Mid-Year Evaluations, S through Z plus Divas

Finishing off the rundown on everyone in WWE as of the first half of the year:

Santino Marella: I heard Santino has been debating giving up on wrestling to spend time with his family. He’s probably already peaked so he might as well. If he doesn’t though, he should really start doing the Cobra Clutch as a finish.

Seth Rollins: There is lots of potential for Rollins as a scuzzbucket rocker-trash heel post-Shield. I also want to see him get a singles squash match against a smaller opponent, Sin Cara or someone, so he can show off a few of the power moves he has in his quiver that he never gets to do anymore.

Sheamus: Everyone has Sheamus pegged as needing to be the next Cena or the next HHH, but I think if he’s the “next” anyone, its this: he’s a muscular, talented power wrestler who’s a HHH protege and has teamed with Orton, spends his time close to the top, and is a jovial babyface who turns vicious on occasion. He’s basically the new Batista. All he needs to do is make sure he doesn’t lose that spot to Ryback and he should be fine.

Sin Cara: No chance of recouping their investment here. The intentions with this guy were pure but he just didn’t translate. I gotta wonder if the money would be better for him headlining in Mexico as Mistico rather than doing job detail here.

Ted DiBiase: He was having some decent matches on Smackdown before that king hell injury kept him out so long. If they ever decide to give him another shot they should reboot the character as a rich sadist, akin to Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. That way his relatively flat demeanor could be taken as being cold and calculating rather than dull and lifeless.

Triple H: I’m torn on this concussion angle. Besides that I don’t think anything is worth having more McMahon family drama on TV, it is kind of bad timing to have one guy attempting to soldier through a fake concussion while you have your World champion out with a real one. On the other hand, I think making an angle out of it is their way of showing their commitment to the Nowinski thing by bringing the issue to the forefront on TV. (I also suspect HHH has some kind of unresolved issue with Nowinski related to the fact that Nowinski was a big blonde Kowalski student that HHH probably saw some of himself in and then Nowinski bailed on them and made the company look bad in the media). So you’ve got the question of how seriously they take the concussion issue pitted against HHH probably wanting to make himself look good. Either way I’m betting that the “no head moves” initiative on the Saturday Morning Slam show becomes standard operating procedure in the future.

Tyson Kidd: Like I said before, his team with Justin Gabriel should be rekindled and repackaged with something to make them a babyface blowjob team. But also I wonder: will the Divas show on E! actually show Tyson as Nattie’s real life boyfriend? You gotta think that the story of childhood sweethearts living their dreams together and trying to make it as a couple after all these years is natural drama, and it could do something for Tyson’s career. I’m interested to see how that plays out.

Undertaker: He looked healthy enough at Mania that he really should come back for Summerslam and give Punk his clean win back. After that I’m sure it’s just gonna be lather, rinse, repeat.

Wade Barrett: Either commit to him or don’t. At this point, all the main titles are held by uppercarders except his; and I think the idea might be closer to putting the IC title on someone like Bryan or Swagger than to try and elevate Barrett. I like Barrett’s Guy Ritchie British street tough vibe, but he might be better off regrouping. Also, pick a song and stick with it already.

William Regal: I get the feeling the two “I don’t want to be the guy who never made it like you” runs he had in NXT against Ambrose and Ohno were dry runs for repeating it on the main show at some point, maybe against Barrett.

Yoshi Tatsu: After all these years I’m still not sure I even know whether Tatsu can wrestle or not. As it is I tend to forget that he’s not actually Funaki.

Zack Ryder: More and more I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s less “they didn’t want to let Ryder get over” and more “Ryder just expected them to get behind him once the YouTube stuff caught on and never went the extra mile to get there.” Foley called out Ryder when he was on Nerdist for never making his case to Vince directly. When Santino got into the Smackdown Elimination Chamber that one time and got a US title run, that should’ve been Ryder, but obviously Santino was the one in Vince’s ear saying that should be his spot. People say Ryder should just quit and go to TNA, but I get the feeling he’s a dedicated WWE mark and would only ever want to be there. I really don’t know what else to make of him, it may just be too late.

The Divas: I address the Divas as a whole because at this point, their universe is about to be rebooted. Once the E! show happens, its going to change anything that exists as far as the current Divas are concerned (if the show is a hit and it lasts of course). The dramas from the Divas show are going to carry over to the actual division. It’s pretty clever actually, shows like Bad Girls Club and Real Housewives have the same kinds of dramas as WWE, but in a different format where they can have more time to grow their stories. In the end I think AJ and Kaitlin will just go on to be valets and the Divas title will be a reality show prop for the rest.

That’ll do it for this series, thanks for reading.