The PG Era Rant: 2013 Slammys Raw

When last we left our heroes, tables,
ladders, and chairs were flying. The two championships were set to
merge, and the contract signing meant a melee. But six days remain
until the biggest match of 2013 of the week; who will leave the year
as the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion, if anyone?
The live look-in is all about the 2013
Slammys. Yay, less typing for me!
– The PG Era Rant for the 2013 Slammy
Awards Raw, December 9.
– Live from Seattle.
– Your hosts are Michael Cole and JBL at
ringside, and Jerry Lawler and Booker T on stage. Your stars are
John Cena, Randy Orton, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, the Authority, Big
Show, AJ Lee, Goldust, Cody Rhodes, and the Total Divas. Special
guests are Mick Foley, the New Age Outlaws, Eve Torres, Bret Hart,
and Shawn Michaels.

– Opening match: Daniel Bryan v.
Fandango. Whoa, we’re starting with a match? Lemme get my watch.
Okay, good. Crowd is going nuts with YES. Fandango wins the tackle
to start, but a back-and-forth sequence leads to a Bryan dropkick.
European uppercuts follow from Bryan, but he runs into a knee from
Fandango for one. Fandango with a suplex for one. Fandango chops
away in the corner, then punches him in the opposite corner. A blind
charge runs into a drop toehold, then Bryan kicks the ropes to hurt
Fandango. Not sure how, but it worked. Lots of YES kicks to the
back follow, then Bryan goes to the arm over the shoulder. Bow and
arrow surfboard thing follows by Bryan, but Fandango blocks, so Bryan
just stomps on the calves instead. Big kick to the chest gets two.
Fandango dumps Bryan and follows, but misses. Bryan’s dive is more
successful (“YES! YES!”), and Fandango is sent into the
barricade and dropkicked. Back in, Bryan dives but is caught with a
powerbomb for two as we go to break. We return during Bryan’s
comeback sequence with Bryan… well, he’s hulking up, no other way
to put it. YES Kicks follow to Fandango, barely hitting the
roundhouse for two. Bryan with a cross corner dropkick and kicks to
the gut, but another cross airballs in the corner. Fandango with a
twist front suplex for two. He goes up, but the diving legdrop
misses. Now Bryan’s up, and the Ram Jam connects. Running knee time
for the pin at 8:44. FANTASTIC choice for an opener. **1/4
Bray Wyatt hacks into the light system again and talks to Bryan from
the Tron. He admits he’s intrigued by Bryan’s feistiness, but it
tests his patience. He doesn’t want Bryan to suffer, but people
don’t get happy endings when he’s involved. The story ends the same
way it started. They will hurt him. Bad. Wyatt will reveal the
monster within Bryan even if it kills him. And then, he will end the
pain. Holy heck, that is c-r-e-e-p-y. Back to the ring, where Bryan
starts a NO chant.
– We
throw to the stage with Jerry Lawler and Booker T. I say it’s two
minutes before someone makes a King Booker joke. Booker appeals for
the fans to make their vote. Our first award is the Comedy Moment of
the Year, and the New Age Outlaws present, having apparently raided
Michael Hayes’ wardrobe. Seriously, Dogg’s in all-white and Billy’s
in all-orange. Billy: “Are you not gonna let me talk again this
year?” Dogg: “You’re not very good at it. Your line was only
two words long.” Crowd: “One more match!” Dogg: “No, that’s
three words.” NOMINEES: Vickie Guerrero’s tantrum on being fired;
Titus O’Neil loses his dinner; Jinder Mahal charms Santino’s cobra;
Rock serenades Vickie on RAW20. Vote during the commercial and next
match.
– And
the winner is… The Rock! Yeah, like Rock will show up to accept.
No, it’s Vickie instead. And to prove he wasn’t the favorite…
– Santino
Marella v. Damien Sandow. Big E is at ringside as Sandow opens up on
Santino, but misses a blind charge and gets cradled for one. Santino
power-walks out of a whip, but walks into a kneesmash. Sandow pounds
away and drops a knee, then makes crossface blows in the ropes.
Russian legsweep and Cubito Aequet follow, getting two. Sandow with
a boot scrape and more cross-face blows, into a chinlock. Sandow is
getting the Cena Treatment from the fans. Santino breaks for a
double KO, leading to a Santino comeback. He almost misses the
headbutt, but recovers to pull the Cobra out. Sandow sweeps the leg
(speaking of Cobra), and the full nelson slam completes it at 2:31.
