The Only Review of The Great American Bash 1989 That You’ll Ever Need

I’ve decided to take a trip through the classics. First stop, The Great American Bash 1989.

The video I got actually
has the pre-show on here, where they use to have the countdown and everything.
Awesome stuff. I’m actually into the pre-show, because it’s explaining the
feuds. I only know the deal with Ric and Funk. There’s an awesome, AWESOME moment
when Missy is talking shit to Gary Hart, Eddie Gilbert and Great Muta, and at
one point she says Hart is no man, so Muta sprays the green mist into her face,
and as she’s howling in pain, he just causally saunters around like “deal
with it, bitch.” Fantastic. Moving on to Luger and Steamboat, we see a
classic example of what I was talking about in my most recent Happy Hour article.
Luger turns on Steamboat and goes to get a steel chair. When the crowd
understands what’s abut to happen, you can literally hear people shrieking,
like Luger is about to use a monster truck as a catheter on Steamboat. The
Glory Days indeed. 

Battle Royal

So, everyone comes out with crowns. Get it, battle
royal? Man, you KNOW that bullshit was all Herd. I find this to be really
stupid because a good chunk of the undercard is involved, leaving one to ask: why
wouldn’t the people paired in matches just attack each other? Nothing
interesting happens, and it’s boring the hell out of me. 
The Skyscrapers win at around 9 minutes | *

Teddy Long gives an interview on behalf of his
tag-team, the Skyscrapers. How fitting, Teddy managing a tag-team. Good God, he
use to look like he had 75 teeth in his mouth, and each one was around 3 inches
long. He looks like the Goblin King or something. 

Brian Pillman vs. Will Bill Irwin

Bob Caudle, the announcer working with Ross,
states that “Brian Pillman has a real future, barring any serious injury.”
Sounds about right. The match starts off in Pillman’s favor, as he pulls off
about 5 drop-kicks. Irwin soon turns it to his favor, and he constantly taunts
Brian by screaming “C’mon, FLYIN’ Brian! Why don’t cha’ FLY! FLYIN’
Brian!” He’s actually rather entertaining. The two work together pretty
well, as Irwin is an old school type of guy. He’s not trying to do anything
flashy, he just wants to hurt you. Beating Pillman down, he keeps him there
with punches, kicks, suplexes and bodyslams. At one point, he actually grabs
Brian and throws him into the other ring. However, once he turns to jaw-jack
with the ref, Pillman flies from one ring to the other, splashing Irwin and
getting the three. A meat and potatoes opener that was hinged on the flashes of
Brian’s cruiserweight offense, and the entertaining Wild Bill, who wants to
know why the ref is bothering him when he’s simply trying to choke a man. 
Pillman hits the crossbody on Irwin for the pin at
10:18 | **3/4

They introduce Jason Hervey as a ring announcer.
What the hell? Wasn’t he also a guest judge for one of Flair’s matches? Too bad
he’s not in character, as I’d love to see him call someone a butthead. Wayne
was always the man. 

The Dynamic Dudes vs. The Skyscrapers

I grew up as a WWE guy, and only recently have I
been dipping into the NWA library, so this is the first time I’ve ever seen The
Dynamic Dudes, and wow. I once said the recent DX was the lamest tag team of
all time, yes, even lamer than the American Males. But The Dynamic Dudes? Holy
shit. They get some kid from the audience to throw a Frisbee with because it’s
dynamic. Spivey controls the first portion of the match, and it takes the
dynamic double moves of Shane & Johnny to get him off his feet. Once Sid
tags in you can hear from the crowd immediately that he isn’t long for tag teams.
Seriously, he tags out and within a minute the ENTIRE arena is chanting
“WE WANT SID!” Hopefully Spivey doesn’t feel too bad. The Cape Fear
remake is a few years away, just be patient. Sid back in for a moment, crowd is
happy. Sid tags out, and the crowd boos the hell out of that, starting another
“WE WANT SID!” chant. It’s pretty incredible that he wasn’t made
champion pronto. Finally, after having their asses kicked the whole match, John
starts getting some dynamic offense in, but Spivey cuts that short. He delivers
a power bomb, but with both of them being sweaty, John is damn near dropped on
his head, Pillman style. Very dynamic. The match was an extended squash, but
it’s worth seeing simply for the crowd’s reaction to Sid, it’s incredible. 
Spivey power bombs John for the pin at 9:14 | *3/4

We get an interview with Cornette about his tux
match. 

