The Princess Rant for Armageddon 2000

As promised, some good ole fashioned man-on-woman violence for all of you!


From The Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center in Birmingham, Alabama

Hosted by Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler

The main event for this card is a 6-man Hell in a Cell match for the WWF Would
Heavyweight Championship. The premise is that the commissioner Mick Foley booked
this match in hopes that someone’s career would end since his career “ended”
earlier in the year in such a match. Before the card began Foley said if one of
the six men in the match were injured he would resign.

Six-Person Intergender Elimination Match: Team Xtreme vs. The Radicalz

This is the Malenko-Guerrero-Saturn edition. They recap the reason for this
match as Malenko put up his light heavyweight title in a match on Smackdown
against Lita and she put up a date as collateral. Malenko won of course, and
got his date. Once they got to the hotel, Lita seduces him a little bit and the
Hardyz jump him. I tell you “Ladies Man” Dean Malenko had potential if for no
other reason than how deadpan and short Malenko is. My husband chimes in by
saying Lita looks like she would be a tremendous lay. Ahh marriage is good when
your mate feels comfortable saying how well another chick can fuck and normally
I would let this go but this needed further explanation so here’s the
conversation in short form:

Me: So would you say she’s probably better in bed than Trish Stratus?

Him: Oh most definitely.

Me: Most fans would probably disagree.

Him: I don’t know about that. I think most fans would lust after Trish more but
if you asked the simple question of who would probably be better in bed most
fans would say Lita.

Me: Interesting.

Him: Trish is beautiful, don’t get me wrong, she’s also a yoga chick so there’s
some serious freak potential there but something tells me she has a lot of
parameters. Whereas Lita might say something like ‘wow I haven’t fucked using a
cattle prod since I was a teenager’.

My husband folks, I love him.

Anyway, the Radicalz are accompanied by Terri for whatever reason. Scotty will
be upset to see no color coordination with the Radicalz this night. Pier six to
start but the Hardyz quickly take control with a double suplex on Saturn and a
coolio double electric chair on Guerrero. The Radicalz bail but Jeff Hardy hits
a plancha on Guerrero and Malenko. In the ring Saturn takes control of Matt
Hardy with a headbutt and a leg lariat. Crowd is all over Eddy. Suplex by
Saturn and a take to Guerrero, he hits an elbow on Guerrero but gets caught
with a hot shot on a blind charge. Hot tag to Jeff Hardy and he cleans house
before giving Guerrero and back body drop. The heels recover but Guerrero can’t
connected on a top-rope hurricanrana. Melee ensues and Lita gives Guerrero a
twist of fate that sets up the swanton for the first pin. Next fall starts
immediately and Jeff Hardy hits a whisper in the wind on Saturn. Four men in
the ring now and a leap of faith on Malenko but when the brothers try it on
Saturn he catches Jeff Hardy and kills him dead with a Death Valley Driver.
Next fall as Matt Hardy and Saturn trade close falls. Terri gets involved long
enough for Saturn to hit a crescent kick on Matt. German suplex gets two for
Saturn. Matt Hardy counters a head scissors into a sidewalk slam and hits the
middle leg drop for twoo. Malenko tries to interfere but fails so Hardy hits
the twist of fate on Saturn for the three count. Terri doesn’t approve of these
actions so she slaps Matt Hardy and gets speared by Lita as a result. The distraction
works, however, as Malenko sneaks behind Hardy and rolls him up for three. Down
to Malenko vs. Lita and I’m sure “The Shooter” is thrilled that after 15 years
in the business working his way up from Japan through the Indys and getting
stiffed on half his paychecks by Paul Heyman and being called a vanilla midget
by Kevin Nash that he’s now facing a chick during the height of popularity for
the top promotion in the states. Anyway they do a reversal sequence and Lita
gets a head scissors and a victory roll for two. Malenko reverses a corner whip
but hits knee on a blind charge. Moonsault by Lita gets two. Rollover DDT from
Lita but she gets caught on the top again and Malenko with a top-rope superplex
and he lets her up at two. Two short-armed clotheslines and a back elbow crush
Lita but he’s not done. Backbreaker and he lets her up at two again. And you
guys were DEFENDING this in the Open Mic thread? Wow. Finally Texas Cloverleaf
ends it. Malenko finishes the deal by tossing her out of the ring. I must say
it was some awesome heel work from him.