1/2* Langston and
Sandow have a face-off in the ring after the squash.
– Our
next award is Double-Cross of the Year, and the Shield will present.
And they’ve discarded their riot gear for suits. Ambrose cleans up
REAL nicely. NOMINEES: Mark Henry’s non-retirement on John Cena;
Shawn Michaels in the Cell on Daniel Bryan; Paul Heyman at Money in
the Bank on CM Punk; Triple H at SummerSlam. Does that last one
count? It’s not like he was on Daniel Bryan’s side in the first
place. And what does it say that TWO nominees involve Daniel Bryan
getting stabbed in the back? Is he the new Sting?
– And
the winner is… Shawn Michaels! (Crowd seems to have forgiven him.)
Shawn is mad that ONLY NOW does he win a double-cross award. “Look,
pinhead, I sold out a long time ago; that’s why I’m still here!”
And speaking of double-cross:

– Kofi
Kingston v. The Miz. Who crossed whom? Does anyone care? Kofi with
a dropkick out of the gate and corners Miz, adding a big Stinger
Forearm and another dropkick. Miz tries to escape, but Kofi catches
him. Boot is also caught, and Kofi with a roundhouse back kick.
Kofi punches away in the corner, but runs into a boot. Miz runs into
one as well, and Kofi gets two. Kofi with a soccer kick to Miz’s
chest, and another, then one more with an added run off the ropes,
for two. Trouble in Paradise is dodged as Miz bails out, then starts
to walk away. Kofi doesn’t want to win like that and chases Miz down
in the aisle, slamming Miz into the barricade. Back in, Kofi with a
springboard clothesline and rolling cradle for two. Miz gets one of
his own (using the tights) for the pin at 2:37. Seriously? That’s
it? 3/4* Kofi lands
Trouble in Paradise to make his point after the match. I sense
another TLC match.

– Our
next award is Diva of the Year, presented by Eve Torres. NOMINEES:
Bella Twins; Funkadactyls; Kaitlyn; Natalya; Eva Marie; AJ Lee. Just
as a reminder, this category was called Total Diva of the Year last
week, which indicates E! Network wants to rig the vote.
– And
the winner is… the Bellas!? The crowd severely disagrees with that
decision. Sadly, the string of matches following the award making
sense ends at two:
– Rey
Mysterio, Cody Rhodes, Goldust, and Big Show v. We the People,
Ryback, and Curtis Axel. Ryback and Rey start. Ryback pounds Rey
down and gets a military press into an Oklahoma Slam try, but Rey
slides underneath a few times and dropkicks the knee. Quick 619 try,
but Ryback bails. Show in next as Ryback returns, with Ryback
shoving Big Show a little. Show shoves back, slightly more
powerfully, and boxes Ryback down in the corner. Hammer throw by
Show and CHOP OF DOOM, and Goldust in with the kneeling uppercut.
Snapmare and elbowdrop by Goldust as we go to break. We return with
Cesaro working a headlock on Rey as we all realize what those two
will do later in the match. We hope. Rey catches Cesaro in a crazy
tilt-a-whirl move, and in comes Goldust with a kneedrop for two.
Cesaro stops it with a kneesmash, and enter Swagger. Goldust fights
out with a clothesline and kneeling uppercut on Swagger, and it’s ten
punches in the corner. Cesaro gets knocked off the apron, which
allows Swagger to clip Goldust and bring in Cesaro. Everyone’s
outside, and Cesaro bowls over Goldust. Back in, it gets two. Axel
in now, getting a Perfect Dropkick and elbowdrop for two. Axel with
a forearm scrape, and Ryback enters. For the record, the Heyman Guys
want to be called Rybaxel. Even JBL thinks the name is bad. Goldust
tries to slug back, but Ryback wins that exchange and works with
forearms to the back. Cesaro adds a receipt, and Swagger’s in with a
front guillotine. Goldust fights toward his corner, then tries a
sunset flip, but Cesaro tags in and breaks it up, stomping away.
