Ryback clubs away on Cody and gets a running back elbow for two.
Cody gets knocked to the apron, but he leaps over with a sunset flip.
Ryback slams Cody down and chokes him with his boot. He gets a
suplex – actually, three in a row, but no rolling – for barely
two. Ryback headbutts Cody a bunch and chops away in the corner, but
Cody fights out only to be Hammer Thrown. Ryback drops elbows on
Cody and chokes him on the bottom rope. A slam (“Stupid!”) and
splash gets two. To the chinlock, with a fishhook thrown in, and
when Cody’s up Ryback gives him a hairpull slam. More chinlockery.
Cody fights out, but Ryback with a Ron Simmons spinebuster.
Second-rope splash airballs, and Cody uses a back elbow to get
control. He steals Ted Jr.’s following lariat, then escapes a press
slam and clips Ryback. A seated something gets two. Cody gets the
Disaster Kick (on the second try; the first one was caught) and a
springboard dropkick. Crowd wakes up as he goes to the apron,
shooing Axel away. Goldust cuts Axel off only to get thrown into the
post by Axel, which upsets Cody’s balance a little. Cody’s caught by
Ryback, though, and Ryback gets Shell Shock for the pin at 6:00.
3/4*

Back
in the locker room, Brie hates the feeling of being trapped. Daniel
Bryan tells her to stay with him. The lights go out, and the mask is
on a lantern – the only source of light. They leave the dressing
room and run into Stephanie. Stephanie’s confused (not that Bryan
believes her), and she offers to allow Brie to go home early. She’ll
even pull the car up for them.
And
now we’ll see if Daniel Bryan can change a tire. In all seriousness,
WWE was never good at corny, but Kane has survived worse and kept his
heat intact, so whatever.
REWIND:
Last night, there was a minis match on the Extreme Rules kickoff.
Los
Matadores and El Torito are in the ring with pinatas and candy. It’s
time to celebrate the victory with a Cinco de Maio celebration with
the WWE “Juniverse”. Torito tosses some candy out to the crowd
for a couple passes, and here comes 3MB. Heath Slater tells them the
party’s over because you can’t have a party without “Tres M B”.
So now that they’re here, so is the party. Heath then drops the act
and asks for a truce. Jinder: “This is America, speak English!”
Crowd starts a USA chant for Mahal (from India), McIntyre (from
Scotland), and Slater (from West Virginia, which might as well be a
foreign country). McIntyre demands they accept the truce or they’ll
spoil the party. The Matadores call a huddle, and Torito offers
candy to Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle takes one… and slaps the rest
away. He lands a shot on Torito and the minis keep fighting. Mahal
and McIntyre are dropkicked out, leaving Slater 1 on 2. He’s not
happy. He tries some Ole action, but he gets tossed anyway. And now
Hornswoggle’s alone. Torito throws a sombrero on him and gets an
airplane spin. He then gores Hornswoggle from behind to send him
out. The Matadores gets their face heat back by tossing more candy
out.
Tonight,
the I-C title rematch! Plus, the Wyatts and Shield are coming back
against each other!
Well,
this show’s momentum from the first hour came screeching to a halt.
Images
of soldiers coming home tell us to Bo-Lieve.
Kofi
Kingston v. Alexander Rusev.

For those who missed the show last night, Rusev moved to Russia.
They repeat the Putin headshot from last night, which is a nice
touch, although he gets more of a reaction than Rusev and Lana
combined. Also, they’ve dropped “Alexander” from his name
apparently. At least on his video. Kofi tries to kick Rusev, but
after one roundhouse he gets smashed into the ropes. Rusev kicks
away on Kofi and traps him with headbutts in the corner. He no-sells
a shot and goes to an overhead suplex. He’s annoyed he got hit with
a shot, then lands a series of elbows to Kofi’s traps. Avalanche
eats boots, thogh, and Kofi with kicks to the sides. One is caught,
but Kofi rebounds with a dropkick. Kofi tries a Stinger Splash but
is caught only to get a rebound crossbody for two and a soccer kick.
A second one misses, and Kofi runs into a fallaway slam… but Kofi
lands on his feet and gets a pendulum kick. Frog crossbody is
caught, though, and NOW the fallaway slam connects. It’s time to
Crush, and the Sambo Slam (which should be his finisher) leads to the
Camel Clutch for the tapout at 2:56. Just feed him to Cena and get
it overwith. 1/2*
He’s not bad or anything, but Lana is a bad manager and Rusev has
zero charisma on his own.
THIS
JUST IN: The WWE Network is available on Xbox One.
Brie
and Bryan make their way to the car, and Brie’s pt inside it. Brya
is distracted by something as he walks around the car, keeping an eye
out for Kane. He gets in the front seat to drive off… and
Stephanie knocks on the window. Unfortunately, Daniel can’t leave
because he has a match, and he must wrestle it or lose the title.
The two leave the car and head back.
Oh,
man, Stephanie’s false sincerity is awesome. Back to Rusev for a
second: Oleg Prudius is from Ukraine. Bring him in for a one-off if
you want to make a big deal out of the new Russian.
Non-title:
Alberto Del Rio v. Daniel Bryan.

