The Princess Rant for WrestleWar 1992

The best gimmick match in wrestling history? Quite possibly. Meanwhile I have a question for debate. Better tag team wrestler: Arn Anderson or Bobby Eaton?

Princess Retro Rant for WCW Wrestlewar 1992: War Games

From the Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum in Jacksonville, Fla.

Hosted by Jim Ross and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

U.S. Tag Team Championship:  The Taylor
Made Man & Greg Valentine vs. The Fabulous Freebirds

I’m assuming “Badstreet USA” was dubbed over but the ‘Birds were in a weird
babyface run and cutting bad songs as “musicians” so this could easily just be
one of those. The Taylor Made Man is Terry Taylor doing a cheap rip off of Ted
DiBiase’s gimmick down to the tear away tuxedo shirt. Greg Valentine is…well
Greg Valentine. The Freebirds are Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin.  Taylor and Valentine are the champions and
BILL ALFONZO~! is the referee.

Taylor and Hayes start out and do a ton of posturing and strutting and other
forms of stalling and fanfare. Taylor makes the blind tag but goofy heel
miscommunication leads to a near fall by Hayes. Hayes gets the first impact
move in – a hip toss but when he goes for it the second time Valentine clubs
him with a forearm. Hayes comes back with an atomic drop and a couple of
clotheslines that get a two count.  Hayes
chops away before tagging Garvin and the Freebirds decide to work on Valentine’s
arm to set the pace. Garvin tries a roll up but Valentine counters and misses
the elbow. Freebirds double team the arm and continue the basic work as the
crowd chants DDT. Valentine fights out and tags Taylor, who misses an elbow.
The Freebirds continue to work on Taylor’s arm with a succession of quick tags
and arm bars. High cross body (actually not very high at all) gets two. Garvin
drops a leg on Taylor’s arm and tags back to Hayes. Sticking with the arm and
Taylor tries to headbutt his way out of this predicament but Hayes casually
grabs Taylor’s ponytail and pulls him down. Finally Taylor breaks the arm but
gets back body dropped. Hayes follows with a running elbow and an elbow drop
for a two count. Crowd still chanting DDT as Taylor uses leverage to send
Garvin to the floor. Valentine roughs up Garvin while he’s down there.

Back in the ring Taylor with a jawbuster and now Valentine in the ring and he
lays in the chops. Corner whip but Valentine eats boot off the blind charge.
Garvin goes for the tag but Valentine cuts him off. Garvin, however, gets a
suplex on Valentine although Garvin was worse for wear. Valentine tries a
splash and hits knees but manages to hold off Garvin long enough to tag Taylor.
Taylor with a corner clothesline and a chin lock to break up the movement.
Garvin with a clothesline out of the hold and a hot tag to Hayes. He takes on
both guys and we’ve got a donnybrook here. Hayes goes for the DDT on Valentine
but Taylor hits the five arm on Hayes for a near fall. Wow I thought that would
finish it. Valentine with a backbreaker gets two. Valentine gets in all of his
traditional offense including the great headbutt to the lower abdomen.
Valentine tries another splash that hits knees but Valentine rolls into a tag
and Taylor goes to the eyes to maintain control. Hayes reverses an irish whip
but sets too early so Taylor hits a doctor bomb for two. Tag to Valentine and
he goes right to the figure four so Garvin quickly jumps in to break that up.
Valentine decides to go with a step over armbar. Hayes gets vertical and gets
chopped a few times for doing so. Valentine with a hard corner whip and he
couldn’t follow up because Hayes oversold it. Taylor tagged in and he tries to
ram Hayes’ head into the turnbuckle but Hayes reverses it and drops him with a
left. Hot tag to Garvin and he cleans house on both men. Double clothesline by
Garvin but Valentine trips him off the ropes and Taylor hits a knee drop for
two. Taylor goes for a slam but Garvin rolls over and hits the DDT for the pin
and the belts. Crowd goes wicked loud for that. Freebirds were over in Jacksonville.