Cesaro with a double gut stomp for two. Cesaro to the chinlock, as
the crowd wills Goldust to his feet. He elbows out and gets a
backslide for two. Powerslam follows (“Classic Goldust”, says
Cole, so even he’s off his game), but Swagger throws Goldust back
into the corner. Cesaro in, but Goldust gives We the People a double
DDT. I love this camera view where they show how far from the corner
everyone is. Hot tag Cody, who takes over on Axel. Brisco Brothers
rollup gets two. Ryback goes flying, and a sliding punch to Axel
leads to a springboard dropkick for two. Cody goes up top again, and
moonsault press causes Ryback to save. Show spears Ryback away, then
both of We the People on the outside. Rey blind tags in, and Cody
with the Disaster Kick into a Rey top-rope rana. 619 and big splash
end it at 11:44. Not the worst use of 15 minutes I can think of.
**3/4
– Back
to Lawler and Booker for some banter, as Shawn Michaels comes back
out to present the nominees for Superstar of the Year. There’s no
way this award is decided after the commercial break – they’re
starting the voting early. Shawn even says the Superstar of the Year
gives A+ performances. (Crowd: “YES! YES!”) Shawn wants to
rename the award the HBShizzle. NOMINEES: Brock Lesnar; CM Punk; Big
Show; Daniel Bryan; Randy Orton; John Cena. Cast your vote now.
– This
show is dedicated to the memory of Nelson Mandela. Whoa.
– And
the winner is… wait, already? Okay, the winner is… Daniel Bryan!
Hard to argue with that one, although the announcers claim it’s a
bit of an upset. An uneasy handoff occurs as Michaels exits. He
thanks Shawn, but makes it clear he should be champ. He’s not angry
(Dr. Shelby wins!), but the people made him Superstar of the Year.
He promises 2014 will be better than 2013. Oh, and go Seahawks.
GIVE THAT MAN A YES!
– Sin
Cara v. Alberto Del Rio. Until further notice, this is Jorge Arias
under the mask. Del Rio looks angry. Superstars Promo by Del Rio is
in Spanish. Del Rio misses wildly to start, and Cara lands the knees
and windmills. Del Rio cuts him off and pounds away, but Cara gets a
crossbody for one and pounds back. Del Rio kicks the legs and gets a
snap suplex, but misses a superkick and gets dropkicked. Cara pounds
away as Del Rio bails. Cara catches Del Rio coming in with a
dropkick, following with a pescado as the crowd chants for Russell
Wilson. (For the benefit of those who are Scott Keith, Russell
Wilson plays for the Seahawks.) Del Rio goes into the barricade, and
Cara stomps away and throws him in. Back in, Cara backs Del Rio into
the corner, but Del Rio reverses and gets a step-up enzuigiri.
Second rope stomp misses as Del Rio lands awkwardly. Cara goes up
now, but again Del Rio bails as we go to break. We return with Del
Rio holding a chinlock on Cara as Del Rio landed a top rope stomp
during the break. Del Rio headbutts Cara to cut off a comeback.
Cara is in the corner and cuts off a charge, getting a missile
dropkick for two. Del Rio gets a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two.
Del Rio slaps Cara around and pushes him out of the ring, then throws
him into the timekeeper’s barricade. Cara barely rolls back in as
JBL says this isn’t the Sin Cara we’re used to. Wink wink. Del Rio
back to the chinlock. Cara punches out of it, but Del Rio rolls
through a sunset flip and gets a seated dropkick for two. Del Rio’s
charge misses, and Cara gets a Tornado DDT. Cara gets a tilt-a-whirl
headscissors and Tajiri handspring elbow for two. Del Rio cuts off
momentum with the jumping armbreaker, but Cara blocks the armbar into
an Angle Slam. Cara goes up, but Del Rio trips him and follows up
for a superplex. Cara gets MurderDeathKill off the ropes instead
(!!), and the senton bomb follows for the pin at 11:06. Holy cow,
someone explain to me how Mistico blew this golden opportunity! ***
– Prime
Time Players are the next presenters for Fan Participation of the
Year. Darren Young is upset he’s in a white tuxedo after Labor Day.
He’s also upset he didn’t get nominated. So they dance. NOMINEES:
Fandango (finger dancing); Daniel Bryan (Yes Chants); John Cena
(duelling chants); R-Truth (What’s Up). Like there’s any doubt who’s
winning.
– Your
kickoff match is Dolph Ziggler v. Fandango, while Foley, Booker, and
Miz will do the panel.