(Radicalz def. Team Extreme, pinfall, ***, quick but effective.)

(Lillian Garcia catches up with Kurt Angle as he’s prepping for the Main Event.
Kurt asks Lillian if she is Bulgarian and this leads to him talking about his
Olympic accomplishments.)

European Championship: William Regal vs. Hardcore Holly

Regal goes into an awesome spiel cracking on the crowd. (“It’s all very well
and good to love your farm animals but loving your farm animals is something
completely disgusting and you should all stop it.”). Hardcore Holly goes to
town on Regal and sends him to the floor. Regal drags him out and they start
laying in the stiff shots. Regal sends Holly to the post but back in the ring
Holly with a back suplex for two. Holly goes to the top but eats a boot. Regal
with the classic European uppercuts and and he posts Holly on the ropes and
hits a top-rope superplex for two. He tries a second cover for two and a third
that gets two. Regal with the bow-and-arrow submission. Holly reverses an
underhook suplex into an inverted electric chair for two. Clothesline from
Holly and a beautiful drop kick. Suplex into a slam by Holly and he climbs to
the top and hits an Alabama Jam for two. He goes for a frankensteiner but Regal
catches him and delivers a powerbomb. Regal with an STF but Holly gets to the
ropes. Holly hits Regal with a short forearm and as the referee checks on
Regal, Raven comes in and hits a DDT on Holly. Hmmmm. Regal rolls over and
makes the cover for three.

(Regal def. Holly, pinfall, **1/2, short but it was fine.)

(Rikishi cuts his promo. I never got behind Evil Rikishi. Just think the powers
that be overthought a perfect acceptable, entertaining mid-card act that needed
to be kept strong enough to move into a main event slot if needed. Anyway there’s
talk of an alliance with Kurt Angle and Triple H)

Val Venis vs. Chyna

Yes! More man on woman violence…and to be fair the women get their shots in
too. Chyna charges Venis and hits him with forearms. Smart adjustment because
he punches sucked but her forearms look good. Ivory tries to help her Right to
Censor brother and gets beat up too. Chyna absolutely potatoes Venis in the
corner. He misses a clothesline and she hits a DDT for two. Venis reverses an
irish whip and hits two kitchen sink knees and a side Russian legsweep. Venis
was actually a solid in-ring talent for a while but seemed to get
disinterested. His character had a certain shelf life. Venis dumps Chyna for
Ivory to get in a few shots. Back in the ring, Venis with a double underhook
suplex for two. He wins a slugfest and slams Chyna but misses an elbow. Chyna
rallies with a knockout forearm and a back body drop. Swinging neckbreaker from
Chyna gets two. Venis gets another knee but a beautiful lariat from Chyna gets
two. Wow. Chyna is running low on moveset so she kicks Venis a few times (which
he oversells) but gets caught with a powerslam. Venis goes for the money shot
but misses, Chyna gets two. Body slam by Chyna but Ivory trips her and like and
idiot Chyna chases and gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for the pinfall.
Chyna tries to get some retribution on Ivory but Venis gets her with that spinout

(Venis def. Chyna, pinfall, **1/2, perfectly acceptable wrestling again)

(Stephanie and Vince discuss their concerns about the Hell in a Cell. Hmm, it
doesn’t look like Stephanie has any tits in this promo. Had she gotten them
yet? I thought she had.)

(Kevin Kelly gets some thoughts from the Undertaker. He’s in his American
Badass phase but not quite Booger Red yet. This was when his transformation as
a worker began. He says not much of note other than he loves making guys bleed.
Long promo but it was good stuff and they showed clips of his matches with HBK
and Foley. The bumps Foley took were just incredible in hindsight.)