(Freebirds def. Taylor/Valentine, pinfall, ***1/4, old school Southern formula
tag team match with four veterans that know how to do it. Fun stuff.)

Tony Schiavone, looking quite svelte, and Eric Bischoff do some post match
analysis before our next match.

“Young Pistol” Tracy Smothers vs. Johnny B. Badd

Jesse goes straight for the gay jokes of course and…well Mero gives him no
reason not to, wearing more makeup than a room full of Italian housewives.
Smothers is going to play the heel in this match as he makes a point to
complain about Badd pulling the tights early. Badd with a hip toss and an
armdrag that forces Smothers to take a powder. Badd gets a cross body for two
off of a rope sequence and then an armdrag that transitions right into an
armbar. Smothers gets back to his feet and corners Badd. Smothers roughs up Badd
in the corner and hits a jumping side kick to the face for two. Smothers does a
little more “martial arts” and hits a BEAUTIFUL flying back elbow from the top
for two. Smothers goes back up to the top and hits a cross body but Badd rolls
over and gets a two count. Smothers, however, stays in control and hits another
jumping side kick for two. For those wondering I think his tag partner, Steve
Armstrong, had left for the WWF at this point. Smothers hits a few more chops
and gets another two count. A body slam attempt is countered into an inside
cradle for two but Smothers gets the chinlock. Badd rallies with a high knee
and a series of punches. Powerslam from Badd and a top rope sunset flip gets
two but Smothers is up first. He misses the side kick and Badd hits the “kiss
that don’t miss” (a punch to the face) for the three count.

(Badd def. Smothers, **3/4, perfectly acceptable stuff that could have been
really good with 3-5 more minutes.)

Missy Hyatt talks with the Freebirds and PRECIOUS~! With brown hair no less.  She looked pretty good too.

More analysis from Tony and Eric.

Marcus Alexander Bagwell vs. Scotty Flamingo

Speaking of Missy Hyatt, Bagwell is one of the boys she brought into Atlanta I
believe. Scotty Flamingo is/was better known as Raven. They slap each other in
the face several times and finally Flamingo dumps Bagwell to the floor but
Bagwell jumps back in the ring and tackles Flamingo. They go back to slapping
each other. Are they going to use their nails next? Maybe some hair pulling?
Anyway Bagwell does something and gets a back suplex for two. Flamingo tries a
suplex but Bagwell reverses it and gets two. Flamingo recovers to send Bagwell
to the floor. Back in the ring Bagwell counters a kitchen sink knee with a
rollover for two. Flamingo recovers with a back suplex. Snapmare and Flamingo
hits the fist drop from the second rope for two. Flamingo with a chin lock and
we wait. Thankfully he goes to the choke and gets a two count. Back to the chin
lock for Flamingo. They do a few rope sequences before Flamingo lands a high
cross body that sends both guys over the top rope. Both men are back in the
ring. Bagwell sends Flamingo to the canvas face first but Flamingo fights back
on the ground. Bagwell rallies back with a hip toss and a clothesline. Bagwell
to the second rope and hits a double axe to the head. Fisherman’s suplex gets
two when Flamingo has his foot on the ropes. Bagwell with a roll up but
Flamingo reverses it and grabs the tights for the three count.

(Flamingo def. Bagwell, *1/2, both men…or at least Flamingo were capable of

We look back at the events that led to this tag match between Ron Simmons and
JYD against Cactus Jack and Mr. Hughes. Cactus and Abdullah beat up Simmons at
Superbrawl and JYD SLOWLY came in for the save. JYD was so slow had it been a
shoot Simmons would have easily been dead.

Cactus Jack & Mr. Hughes vs. Ron Simmons & Junkyard Dog

Wow JYD is super fat, he makes Cactus look like a light heavyweight in
comparison. Not sure why they dubbed over Simmons’ “Doom” music with this
techno scratching crap but whatever. Anyway Cactus jumps JYD on the ramp and
after a short brawl Cactus takes him out with the suicide elbow. Bang Bang for
sure. JYD does the stretcher job and after a short delay Simmons decides to go
at it alone and damn near kills both guys with a double clothesline. Cactus
decides to chill for this one and let the homeboys battle it out.