– And
the winner is… Daniel Bryan! His entire speech is basically
setting up a YES chant.
– The
final segment tonight will be the Ascension Ceremony, as tons of
former heavyweight champions will surround the ring as they raise the
two individual belts.
– Brodus
Clay v. Xavier Woods. Woods jumps to start, with a flying forearm
and punches in the corner. Clay lifts Woods out of the corner with a
powerbomb. He goes to the middle rope and splashes Woods for the pin
in 40 seconds. He’s not done, as he keeps attacking Woods. Tensai
begs him to stop, as does R-Truth. Tensai holds Clay back, and Truth
is none too thrilled. Cameron and Naomi are even upset about his
behavior.
– The
Miz will present Insult of the Year. NOMINEES: AJ Lee attacks the
Total Divas; Zeb Colter against the world; Paul Heyman hates CM Punk;
Stephanie McMahon abuses Big Show.
– And
the winner is… Stephanie McMahon! Wait, WHAT? Guys, I think this
is rigged.
– CM
Punk v. Dean Ambrose. I’m with Tommy Hall on this one: why not Seth
Rollins? The two jockey for position to start with Punk getting a
chickenwing and throwing Ambrose into the corner. Punk keeps working
the arm, knocking Ambrose over for one. Back to the chickenwing,
which Ambrose reverses to a headlock and tackle. Punk with an
armdrag and armbar. He drops a knee on the arm and kicks the
kneecap, following with an armbreaker for one. Punk goes back to the
arm, but Ambrose backs him into the ropes and punches away, raking
the eyes on the ropes. HE puts his head down and gets caught by
Punk, who rides the armhold to the ground. He leverages Ambrose to a
pinning predicament for one. Punk adds kneesmashes, but Ambrose
reverses a corner whip only to get caught in a blind charge. Punk
leaps up and dives, but Ambrose catches him in the ribs for two.
Ambrose slams his arm into the buckle to get feeling back, then
stomps away and adds a Power Drive Elbow for two. Ambrose with a
jumping headbutt and right jabs before raking the eyes on his knee.
Ambrose with a rope tangle choke. Punk tries to fight out, but can’t
do it as Ambrose corners Punk and rams his shoulder into the gut.
Ambrose works a neck crank and slams Punk headfirst into the mat for
two. Ambrose with a chinlock now, and he adds a knee to the gut. He
throws Punk into the corner and works the gut again. To the opposite
corner, and repeat. Third try, though, and Ambrose eats the post
(Reigns shakes his head on the outside). Punk goes for GTS, but
Ambrose escapes and bails. Punk keeps Ambrose from getting back in
and adds a tope suicida before making sure he’s not going to be
surrounded. Crowd does a CM Punk chant, and the Shield stare Punk
down and we go to break. We return with Ambrose working an
armlock/chinlock combo, but Punk headbutts out. Punk tries a suplex,
but Ambrose blocks and gets a bodyscissors sleeper. Punk breaks the
hold with a back suplex, but his ribs hurt too much to capitalize. A
chopping match breaks out, which Punk wins, but his leg lariat
misses. Ambrose insults Punk and talks trash before going back to
the ribs. Short clothesline misses, and Punk gets the neckbreaker.
Slugfest breaks out, and Punk wins that too, as this time the leg
lariat connects. Polish Hammers floor Ambrose, and Punk adds the
running knee and short lariat. To the top, and the Heartbreak Elbow
connects. It gets two. Punk is ready to finish Ambrose, though, and
lifts him up. Ambrose punches the ribs to escape and gets a
butterfly suplex for two. Ambrose puts Punk on the top for a
butterfly superplex, but Punk headbutts out of it. Bodypress by
Punk, but Ambrose rolls through for two. Punk with a roundhouse kick
for two. Crowd declares this Awesome. GTS try again, but Ambrose
shoves Punk down, goes to the gut, and tosses Punk right at Rollins
and Reigns. The Shield does nothing (per Ambrose’s pre-match
instructions), and Ambrose reminds them to back off (which they’re
none too thrilled with). Rollins and Reigns decide to walk away as
Punk cradles Ambrose for two. GTS misses, Bulldog Driver misses, GTS
connects for the win at 17:04. Reigns adds a spear after the match
because he needs to be the one to get over. Slow start, great
finish, no need for the follow-up. ***1/4
– A
look back at former heavyweight champions and what being the new
champ means to them. It appears they’re calling it the Champion of
Champions match.
