Impact Wrestling – April 3, 2014

Impact
Wrestling
Date: April 3, 2014
Location: Impact Zone,
Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike
Tenay, Tazz
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
It’s a big show this
week with a fourway for the World Title as Magnus defends against
Eric Young, Samoa Joe and his own employee Abyss. Other than that we
also have a tag team tables match between Bully Ray/Willow vs. Ethan
Carter III/Bobby Roode as two feuds are combined. Hardy certainly is
quick to forgive Ray for that hammer to the head at last year’s
Lockdown. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is
your standard recap of the four way for the title.
Bully Ray/Willow vs.
Ethan Carter III/Bobby Roode
Tables match. It’s a
brawl to start with the feuding parties teaming off and the good guys
taking an early advantage. Poetry in Motion crushes Roode in the
corner and there’s a What’s Up for Ethan. Ray wants the tables and
the fans chant for them as well. Ray throws one in but Roode takes
him down with a clothesline while Ethan nails Willow with a dropkick.
A double backdrop through the table doesn’t quite work as Ray makes
the save, only to get forearmed down by Carter.
Hardy makes the same
save from a double suplex but takes a Carter clothesline. Carter
tries to ram Willow face first into the mat but gets screamed at for
his efforts. A cartwheel into a splash sets up the slingshot
dropkick and Willow dances a bit. The Twisting Stunner sets up a
Twist of Fate but here’s Spud in a wheelchair to distract the
Swanton.
Ethan is still on the
table though so Ray goes up, only to have Roode shove him over the
table instead. Roode goes up but Bully grabs a crotch claw of all
things before throwing him into Ethan. A big double clothesline
drops the heels and there’s the Flip Flop and Fly to Bobby. Roode is
able to save Ethan from a powerbomb through the table though and
catches Ray in a spinebuster through the table for the win at 6:14.
Rating: C.
It was energetic but there wasn’t much to see here. Willow was
nowhere to be seen for the last few minutes but at least we still
have the two singles matches to look forward to. Unfortunately, the
Russo booking theory strikes again: a regular match between Roode and
Ray is going to see lame now after all these table spots over the
last few weeks.
Bobby
hits the Roode Bomb to send Ray through another table but he’s still
not done. A top rope splash puts Ray through another table. Did
Willow get shot or something?
Kenny
King shows up on a golf cart but is told he doesn’t have a match. He
tips the production guy anyway.
Magnus says don’t worry
about Abyss tonight.
MVP is thrilled for the
viewers tonight because the card is so awesome. Kenny King comes in
and asks why he doesn’t have a match but is told to come back later.
Mr. Anderson vs.
Samuel Shaw
This is a straitjacket
match which is like a casket match but you know, with a straitjacket
instead of a casket. You have to put the other guy in it to win.
Before the match Shaw insists that he isn’t creepy and talks about
his hands making art. The worst crime in society is to be ordinary
but Anderson jump Shaw to start on the fight on the floor. Shaw is
sent into the steps and Anderson walks around a lot as we go to a
break.
Back with Shaw hitting
Anderson with the straitjacket and nailing some right hands.
Anderson’s arms go into the jacket but he fights back with shots to
the face and his usual stuff, despite barely being able to use his
arms. The rolling fireman’s carry puts Shaw down but he low blows
his way to freedom. Anderson is taken down by the choke but fights
out of another attempt at being put in the jacket. The problem with
this match is quickly made obvious: it takes a LONG time to put
someone in the jacket so it takes a long time for Shaw to get it on
for the win at 9:16.
Rating: D.
Thirty three minutes in and two gimmick matches down. This was just
stupid all around with a gimmick that didn’t work at all and took
forever to get anywhere. The feud has just kept going with no real
advancement in weeks. Shaw is creepy and wants Christy, who you can
almost bet will be sleeping with him soon.
The
Beautiful People say they made Madison and they’ll break her tonight,
no matter who her mystery
partner is.