Ron Simmons vs. Mr. Hughes

Simmons beats him up with power stuff and Hughes takes a powder. Back in the
ring and Hughes takes control with a clothesline and an elbow drop for two.
Hughes slams Simmons and hits a knee drop for another two count. Jesse points
out that he loves Hughes wrestling with his shades on. Hughes and Cactus do
some more cheating but Simmons rallies with a hip toss. In a funny spot Cactus
tries to tag in but Fonzie is having none of it. Hughes misses a sit down
splash and Simmons rallies with the big spinebuster. Cactus tries for the save
but Simmons cuts him off at the ropes and hits Hughes with the running tackle
for three.

(Simmons def. Hughes, pinfall, ½*, nothing of note there.)

Tony and Eric talk about JYD’s potential injury. He would return or maybe not. A
few months after this Hughes would go to the WWF at the request of the Undertaker.

Todd Champion vs. Super Invader

They are really busting out the big names for this one. Somehow Harley Race got
stuck with the Super Invader but he would eventually just saddle up with Vader
full time. For those that don’t know the Super Invader used to be known as “Hercules”
in the WWF but you give a guy a mask and all of a sudden he’s a Thai fighter.
Go figure. As for the match Invader does all that “oriental” stuff, which means
he chops to the throat a lot. Champion is a big, good looking kid. Not sure if
he was worth a shit in the ring but I’m surprised Vince never threw a worker’s
contract his way. Not much going on here, Invader goes hard with the chinlock
and then a clothesline before dumping Champion to the floor. Back in the ring
and Invader goes up to the top and gets caught with a boot to the face.
Champion hits an ugly shoulderblock and a slightly better spinning elbow but
Invader catches him on the third move with a stun gun. Praying powerbomb
finishes this snoozefest.

(Invader def. Champion, pinfall, ½*, nothing of note here either.)

And we’re right to the next match.

Richard Morton vs. Big Josh

Big Josh is the late Matt Bourne in a smiling Billy Jack Haynes-Paul Bunyan
Northwoods type gimmick. Richard Morton is Ricky Morton using his legal name.
Morton tries to play cat and mouse with Josh but eventually he gets caught and
beat up with power stuff. Morton catches Josh with a knee lift off the ropes
and he rips Josh’s flannel shirt off because he’s really angry I guess. Josh
corners Morton, however and roughs him up. Running forearm hits Morton stiff as
hell. Damn I felt that one. Josh misses a corner elbow and Morton with a back
suplex. Inverted atomic drop from Morton and a knee drop. Morton, playing the
heel, goes for the choke. Josh fights off a roll up but misses an elbow and
Morton gets a two count from all of that. Morton with a snapmare and another knee
drop for two. Morton with an armbar and he takes it to the ground. Josh fights
to get back to his vertical base and easily breaks the hold. Morton goes for a
monkey flip but Josh casually stomps him in the face. Body slam and a big elbow
drop gets two. Josh sets too early off of an irish whip and Morton kicks him in
the mouth. Back to the arm for Morton and he adds a few elements to the armbar
because Morton always tried hard. Headbutt from Josh breaks the hold and hits a
beautiful belly to belly suplex. Josh corners Morton and gets a double
underhook suplex for two. Morton goes to the eyes and then to the ropes but
gets caught with the spinebuster and the northern exposure (a running butt splash)
for the pin.

(Josh def. Morton, **1/4, nothing offensive here.)

Tony and Eric give us more analysis! Talking light heavyweight championship
here and former tag partners exploding! We see a clip from the WCW Saturday
night where Zenk and Pillman set up their match by arguing while wearing some
of the best clothing Chess King could provide.

