The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–07.12.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 07.12.12 Live from Orlando, FL Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz Joseph Park v. Bully Ray And right away with this one. Bully goads Park into taking a swing at him and puts a beating on him, but spits on poor Joseph and he’s FIRED UP. Joe wants some old fashioned FISTICUFFS (I love the old-timey boxing stance, like he’s a depression-era fighter or something) but Bully casually beats him down and then Tweets. Bully grabs some weapons because he means business now, but Joe tackles him and throws his girly slaps, which the crowd still eats up. He grabs a chair, but waits too long and gets clobbered again. Bully hits him with some weapons and takes his time, but misses a splash onto a trash can lid and Park makes the comeback. He fires away, but Bully puts him down with a big boot and goes for more weapons outside. This proves to be a bag of thumbtacks, but he stops to cut a promo to make sure Park knows what’s coming to him. Park, however, goes low with a cheesegrater, and hits him with a kendo stick for two. An awkward blind charge misses, however, and Bully clotheslines him down again…but Park suddenly chokeslams him on the tacks! That only gets two. The plot thickens. Park grabs a trashcan, but Bully hits him with a chain to finish at 8:09. I think the crowd was waiting for the big reveal and Abyss comeback. Joseph is bleeding, however…and he zones out and hits Bully with a black hole slam. The crowd starts chanting “It was you!”. So he hasn’t quite gone all Mr. Hyde yet. **3/4 Meanwhile, Sting isn’t afraid of any playing cards, but Bully Ray might be afraid of Joseph Park. Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe v. Rob Van Dam Rob quickly hooks Joe into a surfboard, but Joe makes the ropes right away. They fight for a lockup and Rob gets a spinkick in the corner, but Joe hits him right back with a clothesline and Rob bails. Back in, Joe goes to work on the leg and rolls into a heel hook, but Rob makes the ropes. I like that Joe is all business this year, smartly going for all submission wins. Powerslam into a cross armbreaker, but Rob escapes that and dropkicks the knee to set up a leg lariat. Rolling Thunder gets two. Joe blocks a monkey flip with an atomic drop and goes right into a leglock, but Rob escapes and gets a small package for the pin and 7 points at 4:49. Joe is somewhat shocked by this development. **1/4 Meanwhile, Claire the addict shows up and blows off the mystery interviewer (who is Jason Hervey according to the WON). Christopher Daniels & Kazarian join us to continue their accusations against AJ Styles, which brings AJ and Claire out. AJ wants her to admit that they’re lying, but Claire tells him that yes, he is indeed the father of her baby. Zema Ion v. Dakota Darsow Dakota is fighting for Jesse, apparently, and he pounds away in the corner and chases Ion out of the ring. Back in, Darsow spears him and slugs away, but Ion catches him with a necksnap and follows with a DDT. Gory Bomb finishes at 2:11. Darsow actually showed a bit of personality here, but he’s still terrible. *1/2 Austin Aries joins us to celebrate his World title win and talk about how his win was great for the entire industry in general. He actually talks about how wrestling is cyclical and we’re getting into the next BOOM PERIOD. And he’s gonna lead us there. He notes he got congratulations from World champions in other promotions, which he certainly did. Bobby Roode interrupts and he’s quite upset with Aries and having trouble getting his anger expressed properly. His angry sputtering is pretty funny, and he finally gets out that Aries was a fluke. Aries brushes him off. Meanwhile, Sting and Hogan are discussing their options for going old school against the masked men, but Devon and Garrett come in and pledge their allegiance to Team Hogan. Meanwhile, Madison Rayne talks about her love of Earl Hebner. Knockouts title: Miss Tessmacher v. Gail Kim Brooke Hogan is on commentary, so expect tons of fascinating insight. Tessmacher takes Gail down with a rana, but Gail necksnaps her from the apron and goes to work on the arm. Hammerlock suplex gets two. Gail uses her legs to tie up the arm and puts her in the bridged chickenwing, but Tessmacher reverses for two. She makes the comeback, but Kim hides in the ropes and gets a rollup for two. They head up and slug it out on top, but Kim goes down first and Tessmacher drops an impressive flying elbow to retain at 5:21. Kind of a dull match, but it was fine. ** Bound For Glory Series: Mr. Anderson v. Kurt Angle Angle takes him down with a headlock, but Anderson works on the arm. Clothesline and dropkick get two. Angle fires back with an overhead suplex, and we take a break. Back with Angle holding a headlock until Anderson suplexes out of it. He makes the comeback with a neckbreaker, but Angle elbows out of the Mic Check and turns it into the rolling germans. Anderson fires back with the Regal roll for two, but Angle goes for the ankle. Anderson misses a charge and it’s Angle Slam for two. The straps come down and it’s time for the anklelock. Anderson gets to the ropes, but Angle drags him back, so Anderson rolls out of it and hits the Mic Check for two. Another try, but Angle reverses to the Angle Slam for the pin at 10:00. Good showing here from both guys. **1/2 Meanwhile, Bobby Roode goes to Hogan, looking for his rematch. Hulk offers him the match at Hardcore Justice, but that’s not good enough for him, so Hulk tells him to call Aries out at Open Fight Night next week and prove that it was a fluke. Sting comes out to do things old school and wants Hogan to come out as well, but Hulk is missing. And indeed, we cut to the back, where the Aces & 8s have laid Hulk out in his office. And then another gang of masked men do the same to Sting in the ring to end the show. The Pulse A pleasant enough, good show that zipped right along, except for the dull women’s title match. Stuff was set up for next week and the main event of the next PPV was announced, and I’m happy with it.