Eric
Young says he made the monster and is scared of what he’s become.
We’re supposed to start
the first match a best of three series for Sanada’s X-Division Title
but we have an interruption. Before the match Kenny King comes out
and says he means no disrespect to his international friends but this
should be about him. He’s the Pretty Boy Pitbull and he is the
X-Division. He was doing stuff that Mil Mascaras was only dreaming of
when he was a toddler but MVP breaks things up after that great line.
He says King can’t mess with his show, which sends King into a rant
about how this isn’t MVP’s show.
King
wants to be in the ring but MVP says the card is booked for tonight.
He offers King a spot next week but Kenny has another idea: an
exhibition match with MVP tonight. MVP says no again but King slaps
him in the face. The challenge goes out again and MVP says it’s on
for tonight.
Sanada
vs. Tigre Uno
The
match starts after a break with some very fast paced kicks and
counters to kicks, including a kick sending Sanada out to the floor.
Back in and Tigre cranks on both of the champion’s arms until Sanada
gets to the corner and takes Uno down, only to miss a standing
moonsault. Uno misses a splash in the corner and gets rolled up for a
close two count. After a quick run to the floor, Tigre comes back in
with a spinwheel kick, only to springboard into a dropkick. Sanada
gets crotched on the top rope but gets his knees up to block a split
legged moonsault. A tiger suplex is enough to pin Tigre at 3:40.
Rating: C.
Standard cruiserweight style match here with both guys flying all
over the place for a few minutes. They better have Tigre at least
win one match though or he looks like a loser who got beat two
straight falls, albeit against a very talented guy in Sanada. It
didn’t have time to go anywhere but it was still good enough while it
lasted.
Magnus
says he’ll tell us where Abyss has been.
The new Knockout
Brittany offers to be Madison’s partner tonight in acting reminiscent
of a bad Divas segment. Madison turns her down because it’s a never
ending cycle with the Beautiful People. Brittany won’t take no for
an answer and Madison eventually gives in.
Magnus calls Abyss to
the ring and here’s the monster in a suit. The champ says Abyss
looks like a winner because of who he’s associated with. They need
to discuss strategy for the match tonight, which really is a handicap
match instead of a four corners match. Magnus says everyone knows
what is going to happen tonight because they’re a team. He brings up
James Mitchell and Eric Young to scare Abyss before giving him a big
hug. They go to leave but Eric Young jumps them in the aisle. This
goes about as well as you would expect until Joe makes the save.
Eric isn’t pleased for some reason.
Robbie E comes in to
see MVP and says Jesse is injured so the Bro Mans can’t defend
against the Wolves tonight. Lawsuits are threatened and the title
match is off.
We get more of Knux
going back to see his dad about shutting down the family carnival.
The dad invites him in and says Knux was supposed to take all this
stuff over. Knux says his dad always told him to do what he dreamed
of but now dad wants him to come back here and keep things going to
help a lot of people. Knux agrees to stay for a few days.
Beautiful People vs.
Brittany/Madison Rayne
Brittany starts with
Love and scores with some early armdrags and a bad looking slam. Off
to Velvet who charges into an elbow but trips Brittany to the mat. A
double Beautiful Elbow gets two for Angelina as Tenay plugs the
Bellator show. The Beautiful People double team Brittany for a bit
until she takes Love down and makes the hot tag to Rayne. Brittany
tags herself back in for no apparent reason as everything breaks
down. A quick double kick from the Beautiful People (called the
Makeover) is enough to pin Brittany at 4:03.
Rating: D+.
I’m not liking this Beautiful People reunion so far as it’s basically
the same story we saw from them a few years back and now we’re just
watching it again. What exactly can they accomplish in the division
again? Getting the title back? It’s not like they haven’t been able
to do that already, so why are we rehashing the same idea?
