The Only Review of The Dark Knight Rises That You’ll Ever Need…

After you read my review, then you have my permission to die….er, wait, buy my book first, then you have my permission to die.

My biggest beef with reviews, is not whether or not they dug whatever the product is, but not knowing where they come from. What they prefer. So, I’m gonna give you a bit of my backround so you know.

My top three favorite films of all time are 1. Boogie Nights, 2. Scream, and 3. The Expendables [Director’s Cut].

I love Batman. Always have. I saw Batman 89 at a Drive-In. I’ve been obsessed with him since I was a child. I love comic book films.

I gave Batman Begins about ***1/4 out of 5, because it failed for a lot of reasons. If you want my full review, you can go here to see how I rank all the films.

I gave The Dark Knight about ****-****1/4 out of 5. I felt it dragged on too long, and should have only had one villain. 

I was very excited about this film. When it started, I honestly felt like I did when Rock v Cena was about to happen. I couldn’t believe I was about to see this film, I was so excited for it. My excitement remained through out the whole film.

Even if I won’t ever feel the need to really see it again.

The film, as you probably already know, is about Bane coming to finish what Ra’s Ah Ghul started; the destruction of Gotham. He gets off to a start with big construction projects under the streets of Gotham, while above, others are trying to destroy Bruce Wayne in order to take control of his company.

Let me say above all else, Bane is fucking awesome. I loved the mask, I loved the accent, I loved that he was as big as a brick house that was powered by a lot of rage. I really feel like he steals the show, just as The Joker stole it in Dark Knight.

Naturally, to answer Bane’s call, Bruce returns to the mantle of Batman and seeks to stop Bane at the choke-point. Along with him, is of course Gordon, and a new cop who has believed in Batman since day one, played by Joesph-Gordon Levitt. On her own side, is Selina Kyle, Catwoman, played by Anne Hathaway, who does one hell of a job. Her movements, the way she speaks, the way she looks in the suit, it’s the most perfect representation of Catwoman I think we’ll ever see. She’s incredible.

All of these characters come to call in the crescendo that is the battle for Gotham City’s soul.

The footage is fantastic, with Bane looking as imposing as a villain as I’ve ever seen. The underground of Gotham is very lush, and the upside is beautiful in it’s coldness. Nolan of course did great with this.

He also fixed Bane’s voice, so he’s clear as day, as well as the problem with his fight footage. You can actually see things now. Unfortunately, Batman still sounds like an idiot.

Now, we’ll use that as a segue into what I didn’t like.

It ran too long. Just like The Dark Knight, there’s a good chunk that could have been cut.

Again, Nolan takes things TOO serious. I get that you want this to take place in the real world, but man, scale down your plots. It got SO huge and grandiose that it was a bit ridiculous.

The film wasn’t as fun as TDK, or even Batman Begins. I just felt it lacked too much Batman, honestly. Also, a problem I had, was when Batman makes his big return, the first shot of him is rather disappointing. I wanted something big, you know? It’s been 4 years since the last one, and it’s been 8 years in the canon of the films. I just wanted a bit more, that’s all.

The fight scenes with Batman & Bane do not disappoint. They’re awesome, and something I could have watched for hours.

Now, I’m gonna write something in white here, and you’ll have to highlight to see it. For those that have seen it, I just want to talk about something I loved…

The death of Batman. I seriously thought they did it. That they killed Batman. I had tears running down my face, I really did. It was because Batman, much like a lot of my childhood heroes, represents the best in all of us. The best that we can all be, if we just aspire to be it. These thoughts & beliefs that get instilled in us while we’re still innocent enough to think that’s what everyone has, and wants. He’s why I work out. He’s why I strive so hard to be the best I can be for myself, and those around me. It’s what I hope everyone else gets out of it too, and to see that symbol actually die, for the first time ever, was moving.

In the end, it’s a pretty good film. Not great. Not better than The Avengers, or Spider-Man, but still really good.

***3/4 out of 5.

– Caliber Winfield