Paul E Dangerously vs. Jim Cornette – Tux Match

Heyman’s entrance music is the theme from
Halloween. That’s a great piece of music and I’m surprised other wrestlers
haven’t used it. Heyman quickly goes for the cheap heat by throwing
powder in Cornette’s eyes, followed immediately by beating up Corny’s knee with
his phone. Cornette said that before the match, he told Paul which knee it was
that was injured, so that way they could work Corny’s real injury into the
match. Well, Paul immediately forgot and kept beating the wrong knee, even
though Jim kept saying “Other knee! Idiot!” So, Paul just started
beating up both. Honestly, I usually hate these kinds of matches, but Paul and
Jim are both so good at what they do, with such passion and love for the
business that they make this really entertaining. The crowd is all sorts of
into it too. Easily the best tux match of all time, which I’m sure both Paul and
Jim are very proud of. 
Cornette strips off Paul’s tux for the win at 6:22
| **1/4

Gary Hart is interviewed, believing Muta will
continue his undefeated streak and take home the TV title.

Kevin Sullivan & Mike Rotunda vs. The Steiners
– Texas Tornado Match

The Steiners come out to Welcome To The Jungle,
which blows away their eventual “Steiner Line!” theme, second only to
Sting as the lamest music in WCW history. The match doesn’t last long, but what
we get is one of the harder-hitting matches I’ve ever seen. No surprise when
you’ve got The Steiners in there, but Sullivan and Rotunda are giving as good
as they get. A lot of mayhem in a short period, all chalking up to a decent
brawl. 
Scott hits a flying crossbody on Sullivan, pinning
him at 4:22 | **

We get an interview with The Stinger. He respects
Muta, and delivers one of the blandest promos of all time. 

The Great Muta vs. Sting [C] – WCW TV Championship

The crowd goes insane for Sting. This match has
without a doubt the most exciting first few minutes I’ve ever seen. From Sting
jumping from one ring to another and off the top-rope clotheslines, to Muta’s
flips, kicks and moonsaults. It really needs to be seen to be given justice,
it’s great. This match was all about speed, cramming a 20-minute match into
almost 9 minutes. However, it wasn’t quick just for the sake of it. Muta was
bringing it to Sting as hard and as fast as he could, with Sting having little
to no problem keeping up, and throwing it right back in the Great One’s face.
Superb stuff that definitely was not seen during this time. The end sees Sting
hitting Muta with a belly to back suplex and going for the pin, only for the
ref to count three despite Muta having his shoulder up. He and Gary Hart run
off with the belt while the crowd chants bullshit. 
Sting & Muta are both counted down at 8:40 |
***3/4

Luger does an interview where he says the DQ rule
must be waived, or no match at all. 

Ricky Steamboat vs. Lex Luger [C] – WCW US
Heavyweight Championship

The crowd seems to be chanting “Steroid
freak!” at Luger. I find that funny, considering backstage he was probably
comparing brands of Winstrol with Steamboat. Ricky tries to put away Luger
quick, and when that doesn’t happen, he goes for some quick offense, only for
Luger to simply cut that BS off with a knee lift to the face. From this point
on, neither one holds momentum for very long, as they beat the hell out of one
another at every given opportunity. The end sees Luger bring a chair in, which
Steamboat turns on him in one of the worst examples of business exposing.
Regardless, Steamboat gets a hold of that chair and goes ape shit. He throws
the ref Tommy Young to the outside and pummels Luger. Pretty cool to see
Steamboat actually lose control. I didn’t love this as much as others, because
I felt it really would have benefited from an extended finishing sequence.
Still some good stuff. 
Steamboat is DQ’ed at 10:26 | ***3/4


The Freebirds are interviewed, and they look
absolutely RIDICULOUS. This whole promo is like the zenith of why pro-wrestling
is made fun of. 

