The SmarK RAW Rant–10.14.13

The SmarK RAW Rant – 10.14.13 So as noted on the blog, someone hacked my Twitter this morning and followed everyone on my follower list, resulting in a whole lot of excited text notifications that woke me up at 5AM. I culled it down to about 500 people and tried to keep everyone I recognized, but if I unfollowed you and you feel upset by it, please feel free to drop me an e-mail and I’ll re-follow. Live from St. Louis, MO Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler Shawn Michaels joins us to start, the grey showing up in his beard more and more every week. That’s why I don’t grow one anymore. So he will be the special referee at HIAC and continues to try and get “H B Shizzle” over, but FETCH IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. So this brings out Randy Orton, who immediately heels on the St. Louis crowd and threatens serious violence if Shawn tries any of his screwjobby shenanigans, so Shawn tries to superkick him. Orton runs away from that, but The Miz runs out for the attack, setting up their match tonight. Randy Orton v. The Miz So we pick it up after the break with Miz missing a baseball slide and splatting on the floor, and Orton sends him into the stairs for good measure. Back in, that gets two. Orton pulls out the Garvin Stomp and gets two, and hits the chinlock. To the floor for a draping DDT attempt, but Miz runs him into the post and makes the comeback. You know Miz means business because HIS HAIR IS FLOPPY. He might even have skipped his evening shave! Miz puts him down with kicks and goes for the figure-four, but the Wyatts interrupt, giving us the Idiot Babyface Distraction finish off the RKO at 4:41. This was OK. ** I like Bryan Alvarez’s idea of Miz joining the Wyatt Family and growing his hair out to give him a tough guy edge. God knows he needs something, anything, to salvage this dying babyface act. Meanwhile, Paul Heyman explains to Brad Maddox that CM Punk is a cheater and a bully. So he wants Punk v. Ryback & Axel at the PPV, but Maddox counters with a Beat the Clock challenge tonight for Ryback and Punk, with the winner choosing the stips for the PPV. I really kinda hate these over-written complex roundabout booking deals. Punk and Ryback hate each other, they wrestle in the Cell, how hard is that to book? That’s why I like NXT: It’s booked, not written. Speaking of over-written, HHH & Steph are out to announce that they’re selling Big Show’s house and bringing him up on charges, and HHH is still the Game. So if they want him to be the bad guy, he’ll be the bad guy. Daniel Bryan comes out to rebut, but Alberto Del Rio attacks him to set up their match tonight. That’s twice tonight they’ve done that bit. Oh, and even though they have to cut this show down to 90 minutes for Hulu, they leave in John Cena’s inspirational return video. Beat the Clock: R-Truth v. Ryback Truth messes with him and wastes time, literally running out the clock as much as possible, but Paul Heyman interferes and Ryback takes over. Whip to the corner gets two. Big splash gets two. Jerry Lawler invokes one of my pet peeves, as he notes that fans are chanting for Goldberg, and “ironically” the new Goldberg DVD is out. That’s not irony, it’s happenstance. Michael Cole does the same thing all the time too. They shouldn’t say “ironically”, they should say “coincidentally”. Irony would be Ryback selling Goldberg DVDs at the concession stand or something. So Ryback gets the most BORING heat sequence on R-Truth, but Truth makes a brief comeback and Ryback finishes with the Shellshock at 5:44. Well that was 5 minutes too long. DUD Beat the Clock: CM Punk v. Curtis Axel Punk beats on Axel in the corner, but gets clotheslined as Axel takes over and this is already more boring than the last match. Punk comes back with a knee in the corner for two and drops the Macho Elbow for two. Axel reverses out of the GTS and gets a neckbreaker for two. Boomerang clothesline gets two. Perfectplex gets two. Another try is reversed into a small package for two, and the high kick and GTS finish at 5:31, giving Punk the stips. ** So he picks Ryback & Heyman v. Punk in the Cell, which hopefully will FINALLY end this feud and let Punk move onto something else. It hasn’t been a BAD feud, but they’ve drawn out Punk getting his vengeance on Heyman about as long as they possibly can. There’s really no more story to be told unless Heyman gets folded into The Authority and brings Punk with him. Alberto Del Rio v. Daniel Bryan Bryan attacks in the corner and gets overpowered, before coming back with kicks. He goes to work on the arm, but Del Rio kicks him down for two. Snap suplex gets two and he works on the back and stomps away in the corner. Bryan misses a charge in the corner and we take a break. Back with Bryan missing the diving headbutt, which gives Del Rio two. Bryan gets the Yes-Lock and Del Rio quickly escapes, but Bryan keeps fighting until ADR puts him down with a backbreaker. Del Rio with a superkick for two, and Bryan misses another charge, but Del Rio misses the enzuigiri. This allows Bryan to finally make the real comeback, and he FINALLY hits that damn corner dropkick. Top rope rana gets two. Bryan dumps him and follows with the suicide dive, and back in for the missile dropkick for two. And then the screwjob you knew was coming, as Randy Orton pops up on the screen and he’s messing with the Bellas. Del Rio rolls him up for two off that distraction, but Bryan puts him down with a high kick and walks out on the match at 16:22. Why waste 20 minutes of TV time on a match where neither guy was going to do a job and they were just going to do the stupid backstage non-finish anyway? Why even book the match? *** And it’s ANOTHER John Cena video. You think he might win the belt? WWE Tag Team titles: The Shield v. Cody Rhodes & Goldust The Rhodes’ work over Rollins and Goldust drops a knee for two, and Cody adds a dropkick for two. Low kick gets two. Goldust with the butt-butt for two. Cody gets trapped in the corner and worked over by the Shield, but after some dull action he makes the tag to Goldust, who runs somewhat wild. Bulldog on Rollins gets two. He misses a bodypress and hits the floor, and we take a break. Back with Goldust getting the heat, and after a chinlock it’s hot tag Cody. He slugs away on Reigns and rolls him up for two, and the moonsault press gets two. Springboard dropkick gets two. Dean Ambrose runs in since it’s no-DQ and the Shield beatdown is on. Goldust returns with a chair and cleans house, but Reigns beats him down again. Apparently, you NEVER put your chair down. Good advice. Goldust keeps fighting with a crossbody onto the chair to put Reigns down, while Cody brawls with Rollins on the floor. He gets powerbombed into the railing and that goes pretty badly for him. Goldust keeps going 1-on-2 and tosses Rollins, then clotheslines Reigns to the floor as well. Ambrose attacks AGAIN and Reigns spears Goldust into the apron, then puts him through the railing with another spear. OK, that’s awesome. So Ambrose tosses Cody back into the ring to finish him, but now Big Show joins us and beats the holy hell out of everything in a black vest. And with Reigns knocked out, Cody pins him to win the tag team titles at 19:56. So that one kind of backfired on HHH. **** Won’t last past the PPV, but FINALLY we get a tangible babyface payoff. The Pulse Most of the show was an unbearable drag, but the main event was quality stuff, a satisfying payoff to the storyline and a great brawl to boot. Glad to see Dustin has his shit together enough to have this run again and look good doing it.