WCW Light Heavyweight Championship: Flyin’ Brian vs. The Z Man

Jesse is reveling in the two pretty boys clashing and asks Ross who is going to
cheat first. Both guys keep it scientific to start and do an extended rope
sequence before trying for dropkicks at the same time. Pillman gets a drop toe
and goes to the arm. Zenk fights out and another rope sequence sees both guys
try for arm tosses. Pillman gets a snapmare and a knee drop for a two count.
Pillman goes to the side headlock but Zenk gets an armdrag and he works the
hammer lock for a while before going to the armbar. They do more rope stuff and
Pillman gets the head scissors take down on a counter and he goes to the arm
before switching to a sitting head scissors. Zenk fights out and gets a
backslide for two and then a sunset flip for two so Pillman chops the shit out
of him. Indian deathlock from Pillman as he works the leg and then moves down
to the knee and ankle specifically. Pillman drops the elbow on the knee and
starts wrenching away. Pillman extends Zenk’s hamstring a couple of times but
misses a somersault senton. Suplex from Zenk gets two and now Zenk works on the
back with a couple of knees. Backbreaker by Zenk and a springboard splash
catches knees. Pillman goes back to the leg and drops the elbow on the knee a
couple of times. Anklelock from Pillman turns into a half crab. Zenk fights to
his feet and hits an enziguri for the near fall. Zenk with a corner whip but he
misses the flying knee and Pillman applied the figure four and both guys start
SLAPPING each other. Awesome.

Zenk furiously fights the hold and turns it over but Pillman turns it back,
however Zenk grabs the ropes and forces the break. Another nasty chop from Pillman.
He goes for a slingshot shoulderblock but Zenk catches him with a powerslam for
a near fall. Zenk lays in the chops and but Pillman with a arm crucifix for two
and a half. Pillman sets Zenk up on the ropes and goes for the superplex but
Zenk dumps him off the ropes and climbs to the top where he hits the cross body
and gets another two count. The competitors do another rope sequence and knock
heads to temporary stop the flow. After a short double count Zenk hits a
flapjack for another two count. Zenk misses the elbow drop but catches Pillman
with a straight kick for two. Zenk goes for the top rope dropkick but Pillman
moves out of the way and gets the double leg rollup for the pin!

(Pillman def. Zenk, pinfall, ***3/4, that turned into a hell of a match.)

And right to the next match.

Takayki Iizuka & Tatsumi Fujinami vs. The Steiner Brothers

Now when I WANT the WWE to overdub generic music with the “Orient Express”
theme it doesn’t happen. MAKE ME HAPPY NETWORK!! Anyway the Steiners are the
WCW World Tag champions but this match is to determine the IWGP Number One

Scott and Fujinami start and do some scientific stuff to start and it looks
like they will wrestle a more Japanese-style match to start at least. Scott
tries to give Fujinami the reverse slam and almost breaks his neck. Iizuka
comes in for some and the reverse slam hits cleanly. Scott then stiffs Fujinami
on a forearm because he was pissed. Iizuka tagged in and he slams Scott, hits a
second rope elbow and then a somersault double kick from the top for a two
count. Nice. Iizuka gets a boston crab. Iizuka turns it over into a double leg
but Steiner bridges out of the pin and hits the underhook power bomb. Scott puts
Iizuka over his shoulder and tags Rick who comes off the top with the elbow for
a two count. Tag to Fujinami and we go back to a headlock to slow the pace down
but Rick with a vicious release belly to back suplex for two. Damn. Tag to
Scott and he hits Fujinami with an elbow and now a single crab. Jesse points
out that Iizuka is bleeding from something Steiner did, probably the elbow from
the top. Tag to Rick and they let Fujinami out of the corner. He gets Rick in
an electric chair and tags Iilzuka who hits the cross body from the top but
Steiner turns it over in the air for two! Steiner gets a football tackle and
another two count before Iizuka tags out. Fujinami comes in and works on the
leg with a variety of things including a single leglock and a super hamstring
extender using the second rope. Tag to Iizuka and he does a sit down splash on
the leg. Rick finally tags out and Scott hits a tilt-a-whirl slam for two.
Scott applies a chicken wing and then gives Iizuka a T-Bone suplex before
tagging in Rick again.

