The Only Review of Slammiversary XI That You’ll Ever Need

Before we get started, I’d just like to state how stupid the name ‘Slammiversary’ is.

Chris Sabin vs. Suicide vs.
Kenny King [C] – X Division Championship – Ultimate X Match

Tenay
tells us this is the 30th Ultimate X match in TNA’s history. Outside of that
fact, it’s a pretty standard X-Division Match, to be honest. It’s fast, as
usual, but it feels like a match that’s happening for the sake of happening more
than any of these men desperately wanting the title. Once the match gets going,
there’ are some great spots that are as crisp as they get, my favorite being
Kenny King leaping across more than half the ring to deliver a Blockbuster on
Sabin just as he was about to powerbomb Suicide. Match ends as Sabin and King
are fighting it out in the middle of the ropes, and King drops, allowing Sabin
to grab the title, marking his first reign since 2007. It’s a perfectly fine
opener, but it won’t be making any MOTY lists. 
Sabin
grabs the X-Division Title at 15:25 |
*** Fine way to open a PPV, but nothing spectacular

Hogan
comes out, because this PPV had been running a bit long without an appearance
from him. He honestly takes Chris’ moment and makes it about him. Anderson,
Brisco and Bischoff come out to confront Hogan. He goes on a tear, calling them
3 pussies in leather, and says Bischoff is a bitch, and so is his father. This
sets up the following match;

Anderson,
Brisco, Bischoff vs. Magnus, Joe, and Hardy

I see
that the one thing you have to do when you join Aces is dye your hair. It’s all
Nash has ever wanted in life. Magnus and Joe are still crisp as ever as a tag team,
helping to keep the momentum on their team’s side for the first few minutes.
Anderson breaks that stride, as he, Bischoff and Brisco tag in and out, each
taking their turn on Magnus, keeping him on their side of the ring. The last
few minutes of this match really make it, with near-falls and quick action from
all six-men. Of course, my complaint about it is the same that’s been about
most things involving Aces, they’re never booked strong. I don’t think of
dominance when I think of Aces. I feel like they can’t compete with TNA,
because they’re constantly getting beat. Match ends when Jeff Hardy hits a
Swanton on Brisco. Wasn’t terrible by any means, but should have been left for
iMPACT. 
Brisco
eats the pin after eating the Swanton at 10:08 |
**1/2 Not a show stealer by any means, but helps the PPV move along at a fine
pace

Backstage,
Knox & D-Von beat the hell out of Joseph Park. 

Jay
Bradley vs. Sam Shaw

Why on
Earth this was on PPV is beyond me. I have strong reason to suspect that Sam
Shaw is getting a chance with TNA because of the oldest adage in wrestling:
Nepotism. This is a whole lotta nothing, and Bradley wins with what he calls
The Boomstick, which is nothing more than Clothesline From Hell. I mean, it’s
literally the exact same move. I also feel like he should call himself Jack
Action. 
Bradley
wins with the Boomstick at 4:57 |
* The best thing I can say is thankfully it’s quick


D-Von
Dudley [C] vs. Joseph Park – TV Championship

Park
doesn’t show up, Abyss does. I don’t understand why they put Taz into Aces,
because he’s exactly the same goof, except he talks about Aces being super
sweet. This match isn’t much, as D-Von controls the entire thing, except for
Abyss hitting a chokeslam and Black Hole Slam. So far this PPV is decent, but
nothing worth people paying money for. 
Abyss
hits the Black Hole Slam, pinning D-Von & winning the TV Title at 4:50 |
*1/2  Nothing wrong with it technically, but it was short, one-sided, and
boring

Dixie
comes out to announce that Kurt Angle is next to be inducted in TNA’s HOF. His
joining TNA was a huge moment, and really surprised the hell out of everyone.
People often talk about his series with Joe as well as AJ, but he’s also had
damn near 5 star matches against Sting at BFG, and Anderson at Lockdown. If you
haven’t seen either one of those, check ’em out, great stuff. 

Bad
Influence vs. Roode & Aries vs. Gun-Storm vs. The Stereotypes – TNA
Tag-Team Championship

I
don’t get it. Is there some sort of new, unspoken rule in wrestling that all
returning people that come back as babyface must have a beard? Hernandez is
everything that’s wrong with pro-wrestling. He’ll always have a job because of
his genetics. It doesn’t matter that he’s talentless, or that he has the
charisma of a young David Sammartino. I mean, the guy is so versatile and
entertaining that he’s been in THREE different tag-teams that were all exactly
the same thing. I will definitely say this about TNA, they’ve really got the
market on fantastic tag-team wrestling. Plenty of crisp goings-on here. Great
double maneuvers from the likes of Bad Influence, and even Hernandez & Guerrero.
They’re also the first two teams out, as BI is DQed thanks to Daniels being
caught using the title on Guerrero, and AA pinning Guerrero immediately
afterward. Gunner and Storm have perhaps the sickest double-team move I’ve ever
seen, as Gunner catapults AA right into a DDT from James Storm. Incredible
move. Soon after, A Double gets hit with a Superkick, and then taps out to the
Gun-Rack. Ah Gun Rack? Gunner doesn’t even own AH gun, let alone enough guns to
necessitate an entire rack. I wish they would have gone with some heel champs
here, as James Storm is about as played out in the babyface realm as Cena.
Either way, this was a great match, and one of the better tag-bouts of the
year. 
A Double
taps out to the Gun-Rack at 16:43 |
***1/2  I’d say track it down, because you don’t see a lot of 8-man tag
matches that deliver. 


