This is not about the current WWE Product.
The following piece is dedicated to my friend, Brawsome
As the champion pulls up, we see the Job Squad, minus Nick Piers, wearing the parking attendant vests and doing their job like the jabroni’s that they are.
White Coat Security is on the lookout for
Magoonie Teddy Belmont and are on strict orders to bring him to GM Bayless.
Parallax and Officer Farva seem to be discussing something backstage. WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
And Jobber123 makes his first appearance since choking at BoD Mania. And why is he rolling up in a 19 year old Infiniti? All this and more tonight on…………………………………….
Tonight, we have a double main event as Jef Vinson takes on Parallax1978 and Officer Farva takes on Cultstatus in a non-title match. Also, find out the rest of the BoD Extreme Rules card too!
“Dancin'” Devin Harris vs. Vintage Gamer
YES SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA IS HE GUNNA DO THE JIG!!!!!!!!! The BoDettes are dancing all around the ring. The Dancin’ man uses a hiptoss then drops an elbow! HE IS STARTING TO GET FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!! Lots of punching and dancing and he just busted out the worm!!!!!!! Vintage Gamer just went low and Harris stopped being funky :(. He stomps away and heads up top but Harris catching his flying body press and slams him down!!! OH MY GAWD, HE IS DOING A JIG!!!!!!! Harris picks him up over his head and uses the torture rack for the win. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! GIT-DOWN, GIT-DOWN WITH DA D-D-H. And the BoDettes are starting to get FUN-KAY!!!!! Oh no, wait just a minute! Todd Lorenz has come out and kicked over the speakers. He grabs the mic and yells at Harris: “NO ONE HAS FUN UNTIL I GET MY ICE CREAM AND ALL OF THE SNICKER BARS ARE THROWN AWAY. The Hoss of the BoD is not getting Funky, folks. He ruined the fun, again. And the just grabbed a concession worker by the throat and has dragged him to the ramp and look, he is shaking him upside down. What an angry, bitter, fat guy.
GM Bayless is with Steve Ferrari. He tells him that Extant1979 is a shit name and that he better stick with Steve Ferrari and since he thinks he can hang with the major players, he will face three opponents of his choice at Extreme Rules.
Jobber123 has made his way to the ring. He is looking a bit down and has not been seen since losing at BoD Mania. He grabs the mic:
First, I want to thank the one fan who wrote me a letter to BoD promotions. I also do not respect Cultstatus and how he put hard times on me. But, Cultstatus, you do not know what hard times are. Hard times, are getting your Funkmaster Flex & Big Kap tape stuck in the cassette player of your five year old Infiniti. Hard times, is only being served the warm Fruitopia’s at your private school cafeteria because you are on a partial scholarship. Hard times, is being stuck between two fat guys on the Subway who are eating sandwiches from Subway that are not 6 grams of fat or less. But Culstatus, let me leave you with this, I will hurt you by taking away your BoD Heavyweight Title and put an end to all of your long-winded Viking Space Lord Soliloquy’s. And for all of those who got banned for anti-gay ranting and other weird shit and have no chance at getting the strap, I will win this for myself, and no one else.
GM Bayless has made Dancin’ Devin Harris vs. Todd Lorenz for BoD Extreme Rules
#1 Contender’s Match for the Writer’s Championship
Kyle Fitta vs. Andy PG
Winner of this gets to face Stranger in the Alps at BoD Extreme Rules. Andy takes control early as the crowd is busy not reading today’s QOTD. Kyle takes control after a missed charge and works the leg as Tommy Hall, sporting a Rik Smits throwback, comes down the aisle with a sock filled with change from his last e-book haul. Andy and Kyle trade punches until Andy misses a flying forearm and Kyle gets the win with a Falcon Arrow. Tommy now comes into the ring and grabs the mic, telling Kyle that he is the real #1 contender to the Writer’s Championship, not some punk who writes once a week at most.
Backstage, Parallax tells Farva to stick with the plan.
