The Caliber Winfield Super Teriffic Happy Hour

This week I review WrestleMania 24, throw a question out for discussion, and once again find something from wrestling’s past that I had absolutely no idea existed.

Also, I want to apologize for the way the article looks. Blogger is an absolute piece of crap, and will completely change font-size, font-style, and word & image placement on a whim. You’ll save your article, it’ll look like you want it, but when published it looks like something completely different. That’s what’s going on here.

When I started on my WM reviews, I wanted to give some love to 25, then review my Top 2 favorites; 26 & 24. However, after reviewing 26 a week or so ago I realized it may very well be my favorite. I haven’t seen 24 in years, so let’s see if it’s still as groovy as I remember it. Suspense this good is why you come to the Caliber man.

Finaly vs. JBL – Belfast Brawl

At the beginning, the match is all Finlay, but once the
international objects come into play, JBL turns the tide. He keeps it with a
barrage of trash can shots, until he tries a piledriver on the ring steps, only
to receive a back-drop for his troubles. At this point, neither is able to hold
the momentum for very long, as they trade blows with weapons ranging from trash
cans, metal sheets, ring steps, kendo sticks, and tables. It’s a great match
and a hell of an opener that the crowd was really into.

Finlay takes a Clothesline From Hell and eats the pin at 8:35 |

John Morrison vs. Carlito vs. Shelton
Benjamin vs. CM Punk vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. MVP vs. Chris Jericho – Money In The
The first ‘holy shit’ spot of the night is
Shelton on a ladder and dumped outside via a front flip through a ladder that’s
placed between the barrier and ring. After a series of brutal
spots, such as CM Punk giving Mr. Kennedy a Diamond Cutter off the ladder and
Carlito following suit on Jericho, only with a Backstabber, MVP stands up in
the ring, and looks like Steve Buscemi at the end of Reservoir Dogs. There’s no
such thing as a bad MiTB. 
Punk grabs the briefcase to win his first
MiTB at 17:55 | ****

Umaga vs. Batista – FOR BRAND SUPREMECY!

This match is all sorts of boring and terrible, which is
shocking, considering this is for the good of Smackdown and Raw! Umaga
basically works over Batista the entire match until the end, where Batista
delivers a spinebuster and perhaps the worst looking powerbomb ever, even worse
than the one Shawn took from Nash at WM11. So, here I am backing Smackdown now,
and Batista switches the next night! What was I to think?! Thankfully, they
started having the Bragging Rights PPVs so I knew which show to back, as to
avoid looking the fool.

Umaga eats a Demonbomb & pin at 7:06 | ½ *

Chavo Guerrero [C] vs. Kane – ECW Championship

Kane surprises Chavo by appearing from behind him. The match
starts, Chavo catches a chokeslam and that’s it. I think this was the best
choice for everyone involved.

Kane chokeslams & pins Chavo at .11 | **

Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair

Really, this should have gone on last. It’s Ric Flair’s final
match, at WM, against Michaels. What more could you ask for in a main event? The
first great moment is Shawn and Ric trading places in the corner while they
chop the bloody hell out of each other. It’s soon followed by Flair actually
leaping off the top turnbuckle, which I think he’s been able to do successfully
about 3 times. Afterward, Shawn makes me cringe as he lands ribs-first on the
edge of the announcer’s table after missing a moonsault From there, the match
keeps its high pace and drama that has earned it not only 5 stars, but a place
among my all-time favorite matches. Wrestling fans were split with this one,
some saying it was only average, while others thought it went above and beyond.
Hell, I think the ending alone should keep it from being average, as it stands
today as one of wrestling’s greatest moments. 
Ric Flair receives Sweet Chin Music followed by a pin at 20:33 | *****

Beth Phoenix & Melina vs. Maria & Ashley –
PlaboyBunnyManiaBoobies&TittiesNakedChicks Lumberjill Match

I know there are some types out there who say Beth Phoenix isn’t
attractive, but if you prefer a tanned skeleton like Ashley, you are wrong.
None of this opinion junk. You’re flat out wrong. Thankfully though, Ashley can
wrestle like crap. This match has nothing to really make note of, other than
Snoop hitting a clothesline. Which I imagine with his massive biceps feels like
getting hit with a baseball bat. 
Beth hits Maria with a fishermen’s suplex at 5:58 | 1/2*

Randy Orton [C] vs. John Cena vs. Triple H – WWE Championship

It appears that Triple H and Randy Orton use the same
self-tanner, which seems to be deck stainer. Love that Randy nails HHH with the
belt right off the bat, it’s a perfect heel action. It also reminds me of how
much more interesting he is when he’s not the incredibly boring face. Cena goes
for the double FU, but Hunter slips off at the last moment. He’ll get it one of
these days. Hell, The Rock is pumped with so much juice & HGH that it’s
like two people, so give credit where credit is due. The greatest compliment I
can pay a match is being afraid of it ending, and this is one of those matches.
The action is non-stop, and it flows seamlessly. Near the end it really starts
to pick up with Orton holding out from 3 different submissions, then recouping
while Triple H and Cena do their best to snag the win while Randy gets his wind
back. It’s great stuff, and I feel a match that was completely underrated. Some
had grief with the fact that it was so short, but had it been longer we would
have had rest-holds and moments where everyone is down. So what we got was all killer
and none of the filler. People need to dust off their WrestleMania 24s and give
this one a second look.