(Mr. McMahon promo. Not sure why he has a cane but he must’ve have blown his
knee out doing something. He promises the match won’t happen and bad mouths
Linda, who he was “feuding” with at the time. He calls himself a concerned and
compassionate humanitarian. Didn’t draw much heat surprisingly.)

Last Man Standing: Chris Jericho vs. Kane

This program started when Jericho accidentally spilled coffee on Kane. Kane
eventually through him through a glass window and chokeslammed him through a
table. That Kane, always overreacting. Jericho eventually got some retribution
but not enough to stop the Big Red Machine.

They start brawling on the ramp way and into the backstage area. Kane rams
Jericho into a truck bed but misses a shot with a shovel. Jericho throws some
mulch in Kane’s eyes and in a random spot, both guys punch Mideon, who was probably
out of position, before brawling back to the ring. Jericho sends Kane to the
ring barricade and sends Kane into the post and the stairs. In the ring,
Jericho hits a back elbow from the top. Jericho clotheslines Kane over the top
but runs for a cross body and gets caught. Kane rams Jericho into the post
twice and powerslams him on the arena floor. Kane rams Jericho’s head in the
steps and boots him in the head. Another shot in the steps (Jericho yells out ‘FUCK’)
and we’re back in the ring. Side backbreaker from Kane and he corners Jericho
where he can deliver a couple of shoulderblocks. Pace of the match has slowed
down considerably. Kane with a body vice and he dumps the lifeless Jericho as
Teddy Long starts the count. Jericho is up by 7. Kane with another corner whip
but he eats boot on a charge. Jericho goes for a leg lariat but Kane catches
him and slams him. Kane misses the elbow and Jericho hits the leg lariat this
year. Lionsault, however, meets knees. Kane climbs to the top and hits the
top-rope clothesline. More clobbering by Kane as this match seems like it’s
going on and on. Jericho gets up at five and suffers a NASTY chokeslam. Great
selling from Jericho there as Long counts until 9. Kane, rightfully pissed,
grabs a chair and goes to the gut and then the back with the chair. Tombstone
attempt on the chair but Jericho slips out the back door and goes low. DDT from
Jericho sends both men to the canvas. Jericho is up first and grabs the chair
for the head shot. Jericho hits a flying forearm and the missile dropkick from
the top. Running bulldog and he sets the chair on Kane and hits the lionsault
but naturally hurts himself in the process. Kane gets up at nine and Jericho runs
right into his boot. Kane press slams Jericho from the ring to the floor and
they fight up the ramp and around the ring entrance way where there are a ton
of used cars at for whatever reason. Kane tries to chokeslam Jericho off a
platform but Jericho fights out of it and bulldogs Kane through a table. Part
of the set was a stack of oil barrels which Jericho pushes on top of Kane to
trap him and allow Long to make the ten count.

(Jericho def. Kane, ten count, **, a long, plundering match that didn’t deliver
on the promise of a crazy brawl.)

(Mick Foley says he’s responsible for this match and he’ll be happy when its

(Shawn Michaels is entertaining the fans at WWF New York. He talks with JR
about the Hell in a Cell. He said he was guinea pig for the match. He said a
six-man match means anything can happen. He said it’s tailor-made for the
Undertaker and in the cell he’s a different man.)

Tag-Team Title Turmoil! Edge & Christian vs. The Goodfather & Bull
Buchanan vs. The Dudley Boys vs. Road Dog & K-Kwik

Well we a lot of explaining to do here. The champions are the Right to Censor
Group. K-Kwik is also known as R-Truth. Road Dog was the doctor of
thug-o-nomics long before that smiley punk John Cena. One fall wins the titles