Rick with a step over armbar and then Rick scoops him up and runs him into the
corner. Tag to Scott, who hits an abdominal stretch slam for two and back to
the ground stuff. Iizuka is taking an ass whipping in there. Iizuka tags
Fujinami and he goes after both Steiners so Rick gladly beats the fuck out of
him for daring to bow up. Fujinami with an abdominal stretch on Scott and he
pulls it back into a pinning hold for two. 
Scott fights back to his feet and tags Rick back in. He and Fujinami
continue their brawl but the Japanese corner Rick only for him to easily muscle
out and give Iizuka and ridiculous belly to belly overhead suplex as Jesse
loves this shit. Scott snapmares Iizuka and sends him into his corner where
Fujinami makes the tag. The Japanese try a double team but Scott with a double
armdrag and Rick with a springboard double clothesline. Scott sets up Iizuka
but the referee is concerned with Rick so Fujinami gets a belly to back suplex
on Scott. Nasty german suplex from Iizuka with an aborted release. SPIKE
PILEDRIVER~! from the Japanese team and Iizuka comes in with a top rope
dropkick, illegally I might add. Fujinami with a sleeper and now the dragon
sleeper but Scott gets to the ropes. Regular sleeper and Scott kicks Fujinami
to the face and hits a clothesline. Scott and Fujinami knock heads and both
guys retreat to the corners for the tags but Rick gets the hot tag. Big
Steinerline and an elbow gets two. Belly to Belly rollover suplex for two. All
four men in the ring. Steiner with a belly to belly from the top and that
finally gets the pin.  Oh my goodness!

(Stieners def. Fujinami/Iizuka, ****1/2, that match went into the awesome zone
as Iizuka and Fujinami were willing to die for my pleasure.)

Jesse and JR recap the goodness we just saw.

Tony and Eric with some more analysis. Will Sting and Nikita Koloff get along?
Can the Dangerous Alliance stick together?

Wargames: The Dangerous Alliance (“Ravishing” Rick Rude, “Stunning” Steve
Austin, “The Cruncher” Larry Zbyzsko, “The Enforcer” Arn Anderson and “Beautiful”
Bobby Eaton) vs. Sting’s Squadron (Sting, Nikita Koloff, Barry Windham, Ricky “The
Dragon” Steamboat and “The Natural” Dustin Rhodes)

Funny thing is you can pretty much mix any of these ten guys in a tag match and
get an easy ***+ out of it. Ok I haven’t seen this match in a good long time so
I am going to guess who bleeds:

All right Austin and Anderson are obvious ones for the DA while Dustin and
Windham probably started blading on their way to the ring. Zbyzsko isn’t much
of a bleeder and neither is Koloff so let’s eliminate them. Ricky Steamboat has
his nose taped so there’s a good chance he’ll bleed. I’ll say Eaton will show
some red and that’s all. So Austin, Anderson, Eaton, Steamboat, Windham and
Rhodes are my designated bleeders for this match. Let’s roll.

Austin and Windham will go for the five minute period. Slugfest to the shock of
no one, Austin tries to send Windham to the cage but Windham blocks it. Back
and forth action as Austin back drops Windham and drops an elbow. They work to
the other ring as Windham tries to send Austin to the cage but he blocks it so
Windham DDTs him instead. Windham tries to rub Austin’s face in the cage but he
blocks it and clotheslines Windham over both ropes and the other way. Austin
tries to use the top of the cage for leverage but gets a flapjack for his
trouble and now Windham sends him into the cage twice! Austin is the first
gusher of the night as Windham bites him and adds a kneelift. Coin toss goes to
the DA, I’m shocked. Rick Rude comes in for the 2-on-1 and he roughs up Windham
and goes to the eyes. Rude goes with the intensity and power to take the
advantage but Windham blocks the cage attempt. Austin fights back to his feet
and hits Windham with a clothesline from the middle rope. The heels team up and
send Windham to the cage not once but twice and I’m sure Windham is bleeding so
two down and four to go.