Triple H delivers a Pedigree to Cena, but catches a punt to the
head from Orton, who then steals the pin on John at 14:09 | ****

Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show

I don’t like it when people from other venues come into
wrestling and get a win, unless they have a proven track record and respect it.
I don’t like people who flaunt their wealth. I REALLY don’t like Mayweather.
They tried to book Big Show like a heel, but Mayweather was such a little bitch
that Show was being cheered for everything. I mean, how on Earth are we supposed
to root for a guy who takes photos with all the money he got from the WWE, runs
away mid-match, and has some obnoxious cock in a white suit screaming at the
ref “YOU CAN’T DO THAT!” [in reference to stomping on a hand and giving a chop.
You can’t do that. Bodyslam? Unheard of in wrestling. You can’t do that]? At
least Big Show wasn’t pinned. Any stars I give this match are purely for me
enjoying the sight of Floyd getting hurt. 
Big Show doesn’t answer the count of 10 at 11:36 | **

The Undertaker vs. Edge [C] – World Heavyweight Championship

Edge starts off by shoving The Undertaker, to blatantly show he doesn’t fear
him. That was something I always liked about Edge within this feud, he wasn’t
afraid. It was different. ‘Taker gets a bit of a lead, but being over-zealous
sends him crashing to the outside, at which point Edge takes complete advantage
and dominates for a while until he aims to leap off the top rope but ‘Taker
sends him crashing to the outside, hell of a bump. Once he’s back in, neither
of them can hold on to momentum for long, as they go on to give one of the best
wrestling matches ever. Edge went full tilt, countering everything from
chokeslams to the Old-School, giving The Dead Man a receipt for all of it.
Undertaker himself had an answer for everything Edge had as well, from
submissions to spears. One of the best matches I’ve ever seen. 
Edge taps out to Hell’s Gate at 23:50 | *****

Showcase Showdown: 

The setting is absolutely gorgeous with the tropical colors and open arena.
Everything you expect to deliver does so and then some. The opening match keeps
great company as one of the best WM openers of all time. The dreck, as in the
traditional divas and celebrity match are thankfully kept short. The main event
matches deliver with the best of them, with 2 earning 5 stars from me. Ric and
Shawn created WM history, while Edge and Taker had a match for the ages.
Amongst these incredible bouts are solid 4 star matches in the MiTB and WWE
championship. One of the greatest PPVs of all time that unfortunately doesn’t
get it’s due.

Intelligent Conversation:

 Alright, here it is. With the money Scott pays me I was able to purchase a machine that brings different Worlds, Universes, and all that good business together. So, I’ve brought together the years 1987 and 2013. For WrestleMania, it’s John Cena vs Hulk Hogan. Now, the question of course is who wins, but I’m asking for both levels.
Kayfabe Level: I gotta go with John Cena. I think he’s proven to have the edge that Hogan didn’t. I don’t see Cena losing to Warrior if they fought at WM6.. How say you?
Backstage Level: I’m going with Hogan. Cena doesn’t play politics what so ever. 

So there I am, watching the Cornette YouShoot: Lost Questions, and this comes up. I’ve been a wrestling fan for almost 20 years. I truly thought I’d seen the worst of the worst, yet something new always creeps up. How has this been off my radar? This is the absolute worst thing in the entire fucking World. I had to knife fight a gorilla afterwards just to deal with my disbelief. And I’m talking old school knife fight, like in the Beat It video. Rad stuff. Anyway, have you guys seen this? Sweet fancy Moses.

Weekly Recko:Well, this week I can’t call it a recko because I haven’t seen either, but The Top 100 Raw Moments & Best of Raw/Smackdown 2012 are on netflix now. So there you go. For those with HuluPlus, check out Bigger.Stronger.Faster. It’s the greatest documentary of all time, that is deeply entertaining as well as insightful and eye-opening. It’s all about steroids and America’s fascination with body image. Fantastic stuff.

No mailbag this week. Any questions you got, any displeasure with Caliber you’d like to express, do send it to [email protected]

Str8 Gangster, No Chaser
– People Shouldn’t Use The Internet, 4 of the Worst Instances of TV Censorship, Saved By The Bell
Archives, Comic Book Films You Didn’t Know Were Comic Book Films, plenty
of other goods.
WCW In 2000 – Recently updated with a brand new Nitro, and something coming up for the anniversary of Nitro going off the air.
Man Movie Encyclopedia Vol.1
– My book about action films. Endorsed by Scott Keith & Maddox, as
well as some fellow BOD’ers. Constant 5 star reviews on amazon. I mean, CONSTANT. Non-stop. Around the clock, baby.
Board for the BoD’ers – Some hip cats doing some hip things. 

Thanks to my editor Steven Ferrari. I actually met him at the 1990 Survivor Series. There was an egg that had been around all day, and people were wondering what came out of it. People think it was the Gooker, but nope, it was Steven.

I’ve disabled Disqus. It kept causing script problems and f’ning with my firefox. So, any requests, any questions you have for the mailbag, send’em to [email protected]

Now I’m Caliber, and I write for the Doom/
Call me Flair, could write a great piece about a broom/
I’m the quarter back, and the team, call a one man huddle/
And I get more chicks than Fuj with the Wrestlerock Rumble/