Kenny
King vs. MVP
This
is an exhibition match, which will be explained later I assume. They
shake hands to start and MVP puts on a wristlock. King escapes and
stands on the buckle for a bit as this is slow paced to start. They
trade wristlocks and hammerlocks until King grabs a headlock. MVP
trips King down and puts on an STF but lets it go for no apparent
reason.
Kenny
takes him down again before flipping up to his feet for some posing.
We get some chain wrestling on the mat into a front facelock from MVP
as the fans chant YOU STILL GOT IT. They finally start throwing
punches and it turns into a scrap on the mat until the bell rings for
no apparent reason at 5:22.
Rating: D+.
So King is going to prove how entertaining he is by having a boring
match? This didn’t work for me either as MVP is getting less and
less interesting every week. He’s just another authority figure who
is in over his head and it’s not going anywhere. Nothing match for
the most part here but it looked to be setting something up for the
future.
Magnus
asks if Ethan has his back tonight. Carter thinks Magnus is scared
of Abyss and doesn’t answer.
MVP
jumps King in the back.
TNA
World Title: Samoa Joe vs. Eric Young vs. Magnus vs. Abyss
This
is one fall to a finish and Magnus is defending. Abyss goes after
Eric as the champion fires off forearms to Joe against the ropes.
Joe comes back with the running backsplash before they head outside.
Young slides through Abyss’ legs and dropkicks him to the floor
before hitting a suicide dive to take out all three guys. Back in
and Eric gets two on Magnus via a high cross body. Abyss splashes
his boss by mistake, leaving us with Eric vs. Joe. Magnus and Abyss
get back into things as we take a break.
Back
with Magnus and Abyss in control as the champion directs the monster
on who to attack. Abyss
rips at Joe’s face as Magnus drops Eric with an elbow to the face.
The slow heel dominance
continues as Brian Hebner runs away from Abyss. Eric is sat on the
top rope but Magnus wants to do this one himself. Young fights out
of a superplex attempt and knocks Abyss back, setting up a double
missile dropkick.
Magnus
stops the momentum by throwing Eric out to the floor though, only to
have Joe come back and take over. A powerslam gets two on Magnus but
Eric makes the save. The same move gets the same result on Young
with Abyss making the save. There’s a powerslam to Abyss but Joe
can’t follow up. Instead he grabs the choke on Magnus but the
champion grabs the referee and kicks the Samoan low.
The
Black Hole Slam puts Joe down and Magnus whips him knees first into
the steps. Young bites his way out of a chokeslam but walks into a
Black Hole Slam of his own. Abyss doesn’t cover though as Magnus
tells him no. Magnus slowly explains things to Abyss and drops the
elbow on Young to retain the title at 14:13.
Rating: C+.
It’s not a bad match but the angle was more important than the
wrestling. I have a feeling this gives us Joe vs. Magnus again
because we still haven’t had a clean fall between them. The problem
is that’s not a very interesting story and it’s really starting to
bring things down. Eric taking the fall makes by far the most sense
though.
Next
week: The Wrath of Dixie. Oh joy.
Overall Rating: C-.
This Russo booking is already getting old again. The stories aren’t
interesting and it’s gimmick overload everywhere else. Why we can’t
just have some simple stories and good matches is beyond me, but the
fact that it’s worked best for TNA over the years has no bearing on
the current product whatsoever. The show wasn’t bad but there’s
nothing I want to see going forward, and that’s not good.
Results
Bobby Roode/Ethan
Carter III b. Willow/Jeff Hardy – Spinebuster to Ray through a
table
Samuel Shaw b. Mr.
Anderson – Shaw put Anderson in the straitjacket
Sanada b. Tigre Uno –
Tiger suplex
Beautiful People b.
Brittany/Madison Rayne – Makeover to Brittany
MVP vs. Kenny King went
to a no contest
Magnus b. Abyss, Eric
Young and Samoa Joe – Top rope elbow to Young
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