– Mick
Foley presents the Extreme Moment of the Year award. In
pre-presentation banter, Jerry Lawler says he was responsible for one
last year with his heart attack. Hey, if he can laugh at it, so can
we. NOMINEES: The Shield dispose of the Undertaker; Ryback throws
Cena through the stage; CM Punk destroys Paul Heyman on the roof; The
Wyatt Family destroy Kane’s head at SummerSlam.
– And
the winner is… CM Punk! He’s not wearing pants.
– The
Usos v. Wyatt Family. Rowan and Jey start. Rowan misses a
clothesline, as Jey keeps up the momentum and gets a sunset flip try,
but Rowan throws him into the corner only to get uppercutted and
dropkicked out of the ring. Harper is sent out to follow, and both
Usos dive onto the Wyatts. And we go to break. Already. We return
with Harper working a headlock on Jimmy as during the break, Rowan
hiptossed Jimmy into the corner. Harper headbutts Jimmy and gets a
running elbowsmash for two. Harper holds Jimmy at bay as he tags
Rowan in, and Rowan gets a slam and running forearm to the back.
Jimmy tries a bodypress, but Rowan gets a fallaway slam, tossing him
to Harper. Rowan keeps attacking Jey (sorry, it was Jey all along)
in the corner, but a blind charge misses. Hot tag Jimmy, and Harper
is bowled over repeatedly. Superkick to Harper, but he puts his head
down and pays for it only to catch Harper with a Samoan Drop and hip
check (which is an airball) for two. Harper catches Jimmy in a
Hotshot on the middle rope and ties Jimmy up, slapping him around.
Jey frees Jimmy and takes a shot, but Jimmy rolls Harper up for two.
Superfly Splash by Jimmy, Rowan saves. Rowan is low-bridged by Jey,
who gets tossed into the table by Rowan. Jimmy superkicks Rowan but
runs into the Discus Lariat by Harper for the pin at 8:30. *3/4

(Author’s
note: I thought of fixing the misnomers, but decided to leave it as
is because I can’t tell those two apart and I’m not afraid to look
stupid. Some of you would say I am stupid.)
– Bret
Hart presents the Match of the Year. Bret has not aged well. Might
as well say it. NOMINEES: Undertaker v Punk, WrestleMania 29; Cody
Rhodes and Goldust v Shield, Battleground; Triple H v Brock Lesnar,
Extreme Rules; The Rock vs John Cena, WrestleMania 29.
– And
the winner is… Bret/Envelope! Just kidding. The winner is…
Cena/Rock! Cena shakes off the boos and thanks the voters.
– Natalya
v. Tamina Snuka. Tamina goes off on Natalya with kneedrops, adding a
running elbow smash. She stomps away on Natalya and hammer throws
her, adding a running knee in the corner and a hip check. More knees
to the gut and Tamina chokes Natalya on the middle rope. Hammer
throw again, and Tamina stomps a mudhole. A chop sets up a charge
that misses, and Natalya gets a discus lariat and goes after AJ.
Tamina scoops up Natalya, who kicks AJ mid-scop. The distraction
allows Natalya to put on the Sharpshooter for the tapout at 1:37. AJ
is not amused. The Divas don’t even get a minute to clear the ring
before HHH’s music hits. Make of that what you will.
– A
SmackDown ad focuses on the Wyatts’ effort to recruit Daniel Bryan.
– Main
event ceremony. So let’s see who all is here: Rey, Miz, Khali,
Henry, Show, Del Rio, Christian, Swagger, Punk, Ziggler, Bryan, Bret,
Kane, Foley, Booker, Shawn, and HHH. I think I’m missing a few.
Punk laughs as Stephanie calls HHH the most important champ in the
ring. HHH puts over how much it means to be a champion with the hard
work, dedication, and sacrifice. In the middle of HHH’s speech, the
crowd – with no prompting – chants for Daniel Bryan. Bryan finds
this hilarious. Stephanie is not amused. HHH tries to shout down
the chant, which just makes it louder. This is an epic protest if
that’s the point. Shawn can’t even quiet the crowd down. Henry
raises Bryan’s hand, which switches the crowd to YES. Bryan LOVES
THIS. The other wrestlers are either trying to keep a straight face
or just laughing. HHH: “That’s a lot of family for one building,
Daniel. I should’ve known; a lot of them look just like you.”
