The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT–09.25.13

The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 09.25.13 Hulu actually lists this one as September 25 2015, but I feel like that might be a typo. It really is the future of wrestling! Or maybe it’s a Back to the Future reference. Taped from Orlando, FL Your hosts are William Regal and one of the interchangeable announcers, Tom or Todd whatever. Earlier today, CJ Parker and Tyler Breeze squabble with Brad Maddox over who should be in the tag team turmoil match (“Clone me!”) so Maddox makes them a team. Maddox was HILARIOUS here for once. Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady v. Tyler Breeze & CJ Parker We must be in a new taping cycle because Enzo has finally grown his hair out. Enzo clarifies that they are like toilet tissue because they’re on a roll, and their opponents are also like toilet tissue because they’re SAWFT. You can’t argue with that logic. Parker gets an airplane spin on Enzo and follows with a running knee in the corner, but Cassady lays him out and pins him at 1:18. I’m frankly disappointed that Breeze didn’t go further in this. Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady v. Scott Dawson & Alexander Rusev Match #2! Cassady pounds Dawson down and gets one, and it’s over to Rusev for the power match. Amore comes in and gets run over, and Dawson hangs him in the corner for some punishment. Spinebuster is reversed into a small package for the pin at 2:00, however. Rusev dishes out some EASTERN EUROPEAN JUSTICE, however, and that sets up… Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady v. The Ascension I don’t see this going well for the Jersey boys. Cassady gets double-teamed and overpowered by O’Brien, but comes back with a big boot for two. He tags out to Enzo…who promptly gets flattened by Conor and finished with a Total Elimination at 2:31 to make the Ascension the official #1 contenders. This whole deal was pretty fun with Enzo & Colin doing the underdog story. **3/4 for the whole thing. Bayley v. Sasha Banks Renee Young joins us on commentary, with Regal creeping on her the whole time. Summer Rae is now hanging out at ringside as the evil influence on Sasha, so they’re the MEAN GIRLS now. Bayley offers a high five and gets slapped down by Banks, and a facejam out of the corner gets two. Sasha rips off Bayley’s headband for the big heat spot (“That’s out of line! You don’t mess with another woman’s hair products!” You tell her, Renee.) and hits the chinlock, but Bayley slugs back in the corner. Sasha gives her a BOOB CHOP OF DEATH, but misses a blind charge and Bayley hugs it out with a belly to belly for two. Sasha necksnaps her on the top rope and finishes with a neckbreaker at 4:02. Lots of fun. ** Summer promises that Fandango will be here next week and they’re gonna run the place, but Emma runs them off. Aiden English v. Bull Dempsey English again gets a babyface pop for singing his own entrance theme. Now Dempsey has a hell of a wrestling name. English works a headlock and drops a leg, then finishes with a Side Effect at 1:43. The crowd DEMANDS an encore, so he obliges! BRAVISIMO! Meanwhile, Summer Rae thinks Emma should pick a partner for next week. Renee Young as the snarky interviewer is improving all the time. (“Do you know why the fans are going to go home happy?” “Because of your outfits?”) El Local v. Sami Zayn Local is of course the super-secret identity of Ricardo Rodriguez. Zayn takes him down with armdrags and a headscissors, but Local boots him down and gets a suplex for two. Local gets a back elbow, but Zayn comes back with a backdrop and a running boot in the corner that gets the pin at 3:00. Bo Dallas comes out and announces that he’ll be doing an open challenge to determine his next challenger…but Sami isn’t invited. Minor note: My wife was half-watching and was suddenly VERY interested when Sami came on. Apparently he is quite attractive. Meanwhile, KASSIUS OHNO is back, demanding to know why Brad Maddox has been keeping him off TV. Maddox clarifies that he’s a “D+” talent, and others (but not him) like keeping him off TV because it’s fun. But not him. So he’ll give Ohno a match against a member of the Wyatt Family as a peace offering. Can they seriously not find anything on RAW for Ohno to do? Main Event Interview: Fuck me, now HHH is on THIS show, too? He puts over the talent in NXT, but notes that he can’t put up with Dusty Rhodes as GM of the show any longer, and so JBL is the new GM. So yes, COOHHH introduces GMJBL. JBL’s heel speech is triumphant (“Excuse me, this isn’t sing along with the wrestling god, so SHUT UP.”) and we’re done. The Pulse Easily the best wrestling show on TV right now. Even HHH was confined to a 3 minute speech. That is nothing short of a miracle in itself.