Wisely, Bryan has Brie with him. Del Rio with a headlock to start,
and a tackle, but Bryan with a dropkick as Brie looks around
nervously. Bryan with uppercuts and kicks in the corner. He puts
his head down, and Del Rio with a low superkick for two. Del Rio
with punches and a chinlock. Bryan punches out, but runs into a
tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Crowd is 100% behind Daniel Bryan
as Del Rio chokes away on the ropes. Del Rio with kicks in the
corner, but Bryan punches out and corner Del Rio with more kicks.
Bryan begins the comeback (though he stumbles on the backflip) for a
double KO. YES Kicks to Del Rio, but the roundhouse misses and Del
Rio gets the Backstabber for two. He kicks Bryan out of the ring and
follows, taunting Brie before throwing Bryan into the barricade. He
mocks the YES chants as we go to break.
Del
Rio/Bryan, part two.

Back in the chinlock as always as Brie is looking around in concern.
Bryan fights out and gets a waistlock, but Del Rio reverses to a
German Suplex for two. Running enzuigiri in the corner by Del Rio
and he chokes away. Armbar in the ropes as Del Rio uses all four
counts to bring out pain. He’s got til five, ref! Del Rio up top
with mock YESing, but he’s caught with a chop for two. Bryan twists
the knee of Del Rio and wraps it in the ropes. Running baseball
slide sends Del Rio to the outside, and Bryan follows. Shinbreaker
by Bryan, but Del Rio blocks it. Del Rio with a fireman’s carry drop
onto the barricade. Bryan takes the full nine before returning. Del
Rio with a DDT and he lowers the shinpad. Low superkick misses, and
Bryan hits his own. Both men are down as they’re just teasing the
hell out of Kane. No pun intended. Crowd rallies Bryan up, and it’s
a strikefest, which Bryan wins. Bryan with a drop toehold into the
middle buckle, and he kicks Del Rio’s face. Del Rio stops kicks with
kicks and works the gut with shoulder shots in the corner. Corner
clothesline connects. Del Rio puts Bryan up top, and it’s a
superplex try, but Bryan blocks. He punches out, headbutting down
Del Rio and following with the Ram Jam for two. Bryan warms up in
the corner with locomotion coast to coast dropkicks, but Del Rio
bails after two. Bryan with the tope suicida that sends Del Rio
halfway into the crowd. Back in, Bryan up top but the step-up
enzuigiri connects for two. Del Rio figures it’s time for the
armbar, but Bryan does La Mistica into the Yes Lock. It gets the
tapout at 15:29 as Kane was nowhere to be found. So far. ***3/4
Finish gets an extra half star.
And
NOW the fire burns and Kane’s music plays. Bryan and Brie head to
the back in a hurry, figuring it’s the safest way out. No sign of
Kane yet. They race to their car and quickly get in. And OF COURSE
the car doesn’t start. Bryan checks the car as Brie encourages him
to hurry… and Kane’s in the back seat. Bryan hops in, but Kane
kicks him out and we have a brawl. Kane throws Bryan onto the roof,
but Bryan kicks him and gets in the driver’s seat. Kane tries to
choke Bryan, so they take off and dump Kane off the car. And stop,
because Kane is flat out. Brie encourages Bryan just to run, but
Bryan turns into every horror character ever and waits for Kane to
sit up before peeling out of the parking lot. Kane still knows what
they did last summer as we go to commercial.
It’s
corny, but it’s kiddie-corny, so I’ll let it slide. With no Batista
around, they need to build to a return match, so why not?
Meanwhile,
on the Exotic Express, it’s party time all the time. He’s
fashionably late, I’m sure, but he’ll be here tonight.
Intercontinental
Title: Big E Langston (challenger) v. Wade Barrett (champion).

No intros. Wade’s BAD NEWS: you deformed slobs might have been
worthy of Langston, but you’re too ugly to be worthy of Barrett.
Langston with a waistlock takedown and ride, adding a German pinning
predicament. He transitions to a series of rib breakers, getting
two. They go outside, as Langston smacks Barrett around and sends
him into the STEEL steps. Langston spears Barrett into the steps.
Back in after a tease, and Barrett rolls back out. Langston sends
Barrett into the apron, and the two fight on the apron with Langston
running into the post. Barrett clotheslines Langston on the outside,
adding a Cactus Elbow (complete with Bang Bang). Barrett plays to
the crowd as they tease a countout. He’s back in at eight and
Barrett stomps away as we go to break.
I-C
Title match, part two.

