Impact Wrestling – December 12, 2013

Impact
Wrestling
Date:
December 12, 2013
Location:
Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators:
Mike Tenay, Tazz
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
The
tournament is finally down to two entrants with Magnus and Jeff Hardy
left to square off for the title. Thankfully they’re giving us a
week off from the matches to get ready for the title match instead of
just blasting through it tonight. We do however have Feast or Fired
tonight, with a shot at all the male titles and a pink slip up for
grabs. Let’s get to it.

We
open with a recap of Dixie trying to get the title back last week.
Rockstar
Spud is driving near Gainsville, Georgia as he tries find AJ’s house.
In
the arena, JB is standing next to four briefcases and the Wheel of
Dixie. Inside the four cases are a World Title shot, an X-Division
Title shot, a Tag Team Title shot and a pink slip. We’ll get to
those later though as we need to find out the stipulations for the
tournament final. Before we can talk about gimmick match #2 though,
here’s Angle to clear the ring and call out Bobby Roode to end this
once and for all.
Roode
comes out and says he’ll fight but not right now. He was eliminated
from the tournament by falling through a table. Angle was eliminated
because ever since he passed on the Hall of Fame, Roode has beaten
him. Kurt says he could beat Roode twice in one night and the fight
is on again. Security comes out to break it up and Roode gets in a
low blow. Next week is Final Resolution and Bobby wants a 2/3 falls
match.
We
look back at Bad Influence vs. Joseph Park, focusing on Bad Influence
finding out that the Park Park and Park law offices closed years ago.
Eric
Young has a plan for the match and asks Park to trust him.
Joseph
Park/Eric Young vs. Bad Influence
Young
takes Daniels down to start before bringing in a hesitant Park. Off
to Kaz vs. Eric with Young raining down right hands in the corner.
Back to Park as the fast tags continue and Tenay plugs every internet
feature the company can think of. A knee to Park’s gut puts him down
and Bad Influence takes turns pounding on him. Par fights back but
gets nervous again, so Eric gives him a few hard right hands to the
face, busting him open. Abyss mode ensues and Kaz is Black Hole
Slammed for the pin at 5:45.
Rating:
D+. I still don’t get the
appeal of Eric Young. He isn’t particularly funny, he isn’t anything
special in the ring, he doesn’t do anything that others couldn’t do
just as well, but he’s kept a job for several years now. Bad
Influence on the other hand is actually funny and can put on good
matches, which is clearly why they’re stuck in feuds like this one.
Post
match Eric tells Park that he’s Abyss, which apparently no one
suggested to him in 18 months.
Ethan
Carter III is getting massaged before he has a Hall of Fame moment
tonight. It’s going to make social media explode.
Here’s
Carter for his match but he makes sure to tell Brian Hebner that he
has nothing to worry about. Tonight Carter is going to face TNA’s
social media guru: Jeremy Borash. JB makes a hilarious terrified
face like he just saw TNA’s PPV numbers but Sting of all people
interrupts Carter.
Sting
asks if he can shake Carter’s hands because Carter is a skyrocket.
Carter is shooting for the stars but he hasn’t accomplished anything
at all. Sting isn’t cool with this because Carter is just riding his
family and last name through doors that never should have been opened
for him. There’s a big match coming up tonight called Feast or Fired
and Carter can either enter or fight Sting right now. Carter gets in
Sting’s face and says it’s on, meaning he’ll enter Feast or Fired.
Spud
is still looking for AJ’s house but finds a gas station attendant who
says Styles hangs out at a bar down the road.
Gail
Kim vs. ODB
This
is supposed to be the open challenge but Gail says she’s beaten ODB
too many times already. ODB says she’s here to fight Tapa though and
the brawl is on. Gail gets involved though and ODB gets double
teamed down until Madison Rayne (looking great with long reddish
brown hair) returns to make the save.
Spud
finds the bar and imitates a redneck to get some service. He calls
AJ Alan Jones (his real name) and is told he’ll get information for a
drink. Spud puts down a dollar bill and asks for some mixed drink,
getting a beer with a lemon instead.
Post
match Spud sings karaoke and is thrown out.
Video
outlining Feast or Fired.
James
Storm and Gunner apologize to each other and say good luck in the
match tonight.
Spud
keeps looking and walks off into the dark with a flashlight.
Here’s
Dixie Carter to oversee the face to face meeting between Hardy and
Magnus. Earlier tonight Angle destroyed the Wheel of Dixie but
she’ll give him the 2/3 falls match anyway. That brings her to AJ
Styles, who is still making a mockery of her world title. Next week
though she gets a new world champion and brings out the competitors.
Hardy talks about winning the Bound For Glory Series last year and
promises to win the title again next week.
Magnus
says he sees Hardy as the best today and the final obstacle. Dixie
says the final match will be called Dixieland and we get a video
explaining the concept. The match starts in a cage and you have to
climb over the top and go up the ramp and climb a ladder to pull down
the belt. I’m sure this isn’t going to be overbooked at all. Dixie