Wargames – Freebirds & Samoan Swat Team vs. Road
Warriors, Midnight Express & Dr. Death

Seriously, what the fuck is up with the Freebirds?
Who the HELL is gonna be afraid of two guys in fingerless, white satin forearm
length gloves, golden sequin tank-tops and white spandex pants? I’d be afraid
that they’d think I was really cool, and keep pestering me to join their
Cinderella tribute band. It’s Jimmy and Bobby starting. Bam Bam comes in next,
followed by Dr. Death. The Doctor is wearing yellow trunks and boots with red
knee pads. Are you kidding me? That’d be like me heading to the ring with a
giant sequin cape that said Acho Man. I will give Doc his due, as he military
presses Bam Bam 8 times. Samu is next to enter. Well, technically Jimmy
Garvin’s perm is next, as it’s triple the size it was. Animal is now in for the
good guys. Fatu soon follows. Sweet Stan is after that, PS and Animal are the
last for their teams. I gotta say, I’m disappointed there’s no blood. That’s
the whole point of the War Games. From here on out, it’s what you expect,
without any blood. I found it to be a pretty enjoyable brawl, but you can tell
the difference between The 4 Horsemen and The Freebirds and Samoan Swat Team.
There was never any doubt that The Road Warriors team were coming out on top. 
Road Warrior Hawk causes Garvin to submit with a
Hangman at 22:18 | ***1/2

Ric Flair interview. It’s incredible what they
did. Funk destroyed Flair and what did they do? They kept Ric off of TV, and
kept him from wrestling for two months. There’s absolutely no way that would
happen today. They would have had Ric back the next day, while Funk went on a
losing streak. 

Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair [C] – WCW World
Heavyweight Championship

Right off the bat, Flair gets the best of Funk
with chops and rights and lefts. Funk, being awesome, just loses his mind over
this, and people BELIEVE IT. I mean, you see a fan talking shit to Funk, but
then backs off when he sees Funk may try him. Oddly enough, at one point Funk
attempts to suplex Ric, and Ross calls it a piledriver. Later, Funk goes to
piledrive Ric, and Ross calls it a suplex. Flair starts working on Funk’s
receipt by working on his neck, at one point piledriving him, and causing Funk
to run in a circle like Homer with something written on the back of his head.
Flair soon slaps the Figure 4 on Terry, giving you reason to believe it’s almost
over, but then Funk turns the tide when he smashes Ric with the branding iron,
busting Flair open. He soon has Ric in the center of the ring, dropping him
with neckbreakers, and screaming at Flair to say I quit, while Gary Hart
screams “Get the pin! Get the pin!” He doesn’t want the pin, he wants
Ric to quit. He doesn’t just want the title, he wants Flair’s dignity, it’s
awesome stuff. That’s a heel. He eventually gets busted open with his own
branding iron at the hands of Flair. Ironically, despite the old school
brutality of the match, it ends with a roll up on Flair’s part. It’s a hell of
a match, one that I prefer to their I Quit from Clash. They went out there and
showed you that you don’t need weapons, and light-bulbs, and all sorts of other
shit to create a brutal atmosphere. You need a purpose and passion. 
Ric Flair defeats Terry Funk with the roll up
at 17:23 | ****1/4

Afterward, Muta shows up to help Funk pummel the
hell out of Flair. Sting eventually shows up, giving us our main event for
Havoc. It’s great because they keep brawling all over the arena. Even when Ross
and Bob are doing their wrap-up, the 4 of them just come raging by with Flair
swinging Funk’s branding iron. Awesome. 

Showcase Showdown: For all the people who claim
that this PPV is the greatest of all time, I can’t fault them. It’s a damn good
show. From top to bottom, I was entertained with everything. It delivered
beyond my expectations. Now, I didn’t love it as much as some, but the
difference is negligible, really. The main event really delivered, and was
easily the highlight for me. Flair and Funk went out there and kicked the hell
out of each other, really selling the fact that they both wanted each other
dead. Fantastic stuff. For the few out there who were like me and hadn’t seen
the show, it’s definitely worth it. For those feeling lazy, then I recommend
just watching Flair vs. Funk, it’s fantastic and unfortunately gets lost in the
shadow of their I Quit match. The PPV’s subtitle is The Glory Days, how
appropriate.

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He’d shove hundreds in the pockets of the dealers and guys who ran the
games. I mean, the bartender got $100 for keeping the ice cubes cold.Str8 Gangster, No Chaser
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