Gail
Kim vs. Taryn – Last Knockout Standing

I’m
actually looking forward to this. One of these days, these two could form a
tag-team known as The Hip & Assless Connection. Thankfully, Taryn shows
she’s more Gail than Velvet in the ring. They earn themselves a “holy
shit” chant when Taryn goes for a Steamboat-esque top-rope cross-body that
connects, except Gail is holding a chair against her chest. Kim later sets a
chair up between the turnbuckles, but ends up flying into it head first a few
minutes later. She’s really bumping like crazy to get this match over. Case in
point, after doing some battle on the ramp, Taryn grabs Gail and hits her with
a running RKO off the ramp to the ground. Hell of a bump. Gail can’t answer the
10 count. Honestly, this is one of the best women’s matches I’ve ever seen.
They really got physical out there and bumped like hell. Gail proves she’s
easily the best female wrestler by a country mile as far as the big two are
concerned. Taryn also showed that she can hang, and could actually become quite
good on her own. 
Taryn
answers the 10 count before Gail, winning the match at 10:21 |
***1/2  You definitely need to look for this one, fantastic match

Kurt
Angle vs. AJ Styles

I’d
just like to say that anytime AJ isn’t doing the “Ready to fly! I’m a good
guy!” type babyface, I find him 1000x more interesting. He works Kurt’s
injured knee, the highlight being him flying over half way across the ring to
drop kick the injury. Later, Kurt has an equally great moment as AJ rears back
to kick his knee, Kurt explodes from the ground with a clothesline that turns
AJ inside out. He keeps trying to flip the momentum, but AJ has his number
right when things look its brightest. Another great moment comes when AJ is
about to hit a moonsault, but Angle runs up the turnbuckle, and delivers a German
suplex to AJ, who back flips out of it, lands on his feet, then charges Kurt
who catches him with a bell to belly suplex into the turnbuckle, fucking
fantastic. After that, they have some great ending sequences until it comes
down to Angle catching AJ with a double-leg pin. It’s no surprise that these
guys went out and tore the house down again. However, AJ losing makes no sense.
He’s supposed to be the guy who finally gets rid of Aces, yet here he is
losing. Although he did have Angle’s number the entire match. Absolutely
fantastic match that I feel is second to their Last Man Standing from a few
years ago. They really ramped up the intensity with some fantastic sequences
and great false finishes. If AJ has to lose, at least it was in a fluke sense. 
Angle
pins AJ with a double-leg take down at 19:45 |
****1/4  Definitely worth tracking down. Anytime these guys wrestle it’s
worth the price of admission alone

Bully
cuts an awesome promo where he says he’s not gonna rip Sting’s arm off, tear
his throat out, gouge out his eyes, or break his legs. He’s gonna defeat him
with the piledriver. A move no wrestler tries anymore. It’s brilliant that he’s
putting the piledriver over like that, because it really is a dangerous and
taboo move these days. 

Sting
vs. Bully Ray [C] – No Holds Barred – TNA Heavyweight Championship

Sting
explodes on Bully right from the beginning, holding the momentum until he tries
a running splash outside and Bully answers back with a clothesline, turning the
tides right then and there. They trade beatings with a steel chair until it’s mangled.
Bully hits a piledriver as promised, but Stinger kicks out, prompting Bully Ray
to set up a table and powerbomb him through it. It only gets a two. Bully then
starts tearing up the ring, exposing the planks beneath it. Another piledriver
on top of the exposed wood gets 2 and a half. Pretty inventive, I’ll give them
that. Stinger hits a Death Drop on the planks, and had this been 1997, I would
have declared Bully Ray DEAD. DEAD. Aces show up to make the save, and after
fighting them off, he returns to Bully. An off the top rope clothesline blows
up in his face as Bully catches him with a hammer shot on the way down, earning
the three. This was a decent match, and exactly what his match against Hogan in
1997 should have been. It really started to have the big fight feel, with Sting
trying to bring down the house of the Aces, only for it not to be. I would have
liked some blood, and a little bit of variety with the weapons, but they did
just fine and delivered a worthwhile main event. 
Bully
Ray hits Sting with a hammer for the pin at 17:23 |
***1/4 It won’t be talked about for ages, but it’s definitely a satisfying
conclusion to a solid PPV


Showcase
Showdown:
Slammiversary once again comes through for TNA as a fantastic PPV.
The few matches that weren’t much to speak of were kept short and sweet, and
those that delivered did so well and good. The whole PPV was built on variety,
with no two matches ending up the same. This gets the highest of
recommendations from me, as it’s one of the best shows of the year so far, and
one that everyone should check out.

As always, infinite amount of respect to my editor, Steven Ferrari. He and I met when I found out I had a long-lost half brother, which turned out to be him. He owned a car company, he let me design one [all horns played LaCoocaRacha], I ended up ruining his company, so he became an editor. I think it all worked out 
well.
You can find more Caliber at…
Str8 Gangster, No Chaser – Recently updated with reviews for Pain & Gain, Hangover III, & GI Joe: Retaliation. Also, The John Kreese Guide To Raising Children.
WCW In 2000 – Just updated with the New Blood Rising PPV. Goldberg doesn’t go up for the Jacknife as planned. So what are the wrestlers suppose to do now? Improvise?!
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Questions for the blog, requests, whatever, find me at [email protected]
– Caliber