promises to make the winner the face of TNA and let them become the
most important person in the company.
Velvet
says she has Sabin’s back tonight in his title match, even though
Sabin seems oblivious to her.
Spud
breaks into presumably AJ’s house and finds the belt in a bag on the
coffee table. AJ comes down the stairs and is incredibly calm
considering someone broke into his home. Apparently people had
called him and told him to expect a British guy, hence why the door
was open. AJ says we can either call the cops or call some of his
buddies. Spud leaves the belt and runs away as AJ slams the door.
Anderson
says he had fun at the funeral but now it’s time to get the world
title back.
X-Division
Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries
Sabin
is defending. Aries sends him into the corner to start and takes a
victory lap, including a look at Sky. The distraction lets Aries
slide back in for a baseball slide to take out Sabin, only to have
the champion send him face first into the apron. A gutbuster gets
three straight near falls for Sabin and he drapes Aries ribs first
across the top rope for the same.
Aries
comes right back by draping Sabin’s ribs across the top and pounding
away at Chris’ head. A forearm puts Sabin on the floor but Aries
throws him back in for a missile dropkick. Sabin stops a charging
Aries with a boot to the face but Austin Japanese armdrags the
champion into the corner. Chris rolls him up for two but the kickout
nearly sends Sabin into Velvet. The distraction lets Aries hit the
brainbuster for the pin and the title at 6:08.
Rating:
C. Not bad here and maybe this
can get the title to mean something for a few weeks. The belt has
been worthless since BFG as it always is around this time of year.
It’s just a toy that TNA dusts off every now and then to make it seem
like it matters but it’ll be nothing again in a few weeks.
Post
break Sabin gets in Aries’ face but Aries says he’ll enter Feast or
Fired and then steal Velvet.
Magnus
talks about winning the world title but gets a phone call.
Preview
for next week’s Final Resolution with Angle vs. Roode and Jeff vs.
Magnus.
Feast
or Fired
Mr.
Anderson, Curry Man, Samoa Joe, Dewey Barnes, Norv Fernum, Chris
Sabin, Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Zema Ion, James Storm, Gunner,
Austin Aries, Ethan Carter III
Anderson
comes out to do his entrance but Bully Ray jumps him from behind and
piledrives Anderson on the stage. Ray talks about evil standing
strong over good in what sounds like a quote from a rather epic
speech. He says Anderson’s wife is pregnant with twins but Ray will
be responsible for their future.
As
for the match, there’s a briefcase at each corner of the ring and
whoever gets the case gets whatever is inside. That could be a shot
at the World, Tag Team or X-Division Titles or a pink slip. The bell
rings and Curry Man immediately walks out and Sabin bails to the
floor. Fernum and Barnes both miss dives but Aries dives on everyone
to take them out. Ion dropkicks Aries through the ropes and SuperMex
launches himself over the top rope to take everyone out. Gunner
backdrops storm onto them as Norm and Dewey hit dives of their own.
Joe hits the suicide elbow to take the jobbers out and the ring is
empty.
Carter
gets back in the ring and gets case #3 as we take a break. Back with
Joe destroying everyone in sight until Barnes and Fernum throw him to
the floor. They both go up top but Ion shoves them to the floor,
allowing him to grab case #2. Most of the people get back inside and
it’s Aries diving onto Storm and Hernandez. A discus lariat staggers
Hernandez and Aries hits some running dropkicks in the corner. He
sends Barnes and Fernum into each other before going up top for a 450
onto both guys.
Austin
goes for a case but Sabin makes a save, only to be sent into the
steps. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez get back inside with Chavo being
launched into the corner where he grabs case #4. Gunner and Storm
get back inside but have to deal with Hernandez. Dewey and Norv come
back in to try a superplex on Hernandez but Gunner powerbombs him
down to make it a Tower of Doom. Storm Last Calls Joe to the floor
but Gunner crotches him and takes the case to end the match at 14:11.
Rating:
C+. This is always a hard match
to grade as there are four winners and technically no losers. The
whole point of the match is the drama of the cases being opened next
week and not really about the action here. Gunner turning on Storm
is kind of interesting but nothing out of the ordinary. Still
though, decent enough stuff.
Dixie
is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a
glass of wine as the show ends.
Overall
Rating:
D+. This show was
really chatty. We had one match in the first hour and then a lot of
talking. Then there was another match and we talked some more, then
we had Feast or Fired to end things. Last week’s show worked because
they threw a lot of stuff at us to keep it interesting, but tonight
was all about only a handful of angles which got repetitive quickly.
It’s not a horrible show but it was there to set up future stuff
which doesn’t make for the most entertaining two hours.
Results
Joseph
Park/Eric Young b. Bad Influence – Black Hole Slam to Kazarian
Austin
Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster
Ethan
Carter III, Zema Ion, Chavo Guerrero and Gunner won Feast or Fired

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