RTC jumps the Dudleys to start until the ref chases Goodfather. D- Von gets a
flying back elbow on Bull but he responds with a big boot. Goodfather with the “Legal
Escorts” train but he tries it again and gets clotheslined. Road Dog tags
himself in and Goodfather tags Road Dog. Edge tags himself in and he pounds on
Road Dog and mocks the Dudleys. Four men in the ring and in a cute spot Bubba
Ray and Road Dog do Road Dog’s punching combo on Edge and Christian but they
turn on each other for the double knockout. Resetting things and Road-Dog and
K-Kwik with a double hip toss and a legdrop/elbow drop combo on Edge. Side heel
kick from K-Kwik but Christian bails out his bro and they go to work on K-Kwik’s
shoulder. They are cutting the ring off in a quarter and I’m appreciating it.
Kwik fights back but Edge with an armbar DDT for two. Goodfather enters the
ring with a rest hold because…that’s what a match with eight men needs.
Buchanan in with an elevated armbar and Edge tags himself in but K-Kwik makes
the hot tag to Bubba Ray. He cleans house on the Suicide Blonds and then Right
to Censor. We’ve got like six men in the ring. Road Dog dumps Goodfather and
Buchanan. Kwik tries to do a plancha on both men but they catch him with a
double slam. Road Dog with a double clothesline on them but Stevie Richards
hits a Stevie kick on Road Dog. Back in the ring the Dudleys give Edge the “Wuzzup”
drop and they grab a table. A table clothesline on RTC and a back in the ring a
Doomsday Device (!!) on Edge. Christian interrupts the count and Buchanan comes
in the ring but he gets a 3D and Goodfather gets a 3D. Christian in the ring
and ANOTHER Wuzzup Drop. D-Von goes for the table but Stevie Richards with a
DDT on D-Von. Edge with a spear on Bubba Ray in the ring for two. Christian
gives Bubba Ray the unprettier and that’s enough to get the pinfall.

(Edge & Christian def. World, pinfall, ***, hot finish really pumped this
one up a bit.)

(Meanwhile Stephanie tries to talk sense into Triple H but he doesn’t care
because the title is the most important thing in the world to him. Corny but I
miss these sort of passionate promos from competitors that actually made the
World championship seem like it was everything.)

Intercontinental Championship: “The One” Billy Gunn vs. Chris Benoit

Gunn is the champion. Stop laughing. Seriously he’s the champion going into
this match. Benoit lays in the stiff shots but Gunn with a drop-toe hold and a
couple of armdrags. A hip toss slam from Gunn gets two and he sends Benoit over
the top rope. Out to the floor they go and Benoit is run into the post but he
sends a charging Gunn into the steel steps. Back in the ring the Benoit decides
to work on the knee with some nastiness. Kneebreaker is countered into a sunset
flip for two but Benoit with a dropkick to the knee. Benoit with a sit down
splash on the knee and a nasty legwhip take down. Figure four from Benoit and
the crowd even in 2000 was quick to add the ‘Whooooooo’. Benoit tortures Gunn
for a bit but Billy turns it over until Benoit reaches the ropes. Gunn tries to
turn the tide with a corner whip but he misses a charge and Benoit with the
rolling German suplexes. Benoit misses the swan dive headbutt, however. Gunn
tries to rally, a powerslam gets two and he adds a press slam and a jackhammer.
Gunn gets the Fameasser but Benoit kicks out at two. Gunn goes for a cobra
clutch but Benoit counters it with the crossface but Gunn gets to the ropes.
Benoit argues with the ref and Gunn goes for a tilt-a-whirl slam but he botches
it…or he sold the knee injury…I think it was a botch. Gunn reverses a corner
whip but his charge hits boot this time. Back suplex from Benoit gets two. Gunn
tries a small package for two but Benoit gets the second crossface on him and
Gunn taps out.

(Benoit def. Gunn, submission, **1/2, mostly Benoit beating the shit out of the
overmatched Gunn.)

(JR and Stone Cold are chatting and JR talks about how it ruined Foley and HBK’s
career. Stone Cold says you can’t prepare for this match and it’s going to be
flat out brutal. Typical Stone Cold stuff.)