Back with Langston elbowing out but getting a kneelift. Barrett big
boot misses in the corner. Langston with the comeback on Barrett,
including a Greco-Roman suplex and Ultimate Splash… that hits the
knees. Barrett gets two. Barrett stomps on the hands, but runs into
a Big Ending try only to get out and land a Bossman Slam for two.
Barrett goes ground and pound as the crowd chants for CM Punk again.
Wasteland is blocked and Barrett is dumped, with Langston trying a
spear only to eat knee. Pad is pulled down, but the Bullhammer
misses and Langston gets a Vader attack. Now the spear from apron to
floor hits. Back in, it gets two. Barrett begs off, then gets a low
kick before running into an overhead suplex. A second one by
Langston and the straps are down. Big Ending is loaded, but Barrett
rakes the eyes and gets the Bullhammer to retain at 10:43. Kinda
disjointed compared to last night, but good enough for government
work. **1/4
BREAKING
NEWS: John Cena to appear on Main Event to address Bray Wyatt.
Another
look at the US Title Battle Royal.
Later
tonight, Shield/Wyatts IV!
Enough
with the CM Punk chants already! It’s been a good show!
In
honor of Mother’s Day, Mr. T’s Hall of Fame Speech Remix. Funnier
than it had any right to be. Fool.
Zeb
Colter and Jack Swagger are here. WE THE PEOPLE. Colter says if
you’re a Real American it’s not Cinco de Maio, it’s May 5th.
And anyone who celebrates Cinco de Maio, it’s to get drunk. (Crowd
cheers.) And speaking of sick, he doesn’t like illegal immigrants in
the WWE. So tonight, he’s got a Deportation List. Emma, Santino,
Cesaro, Heyman, Paige, Sheamus. (“If we can find a country that
wold take [Heyman].”) He tells Emma to hop a kangaroo and go back
Down Under. Sheamus and Paige need to be deported because they’re
very pale.
Enough
of that – the party boys are here! And out comes Adam Rose through
the party crowd to the ring! Colter’s face is priceless. Rose
crowdsurfs his party crew around the ring. Okay, I can see why
people loved his entrance. The crowd is singing along with the theme
music long after it stops. Rose sucks his lollipop as he and Colter
exchange weird glances. Colter wants nothing to do with Rose, so
Rose grabs his mustache and tells him to be a Rosebud. Swagger is
ordered to do something about it, but Rose dumps him out and the
party train does a conga line around Colter. Colter crawls away as
the party continues. Even Cole is partying along. JBL: “You’re as
stupid as they are!”
Cole
(barely able to contain himself) segues to NXT on the WWE Network as
Lawler and Cole tell JBL to get over it. The Exotic Express dances
their way out. JBL is a wet blanket.
Your
main event is next!
Good
news: Adam Rose is very over from his first appearance, and he’s
basically only been seen on the WWE Network and in debut vignettes
before this. I think Creative has hit a home run. I mean, I thought
the segment was great. And what matters to me is if I was
entertained. Your mileage may vary.
On
SmackDown, Sheamus will have his first US Title defense.
Main
Event: The Shield v. The Wyatt Family (round four, Wyatt Family leads
2-1).

Big big brawl to start before the bell rings that spills to the
outside. Rowan and Ambrose start in the ring, and Ambrose does the
ten punch on Rowan (the crowd doesn’t count along). Rowan tries a
slam, but Ambrose clips Rowan and Rollins is in. Crowd is too busy
saying this is awesome. Rowan with a kneelift to Rollins. Harper
in, and he slugs Rollins and hooks a suplex. Rollins gets out of it,
and Ambrose is in with a double suplex. Ambrose with the power drive
elbow for one. Harper holds Ambrose in the corner, but Reigns tags
himself in and headbutts Harper. A lot of smacking around in the
corner follows. Rollins in to double-team, but Harper cuts Rollins’
momentum off and throws him into the corner. Uppercut by Harper,
then a suplex for two. Bray in, and he smacks Rollins around in the
gut. Big kick to Rollins, who rolls out of the ring. Bray follows
and throws Rollins in, but the cover is faulty. Rowan in with a
stomp and right hand. Forearm club to Rollins, but a blind charge
eats boot. Rollins dives off, but into Rowan’s arms. He escapes and
gets a spinkick, bringing Ambrose in. Crossbody on Rowan and he
punches away, adding a kneelift and dropkick. He then knocks Harper
off the apron and dives onto him before returning and getting a
rebound lariat. Figure four time, but everyone enters and the ref
forces a break – as does the TV guy.
Main
event, part two.