Curtis Williams & theberzerker1 vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder
Can the team of Williams & theberzerker extend their winning streak? Meekin stretches outside the ring as White Thunder starts out with Williams. Thunder does the Flair strut then locks up, only to break. Meekin has just finished stretching and is now on the apron. Thunder hits some chops in the corner on Williams, who is able to escape and make the tag. thebezerker misses a dropkick and Thunder works the leg. He tags Meekin, who hits the avalanche in the corner then tags Thunder, who puts theberzerker in the figure four after tagging back Meekin, who finishes of his opponent with the Earthquake splash. Wait a minute! We heard this song last week and it is still the wrong song (click here to listen to the song) as the Unstable makes their way to the ring! Jesse Baker wants an answer from Meekin whether or not he will join them. Gideon Stargrave and Elvy Landa are behind him. Meekin looks around at the crowd and tells Baker that while he appreciates his offer, he will have to decline as he is a Blog Otter! And look at this, Meekin is attempting to lead the crowd into a Blog Otter chant. BLOG OT-TER!, BLOG OT-TER! Absolutely no one is joining in and White Thunder is now drinking beer and strutting down the aisle. Baker looks displeased and says that he has left him no choice. Gideon and Elvy try to attack Meekin but get tossed aside. Meekin is fired up but uh oh, he gets attacked from behind by Steve Stennick. Now look at this, Baker signals for a table and Steve Stennick sets it up outside of the ring. They roll Meekin out and place him on the table and the Unstable form a line near the turnbuckle under the direction and guidance of Jesse Baker. Elvy climbs up first and he misses Meekin and splats on the mat. Gideon goes up but is scared and afraid to leave so White Coat Security has to grab him down. Steve Stennick looks frustrated and walks to the back as Meekin is left on the table. THEY LEFT A BLOG OTTER ON THE TABLE!!!!!!!!
GM Bayless is in his office. He mentions to his Assistant GM, Director of Procedural Operations, and Vice President of Paper goods, Justice Gray that after the last segment, there will be no mentions of things being left on the table ever again. He then tells him that the champ got shit on his tires en route to the arena and that he needs to find him Nick Piers so he can clean them off.
A bothered Vince Jordan walks into the locker room. He sees Ironmike96 attempting to declare his seat in the locker room a “No Homo Zone” as Your Favourite Loser is seated in the “No Fucking Zone.” WWF1987 is opening the bathroom stall doors to see what dumps he can find in the toilet. Scotty Flamingo is enjoying the anti-Meltzer comments in the daily update thread a little too much as he has a giant smile on his face and his hand down his pants. Andy PG is on the floor curled up in the fetal position as he just had a flashback of Daniel Bryan joining the Wyatt Family and here comes White Coat Security with the CM Punk sock puppet to help bring him back to reality. BigNasty96 laughs as the WWE stock prices come in, blaming it on the network. Uh oh, an agrry Todd Lorenz comes in and sees ironmike eating a snicker bar and he charges after him. He slams his head off of the locker then drags him into the bathroom. WWF1987 finally found a dump in the toilet but the Hoss shoves him out of the way and sticks ironmike’s head in the toilet and flushes. OH MY, ONLY IN THE BoD HAR HAR HAR
Parallax vs. Jef Vinson
They lock up and Parallax rolls outside. He says that he will only fight top 5 if it is for the title. He walks out but as he does this, Officer Farva attacks him from behind. Parallax runs back in and they destroy the BoD Money on the Table winner. They are beating on him with gusto! They are now attacking the ankle with a chair and leave when White Coat Security clears the ring. What was that all about?
Justice Gray tells Bayless he can not find Piers but that he did leave a message, which was a brick through his window. He asks about Belmont but he is nowhere to be found, either. Bayless is not happy with the BoD Midcard.
Officer Farva vs. Cultstatus
Cultstatus starts off by hammering on the pretend doc. He tosses him into the corner and lays into him with chops. Farva is getting destroyed as Cultstatus sets him up for the jack-knife but Parallax runs in from behind with a chair and attacks Cultstatus. These two had this all planned out. They assault the champion relentlessly until White Coat security again clears the ring. GM Bayless runs out and is pissed off, and has two announcements. First, Farva will face Jef Vinson at BoD Extreme Rules and second, the Heavyweight Championship match will be a first blood match at Extreme Rules.
BoD Extreme Rules Card
Parallax1978 vs. Cultstatus in a First Blood Match for the Heavyweight Title
Officer Farva vs. Jef Vinson
Tommy Hall vs. Logan Scisco in a Cage Match
ABeYance1 & thebraziliankid vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne for the Tag Team Titles in a Tables Match
Kyle Fitta vs. Stranger in the Alps for the Writer’s Championship
Devin Harris vs. Todd Lorenz
Steve Ferrari vs. Three Wrestlers of the GM’s choosing