Triple Threat Match for Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Trish Stratus vs. Ivory

Ivory’s Amish girl get up is hilarious. She really owned that character. Molly
beats the crap out of Trish to start as Ivory observes. Trish back with a
monkey flip and Molly lands on her feet but walks into a clothesline from
Ivory. Molly foils Ivory and Trish’s double team with a drop kick. Ivory and
Trish fight over a double DDT and agree on a double suplex. Ivory cheap shots
Trish and covers Molly for two. They argue and Molly hits a double cross body
for two. Ivory charges Molly and gets dump for her efforts. Molly with a
RUNNING LIGER BOMB (!! ) on Trish but Ivory dumps her and gets the cover for
three. T(est) and A(lbert) come out to antagonize and bully poor Molly but
Crash Holly tries to come to her rescue. T&A see the positive numbers game
and answers his call but the APA return to beat them up. Bradshaw’s clothesline
from Hell on Albert wakes the crowd up.

(Ivory def. Molly & Trish, pinfall, **, all for Molly’s work in the ring)

(Rock electrifies the crowd and does impressions of each of his five
competitors. Naturally the crowd was eating out of his hand.)

6-man Hell in the Cell for WWF World Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle vs.
Triple H vs. Rikishi vs. The Undertaker vs. Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Angle is your defending champion. One fall wins. Triple H used his instrumental
theme for whatever reason. I’m guessing they just loaded the wrong one into the
sound system because he was using “My Time” at this point.

Austin is the last to be introduced as four men stand in the cell and Angle
holds off. Austin grabs Angle before going in and let the mayhem begin! Paired
out we have Austin-HHH, Rock-Rikish and Angle-Undertaker. No one is in the ring
yet. Now Undertaker-Angle go in as the door is chained shut. Undertaker with a
corner clothesline on Angle for a two count. Undertake chokes Angle out with a bandanna as Rock and Rikishi are in the ring. Rock with a flying lariat sends
Rikishi back to the floor. HHH and Austin in the ring, HHH with a face buster
but Austin with the Lou Thesz press and the ground and pound. Fuck you elbow
gets a two count. Austin chokes HHH on the middle rope and hits a running sit
down splash for two. Now Angle tosses Rock in the ring. HHH hits the Harley
Race high knee on Austin and wraps his leg around the post. In the ring, Rock
gets on Angle and hits a samoan drop for two. Angle hits Rock with an elbow and
they all tumble to the floor again. Undertaker and Angle in the ring and Angle
out of the ring. On the floor HHH gives Austin a suplex. Right now the pair
offs are Angle-Rikishi and Undertaker-HHH. Austin goes after HHH himself and
Rock jumps back on Rikishi. Clothesline from Austin to HHH and he starts
grinding HHH’s face in the cage. He works HHH around the cage and we have our
first bleeder of the night. I think this was HHH’s fourth bloodletting in a PPV
that year. Rikishi is choking Undertaker on the fence but Austin is just using
HHH’s face as a cheese grater. Ewwww. They try to get back in the ring but
Rikishi drops a leg on the back of Austin’s neck. Ouch. Rikishi helps HHH up
and they hug so naturally HHH gives him a pedigree for two. Rock and HHH face
off and Rock with a floatover DDT for two. Angle makes the save and he gives
Rock the Olympic slam for two. Austin made the save. Stone Cold Stunner for Angle
gets a huge pop and a two count. Undertaker with a chokeslam on Austin for two.
HHH with the save and we’re back to square one. Undertaker introduces HHH to
the cage on all corners as HHH is bleeding like a stuck pig. Undertaker spears
HHH into the cage. In the ring Austin drops Rikishi with a clothesline and he
clotheslines Undertaker over the top, he landed on his feet of course. Lou
Thesz Press and ground and pound for Rikishi as…Vince comes to the ring and has
brought a mulch truck with him. Undertaker sends Austin into the cage twice as
Vince wants to tie the truck to the cell and pull it down. The door was ripped
off but McMahon isn’t satisfied! In the ring Rikishi with a butt splash on Rock
but Rock comes back with a clothesline as the construction man ties chains to
the cell.