Harper has Ambrose in a chinlock, but Ambrose gets the jawbreaker to
break and punches away (while cradling his skull). Harper catches a
kick and throws Ambrose flat for two. Bray in, and he gets a
drive-by kick. It gets one. Bray throws crossface blows on Ambrose,
and Harper gets a double-team. Rowan in now, and he gets an elbow to
the forehead. Hammer Throw to the opposite side on Ambrose, and he
gets another, but a charge eats boot and Ambrose creates a clear path
to tag in. Harper tags in, but both he and Rowan fall over the top
and Rollins is in to dive onto both men and land on his feet. Bray
is knocked down too, and back in, Rollins with a spinning sleeper
slam. Running forearm to Harper, and an STO to the buckles. Rollins
with a standing shooting star press for two. He avoids a Bray
charge, then kicks him, but when he tries a springboard, Harper
shoves him to the outside. Then Harper dives into Rollins, sending
him into the table, which gets prepped. Harper throws a chair into
ringside for no reason, then sends Rollins back in. It gets two.
Uppercut by Harper, and Bray tags in to stomp away. He mockingly
starts a “Let’s Go Shield” cry, then gets an avalanche in the
corner for two as the crowd starts singing. Harper with a shot to
the gut, and he sends Reigns off the apron for good measure. He
tries an alley-oop bomb, but Rollins lands on his feet only to get
sent right back off them for two, Ambrose saves. Ambrose takes
everyone on and gets sent to the table, where Bray pounds on him. In
the ring, Harper puts Rollins up top as the crowd wants a table
broken. Harper hooks the nose while up top, but Rollins pulls the
beard and headbutts to take over. Harper’s down, Rollins is up, and
the knee grazes Harper. Hot tag Reigns, and everyone goes flying.
Leaping clothesline to Bray, then Rowan. Reigns Kos Bray with a
right hand and does a Cactus Clothesline to Rowan into a Drive-By
Dropkick to Bray. He stops a charging Harper and does a leaping
clothesline to him, too. Superpunch time, but Rowan stops it and
everyone’s in. Shield clear out the flunkies, and Ambrose and
Rollins dive onto them as the table is loaded. Bray looks to charge
Reigns and gets Superpunched. Shield wants the Triplebomb on Bray,
and that’s Evolution’s cue. They head to the ring slowly, but the
Shield dropkick the Wyatt flunkies into Evolution and dive to wipe
out all five men. Another Superpunch, this one to HHH, but Bray with
his running forearm and Sister Abigail to win at 18:00. What a
finish. ***3/4

HHH
is up first, and Evolution beats the Shield down. HHH sends Rollins
into the turnbuckle as Orton takes Reigns and Batista takes Ambrose
into the steps. Orton with the Super Draping DDT to Rollins.
Batista (allegedly) spinebusts Ambrose on the steps. Reigns eats
Pedigree… almost. Reigns backdrops out… into an RKO. And now
HHH gets his Pedigree. And then, just for good measure, Evolution
gives Reigns a Triplebomb. Reigns’s mouth is a mess. Evolution
mocks the Shield’s pose as we see replays. Evolution stands tall as
the Shield is all out and we end the show.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
Well,
the next big show is called Payback, so I guess rematches are
thematic.
In
all seriousness, I liked this show a lot. Yes, there was a small
amount of corniness, and the 9-9:45 block was not very good. But you
had a bunch of good, long matches, a title change, and massive
beating, stories moving on, a good debut, and I leave very
entertained.
Bray
Wyatt looked stronger tonight than he has against Cena (whose
presence wasn’t missed). Adam Rose got his character over very
nicely in his segment (even if Twitter seemed to like Zeb more).
Wade Barrett looked like a strong champion. And we were reminded why
you shouldn’t give up on Alberto Del Rio – he put on a great match
with Daniel Bryan. I’m a wrestling fan, and this had good wrestling.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 80:31 over just seven matches
BEST
MATCH: Shield/Wyatts IV
WORST
MATCH: Rusev/Kofi
NIGHT
MVP: Sheamus (2nd
place to Bray Wyatt)
FINAL
SCORE: 8. I liked it a lot. Three ***+ matches, two title matches
with a switch, and a debut. Not much more you can ask for IMO.
We’ll
be in Greenville next week, and I’ll be there to call it. Matt Perri will
be around with Main Event; Scott Keith has NXT; Tommy Hall will get
you SmackDown. The WWE rolls on like the Exotic Express! Let’s
discuss the show here – and be Rosebuds, not Lemons.