Nice try, Hunter. HHH points out both belts will be suspended above
the ring, and two champions enter, but one champion leaves. Crowd
gives HHH the WHAT treatment. This is an event – Seattle is
actively protesting the main event. Wow. HHH brings out Randy Orton
first. It looks like I got everyone in the background, by the way.
Stephanie brings in Cena. They promised 20 champs! I guess Cena and
Orton are 18 and 19… does JBL make 20? HHH asks both men to hand
over the belts. Crowd chants for Daniel Bryan again. Cena shakes
Bryan’s hand on the way to handing his belt over. He knows which
side the bread is buttered on. Orton talks about how he knows what
Cena can and can’t do. He brings up Cena’s first words (Ruthless
Aggression), but says Cena went soft last week. He’ll regret not
putting Orton in the hospital, because he left Orton to win on
Sunday. Orton reminds Cena that Cena said Orton is lazy. Crowd is
chanting BORING at Orton. This is an epic protest. It’s not even
fair to Orton – he’s doing just fine, but the crowd demands Bryan.
Orton says Cena does care about being the face of the company because
Cena is image-obsessed. But Cena will have lost the most important
match in WWE history. Crowd chants YES some more. Orton calls
himself the greatest superstar ever. He brings up the match with
Foley in 2004, which gets heel heat for him. He brings up
embarrassing Shawn Michaels over and over. He says he wouldn’t have
needed a Screwjob to beat Bret. Crowd is now booing Orton, which
shows he saved his own promo. Everything Cena has fought for will
come crashing down. Cena now with the rebuttal as the crowd tells
Orton he sucks. Cena notices Orton said “work”. He brings
Daniel Bryan out of the crowd to face Orton. Orton is amused. Cena
allows Bryan to play to the crowd some, giving him the cheap pop. He
notes that Bryan’s parents weren’t wrestlers (Bryan’s father is a
lumberjack, in fact). So, since Bryan arrived, he had to work for
everything. Cena says that they cheer for Bryan because he works for
what he has, while Orton has been handed everything. Cena provides
the truth: ever since Orton arrived he was bulletproof because the
Powers That Be like him. HHH sheltered Orton, and nothing has
changed. Orton STILL hides behind the powers. “And you’ve got the
balls to stand in this ring and say you’re better than anybody
here!?” Cena may legit be furious. Orton keeps passing the buck
when he fails. He notes Orton is a hothead both in and out of the
ring. And the worst part is that he’s in the biggest match in WWE
history! Orton just wants the gold because he thinks he’s deserved
it. He may finally live up to his potential of 10 years. Cena says
whenever he’s held the title, he’s said that whoever wants it can
come get it. TRUTH: no matter who likes him, they respect him. He
even says he gave Dolph a chance at TLC last year. He stood up for
CM Punk when Punk was walking out of WWE. And heck, he gave Daniel
Bryan his only legit championship match, and Bryan WON! He promises
that if he wins, Bryan will get a rematch. That’s what I wanted to
hear! And Cena says being champ is about respect. That’s why he
didn’t take Orton out: he just wanted to make a statement to Orton.
And here’s another: it will be physical and brutal, and he hopes
Orton is at his best. The last thing we need is an excuse after
Sunday. Good luck, says Cena, as he offers his hand. Orton stares
at it before finally taking it as the belts rise to the ceiling.
Then Orton sucker-punches Cena, leading to a melee between the two,
and a dozen champs are needed to separate them. Orton smacks Punk in
the melee, and Punk attacks Orton! HHH throws Punk off and tries to
discipline Orton. But Punk is ANGRY! He grabs HHH and attacks him.
Michaels then superkicks Punk to protect his friend. But that allows
Bryan to knee Michaels. Orton goes to RKO Bryan, and in the
confusion, Stephanie is caught in the crossfire and KO’d. HHH takes
it out on Orton with a Pedigree because sure, why not. Cena helps
Kane and HHH pick Stephanie up. And that’s our last image: Orton
down, Cena standing with the Authority, and the crowd chanting for
Bryan.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
I
was ready to write off this show because it was the Slammys, and
although there were some good matches, it wasn’t really the point.