Mick Foley now comes down and demands the stooges and McMahon leave. He beats
up Patterson and Brisco and has security escort McMahon from the ring. Meanwhile
HHH escapes the cage and Austin goes out after him. Austin with a clothesline
to the back of the head and he sends HHH into one of those demolition cars.
Austin grabs a camera on a crane and shoots it into HHH. Another f-u elbow.
Meanwhile the other four men have left the cage. Austin continues pounding away
but HHH sends Austin through the window of the construction truck and he is
bleeder No. 2. Rock with a double noggin knocker on Rikishi and Angle. Rock
goes back to beat up on HHH and he slams him into the area with the cars. Rock
and HHH stand on the hood of a car and Rock goes for the Rockbottom but HHH
counters, goes low and hits the pedigree. Rock becomes the third bleeder. Undertaker
knocks down Angle and Rikishi. Austin sends Rikishi into a car as HHH works on
the Rock’s cut. Undertaker slams Angle on the hood of a car. Austin grabs HHH
and catapult him into a car window. The window does break. Angle tries to win a
slugfest with Undertaker. Austin tries to maim HHH with an oil drum but misses.
Some of the guys are heading back to the ringside area. Undertaker thwaps Angle
with the mic and chokes him with the cord. Everyone back to ringside or close
by. Angle with a chair and he smokes Undertaker with a nasty head shot and he
is bleeder number four. HHH climbs to the top of the cell while Undertaker
sends Angle over the ring barricade. Austin is climbing the cage as well as
they fight on top of the cage. HHH teeters on the edge but he fights back. Now
Angle is climbing the cage as Austin hits a stunner on HHH. Austin goes to
beating up Angle and now Undertaker joins the party at the top of the cell.
Undertaker rams Angles head into one of the support beams. HHH goes low on
Austin as Angle is bleeding as well bringing the count to five. HHH climbs down
and Austin follows him while Undertaker and Angle continue their fight. Rikishi
starts to climb and he gets to the top. Undertaker, gets a chair from somewhere
and kills Angle dead with a chair shot. Rikishi grabs the chair and he takes on
both men. Angle descends from the cage and Undertaker now pounds on Rikishi as
they fight to the edge of the cage. Austin and HHH are in the ring as
Undertaker has Rikishi teetering on the edge and chokeslams from the top of the
cage to the bed of the truck. It was covered thoroughly with mulch and I think
I see a mattress in there too so it’s a fairly safe landing.

Meanwhile in the ring, Rock and Austin face off to a mega pop. Slugfest is
even, Austin goes for the stunner but Rock counters and gets a spinebuster.
Rock makes the gesture for the people’s elbow but HHH with a clothesline. Rock
hammers on HHH and sends him over the top with a right hand. Angle charges and
gets a Rockbottom! Two count as Austin makes the save. Austin finally gets the
stunner on the Rock but HHH makes the save and gives Austin a neckbreaker,
meanwhile Angle inches his hand on the Rock and gets the pin! Angle tries to
celebrate but Austin gives him a stunner because he’s a sore loser.

(Angle def. Rikishi, Rock, Austin, HHH, Undertaker, pinfall, ****1/4, just a wild,
crazy, ridiculous brawl featuring the guys that have defined a generation of
wrestling…and Rikishi.)

The Bottom Line:
Well this was the final WWF offering for 2000 and it capped
out a tremendous year, arguably the best wrestling year the promotion has ever
had. This card itself was a mixed bag. The main event delivered but the
undercard wasn’t great and certainly below the expectations they had established months earlier. They tried a few things out of the ordinary in the
final couple months of 2000 but going into 2001 they were going back to what
brought them glory – Benoit leading a strong mid-card, Edge and Christian &
The Dudleys ruling the tag teams and a build to Rock-Austin II. The result was arguably the best Royal Rumble of the 2000s and the best Wrestlemania to date.