Steamboat comes in for the Squadron and he goes CRAZY. Austin is sent into the
cage, a DDT for Rude, a DDT for Austin and the crowd is LOVING it. Austin’s
face is completely submerged with blood. Fuck TV PG man. Steamboat with a
franksteiner on Rude and some ground and pound as the faces are rolling.
Windham is back to his feet and they double team Rude. Anderson gives the heels
the 3-on-2 advantage and he DDTs Windham and then goes to the other ring to hit
Steamboat with the spinebuster. Double boston crab by Rude and Anderson on
Steamboat and he’s tapping out but this long before that was a way to submit.
Windham tries to save his partner but the numbers game is too great. All five
men are now in one ring. Nasty piledriver by Rude on Steamboat and then he
launches the Dragon into the other ring! Steamboat and Rude clothesline each
other. Dustin Rhodes on deck and its bionic elbow time for Anderson and a
clothesline for Austin. Now Steamboat has a Boston crab on Rude with Windham
adding to the punishment. Electric chair for Rhodes on Austin while Windham has
Anderson’s head wedged in between the rings! Wild action everywhere and now
Steamboat with a figure four on Rude. I need to breathe for a second.

Zbyzsko is the seventh man in the ring giving the DA a 4-3 advantage and Medusa
climbs the cage to slip the phone to her men before Sting chases her off. Rude
goes after Steamboat’s nose while The Enforcers torture Dustin Rhodes and send
him into the cage. Anderson sends Windham hard into the cage as Rude puts a
sleeper on Steamboat. Sting evens the battle and a facebuster for Anderson, a
jawbreaker and press slam for Rude. Sting sends Anderson into the and back
drops poor Austin into the cage. Austin has taken a grade-A shitkicking tonight.
Medusa tapes Eaton’s hand while Sting grates Anderson’s bloody face into the
cage. I love it! I LOVE IT! Austin with a ridiculous lariat on Rhodes while
Windham and Larry Z knock each other out with something else. Eaton gives the
DA its final one-man advantage of the night, he sends Steamboat into the cage.
Rhodes with a big boot on Austin and Rhodes is wearing a serious crimson mask.
Eaton sends Windham back into the cage as Zbyzsko and Rude are trying to loosen
a turnbuckle. Windham with a figure four on Anderson while Steamboat chops
Zybykso in the corner. Crowd chanting for Nikita as we have 30 seconds left
before The Match Beyond begins. Koloff sends the Anderson into the cage and
extends a hand to Sting. They do a stare down and then Nikita pushes Sting out of
the way and takes a double clothesline from Austin and Anderson. The faces rally
back with clotheslines of their own, high five each other AND NOW ITS ASS
KICKING TIME as the place is about to riot! Rude goes back to working on that
turnbuckle. Sting with a Stinger splash on Anderson and the Scorpion deathlock
but Eaton broke it up.

Dustin with a figure four on Zbyzsko while Nikita continues to make Austin’s
shitty night even worse, just torturing him in a corner. Rude breaks the figure
four that Dustin had but Koloff just chokes him out. Rhodes misses a top rope
elbow on Austin. Steamboat with a sleeper on Rude but Eaton and Zbyzsko corner
Sting and Larry Z grabs the steel hook on the buckle and accidentally hits
Eaton in the shoulder with it. Sting sends Zbyzsko to Larryland and then slaps
a shoulderbar on Eaton. Sadly the Beautiful one only lasts about 15 seconds in
the hold before calling it a night. Final blood count was Anderson, Austin, Windham
and Rhodes. It looked like Eaton was actually hit with the bar because he had a
NASTY purple bruise, although that could have come from anything. Unbelievable

(Squadron def. Dangerous Alliance, submission, *****, I would say it is the
greatest gimmick match of all time.)

The Bottom Line: Something for everyone here and no complaints from me. One of
the great PPVs when both promotions were doing different things extremely well.