But then the last segment hit, and everyone brought the goods. Orton
actually managed to get heel heat on his own by the end of the
segment, Cena brought the fire in a way he’s really good at, the
crowd made it clear who should be up top anyway, and the final
segment added just enough intrigue. Do you pull the trigger on a
double-turn? Yes, I know, it’s been talked and shouted down over and
over, but now they’re actually making you think about it.
As
for the matches themselves, the Sin Cara character is being
revitalized, and now that they have someone who isn’t injury-prone in
the role, good things will happen. An excellent choice for an
opener, a good eight-man tag, and a worthwhile Punk/Ambrose match
mean I can’t complain.
They’ve
put everything into Cena/Orton now, and they want to add the question
of if HHH is losing faith in Orton. And this is where things get
weird: we all know Cena is too much of a merch-maker to be turned
heel by WWE financials. But he’s stale, Orton as the Authority’s
stooge isn’t working (and is actively hurting his character), and
Cena/Bryan II is the match people want to see with Bryan as the big
face to cheer for. Man, I just don’t know.
Well
played, WWE.
HOW
I’D BOOK IT:
This
is tougher than it should be, but here we go:
  1. Dolph
    Ziggler pins Fandango.
  2. Daniel
    Bryan beats the Wyatt Family when he pins Rowan.
  3. BONUS
    MATCH: Brodus Clay pins R-Truth. Tensai joins him in turning heel.
  4. Big
    E Langston retains the Intercontinental Title by pinning Damien
    Sandow.
  5. The
    Shield defeat CM Punk when Roman Reigns pins Punk.
  6. BONUS
    MATCH: Cody Rhodes and Goldust retain the Tag Team Titles by beating
    Rybaxel.
  7. Natalya
    beats AJ Lee by countout when AJ walks away.
  8. The
    main event…
Well,
that main event. Before this week, I would’ve predicted something
completely different as a finish, a finish that hasn’t been seen in
WWE before. But now, it’s clear there will be a winner. The
question is: what’ll it be? I could see any of a number of twists
and turns in this one, but the choice I’d make is this:
Daniel
Bryan runs in and helps John Cena win the gold. Cena thanks him by
beating him up and turning heel, but he refuses the Authority’s offer
to join. Now the Authority steps in and stops Bryan from getting his
title shot out of what they say is clear match-fixing by Bryan, and
they nominate a new foe for Cena to prove he’s best for business.
And that foe is the man who retired HHH: Brock Lesnar.
Where
does this leave Orton? Simple: aligning with Vince McMahon to
destroy the Authority. Which leads to:
MY
WRESTLEMANIA 30 CARD
Bear
in mind, this is just one shmuck’s ideas. Feel free to laugh at me.
  • Brock
    Lesnar vs. Daniel Bryan: Undisputed WWE Championship
  • Randy
    Orton (for Vince McMahon) vs. Alberto Del Rio (for Triple H)
  • John
    Cena vs. Undertaker
  • US
    Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns
  • Tag
    Team Championships: We the People vs. Big Show and Rey Mysterio
  • Intercontinental
    Championship: Big E Langston vs. The Miz
  • CM
    Punk, Dolph Ziggler, and Sin Cara vs. Wyatt Family
  • Divas’
    Title: AJ Lee vs. Tamina Snuka
  • Cody
    Rhodes vs. Goldust
  • Kickoff
    match: Kofi Kingston vs. Ryback
I
feel that, after TLC, you really ought to know what your WrestleMania
is going to be and be ready to work back to make it happen. If
you’re still not certain, you’re ill prepared. This is where I’m
going, given rumors, big names, and what seems to be the likely
stories that need preserving.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 64:33 over nine matches, two of which were too short for
ratings
BEST
MATCH: Punk vs Ambrose
WORST
MATCH: Clay vs Woods
NIGHT
MVP: Daniel Bryan
FINAL
SCORE: 6. This show was on its way to “Meh, 4/10” until that
final segment, where everyone brought the goods, including the
Seattle crowd with an epic protest of Creative. Let’s hope Vince
listened to it, because it’s clear Bryan needs to win at Mania 30.
I’m certain they never saw this coming, but they never saw Austin
coming, either.
Tommy
will be here for SmackDown, Scott will do NXT and whine about Raw
Lite, and I’ll try to squeeze in a PostGame. In the meantime, I want
my Slammy for Best Blog Recapper! Please?